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The Top Five Reasons I Used A Picture of Christina Hendricks Eating Watermelon in this Header

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (39)

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The Top Five Reasons I Used A Picture of Christina Hendricks in this Header

5. Self Interest: Because images of Christina Hendricks make my heart smooshy and they make me want to be a better person and a better humanitarian. Fun Fact: Christina Hendricks owns 72 percent of all the world’s beauty.

4. Profit Motive: People are more likely to read a post if there is an image of Christina Hendricks in the header. It’s statistically proven. You just proved it by reading this.

3. Spite: Some people are annoyed by pictures of Christina Hendricks. These people often believe that Christina Hendricks is “not all that,” or “overrated” or “unworthy of all the attention.” These people do not like rainbows, and they roll their eyes during Kevin Costner’s “small of the back” speech in Bull Durham. It is often said of these people that they do not possess souls. I like to spite them.

2. To Improve the Economy: Watermelon looks better when Christina Hendricks is eating it. This image might provoke others to seek out watermelon in their grocery stores because they think the watermelon looks “delish,” or “mouthwatering.” This helps the watermelon industry, the family farmer, and your local markets. I believe in giving back.

1. Newsworthiness: Because there is Christina Hendricks news, and I needed a relevant image. Nicholas Winding Refn (Bronson) has cast Hendricks in Drive, where she will join Ryan Gosling, Bryan Cranston, Carey Mulligan, and Albert Brooks. Drive is about a Hollywood stunt performer (Gosling) who moonlights as a wheel man and discovers that a contract has been put on him after a heist gone wrong. (Variety)

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Comments

Thank you. I'm having a rough morning and this just made it better. Also, now I want watermelon.

Posted by: KatSings at September 9, 2010 9:32 AM

Ditto on the rough morning, KatSings. So I thoroughly appreciate this picture.

But I still hate watermelon...

Posted by: Trouble at September 9, 2010 9:36 AM

I'll be in my bunk.
(HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU FIGGY!)

Posted by: Sinestro at September 9, 2010 9:37 AM

I don't get all the hype about watermelon. It really isn't all that.

Posted by: Nimue at September 9, 2010 9:46 AM

I'd rather see her watermelons but that pic is ok too.

Posted by: logan at September 9, 2010 9:55 AM

Wasn't Nathan Fillion in a show called "Drive?" I only mention this, because Mrs. Capt. Reynolds always make me think of Capt. Tightpants. And as much as I'd like to suffocate in Mrs. Reynolds cleavage, I am a heterosexual woman and would prefer to suffocate in Capt. Tightpants' man chest cleavage thing.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 9, 2010 9:55 AM

Is anyone else disturbed that her breasts are bigger than the watermelon?

Posted by: Bweaves at September 9, 2010 9:57 AM

Why didn't you come right out and say there's Albert Brooks news?

Posted by: Jay at September 9, 2010 9:57 AM

BWeaves is a heterosexual woman who likes Hendricks' cleave? Can I please meet you and shake your hand/cleave?

Posted by: ben at September 9, 2010 9:59 AM

I expected the list to read:

5. Fap
4. Fap
3. Fap
2. Fap
1.unnggggghhhhooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhyessssssss

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 9, 2010 10:04 AM

Sure Ben. However, you will be extremely disappointed in my cleave (or lack thereof).

Posted by: BWeaves at September 9, 2010 10:04 AM

This made my heart sing a little. Thank you, Dustin. And for all of you who think she's overrated- I say, "stuff you." She is single-handedly making all of us buxom redheads hot by association. Oh, and watermelon is a deliscious and refershing summer treat.

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at September 9, 2010 10:10 AM

The photographer missed a golden opportunity there. I would've passed out on the spot if the watermelon juice was running all over her boobs. 'Cuz then I could be all like, "Lemme get that for you, baby," and lick it off.

This all proves, once again, that all photographers are gay and will stop at nothing to prevent me from getting a boner at work.

Posted by: Kballs at September 9, 2010 10:11 AM

Is anyone else disturbed that her breasts are bigger than the watermelon?

No.

Posted by: Rykker at September 9, 2010 10:11 AM

4. Profit Motive: People are more likely to read a post if there is an image of Christina Hendricks in the header. It’s statistically proven. You just proved it by reading this.

Yeah, well... maybe I just like to click things like posts, and ads, and pens, and big red buttons with the word 'BOOM' written on them that two people have to turn keys at the same time to even get to. Did you ever think of that?!


No, you're right. She's purty and I'm easy.

Posted by: jM at September 9, 2010 10:17 AM

Fuck you, Dustin. I'm allergic to watermelon. Now there are two things in that photo that I desperately want, but can't have. Maybe tomorrow you can kick my day off with a picture of JGL giving me a come hither look from a patch of poison ivy.

Posted by: abby_wan_kenobi at September 9, 2010 10:18 AM

Reason 6: You want Pajiba readers to go insane trying to decide which melons we want to suck on more.

Posted by: John W at September 9, 2010 10:22 AM

Watermelon?

Posted by: admin at September 9, 2010 10:23 AM

6. Do you really need a reason?

Posted by: Kargoyle at September 9, 2010 10:25 AM

You're really over-thinking this. "Christina Hendricks" is reason enough.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at September 9, 2010 10:29 AM

Look, watermelon is over. It's September. Get me a pumpkin!

Not a bad point about the juice, though. Watermelon's a messy business so I'm not even sure that thing's real, and it's actually not that flattering a pose. Whose mouth looks good like that? Are there fans being blown at her hair from two directions? It's a very titilatting concept, but I think they got the execution a little wrong. Esquire's previous shoot of her (the black and white one) was far superior.

But yeah, her chest looks wholly better than it ever does in her award gowns.

Posted by: Jay at September 9, 2010 10:30 AM

What watermelon? Ohhh, yeah, sure. I don't care what anybody says, there is no such thing as too much Christina. Of course I might be a little biased since my girlfriend is a buxom readhead.

Posted by: TheBlackMenace at September 9, 2010 11:05 AM

Hmm. Pretty sure that's a real melon. So's the left one.

Posted by: Spender at September 9, 2010 11:07 AM

5. Self Interest: Because images of Christina Hendricks make my heart smooshy

"Smooshy"?! Dustin, put down the "Tiger Beat" and slowly back away from the keyboard.

Posted by: branded at September 9, 2010 11:23 AM

Isn't this part of the "Christina Hendricks eats all your favorite picnic foods" photoshoot? Somewhere there are pictures of her eating potato salad (spicy mustard version) BBQ chicken with excess sauce, hot dogs with yellow mustard and possibly kraut and of course finishing up with the ever popular cherry popsicle (Otter pop, Bomb pop whatever).


Wait, that photoshoot may just be in my head.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at September 9, 2010 11:24 AM

Reason 1a:

It's my birthday and Godtopus loves me.

Posted by: Groundloop at September 9, 2010 11:25 AM

Whose mouth looks good like that? Posted by: Jay

Hers.

Posted by: Paul at September 9, 2010 12:06 PM

Hey, to each his own. I still say it's a bad picture.

Posted by: Jay at September 9, 2010 12:11 PM

I will admit to a few things, one is, I have an average size cock and the other is I prefer going down on a woman as opposed to going in a woman, not that I’m adverse to going inside of her. I just think you can really get to know a woman if you took the time to explore her. A woman like Hendricks, I would spend the entire day licking her from one orgasm to the next.

Posted by: Pookie at September 9, 2010 12:21 PM

You'd think that the mere fact that she's Christina Hendricks means she's already promoting watermelons, no matter what fruit she's eating.

Posted by: arrrghzi at September 9, 2010 12:21 PM

Fat? Well ... she gives me a chubby.

Posted by: , at September 9, 2010 12:27 PM

I expected the list to read:

5. Fap
4. Fap
3. Fap
2. Fap
1.unnggggghhhhooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhyessssssss

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 9, 2010 10:04 AM

Too many "Faps" there Pinky. Rowles is totally a 2-Fap Chap.

Posted by: PissBoy at September 9, 2010 12:35 PM

Dustin, I enjoy your five well articulated reasons, and the fact that you spent the time to put them together.

But you really need no explanation for pictures of Christina Hendricks.

Posted by: MM at September 9, 2010 12:37 PM

I'm gonna kick it old skool, She got some Tig ol Bitties!

Posted by: junierizzle at September 9, 2010 2:15 PM

Thank you, Dustin. I wholeheartedly approve this message.

Posted by: RobP at September 9, 2010 2:18 PM

Sinestro STOP BEING A BITCH.

Also bring me some watermelon.

Posted by: figgy at September 9, 2010 5:10 PM

Holy typecasting, Batman!

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 9, 2010 7:14 PM

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks steps onto new getaway movie, Drive. Check out the breaking news at IAMROGUE.com http://bit.ly/ag6c5V

Posted by: mark at September 10, 2010 4:49 PM

I would use the watermelon pic as well.

Posted by: Enrico Madsen at September 21, 2010 6:55 PM