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Tyler Perry is a Dove and the WTF? Ass

A Movie Poster Poll / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 12, 2008 | Comments (135)

There’s just so much wrong with both of these movie posters — the first for, The Unborn, the second for Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail — that I don’t know where to start. How about a poll? I’ll let y’all lobby for the winner.


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Comments

So the subtext there is: Evil will do anything to live, including this scantily clad, possibly underage girl, over the sink, while you watch.

Sign me up for that one!

Posted by: Girlnone at December 12, 2008 11:05 AM

I love that the ghost is a voyeur.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 11:06 AM

Betcha that shot's not even in the movie! PFFFFFT. Not falling for that bullshit again!

Posted by: Jay at December 12, 2008 11:07 AM

I'm sorry, I think the Unborn poster is much, much worse. Tyler Perry isn't laughable at this point, he's just sad. I kind of want to hug him and tell him it's okay to stop. We all understand, black people be crazy and be having problems. We get it. Shhhhh, it's okay Tyler, it's okay. You can put the fat suit and print dresses down. Your fight is won, for we crackers finally understand your message.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 11:08 AM

Why do you all keep saying she's underage? Haters! All of you.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:11 AM

I don't even understand what's happening in the Tyler Perry poster. Is he being attacked by a smoke monster? Why does Madea look like Samuel L Jackson in a wig? WTF is going on here?

Posted by: Marra at December 12, 2008 11:11 AM

I think it's a bird made of hair that caught on fire...either way, I bet it smells like ass.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 11:13 AM

Marra, Tyler Perry's new hook is that he is dressing up as a woman, dressing up as Samuel Jackson dressing up as a women.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 11:14 AM

Why do you all keep saying she's underage? Haters! All of you.

Indeed. Game on.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 11:15 AM

Is the bird on fire?

Is the bird made of fire?!

Is Tyler Perry made of fi--splut

Posted by: Jerce at December 12, 2008 11:16 AM

What's the point of being a ghost if you can't be a voyeur? They'll have to Ghostbuster my transparent ass out of the girls' locker room at the high school.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 12, 2008 11:17 AM

"We all understand, black people be crazy and be having problems."
Snath

Snath, you're my idol.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:17 AM

I have to agree with Pookie, Odette Yustman is 23.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 11:18 AM

My understanding of The Unborn is that it's about a stillborn evil twin trying to be born through its sister...

Well, a quick visit to the internet has quashed that idea. I guess it's about a family curse and somehow involves Nazis? Also, David Goyer is writing and directing and Gary Oldman co-stars?

Anyway, my vote goes for that poster since it throws out any concept of plot and follows the tried and true horror movie formula:

Girl with long dark hair + mirror ghosts + ASS = Kinda creepy but you still want to see it because, I mean, if that ass is in the poster...

Posted by: Macafee at December 12, 2008 11:19 AM

Very true bucdaddy. I'd probably never leave Nathan Fillion's shower.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 11:22 AM

The only thing wrong with the Unborn poster is that she is wearing clothes. Who wears clothes in the bathroom? I cannot suspend my disbelief that far.

And, Medea belongs in jail.

Posted by: monkeytoe at December 12, 2008 11:22 AM

Snath, if I weren't so into Kayanne I would let you pursue me.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:22 AM

Exactly, Macafee, especially since it's an ass I could get behind.

The trailer for the movie kind of intrigues me, though, simply because I have to see what kind of fucked up thing is crawling all over the place. I love me some grotesque, fucked up creepy-crawly things.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 11:23 AM

That's that skinny chick from Cloverfield. I think this is the first time a poster's been Photoshopped to add some weight to make the girl hotter.

Posted by: kushiro at December 12, 2008 11:24 AM

Awww, thanks Pooks. If I didn't hate you so much, I might try.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 11:26 AM

I dunno. All I can think is that her near-wedgie looks uncomfortable.

Posted by: rlr260 at December 12, 2008 11:28 AM

Is Tyler Perry looking at her ass?

Posted by: Lance at December 12, 2008 11:33 AM

Snath, you only wish you hated me. You and I both know that I haunt your dreams.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:35 AM

HA HA! I'm back, bitches! You thought you was safe, didn't you? MADEA LIVES ON! This is gonna be the biggest movie of 2009* and Michael Bay won't be able to do SHIT about it!** SUCK IT, BAY!

* - The biggest movie of February 2009, and that's if The Pink Panther 2 doesn't work this time.

** - The only think Michael Bay could do is make Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen NOT completely suck. Come to think of it, all he has to do is open the movie for one weekend and it'll obliterate "Madea Goes To Jail".

Posted by: Tyler Perry at December 12, 2008 11:35 AM

Why is everyone still hating on Pooks? Hasn't he proven himself to be a pretty decent guy? I mean, he's been giving out good advice and apologizing for generally upsetting people. Snath, don't be a hater.

Oh and I voted for the Madea poster because "Flaming Dove Wings?" No, sir.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 12, 2008 11:37 AM

Hey Gang! Michael Bay here!

Hey, Perry! I've got one thing to say about your poster - at least it's more interesting than any of your dumb-ass movies! HA!

This is Bay, signing off...

Posted by: Michael Bay at December 12, 2008 11:39 AM

annnnnd that's why Madea is going to jail... underage booty looking.

Posted by: Soto at December 12, 2008 11:39 AM

All I can think is that her near-wedgie looks uncomfortable.

Well, let me pluck that out with my prehensile tongue.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 11:40 AM

Only an ass like that could fart such legible misty words. That's skills.

Posted by: Sweetie Dahling at December 12, 2008 11:41 AM

Thank you Kayanne, we have an unspoken bond. You have giving me a reason to be the best person I can be, you truly complete Pookie.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:44 AM

...Gary Oldman co-stars?

Gary Oldman is in this movie and this is what the poster looks like? Really?

I can't choose one. They're both pretty bad. And why does TP look so serious?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 11:44 AM

Wow, she looks good. Looks like she put on a little weight and it went to the right places. Both movies will undoubtedly be stupid, yet I'll most likely see The Unborn.

Posted by: becks at December 12, 2008 11:45 AM

Thanks, Pooks. Of course I have your back, but I try and make sure that credit is given where credit is due. You've been playing nice recently and you at least deserve a sticker or a cookie or something.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 12, 2008 11:52 AM

You misunderstand, Kayanne, it's an internet hate, which means absolutely nothing. I generally like everyone on this site (except for spambots and the weirdos that come out to try and prove a point every once in a while) because they make my day way more enjoyable. Pookie is an damned Pajiba institution at this point. What would a day be like without Pookie? I mean seriously. Where else am I going to see the word cunt written at least a couple times a day?

I hate, because I love.

And yes, Pookie does haunt my dreams. They're usually one of those dreams where you're falling and falling. Normally you'd wake up right before hitting the ground, but I actually hit and feel myself die.

I wake up in bed, feeling groggy, and start my daily routine. After my shower, I get on the computer before getting dressed (who doesn't do this, really?).

I jump onto Pajiba, scroll to the latest comment thread, and discover something....horrible. Every single commentor...is now Pookie.

I race back to the top of the page, and discover that the site has been renamed Pookiba. The tagline: "HELL IS OTHER POOKIES." I realize that I have truly died, and have found myself in Hell.

Then I wake up in a cold sweat, and don't go back to Pajiba until the end of the day, when the dream-terror has faded.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 11:54 AM

Now you see what I deal with on a daily basis Kayanne, women like Snath hitting on me.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 11:59 AM

Except I'm a dude, but whatever.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 12:00 PM

I want to read the words on the Madea poster so I can see just how seriously Tyler Perry takes himself. Are they funny? Or are they all "artsy" like the image? And why do I care so much about a stupid Tyler Perry poster?

Posted by: idgiepug at December 12, 2008 12:00 PM

I could never vote against Odette Yustman's posterior. I've decided what I want for Christmas. (Point of trivia that makes me feel old and inappropriate: she played one of the kids in Kindergarten Cop.)

Given my preconceptions of Madea, the other poster does seem laughably somber. We're talking bathos.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 12, 2008 12:02 PM

idgiepug, I just read the words because I too assumed it was some deep, insightful clue about the movie's plot. However, it turns out they are the names of the actors appearing in the movie. One of them is evidently Keisha Knight Pulliam.

Oh, Rudy Huxtable. Really?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 12:04 PM

I can't wrap my head around either poster.

Well, actually, I get the Madea poster (shoot me now). It's a reference to the Holy Spirit and salvation through isolation, yes? Like how the apostles and Mary locked themselves up and were visited by the Holy Spirit? So Madea goes to jail and gets saved. Or, you know, hits people for no real reason. Which is the same thing. Tomato, Potato.

But the Unborn? What is she, a midget with a nice ass? The evil kid in the trailer looks all of ten years old and he's almost as tall as her? It's not the angle, either. If anything, the camera angle would make evil kid shorter, as the shot was taken slightly above the actress.

Posted by: Robert at December 12, 2008 12:05 PM

Well, you know, he's been growing in Purgatory.

Right?

Maybe?

What I love is that "Tyler Perry's...." is always the title, so at the theater the LED theater guides can only fit "Tyler Perry's".

Posted by: Jay at December 12, 2008 12:09 PM

I'm confused. Is the evil child ghost HAUNTING that ass?

Posted by: Withnail at December 12, 2008 12:14 PM

I could never vote against Odette Yustman's posterior.

You raise an excellent point; regardless of how stupid the poster is conceptually, it's a fundamental rule, a postulate if you will, that hot young nubile ass should never be voted against. Jesus will cry.

Is the evil child ghost HAUNTING that ass?

I think you've just invented the next hip-hop catchphrase. "Girl I'm'a haunt that azz like Pacman gon drank!"

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 12:23 PM

Went for the Tyler Perry poster. The other one looks stupid and overly portentuous, but then, the movie sounds like it's meant to be just that. The Perry one looks stupid and overly portentuous, but it's actually just an idiot in drag perpetuating crappy stereotypes, which is inherently stupider.

Posted by: Shay at December 12, 2008 12:26 PM

But if you're a dude why would you have the name Snatch?

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 12:29 PM

It's short for snáthaid mhór, which is Irish gaelic.

If you were pronouncing it correctly, you'd pronounce Snath like "snaw," if I'm right. Anyone speaky Irishy?

For the record I just say Snath like it looks.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 12:42 PM

Dustin, you fucking sackless 'tard. There is NOTHING wrong with the Unborn poster! Its a hot chick in panties getting perved on by Eddie Munster! I would play quarters and other drinking games off that ass. What's not to like?

And I really appreciate how clean and shiny she keeps her panties. You think she uses lots of bleach? Clorox? Tide?

Posted by: JP at December 12, 2008 12:45 PM

I'll always come out in support of ass, even gratuitous ass. Shit, especially gratuitous ass. That's desparate ass, you see? Because if the movie was anydamngood, they wouldn't need to put ass on the poster.

Hence, according to my Asian math (which is always 100% correct) this movie sucks copius dick, and therefore must employ ass at every available opportunity. And that, my friends, is a movie I'll pay to see.

Ya heard?

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 12, 2008 12:49 PM

I don't know, I think it's the lighting but... doesn't it kind of look like her ass has corners? I'm all for seeing ass in public places - particularly female ass - but I'm not really into square ass. I dig the curves, you know? Like hand-shaped ass. Comparable to holding a grapefruit or ball of some kind (not to scale) not a stack of CDs or something.

That's just weird.

Posted by: Kizzer at December 12, 2008 12:50 PM

Tyler Perry's in The Crow 5?

Posted by: Roni at December 12, 2008 1:14 PM

First of all Snath, if I offended you by using the c-word I humbly apologize. But I do not apologize for being crass, because after all this is a website dedicated to bitchy people. Now obviously I was being sarcastic when I said I haunted your dreams, believe me, I don't want any man to be dreaming about me.

Now as far as you being Irish, I think that is a good thing, the Irish people have proven to be good friends to America. But unfortunately like the Indians, you guys have a problem with holding your liquor. Being industrial is a trademark of the Irish people, if my history is correct, you guys were able to make drinks from potatoes like Lebeau did in Hogan's Heroes.

I think that for all of the grief we may give each other, I think it is done in the spirit of good natured fun. No one should come here with the intent to persecute a fellow pajiba member. We are not like the dirty Germans and the horrible things they did in the Wars.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 1:15 PM

OK...quick poll. How many guys are with me in saying that The unborn poster is exponentially hotter because she's wearing white, cotton panties? Pookie. Back me up here bro.


(and yes ladies....there's that word again. panties. paaaaaaannnnties i just don't get how some women can hate that word. i mean you wear the fucking things. you live in them every day.)

Point of trivia that makes me feel old and inappropriate: she played one of the kids in Kindergarten Cop.

I bet if they had used that factoid when pitching to a director, Roman Polanski would have been all over this thing.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 1:24 PM

PissBoy, I agree with everything you said. My only question is why would you bring Roman"short eyes"Polanski into the equation?

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 1:32 PM

I like "underpants". It's fun to say. (Also, I feel the need to point out, PB, some girls don't live in them every day... if you catch my drift, and I think you do.) I'm not saying I dislike "panties" per se, just that "underpants" is more fun.

If I'm being honest, I have to admit that poster is pretty hot. I might be slightly jealous because that girl's thighs looks like they've never met, but that's neither here nor there. But, Gary Oldman. Come on, man! Gary Oldman! I would never even think about this movie based on the poster, but if you worked Gary Oldman in there? I'd be on line right now.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 1:43 PM

Hell no Pookie, you're hilarious. I don't really hate you, that's all I've been trying to say. As far as being crass, everyone on this site is, most of the time.

I'm American, but I'm 50% Irish by heritage. Unfortunately for my liver, I'm also Chippewa. Doubly damned. It's a good thing I rarely drink.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 1:49 PM

Anna Gart Oldman is in the poster. He's just obscured by the girl's reflection of her own head. The poster is actually from his point of view...not the demon child's. Gary's behind her in a glass-doored shower, furiously beating off to the hot ass in front of him.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 1:56 PM

Panties is one of my favorite words. As is moist.

Yeah, I said it.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:00 PM

Anna, I was rewatching Harry Potter and the Order of Some Flamey Reincarnatey Birdie the other night, and my roommate could not stop cackling over how squirmy I would get every time Oldman was on screen. It's that slight smile and smoldery eyes. Good LORD.

I love him and I will make him mine.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:04 PM

The phrase 'moist panties' just does me in...makes me smile. It's like a ray of sunshine on your face after a gllomy day. A giggling gurgling baby laughing when you make a silly face. A puppy. A kitten in a basket. A baby panda bear carrying a basket of puppies and kittens. ... ... moist panties. Yeah. That's the stuff right there.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 2:05 PM

Wait, I thought you hated both panties and moist, Julie.... am I mixing you up with someone else? I'm old and easily confused.

Thanks, PB! I'm totally down with that poster now.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 2:07 PM

Not I AvB. I'm with PissBoy, moist panties makes me smile AND happy in the pants.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:09 PM

Harry Potter and the Order of Some Flamey Reincarnatey Birdie

ahhhhh hahahahahahhahhahahha!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 2:09 PM

Underpants, my goodness, nothing kills a boner like when a woman says "honey, you want me to take my underpants off."

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 2:12 PM

Pookie, a woman who would use that phrasing is obviously some sort of hose beast not worthy of your exquisite lovemaking.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:13 PM

Well, in that situation, Pookie, I wouldn't actually say anything.... I'd just take 'em off.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 2:15 PM

I can't get my wife to say panties. She just says underwear. It kills me inside.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 2:17 PM

At least she doesn't say undergarments. Or underoos. Or cooter clothes.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:20 PM

Sadly, I'm usually too self-conscious for dirty talk, so this underpants/panties issue has never come up for me.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 12, 2008 2:21 PM

Cooter clothes! Well, that's it then.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 2:22 PM

The phrase 'moist panties' just does me in...makes me smile...

You are not alone my freind. Not. At. All.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 2:23 PM

As a brother I'm proud to say I've never asked a woman to take her "draws"
off. I hate it when I hear brothers use that fucking word.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 2:26 PM

Cooter canapies? Nah.

I like dirty talk. That's all I'll say about that.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:29 PM

Does any guy with half a sack and partial bedroom knowledge even ASK a woman to take her panties off? Fuck no! Not me! I'm pulling em off with my teeth, tearing them down with my hands....or one of my personal faves...just pulling them to the side.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 2:29 PM

...

Is it getting warm in here...?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 2:33 PM

Hee. If a guy asked me to take off my panties, I'd probably say no. I enjoy being argumentative.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:37 PM

When I was in my twenties I dated this woman in her forties. She was a cougar before cougars became cougars, she would wear these little panties that drove me fucking insane. For some unknown reason the thought of an older hot bbw wearing panties drives me crazy. Um, I'll be back in five minutes, I gotta go do something.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 2:42 PM

Cooter clothes must be added to the Pajiba Lexicon at once.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 2:42 PM

Y'know, The Unborn has me solidly on the fence. That's not a bad bod in the poster, and the trailer hints at a shower scene where more can be seen...but PG13?!!? How intense or graphic can a movie be that's been so blatantly sissified? Yeah the premise looks cool, kinda borrowing heavily from The Grudge & the Exorcism of Emily Rose or whatever, but DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!!! Watering down potential awesomeness just for a lighter rating! You suck, and just so you know I still haven't forgiven you for The Island. So what if you've got Neelix and a buncha big-ass 'splosions? You had ScarJo on your set and made her wear a bra?? You're a bastard and I hope you break out in hives the next time you make anything less than R or 18A! Fucking waste my time with diluted dreck, you've made an enemy, you talentless hack.

Oh, and Julie, I think PissBoy might not care about argumentative. I like your style, you Garcon de Pisse!

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 2:42 PM

Heh heh...

Soggy cooter clothes.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 2:45 PM

Garcon de Pisse

Love it.

Soggy cooter clothes

HAAAAAA!!

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:47 PM

Guys, I love each and every one of you right now. This is JUST the sort of conversation I needed to walk in to after a sad and rainy afternoon. My spirits are lifted, my panties are moist.

And I think I may marry the phrase "cooter clothes."

Posted by: meaux at December 12, 2008 2:48 PM

At least she doesn't say undergarments. Or underoos. Or cooter clothes.

How about beaverfrock?

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 2:53 PM

white, cotton panties?

Where were you when I was making my tribute to white cotton panties and Miranda Otto?

Well, either way I guess we agree.

Yeah, there's that line of light that make it look rectangular. And now I can't not see it. So, there goes that titillation. Oh well (and in my personal eye candy preferences I'm not the biggest fan of the really round but really small, which often goes with skinny legs. I mean, you can get your glutes all gymmed out and they'll be bowling balls, sure, but it's not my salacious thing. Credit where it's due for proportionately having nice hips though).

Madea wins the ridiculous award for appearing to be "A Very Special Madea", whatever the content actually turns out to be.

Posted by: Jay at December 12, 2008 2:53 PM

How about beaverfrock?

Well, that just wins everything.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 2:58 PM

Clammy beaverfrock?

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 3:00 PM

"A Very Special Madea"

That just made me pee my pants. Or maybe moisten my panties would be more apropos of this conversation.

Posted by: becks at December 12, 2008 3:03 PM

Squelchy snatch haberdashery?

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:05 PM

Clammy? While I appreciate the pun, Snath, that just sounds uncomfortable. *shudder*

I do love "beaverfrock," though.

Posted by: meaux at December 12, 2008 3:07 PM

How about a patch for the snatch?

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 3:07 PM

How about soggy beaverfrock? Not as punny but just as moist.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 3:09 PM

Oh, no... beaverfrock!? Julie, I'm sorry, but you're right.. that does win everything....

Clammy indeed.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 3:11 PM

Whoo, this conversation sure is... um... interesting...

(Jizzed in my pants)

Posted by: Sabrina at December 12, 2008 3:16 PM

Oops, sorry: jizzed in my "cooter covers."

Posted by: Sabrina at December 12, 2008 3:17 PM

It's a funny tagline. Imagine a spooky voice with an echo...

EVIL...

will do ANYTHING...

(anything anything anything)...

to

LIVE.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 12, 2008 3:24 PM

No, Snath--although some gals may loath it, I think "moist" is really the only word that conveys pleasant dampness.

"Dewy," perhaps...?

Posted by: meaux at December 12, 2008 3:24 PM

I prefer "wet" myself.

That sentence looks weird. Like I have...issues.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:26 PM

"Dewy" is one you see used a lot in romance novels and bad literotica. It's a kind of romantic moistitude.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 3:28 PM

I come back from my second and last exam for the day to this. I love you all. I love the word panties and beaverfrock is just the bees knees.

*sigh* Y'all make me so happy. But, Pooks, "patch for a snatch" is reminicent of an eye patch. Which makes me think of pirate ladyloos and, yea no. I'll stick with panties.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 12, 2008 3:29 PM

Dewy sounds juvenile...I don't want no 12 year old sounding adjectives anywhere near my vagina.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:30 PM

Just actual 12 year olds.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 3:34 PM

That's right.

:Thunder crashes, gets smited. Smoten? Smitten. Wait.:

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:36 PM

"Ass" over "an ass", anyday.

Posted by: JapJay at December 12, 2008 3:43 PM

We need to create a word to capture the sexual suggestiveness of moist while being less offensive to the anti-moistinitas. How about:

Humescent?

It's like "tumescent," which is a fancy pants word for "having the qualities of a chubby, and it captures humid.

Her humescent beaverfrock landed on my face, and I knew it was time to fly with the valkyries.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 3:47 PM

Kayanne I love when you mention my name, if panties are good enough for you, well then they are good enough for me.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 3:48 PM

Best result of crotchal humidity when a gorl sits on your lap?

...the Snail Trail.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 3:49 PM

riki...was that allusion to gettin yer red wings?

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 3:50 PM

Snail trail...it's funny because it's true.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:53 PM

Beaverplatz......Beaverplatz....beaver platz. That totally sounds like either some form of pleated vagina clothing, or a medical condition similar to shingles, but only concentrated in the vagina.

(Sorry Anna....my mind is all over today...I wish it wasn't at your expense, but i am an equal opportunity offender.)

Posted by: PissBoy at December 12, 2008 3:53 PM

@PB: More along the lines of topless warrior women. Only had the cardinal fly into my plate glass window the one time, by accident. Never again.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 3:54 PM

Only had the cardinal fly into my plate glass window the one time, by accident.

I am dying.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:56 PM

...what about when she walked past me with nothing on but her panties, I detected notes of vanilla and strawberry intertwined in a sensual dance.

Posted by: Pookie at December 12, 2008 3:58 PM

"...vanilla and strawberry..."

*HORK*

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 4:08 PM

Sorry, between this and the farmer talk on the other page it needs to be said.

BRANGWEN MEN WORKING THE FECUND SOIL!!!

Does that work for you literate ladies?

Oh and PB, are you talking about when, like, you're gathering up the dirty clothes to put in the washing machine and you discover there's something on your.....wait, what? I don't know what you're talking about. Filthy! Filthy!

Posted by: Jay at December 12, 2008 4:13 PM

Brangwen sounds familiar but I can't place it...my college professors are probably crying right now.

Fecund, on the other hand, always reminds me of fecal. So no no no!

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 4:19 PM

the Madea poster is worse because Tyler Perry has finally gotten to the one where the Christianity punches you in the face, and because he's giving us this uber-the-top melodramatic poster for a MADEA movie. And he doesn't realize he's a gay transvestite and has made up an elaborate movie/play series as an excuse to cross-dress. I'm all about cross-dressing, but closeted people give me the heebies.

The other one's only bad because it's clearly a photoshop of a different girl's back, with her head tilted incorrectly so we can see the reflection it doesn't match of the main character. The movie, however, looks actually scary, and Oldman's in it. Admittedly, inappropriate, but the ass and the product kind of make up for it.

Posted by: puppetDoug at December 12, 2008 4:19 PM

Actually, PissBoy, as the moniker-bestower of our own AvB, I can safely tell you the meaning was none of those (beaverplatz, not beaver plaits). She had been using the regal-sounding Anastasia Beaverhausen...etc, so I just gave her an approachable first name, added the noble "von" and changed from "house of beavers" to "place of beavers" - leaving deliberately vague whether or not I was calling her a Canadian or "Anna, in/of/is the place of the beaver."

Actually, Beaverplatz just sounded cooler. Kinda like a slightly more sexy "splat" with a tame, semi-kinky euphemism attached, and a dash of exotically vague German-ness. And really, what kind of ribald humour could possibly arise from "Anastasia Beaverhausen?"

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 4:36 PM

The Madea poster would actually be cool...if it weren't a Madea movie. I mean, as a graphic arts piece, sweet. As a Madea poster, WTF?

Posted by: Audiosuede at December 12, 2008 5:27 PM

That kid was in Kindergarten Cop?!? Holy shit, I'm old.

I know I saw those panties in a Victoria's Secret catalog last week. Hmm...
Sorry to those who enjoy it, but her ass looks kinda deformed. And I like ass as much as anyone.

But the Tyler Perry poster is worse. I actually LIKE the smoking bird thing, but Madea's "mournful" expression just ruins it, yet is so hilarious at the same time.

This thread...brilliant.

Posted by: Brie at December 12, 2008 5:38 PM

I just got home from work after missing the whole tail end of this thread, and I died. (I wondered what led you to my new name, lordhelmet.) PB, it's definitely the pleated one, not the shingles one.

Also, pseudo-Mr. vB suggested "vagooter vestments", though we agreed it's on the unwieldy side.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 5:59 PM

Panties! White Panties! Moist Panties! Warm Panties! Cotton Panties! Wet, Hot, Cotton Panties!

HOT, JUICY WHITE PANTIES!!

I like the tonga look, but boy shorts style works too.

Ladies, what kind of panties shall you be sporting this evening?

Posted by: JP at December 12, 2008 6:30 PM

The Unborn trailer had me until the blatant "The Grudge" stair walk/I Know What You Did Last Summer rain slicker ripoffs and the stupid monster twinkle fingers trying to escape the wall.

Shit, why just have the priest played by a killer tomato and call it "Scary Movie 5: It Just Got Serious, Yo"

Posted by: JapJay at December 12, 2008 6:31 PM

"Kitty curtains." It could be underwear or anatomy.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 6:33 PM

I am partial to pretty pink panties. Not necessarily because of the panties, but because alliteration gets me excited.

In the pants.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 6:37 PM

AvB, how about "vag vests"? (Or, for the untrimmed, sweater-vests)

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 6:40 PM

Yes, LH, that was his suggestion for a shorter version as well. "Vag Vests", I mean. Sweater vests just made me snort. Good thing I was finished with that ricotta cheese I was eating. That could've been painful.

Also, I loved "kitty curtains" upon first reading it, but then it reminded me of "meat curtain", which is just gross.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 7:07 PM

How about "Secret Valley Vests" (ok, happy valley could work too)? I know, I know - clit clothes!

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 7:24 PM

Frankly, i see nothing wrong with the boner inducing Unborn poster other than the only slightly less arousing, freakishly tall child.

Posted by: Scott at December 12, 2008 8:02 PM

I'm sorry, what was the question again? I got distracted by an unbelievably tight ass above the ___RN.

Posted by: MarcusArilius at December 12, 2008 8:37 PM

Hmmm, Anna, how about "roast beef envelope." Ewwww.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 9:12 PM

O.K. AvB, how about "pretty kitty curtains"? That can't remind you of anything gross. It's a pretty kitty.

Posted by: admin at December 13, 2008 12:28 AM

How sad. I have returned here on a lonesome Friday night looking for more discourse about moist panties.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 13, 2008 1:27 AM

Muffler

Posted by: Pookie at December 13, 2008 2:30 PM

"I like nice rumpy butts"

Posted by: Jay at December 13, 2008 6:51 PM

Everytime I look at that poster for The Unborn, I keep thinking that ass is looking at me cockeyed. If you're going to airbrush her ass to Hell and back, at least shadow it correctly! Also, why is her head leaning to our right, but the mirror is leaning to the left?

If it didn't have Madea's face in it, the other poster would be nice. (HO HO HO. A black dove. Way to go, Perry!) It sucks, because I liked Diary as mindless chick flick material, but everything afterwards just has me shaking my head and embarrassed that I once recommended my boyfriend to watch Diary. =/ I also told the guy who played Charles that the movie was great when I met him.

Posted by: duckandcover at December 14, 2008 3:32 PM

So what if she is underage?
She could still have a great ass!

Posted by: Me at January 8, 2009 4:27 PM