'The Smurfs 2' Trailer: It Would Be Better To Smurf Yourself In The Smurf With A Chainsaw

The Smurfs 2 Trailer: It Would Be Better To Smurf Yourself In The Smurf With A Chainsaw

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | December 18, 2012 | Comments ()

The Smurfs 2 is coming. Hold on to your brains, start training your children now to prefer the old-school animation and shitty storylines that don’t require a trip to the movie theater and $47 for tickets and snacks, and, since that won’t work, practice your skills at ignoring all of the things around you and falling into a J.D.-like state of fantasy.

I suppose I could tell you the story for the sequel nobody wants. Gargamel has created two Smurf-like creatures, called Naughties, Vexy (Christina Ricci) and Hackus (JB Smoove), so he can somehow steal Smurf essence for a line of perfume that will make people talk all Smurfing stupid. OK, I probably made part of that up. Gargamel is living in Paris, because the French like goofy-faced magicians with cats, and so the Naughties are able to bring Smurfette to him there. I didn’t make any of that up. Just…here’s the trailer if you hate yourself.

Burns, doesn’t it? July 31, 2013: THE SMURFENING….ONE MORE AGAIN. Go see it so Katy Perry can keep traveling the world with John Mayer, NPH can keep his twins in awesome Halloween costumes, and Jayma Mays can say she has a gig other than “Glee.” The rest of the cast includes Sofia Vergara, Jonathan Winters, Alan Cumming, Fred Armisen, George Lopez, Anton Yelchin and John Oliver. Dicks.

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Green Lantern

Well, Smurf me in the Smurf.

LEROOOY

IS THAT THE REAL POSTER? IS THAT THE REAL MOVIE POSTER? WHERE ARE THE SHADOWS? THE REFLECTIONS? IS THIS MSPAINT? ARIAL? No, Pajiba, that is not the real poster. Is it? It can't be. It is, isn't it? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK! It's....not. No way. Never?

BWeaves

Jonathan Winters is still alive?

lowercase_ryan

Christina Ricci as a Smurf confuses my penis.

Ley

Love you, NPH, but I think I'll just personally mail you a check. No offense.

jM

A Smurf rapper would be the worst. Just constantly rhyming smurf with smurf.

Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

Straight outta Smurf, crazy mothersmurfer named Ice Smurf
From the gang called Smurfz With Attitudes
When I'm smurfed off, I got a smurf off
Squeeze the smurf, and smurfs are hauled off
You too, smurf, if ya smurf with me
The smurf are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo smurf, that's how I'm goin out
For the punk mothersmurfers that's showin out
Smurfz start to smurf, they wanna smurf
Mix em and smurf em in a pot like smurfbo
Goin off on a mothersmurfer like that
with a smurf that's pointed at yo ass
So give it up smurf

Fredo

The ONLY worthwhile thing to emerge from this shitfest? The amount of ribbing Andy Saltzman will give John Oliver over this movie on The Bugle.

zeke_the_pig

So if we all stopped having kids, no more of these films would be made? Seems like a reasonable price to pay.

Jezzer

I don't care for kids that much, but I don't think I could ever hate kids as much as the producers of this dreck hate kids.

BlackRabbit

The laughing cat scared me. :(

John G.

no

zeke_the_pig

Pretty much the only response needed.

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The Smurfs 2 Trailer: It Would Be Better To Smurf Yourself In The Smurf With A Chainsaw