MAD MEN / GAME OF THRONES / MINDHOLE BLOWERS / NETFLIX



The Sound of Music: Live Has a Poster and It's Coming to Eat Your Soul Through Your Nostrils

By Courtney Enlow | Trade News | September 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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Normally, I wouldn’t express an opinion on this. I’d actually, at least in secret, watch it and enjoy it. It’s got Laura Benanti and Audra McDonald! Stephen Moyer’s in it, too, because why the shit not.

But…this poster.

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…What’s happening here? Like, there’s so much wrong, but I’m having trouble pinpointing it. I think…I think it’s her eyes.

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Yes. It’s her eyes. Her eyes and her smile. It’s the uncanny valley and I want to climb back up, for the love of god, pull me back up. I think she’s dead. POKE HER WITH A STICK.

How do you solve a problem like Maria? Evidently, you embalm her, stuff her, stick her on a mountain and call it a day. Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • cgthegeek

    When I heard Audra was cast I naively thought it was in the lead. I wish I could go back to that happy place.

  • bastich

    I've seen the future, and NBC's next remake will be "White Christmas" starring Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus.

    ("NBC: Curb-Stomping Your Childhood")

  • Lieslvontrapp

    The only logical conclusion is that NBC hates me.

  • $27019454

    WHO is playing that hot bitch, The Baroness??

  • Nyltiak

    Can't we at least give her Julie Andrews's haircut from TSOM?

  • Salieri2

    It's the light: the Thomas Kincaidian Light That Comes From Nowhere And Everywhere. The Heather Locklear L'Oreal commercial effect.

  • Wigamer

    My boyfriend looks a lot like Capt. Von Trapp, but can you imagine him in the role? Maria would never know what hit her.

  • $27019454

    Fhhhhak. I know what would hit me!

  • Lindsey Gregory

    ...kill it with fire

  • DeaconG

    No, no, no...this demands kinetic orbital bombardment!

  • JJ

    The hills* are aliiiiiiiiiive, with the sound of muuuuuuuuusic**...

    *internets
    **hatred

  • kushiro -

    If you blur your vision a bit, she looks like she's got moutheyes.

  • bastich

    We just found her next role...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    That looks like a Tool album cover. Nice.

  • Tinkerville

    I honestly can't stop staring at this. Send help.

  • couch and pants

    When she was on American Idol, the commenters at TWoP referred to her frequently as "Carrie Ruxpin"...which I think sums up the robotic-conflated-with-'adorable' thing that she has going on here...and in other places... Just dead. And soulless. And maybe hungry?

  • bonnie

    I literally cannot wait to see how NBC is going to try and sell us Stephen Moyer as Captain F'ing Von Trapp. I am already planning my hate-watch party.

  • $27019454

    Bheel's gonna have to stand on a box because while he is pretty foxy, dude is SHORT.

  • Wigamer

    I have to say, I would so love to see Bheel do something other than piss me off as Bheel. 'Cause he is foxy.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Somewhere an NBC exec just experienced a frisson of joy down his back. "Mission accomplished," the wind whispered in his ear.

    "A viewer is a viewer," he smiled to himself.

  • bonnie

    I know. I totally hate myself for it, but when there's a trainwreck on TV, I can't help but watch. Of course, this is how I justified other reality TV abominations that I will not mention on this site...

  • $27019454

    I kinda love this. In a 'what a hot mess' way. Face it -- NOTHING is ever going to com close to the legendary SoM, so it hurts no one to have these folks give it a whirl. It will be forgotten the next week. UNLESS, oh unless, my best beloved...Unless it is so bad (a la Lohan's Liz & Dick debacle). In which case we have a national treasure of bad to pick apart and diss for years to come. A new low. Hey, a gal can dream, right? I'm actually looking forward to it. And I've seen the Sound f Music more than 20 times (its a long story and it involves adolescence and obsession and marijuana).

    At the very least we get a GREAT liveblog out of this. Right, Courtney?

  • meadowdancer

    Oh they should live blog this hot mess. Frankly I am going to DVR it to mock it and then go watch the Sound of Music with Andrews and the hot Plummer and soothe my feelings of rage that NBC thought to re-do a classic. Fuck NBC.

  • bonnie

    It's the only reason I am going to watch it...

  • dizzylucy

    Well...at least they toned down her Beauty Pageant Barbie usual look? I don't know, I'm trying to find something positive about this, but it's really a lost cause. Sob away.

  • I hate this so much it gave me a rash.

    In the heart. I have a heart rash and I'm going to set something on fire.

  • emmalita

    I've got matches!

  • mswas

    I'll bring the gasoline.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Nice to see NBC repurposed the Jerry Seinfeld pirate shirt.

  • AvaLehra

    The beloved family classic comes alive again...so we can KILL IT right before your very eyes.

  • Jezzer

    MARIA HAS SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU.

  • bastich

    "Your suffering will legendary, even in Austria"

  • George Tarleton

    No tears, please.

  • mswas

    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO !!!

  • e jerry powell

    What is it you can't face, Maria?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What were you saying?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    It sounded like "Mow," but that wouldn't make any sense. In the alps, I assume there are, like, goats who take care of that.

  • foolsage

    So... we should put you down as a "maybe"?

  • $27019454

    Michelle Bachman

  • bastich

    So that's why I'm so aroused.

  • BlackRabbit

    I'm disgusted yet intrigued. I'm horroused.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    UPVOTEUPVOTEUPVOTEUPVOTE

  • emmalita

    Gah! That's the familiarity that was gnawing at the edges of my mind. RUN AWAY!!!!!

  • "The beloved family classic comes alive again!"

    Those eyes beg to differ.

  • Ian Fay

    "Sometimes that actress she looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about an actress, she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'."

    Also, she looks like a "Sexy Swiss Miss" costume advert.

  • bastich

    Thanks to the picture of Swiss Miss Carrie, I now have "It's a Small World After All" stuck in my head on permanent loop...gonna have to trepanate it out....

  • Boutros Boutros Boutros-Guy

    If they're going to spend that much time Photoglazing her eyes, they could at least have them point in a sensible, and similar direction.

  • Fredo

    The eyes are gold with greed
    For they seek to make beggars of kings
    The eyes are red with hate
    For they search for fools to string
    The smile is wide with lust
    Desperate to turn all men to dust
    The smile is bright with death innate

    Turning all dreams to rust

  • bleujayone

    Strange to see Carrie campaigning so hard to be the next St. Pauli's Girl.

    Maybe next time she'll think before she steins.

  • Jiffylush

    This is an abomination, a soulless cash grab and it makes me sick. I get chills just thinking about the opening of the movie. Julie Andrews is a goddess and attempts to copy her in this way should be viewed as heresy.

    For some reason I didn't feel the same way about the stage production of Mary Poppins, but that is probably because the woman who played her in the production I saw had a beautiful voice.

    I am saying Carrie Underwood doesn't have a beautiful voice.

  • oilybohunk7

    I hate country music so I was never going to be on board with her but when I heard her speaking on a commercial and I thought her speaking voice was awful. She is fairly attractive though so I'm not sure why they felt it necessary to attack her so mercilessly with an airbrush.

  • Gistine

    I totally agree. I am going to boycott this. I am also going to pretend that I did not click on this link out of curiosity. It's just blasphemy to me. :(

    Carrie's got some pipes, but they are too strong for Maria. She will kill Edelweiss because she cannot help but belt things out and no Von Trapp kid will sleep with her singing any lullaby. People who cast these days are out of it!

  • She doesn't. It's mediocre at best.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Those eyes...Are we sure this isn't some kind of Sound of Music/Exorcist crossover?

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    Now that I would watch. But this? Hell no.

  • idiosynchronic

    Awww . . . . just . . . fuuuuuuuuck.

    In a just world, Christopher Plummer and Julie Andrews would exercise their Constitutional right on the production team for violations of good taste.

  • meadowdancer

    Why in the name of all that is holy did they do this? Why? Why?

  • BWeaves

    No, I think it's the fact that they sexualized her. What happened to the plain novice studying to be a nun? I always pictured Maria as more of a tomboy, and not a beer waitress at Octoberfest.

    Then again, maybe she's trying to channel Mary Martin.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I don't really think an embroidered dirndl is sexualizing, though she does look a little fancy.

    I could care less about this (though I didn't know Audra was in it. Grr) but yeah, she is coming across as one of the porcelain traditional dress dolls my crazy great aunt gave us (though ours were Slavic dress). Like her eyes will blink if you tip her too far back.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    kinda like one of these:

  • George Tarleton

    Goodness, talk about gazing into the abyss.

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