The Unbearable Lightness of Pajiba
The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles
Trade News | August 9, 2007 | Comments (39)
In this morning’s round-up, I’m just dicking around, killing some time before today’s screening of Rush Hour 3. I’m also watching Rush Hour 2 in advance — hey, if Brett Ratner can multitask while directing his movies (clearly, he’s doing his taxes, bedding a blonde with caulk in her chest and a surgically re-tightened hoo-ha, and watching an episode of “Barney Miller” while simultaneously filming this), then I can do two things at once, too. Likewise, you can expect a substandard round-up full of video-filler this morning, but at least it won’t cost you $10.
Well, let’s start with Lars and the Real Girl, Pajiba darling Ryan Gosling’s next indie feature (oh, and ha ha! Ratner — Asian people and karaoke! Classic. That’s hilarious, you dumb shit). The film is about Lars, a ridiculously introverted and delusional young man who falls in love with a blow-up doll. In a Capraesque turn, the small-town sort of rallies around Lars’ delusion and goes along with it, like you do when your senile grandfather tells you that he used to call time-outs during WWII battles to go to the bathroom. It sounds like a strangely sweet flick, and if anyone can pull of the role of Lars convincingly it’s Gosling, who could sell a line to an overweight circle (hah! Shape humor. Oh, fuck you: What do you expect — I’ve got Ratner brain). Hell, I’m not telling you anything you can’t learn from the trailer. So, here it is:
I think we’ve known about Mike Myer’s next project for a few months, but we’ve gone out of our way to avoid talking about it, because it’s just so very shameful. It’s called Love Guru; in it, Myers plays an American named Pitka who was raised by Indian gurus and later returns to the States to be a self-help counselor. One of his clients is a star hockey player, whose wife is sleeping around with a rival player on another team, which leaves the star player in a slump. So, the team owner seeks the help of the Love Guru. The team owner will be played by Jessica Alba, you know, because she looks like a woman who might own a hockey team, and she certainly fits the bill of a Mike Myer love interest. In Crazy Town, U.S.A. (it’s in Jersey, near Donald Trump’s House of Wings), which is clearly where this film takes place, as Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) plays the team coach. I’m just very, very sad to hear that Romancy Malco (“Weeds”) has also been dragged into this production. Damn, Myers — do you ever wish you could go back to the period in between So I Married an Axe Murderer and Wayne’s World 2 and take a mulligan? Sure, you’d have to give up all those millions of dollars, but you’d have my respect. And you can’t put a price tag on that (but, if you could, it’d be somewhere between $8 and $9).
Have you folks seen the staged interview between a Brit reporter and Jonah Hill and Michael Cera at a press junket for Superbad? I can only hope the film is half as funny as this video:
Elsewhere, IFC has named the 50 Greatest Sex scenes in Cinema, and while I don’t have a problem with most of the choices, I find the presence of Don’t Look Now at number one a little baffling. I haven’t actually seen the 1973 film, but the sex scene involves Donald Sutherland, and I’m having a difficult time picturing one of the stars of Space Cowboys doing the ole’ doubleback with anyone. For the record, ten through two are scenes from: Young Frankenstein, The Big Easy, Secretary, My Beautiful Laundrette, Betty Blue, The Unbearable Lightness of Being (yikes), Risky Business, Mulholland Drive, and A History of Violence. It’s kind of tame. You can check out the full list in its entirety here, though the wonky navigation will probably kill your web browser a few times. Otherwise, discuss amongst yourselves.
For those of you who were put off by Ridley Scott’s decision to make a movie based on the board game Monopoly (as discussed here), well it could be worse. A reader (thanks Greg) sent me the trailer for the upcoming Minesweeper: The Movie. The sad thing is, I’d rather see this than any of the other video game adaptations Hollywood has ever given us. Check it out here.
(Shit — Don Cheadle is in Rush Hour 2? Oh, this hurts. Come on, Don — you shared screen time with Chris Tucker? You were in the same room? Why didn’t you kill him when you had the chance? Damn. You could’ve saved us all a lot of grief.)
Anyway, in the trailer watch, here’s Michel Gondry’s follow-up to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep, a movie called Be Kind, Rewind. It stars Jack Black, and despite that, it still looks pretty great.
Fucking hell — Piven is in Rush Hour 2. Piven, people! As a gay stereotype. Jesus, it’s embarrassing. Whatever. Check back this afternoon for reviews of both Rush Hour 3 and, a little later, Dan’s review of Stardust.
Comments
Posted by: Mara at August 10, 2007 10:40 AM
Ah, this round-up brings back memories. It seems just a few years ago, I was in the theatre to see Rush Hour 2 with my little brother, pondering beating myself senseless with my oversized coke cup and cursing my father for making me take the brat.
Be Kind, Rewind looks fabulous, even if it was driving me insane to figure out who the other lead was (Ah, hi, Mos Def. You don't look like Don Cheadle at all.)