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The Truth Behind the Oscars' Crazy-White-Kanye Lady, and the Solution to Spicing Up the Oscars

By Seth Freilich | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (12)



thunderdome.jpg

So yeah, the Oscars. Too long, too boring, what the fuck was with that dance bullshit, etc. etc. Same as it ever was (as Dustin said last night, though, “good for the fucking Dude”). The lowlight was clearly seeing Tyler Perry on stage, particularly because his comment about how that was the only time you’d see him up there wasn’t self-deprecating as much as it was laced with “they’ll never appreciate and reward my greatness.” Fucking smug prick. The highlight could have been, of all things, Best Documentary Short. That was where the crazy white lady apparently Kanye’d shit up, bum-rushing the black director and going on a rambling minute long speech.

Shortly after the awards, Salon tracked down both the director/producer of the award-winning Music by Prudence, Roger Ross Williams, and that crazy lady, producer Elinor Burkett. Turns out, these two fucking hate each other and had been involved in a lawsuit over the doc (it settled out of court). Williams says the Academy had made it clear that only one person was supposed to accept the award, and he vaguely suggests that the Academy’s publicist told him he’d get to be the one. But I don’t quite buy that because, as the interviewee notes, he fucking bolted for the stage and if you read the brief interview, he deftly avoids addressing the situation directly.

Crazy-white-woman Burkett, for her part, basically says that Williams is an unappreciative dick, not talking to her, not inviting her to any of the pre-Oscar events, etc., while Williams says she parted ways with him and the movie a year ago. Anyway, the article is a good, quick read, and it got me thinking. Wouldn’t this shit be ten times better if you let Hollywood settle these types of differences live, on stage, Thunderdome-style. Seems like there are these behind-the-scene fights every few years. You know, like who gets to be an officially nominated/winning producer? Two men enter, one Academy Award winning producer leaves!

And fuck it, if there’s not a good fight ready to be settled, they can figure something out. This year, what would the ratings have been if you knew Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron were going to fucking Thunderdoming it? Super Bowl level, baby! (Not to mention the added bonus of Bigelow ending that smug prick, cause you know she’d take him handily.)

Academy, when it comes time to hire a director for next year’s show, call me. I won’t give you any dance numbers, I won’t give you bullshit James Taylor during the In Memoriam, and I’ll blacklist Randy Newman from Oscar eligibility (sorry, he’s as overrated as overrated comes). But I will give you a motherfucking Thunderdome, and I guarantee you that, the following Monday morning, people will actually be talking about your show with excitement: “Holy fuck did you see the freaking Oscar’s last night? That shit was in-sane! I can’t believe Harvey Weinstein crushed Brian Grazer’s larynx with his gut!”









Emma by Jane Austen | Rome Movie













Comments

When she rushed the stage, my initial reaction was to wait for her to say, "Yo, yo, yo, I let you finish inna minute..."

My wife was sitting there wondering what the hell was going on.

And then, when she got finished with her screed, the other guy had no time left.

I felt sorry for him for that and thought she was a selfish prick.

Guess they both are. Oh well.

Posted by: Uncle JR at March 8, 2010 10:04 AM

Wow. Selfish pricks in Hollywood? Whoever heard of such a thing?

Posted by: , at March 8, 2010 10:30 AM

I thought that lady was Alice Ghostley at first.

Posted by: mswas at March 8, 2010 10:33 AM

Lordy, every time they had someone talk about EACH ONE of the nominees I just wanted to wring the life out of something small and innocent.

I had high hopes for the dance number since it was filled SYTYCD people, but that was a mess. If Shankman was behind that, they need Wade Robson to choreograph that next time.

Posted by: jM at March 8, 2010 10:35 AM

I love that the Academy was the responsible party in this story. Like they stepped in between two fighting children and said, "Now, listen you too. You're both going to get ice cream but you have to wait in line quietly."

The Academy. Was the reasonable party. Hmph.

Posted by: Name: at March 8, 2010 10:41 AM

Or even "...listen you TWO..."

Fucking English. It is my first and only language.

Posted by: Name: at March 8, 2010 10:43 AM

Thanks for the explanation. I was wondering what the hell was going on. I found the whole thing so unpleasantly awkward that I changed channels until it was over.

Posted by: tamatha at March 8, 2010 11:20 AM

Woah, back off the Randy Newman. Dude's songs are catchy and adorable, and of all the shitty Disney theme songs ever, his are by far the best.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 8, 2010 12:14 PM

@ChristianH: You honestly think that Randy Newman's Disney songs (which all sound exactly the same) can compete with Elton John's Lion King or Phil Collins's Tarzan songs? I have to politely disagree with that opinion.

Posted by: Beckie at March 8, 2010 1:32 PM

Yeah, I didn't know what the hell that was about, but it seemed pretty uncomfortable.

About the Oscars in general: I give presentations ALL the time and lots of times I have to give the same ones repeatedly. So I change things up a bit, keeping it fresh, you know?

Is it possible for the Oscars to do that? I mean, every year they EXPLAIN sound editing, they sound apologetic that costume designers don't get more recognition, they weep over someone, they blah blah blah.

There has GOT to be more creativity in the world than that. If I can spice up the boring shit I present, I KNOW they can do it.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at March 8, 2010 3:15 PM

Freely admit, my knowledge of this incident comes from transcript and hearing the story a few times. Maybe not seeing it live colours my view.

You know how we all roll our eyes when a film is advertised as, 'From the producers who brought you...'? We see this as a sign that the people in charge don't have enough faith in the project to advertise it in a less dubious fashion. That doesn't mean that I think producers are unimportant or don't have a say or that they don't work hard in an important way. But they are directing a piece, are they? So when I hear that phrase, I think that the brass is searching out any means of reminding prospective audience members of better things that happened in the past. What's next?

From the hemisphere that brought the slave trade, it's Marmite!


I guess we should advertise all of her future producing efforts as, 'From the spotlight stealing chick who made a graceless ass of herself by grudge matching a man out of his moment in the sun'. And when that piece wins the award, it'll be the director who accepts it.

I wasn't there, I can think of a few possible scenarios: maybe he bolted because he anticipated something like this. Didn't boyfriend's mother try to stop the producer from going on stage by blocking her path with her cane? I'm not saying that was 'right', but...I just like the visual, basically. I wouldn't bother defending it. Maybe he bolted because he was shocked and/or excited. At any rate, I doubt that there's a 'last one on stage is a rotten egg' policy when it comes to Oscar speeches. Sure, one solipsist always hogs the minute with groan-inducing lists of all of the people nominated and how great they are, and 'aren't dead family members great?'-- but everyone still goes up for their congratulations. Why not be civil about it, lady?

Regardless of any falling out that occurred beforehand, the director is going to get to be up there--and ostensibly speak. So what if she got on stage first, or *gasp* they were both up there? It's not like she can perform some kind of magical cootie block that renders him physically or spiritually unable to claim his prize.

Remember when Nia Vardalos was just a slightly-used comedy club also-ran and not a self-aggrandizing, self-appointed sub-Venutian agony aunt? Think back to those days. There, that was fun. Did anyone happen to think of one Super!Producer! by the name of Rita Wilson who never missed an opportunity to bolster her image and turn the proceedings into a love fest on the subject of Rita? Was that not on someone else's platform? She helped, no doubt, but come on. And irritating as hell, that was.

I don't know what the 'agreement' was, or if there even was one, but one Don Kanye, Esq., might be right: George Bush doesn't care about black directors. Or something.

Yes Elinor, there is a Lady Oscar and Ms. Bigelow looked fabulous to boot.


Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at March 8, 2010 7:34 PM

Oscars = borefest.

Just like any other "academy" awards, or any "awards" ceremonies.

"I'm brilliant, and I love you all", superficial clueless gits. There has been zero movies of any meaning and depth in quite a number of years (from Hollywood).

When I went to avatar, I came out thinking "that was great", but after a few days I realised it was just a remake of pocahontas with blue people. Boring. Deserved to get nuffink.

I'm an Irishman, and the oscar went to a Dubliner for the effects, but to be honest I thought they were very video gamey, not realistic enough to be believable. The technology is there, so use it for God sake.

Posted by: Conor at March 9, 2010 8:25 AM


















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