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The Trailer for Jeremy Renner's 'Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters' Looks Hilariously, Spectacularly Awful

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | September 4, 2012 | Comments ()


hansel-and-gretel.jpeg

Oh, noes, Jeremy Renner. We'd pinned so much of our hopes on you as the next great action hero, but I hate to think that his role as the sidekick in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol will be the best thing to come out of his venture into action-movie heroism. He was good in the otherwise lackluster The Bourne Legacy, but he appears to be just as much the problem with Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters as the tone, the direction, and the story.

Admittedly, it's an international trailer, and perhaps Hollywood is trying to dumb down this trailer edit under the false belief that International audiences aren't very bright and need to be talked to REALLY LOUDLY.

But: Wow. It looks like a lot of fun, but in all the wrong ways.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Morgan_LaFai

    The film appears to be steam punk, which I think is part of what is causing all the campiness. Not that I dislike steam punk, I am quite the fan, but I have yet to see it done well by Hollywood.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    "you gotta be kidding me."

    Oh wow. I was kind of hoping for something between The Brothers Grimm and Evil Dead II... it looks like I am going to be disappointed. But 10 bucks says I will go see it anyway, and have a few drinks beforehand.

  • Yocean

    Ough. No.

  • I am thoroughly baffled by the release dates for some movies. Why didn't Paranorman and this come out for Halloween?

  • Lee

    American accents for a German fairy tale! Just...nooooooooooo!!!

  • alannaofdoom

    So efficient of them to include the probable audience reaction at the end of the trailer: "You've gotta be kidding me."

  • Mrcreosote

    How do you make this movie, and not have ALL the witches weapons be candy based? " I will kill you with my black licorice whip! The worst candy EVAR!!" Well, if you don't count raisins.

  • Puddin

    The guns shoot Good n Plenties and those hard candies for diabetics.

  • hapl0

    Hahahahaha...

    What do you get when you splice Van Helsing, Hellboy 2 and Woman in Black?

    I never thought a day would come where Peter Stormare would be unnecessary.

    It's been a good run Renner but you and the rest of the world know the only reason you made it this far is because of the Keira Knightley rule. At least, she has English period dramas to fall back on. You?

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    I would have gone in another direction. They could have made it campier. They could have made it more kid friendly and kind of scary. They could have told the story from the perspective of the witch who eats the little kids. I mean, maybe she had a good reason. Maybe it was during of the school year and a bunch of kids were waiting on her lawn to catch the bus, you know? And maybe she just snapped. I'm not defending her. I'm just saying we don't know her life.

  • tmoney

    Gemma's American accent sounds exactly like Rachel Wise's. It's bizarre and unnatural, and I won't stand for it.

  • Quatermain

    I made my peace with being the lowest common denominator RE: movies years and years ago, and that looks like just the sort of movie I'd enjoy. And hey, it can't be as bad as the Sci-Fi Channel's 'Hansel' with Shannen Doherty.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Noooooo!!! How did I not know this was a thing that existed? No one tells me ANYTHING!

  • Quatermain

    Get it off of Netflix, it's absolutely craptastic. Not as good-bad as 'Sharktopus' was, but easily as good-bad as 'Mansquito.'

  • Bandit

    Well that was disappointing. I'll waste my money elsewhere, thank you.

  • David Sorenson

    So we've got the requisite anachronistic weapons, Nine Inch Nails in the trailer, facing something that they haven't faced before, and cool people not looking at explosions. Yep. That's as big an indication of crap as seeing Adam Sandler and/or Rob Schneider in the credits.

    We forgave Hugh Jackman for Van Helsing. I'm sure we can forgive Jeremy Renner for this. All he'll have to do is spend his time doing some broadway style singing and dancing. It's the community service for criminally bad movies.

  • Hawkeye, The Musical: Quiver

  • L.O.V.E.

    But where's Shrek?

  • Manny Martinez

    Well, it's got Peter Stormare (Brother's Grimm, natch), Famke Jansen (X-Men) and Miss Hot-chick waxy-face from Clash of the Titans and they flat out stole the repeating cross bow idea from Van Helsing. At least they're keeping the casting in the sic-fi/fantasy universe. Plus, big guns and boobies!

  • "Plus, big guns and boobies!"
    Isn't that redundant?

  • Karlew

    I will watch any movie that has Jeremy Renner in it. And I have watched movies that are a LOT worse than this one looks to be.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Oh. Hags.

    Somebody played a little too much D&D in their lives.

  • AM

    I dunno, I'm getting a fun Army of Darkness kind of vibe to this. Side note: Renner is cute as hell but I'm starting to think that his hair may be removable, like one of those lego snap-on pieces. It always looks exactly THE SAME.

  • Nadine

    ....I don't know what....Sefa kind of nailed it, Jeremy and Gemma are all kinds of sexy.

    This just looks like The Brothers Grimm again. SO much potential...but no.

  • barlowjk

    Streaming was invented for this movie and I don't care what your opinion is on streaming.

    Also: It's vampires, right?

    Also: "We have to save those kids."

  • idiosynchronic

    Oh my Hot Sweet Mess.

  • annie

    Well. Gemma and Jeremy are hot, and I'm shallow, so it's okay.

  • lowercase_ryan

    that looks...gd terrible.

  • TK

    Well, that's a movie that has "review by TK" written ALL over it.

  • Jezzer

    *cough*Oogielove*cough*

  • Abbey Road

    Let the "Han-sellout" jokes begin!

  • Bert_McGurt

    He's so hot right now!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    boo. trailer removed.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Is this the "Van Helsing" effect or the "Supernatural" effect? Because it seems awfully like a combo of the two.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    More Hellsing than Supernatural, if you ask me.

  • Tinkerville

    Damn. And I was looking forward to this one. I have a girl crush on Gemma Arterton so I'll probably still check it out, albeit more drunkenly than I originally planned.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    She is gorgeous, and not a terrible actress, but she is picking the lamest movies.

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