December 4, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | December 4, 2008 |


Old-school rock n’ roll fans, I have some news that 1) is gonna make you feel old, and 2) is gonna make you wanna pull some emo chick’s pony tail and gouge out her eyes. They are making a movie based on The Runaways, the first all-girl Rock n’ Roll band, fronted by Joan Jett (embarrassing side note: I had no idea Lita Ford was a member). So, a Joan Jett movie, right? Sounds intriguing. They’re going to get a seasoned Boomer director with a lot of music knowledge, a scurvy-ish nobody to play Jett, and they’re gonna air the biopic on HBO, right?

Wrong.

It’s theatrical, baby. And not only is it being written and directed by a music-video director, Floria Sigismondi (best known for her video for Marilyn Manson’s “Beautiful People,”) but get who they’re casting as Jett? Kristen Stewart! Little Miss Emo Virgin Vampire Lover. You know what would happen if Joan Jett in 1975 met Kristen Stewart in 2008? I dunno, but I bet Stewart would walk away with tattoo imprint all over her face. Joan Jett will take a shit on your bed, folks! And then she will preggo your eggo pop your food baby with her teeth. (Sorry, Juno is on in the background).

Dude. Stupid casting. Do you have any idea how horribly annoying and vacant Stewart is? Watch this:

See what I mean?

Would’ve killed you to ask Ellen Page?

Also, is it true that Carmen Elektra and Joan Jett are girlfriends? Cause that’s kind of cool.

Also, while we’re on the subject of Twilight stars ruining cultural figures, here’s the trailer for Little Ashes. In it, the big-haired pasty dude from Twilight plays Salvador Dali. Watch it and weep.


No! Take It Out. Take It Out NOW / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 4, 2008 | Comments ()






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