August 9, 2007 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | August 9, 2007 |


In this morning’s round-up, I’m just dicking around, killing some time before today’s screening of Rush Hour 3. I’m also watching Rush Hour 2 in advance — hey, if Brett Ratner can multitask while directing his movies (clearly, he’s doing his taxes, bedding a blonde with caulk in her chest and a surgically re-tightened hoo-ha, and watching an episode of “Barney Miller” while simultaneously filming this), then I can do two things at once, too. Likewise, you can expect a substandard round-up full of video-filler this morning, but at least it won’t cost you $10.

Well, let’s start with Lars and the Real Girl, Pajiba darling Ryan Gosling’s next indie feature (oh, and ha ha! Ratner — Asian people and karaoke! Classic. That’s hilarious, you dumb shit). The film is about Lars, a ridiculously introverted and delusional young man who falls in love with a blow-up doll. In a Capraesque turn, the small-town sort of rallies around Lars’ delusion and goes along with it, like you do when your senile grandfather tells you that he used to call time-outs during WWII battles to go to the bathroom. It sounds like a strangely sweet flick, and if anyone can pull of the role of Lars convincingly it’s Gosling, who could sell a line to an overweight circle (hah! Shape humor. Oh, fuck you: What do you expect — I’ve got Ratner brain). Hell, I’m not telling you anything you can’t learn from the trailer. So, here it is:

I think we’ve known about Mike Myer’s next project for a few months, but we’ve gone out of our way to avoid talking about it, because it’s just so very shameful. It’s called Love Guru; in it, Myers plays an American named Pitka who was raised by Indian gurus and later returns to the States to be a self-help counselor. One of his clients is a star hockey player, whose wife is sleeping around with a rival player on another team, which leaves the star player in a slump. So, the team owner seeks the help of the Love Guru. The team owner will be played by Jessica Alba, you know, because she looks like a woman who might own a hockey team, and she certainly fits the bill of a Mike Myer love interest. In Crazy Town, U.S.A. (it’s in Jersey, near Donald Trump’s House of Wings), which is clearly where this film takes place, as Vern Troyer (Mini-Me) plays the team coach. I’m just very, very sad to hear that Romancy Malco (“Weeds”) has also been dragged into this production. Damn, Myers — do you ever wish you could go back to the period in between So I Married an Axe Murderer and Wayne’s World 2 and take a mulligan? Sure, you’d have to give up all those millions of dollars, but you’d have my respect. And you can’t put a price tag on that (but, if you could, it’d be somewhere between $8 and $9).

Have you folks seen the staged interview between a Brit reporter and Jonah Hill and Michael Cera at a press junket for Superbad? I can only hope the film is half as funny as this video:

Elsewhere, IFC has named the 50 Greatest Sex scenes in Cinema, and while I don’t have a problem with most of the choices, I find the presence of Don’t Look Now at number one a little baffling. I haven’t actually seen the 1973 film, but the sex scene involves Donald Sutherland, and I’m having a difficult time picturing one of the stars of Space Cowboys doing the ole’ doubleback with anyone. For the record, ten through two are scenes from: Young Frankenstein, The Big Easy, Secretary, My Beautiful Laundrette, Betty Blue, The Unbearable Lightness of Being (yikes), Risky Business, Mulholland Drive, and A History of Violence. It’s kind of tame. You can check out the full list in its entirety here, though the wonky navigation will probably kill your web browser a few times. Otherwise, discuss amongst yourselves.

For those of you who were put off by Ridley Scott’s decision to make a movie based on the board game Monopoly (as discussed here), well it could be worse. A reader (thanks Greg) sent me the trailer for the upcoming Minesweeper: The Movie. The sad thing is, I’d rather see this than any of the other video game adaptations Hollywood has ever given us. Check it out here.

(Shit — Don Cheadle is in Rush Hour 2? Oh, this hurts. Come on, Don — you shared screen time with Chris Tucker? You were in the same room? Why didn’t you kill him when you had the chance? Damn. You could’ve saved us all a lot of grief.)

Anyway, in the trailer watch, here’s Michel Gondry’s follow-up to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep, a movie called Be Kind, Rewind. It stars Jack Black, and despite that, it still looks pretty great.

Fucking hell — Piven is in Rush Hour 2. Piven, people! As a gay stereotype. Jesus, it’s embarrassing. Whatever. Check back this afternoon for reviews of both Rush Hour 3 and, a little later, Dan’s review of Stardust.

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The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | August 9, 2007 | Comments ()



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