free counter with statistics The Unborn Trailer | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Creepy Kids Don’t Grow in the Womb, Silly. They Just Materialize.

I’m Feeling Gibberishy! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 10, 2008 | Comments (23)

I love a good creepy kid horror flick; unfortunately, good creepy-kid horror flicks are hard to come by, at least since Macaulay Culkin got all growed up. The problem with good creepy-kid flicks is that those poor kids go back to school and are teased mercilessly until they lash out and kill someone with their lunch box and then who gets all the blame? Sarah Palin, that’s who. And she deserves it, too.

Anyway, here’s the trailer for another creepy-kid movie. It comes from David Goyer, who wrote Batman Begins and The Dark Knight and quite a few films you’d prefer to forget about, except for Blade Trinity, which he also directed, and which is still, after all these years, Ryan Reynolds’ best role, even thought the movie itself was a big, scratchy pube hairball cough. It’s hard to tell what’s going on in the trailer for The Unborn, except it appears that at some point, a 7-year-old child emerges from a teenage girl’s cooter fully formed, which is kind of cool, and then there’s the twisted-up dude which makes my belly button flutter cause he looks like that woman from Pet Semetary crossed with a Guillermo Del Toro character. So, yeah, what I’m saying is: The Unborn is gonna blow, which is why Hollywood should stop writing abortion comedies. Also, Gary Oldman is in it, which must means it’s awesome, but it’s not. Bye!









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Comments

Ok, creepy twisty man just made me tear up at work, and I watched the trailer with the sound off. There are two things I can not handle in horror movies: crazy demon eyes and creepy twisty people. The scariest scene in The Exorcist was when Reagan did that crab walk down the stairs. (Funniest? "Let Jesus fuck you!") And that stupid assed Exorcism of Emily Rose cost me hours of sleep, for wasting a Netflix rental and for the moment that her boyfriend wakes up and finds her contorted on the floor with screamy eyes.

Posted by: Julie at October 10, 2008 11:20 AM

So, this is like The Exorcist meets The Dark Half then?

I'll pass.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at October 10, 2008 11:22 AM

OK, I can't watch because even the mere thought of scary twisted sister from Pet Semetary will give me nightmares for months. No joke - when I'm home alone and in bed I still imagine her dragging herself along the floor, and it makes it very difficult for me to close my eyes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!

Posted by: Kolby at October 10, 2008 11:30 AM

Alright, so far I count:

The twisty guy is ripped from Fatal Frame (scariest game ever? Fuck. Yes.)

The hooded guy from I Know What You Did Last Summer

Crazy black dude stolen from Cube (I bet he hates retards too)

And the video footage stolen from The Ring

There are also parts of it that look stolen or copied from Silent Hill (Visually awesome, but the best character dies, whatthafoof?)

Even if this did turn out to be a decent scary movie, my boyfriend absolutely positively hates horror films (he freaked out over Evil Dead. Not the second one, the first one) and I'm really the only one in my friend circle that would enjoy a good creepy movie. Guess I just have to hope that it sucks so SciFi will show it next October

Posted by: Renee at October 10, 2008 11:32 AM

I was wondering, how will Michael Bay put his unique twist on this cinematic abortion (pun!)? Then I got to about the 2 minute mark. And it all fit.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 10, 2008 11:33 AM

So, if this is her unborn twin, how come he's not the same age that she is? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Posted by: BWeaves at October 10, 2008 11:34 AM

I saw this trailer last night and was creeped out. It looks like it could be a decent middle-of-the-road horror movie--not a great one, but then Gary Oldman is in it and I would watch a travelogue about Wisconsin if Gary Oldman was in it.

(No offense to the great state of Wisconsin.)

Posted by: Jerce at October 10, 2008 11:37 AM

Hey gang! Michael Bay here!

You see that, Perry? Huh? That's Gary mothereffin' Oldman right there! You like that? Huh? That taste in your mouth? That's Bayjuice, baby! YOU GOT SERVED! WHOO!

Seriously gang - go see this film. It will blow you mind. Ain't no twisted man party like a Bay twisted man party and a Bay twisted man party don't stop!

Suck it, Maddea...

Posted by: Michael Bay at October 10, 2008 11:44 AM

oh hell no.

Renee? Sweetie? You watch too many horror flicks.

Posted by: wsapnin at October 10, 2008 11:51 AM

Jesus, Kolby, don't remind me of that!

Posted by: Todd at October 10, 2008 11:56 AM

JERCE:

As a citizen of the great state of Wisconsin, no offense taken. We're usually too drunk to to hear insults anyway.

However, I think you hit gold with the Gary Oldman Wisconsin Travelogue. I would love to see Mr. Oldman take me on a tour of one of Wisconsin's great cheese factory's. Fun, informative and maybe a little creepy too.

Posted by: Max at October 10, 2008 12:06 PM

THANK YOU, BWeaves! As much as I like a good (or even semi-good) creepy, twisty-man horror flick, the age thing is going to bug me the entire movie. Why isn't he her age . . . or the age when he died in the womb? WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!

Posted by: Lizzie (greeneyed fem) at October 10, 2008 12:37 PM

Ok, on the plus side you have gary oldman. but on the negative side, you have gary oldman in a film that involved michael bay. this does not bode well....

Posted by: Scott at October 10, 2008 12:51 PM

Ok, on the plus side you have gary oldman. but on the negative side, you have gary oldman in a film that involved michael bay. add to that the release month of january, which we all know is shite, this does not bode well....

Posted by: Scott at October 10, 2008 12:52 PM

"A 7-year-old child emerges from a teenage girl's cooter fully formed, which is kind of cool..."

Oh yeah, that sounds pretty cool. How many teenage girls out there would dig that happening to them? Show of hands??

I'm kind of glad now that my work computer doesn't allow me to see this thing.

Posted by: TMax at October 10, 2008 1:45 PM

Thank you for that. That twisty guy is going to give me nightmares.

Posted by: NotBlonde at October 10, 2008 2:20 PM

Dammit, Kolby, I had almost forgotten about the twisted sister in Pet Sematary. But now she's back inside my brain again, and... ::shudders involuntarily:: And now I'm remembering the little dead kid: "First I played wif Mommy, now I'm gonna play wit yoooouuuu!" Eek!

Posted by: Kivrin at October 10, 2008 3:09 PM

Did no one else notice that the header pic is from The Good Son? I LOVED that movie. I had to beg my mom for years to let me see it. Literally, years. I wasn't allowed to see the R movies as a kid.

Maybe I should go watch the trailer now.

Posted by: lizzieborden at October 10, 2008 3:32 PM

It's now saying This video is no longer available.

Posted by: Nadha at October 10, 2008 5:03 PM

Since I read the comments but can't see the trailer, I'm really fucking interested in finding out how exactly Michael Bay puts his stamp on a non-abortion/evil twin/cancerous growth horror movie. Does the evil twin pop out covered in dynamite and hold everyone in the room for ransom, resulting in a shootout and, ultimately, fatal explosion? Because I would youtube that shit if it were so.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 11, 2008 2:33 AM

Stringer Fucking Bell! Which, sadly, means it will probably suck.

Posted by: jamiepants at October 13, 2008 10:01 AM

The creepiest kid ever in a semi horror movie is so subtle it's insane.

Espiritú de la Colmena. In one scene a little girl is just sitting on a bed talking with her sister and petting a cat. She apruptly presses the cat's paw, pricks her own finger with a claw, and uses her own blood as lip gloss.

As though it were NO BIG DEAL.

That movie, ah! That's a dealbreaker for me. You like it or you get the hell out.

Posted by: Stacy D at October 13, 2008 2:54 PM

What do you MEAN this video is no longer available?!?!

Posted by: Lauralyn at October 14, 2008 2:38 PM



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