The Saddest Headline of the Morning: "Rush Hour 4 in Development" Wins By a Hair

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The Saddest Headline of the Morning: "Rush Hour 4 in Development" Wins By a Hair

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | July 31, 2012 | Comments ()


It was a close call, but one headline had to be the wring the filthiest juices out onto your morning. There was the fact that Fast and Furious 6 just began shooting, but that's not immediate in its sadness since it is an ever present tragedy churning beneath the movie industry. I do not believe that the Fast and the Furious franchise ever stops filming. Somewhere, some desperate second tier director is filming Paul Walker in a car every second of every day. But Rush Hour 4, that's new terrible news. If Fast and the Furious is the suspicious mole that's always been on your arm, Rush Hour 4 is the mole you had removed from your other arm suddenly regrowing overnight like a mutant mushroom.

Then there was the fact that Masters of the Universe is in talks for a reboot. Yes, a studio is going to spend $100 million making a gritty live action film out of the children's cartoon already smeared by Dolph Lundgren. I loved He-Man when I was a kid. When I was five, my mom helped me write a letter to the local television station asking them to put it on the air because I loved the toys so much. "Dear Sir or Madam" took up the first three lines, though I hadn't the slightest clue what that meant. And a few weeks later, it was on the air, and I told everyone at school, that it was because of my letter. I wish I had still believed in words enough to write another letter telling them to kill their scripts with fire. But that doesn't make me as sad as Rush Hour 4, because at least He-Man is explicable in the sense that Hollywood will always return to old genre franchises that haven't been touched in decades.

Rush Hour 4, mother of god. Chris Tucker, I understand, you really have nothing else to do and it's not like The Fifth Element is paying you much in the way of residuals. But Jackie Chan? You're an institution man, did you seriously not save any of those paychecks over the years? Is it a cultural thing where you have gotten the confused impression that these films are great art?

Here's what producer Arthur Sarkissian had to say about this aneurysm of stupidity:

I am working on Rush Hour 4 right now with Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan. I'm trying to do it closer to how I did Rush Hour 1, more down to earth, more gritty, introduce two new characters and make it real the way the first one was. I personally was not happy with the third one. I thought 1 and 2 were very good. I think 3 got out of hand a little bit. It's not a matter of just bringing them back to do another segment of that or a sequel to it by putting them in another city and having them bicker. I don't want that. I want something new.

Something new? How about not making the fourth installment of a one joke franchise that was stale before the trailers finished rolling at the premier of the first film?

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Rubble44

    I would ask you if we as a society have become so devoid of new ideas that we have to go back to this festering sinkhole of a story, but in a world where Kristen Stewart is the top grossing actress, where the most popular book is thinly veiled porn and the most recognized family in America is famous because one of the daughters was used as a toilet by a C level rapper, then why not? Someone dig up Chris Tucker and tell Brett Ratner to put the cocaine filled Twinkies down and let's do this!!!!

    I'm sure it will be shown in a double feature with Ow, My Balls, starring Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Katherine Heigl, Kate Hudson and featuring Robin Williams as a manic flabbledebloo.

  • I'm guessing the pay checks have been swapped and this time it's Jackie Chan who gets the 20 mil. As it should be.

  • David Sorenson

    Maybe Jackie tried to say "no," but they couldn't understand the words that were coming outta his mouth.

    I thought I'd be happier with that joke, but typing it made me feel kinda sad. If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go sit in the corner and cry for a while.

  • TheAggroCraig

    In the same paragraph, an ostensibly rational-thinking human being said "I am working on Rush Hour 4" and "I want something new". We share a planet with that man. He breathes our oxygen.

  • hapl0

    It’s not a matter of just bringing them back to do another segment of that or a sequel to it by putting them in another city and having them bicker. I don’t want that. I want something new.

    They're not going to be in a city and they're not going to fight's going to be a rom-com set in a police station except instead of fighting over one chick, they'll be helping each other to score two chicks?

    Seriously, the first one was great in its day. The third one with the alternate timeline Soo Yung still makes me want to choke a puppy. Did they even watch the first movie when they wrote her up?

  • Green Lantern

    No, Jackie Chan. Just...just no. BAD JACKIE CHAN!!

  • Bert_McGurt

    I think the problem with this franchise comes from the writers misunderstanding "Rush Hour" as their script-writing directions rather than the title.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Hollywood needs to place a moratorium on the word "gritty." I do not think it means what they think it means.

  • competitivenonfiction

    I think it's like saying you're an aloof person or announcing that you're quiet to a large group of people. If you have to say it, you probably don't fit the bill.

  • The Other Agent Johnson


  • Nadine

    I ma far more hung up on the Masters of the Universe reboot. WHAT CAN POSSIBLY HAPPEN?!

  • Ley

    How many times can Jackie Chan not want any trouble?

  • Ted Pikul

    Well, he's actually played the hapless everyman since the 80's.

  • manting

    you are forgetting that Brett (worst dir in hollywood) Rattner (uwe boll without the wierd imagaination) dir the first couple. Is he dir this one? Jackie Chan has been misused and misunderstood by american film makers since the 1980'2 (see the protector with Danny Aielo or the Battlecreek Brawl to know what i mean) Also didnt Jackie retire from action movies like 6 months ago. I swear he put out a statement.

  • gp

    i love that there is a linked article at the bottom there for why chan hates the franchise.

    also, a new live-action MOtU would be WELCOMED. but please, no cox.

  • BarbadoSlim

    WHy is this happening? Why are people still going to seethe Rush Hour franchise?

  • pajiba

    SLIM: Are you back for good, or are you just on some kind of work vacation? Either way, it's good to have you, boss.

  • BarbadoSlim

    hopefully it's for good.

  • TK

    Welcome back. Come downstairs, I got something to show you.

  • BarbadoSlim

    Im not falling for that....err is it it beer?

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