The Rise of the Apocadouche: It's Lawsuit Wednesday in Bad Television Land
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The Rise of the Apocadouche: It's Lawsuit Wednesday in Bad Television Land

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | December 12, 2012 | Comments ()


Symmetric dates must be to lawyers what full moons are to werewolves, because everybody with a briefcase and cab fare to the Los Angeles County Court House has filed a lawsuit linked to bad television.

First up, "Storage Wars" has fired one of its participants (Dave Hester) for complaining to the media that the show was "a fraud" because producers get into the storage lockers in advance and put good stuff in there. I am shocked. Shocked and appalled. When asked if he is aware of the phrase "biting the hand that feeds him" Hester would only repeatedly say "yuuup" like a a brain damaged Budweiser frog. He is suing A&E, presumably paying for lawyers with all of the piles of totally non-fraudulent money he has from the show.

(source: CinemaBlend)

Next up is an actress referred to only by her first name and last initial ("Anne G", because that will make her totally anonymous in the world of IMDB) has filed a lawsuit against Cinemax for forcing her into humiliating simulated sex acts and nudity on the set of "Femme Fatales." There are a lot of easy punchlines involving variations on pointing out that "humiliating simulated sex acts and nudity" is the TiVo description of "Femme Fatales," but the details are over the top douchey. For instance, refusing to have a closed set for nude scenes despite union rules to that effect combined with being told that if the shirt doesn't come off the show will sue the actress for $100,000 for breach of contract. But hey, I guess we have a front runner for the Joe Francis memorial award for Biggest Douche in the Universe.

(source: THR)

In less skeevy news, "Pawn Stars" is being sued by an agent who claims that the "stars" of the show were steered to a different agent by the History Channel, and ... well sorry, I lost my train of thought in the article when I saw that the suit is for $5 million in lost income, and I don't want to read an article that tells me a world exists where the History Channel pays pawn shop owners millions of dollars.

(source: THR)

Oh, wonderful, we're back to skeevy news. Brandi Passante of "Storage Wars" fame (and I use the term as loosely as Cinemax's morals) is suing Hunter Moore, professional twat waffle, for using her image and name in order to sell a pornographic tape presumably featuring someone who vaguely looks like her. I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the apocalyptic douchery needed to do this in the first place, or the fact that there is a market for it at all. Congratulations Mr. Moore, you are the Apocadouche.

(source: THR)

It's often said in pointless lawsuits that the only winners are the lawyers, and while that's hardly something to root for in general, in this case it might be that the lawyers will end up with all the money at the end and strip several terrible television franchises dry.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Buck Forty

    I'm still waiting for the exposé on Simon Cowell/X Factor. I've never taken it too seriously*, but was dumbfounded to watch Fifth Dimension get 'saved' by the judges in the sing off last week. This is the same group who LA Reid dissed almost every week, and Demi Lovato was generally equally 'meh' about, but after a not so subtle speech from Cowell about how they deserved to be saved both Reid and Lovato 'saved' 5th Dimension and sent Diamond White home. If Cowell is upset that Emblem 3 were sent packing this week he needs to learn that karma is a bitch and you can only mess with the universe so much.

    *yes, I'm aware everything I said after the * negates what I said before it. But look at the tapes people, the fix is in. LOOK AT THE TAPES!

  • ghisent

    You could have saved yourself some time and just wrote "Everyone sucks, all the time" and then gone on to have a nice cold beverage. Would have had the same reaction from me.

  • Uriah_Creep

    "Everyone sucks, all the time"

    Isn't that TLC's new slogan? Or is it A&E?

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Why are you blaming poor Dave for just trying to bring a little integrity to the Storage Wars. If Storage Wars is ever going to become a Nationally recognized sport, then we need to stop the rampant false doping that is going on in the game. Dave is a hero for coming forward and trying to just let the players compete. Let the best Storage Warrior win. We don't need these kind of crazy hidden "treasures" infecting the sport. Let the lockers be.
    There is so much drama already inherent in digging through other peoples unwanted trash, hiding newspapers with Elivs' death on them, or Mini Coopers just cheapens it for everyone. I am sure the sport would be able to do just fine without the Producers interfering. I am trying to start a Storage War's League in my own town, and I certainly would not want someone coming in and hiding valuable stuff in the junk we are looking through. It would just be wrong, and is contrary to everything the sport stands for. So, I say, support Dave. And if he wants a new League to compete in, he should message me.

  • Groundloop

    I'm actually surprised there aren't more lawsuits involving the backroom dealings on reality shows. I'm also surprised that there isn't (yet) a reality show about reality show based lawsuits.

  • e jerry powell

    Storage Hunters, Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, Hardcore Pawn.

    It's a race to the bottom for basic cable, and History, A&E, and truTV are all starting to blend together in the cesspool.

  • BlackRabbit

    I'm pleased by the phrase "twat waffle." That's all I got.

  • Mrcreosote

    So you're surprised that the people who watch storage wars to see people rummage through abandoned lockers for pricey "artifacts" cross pollinate with people who like sleazy reality pron? I'm kind of surprised that there isn't a show called "Porn star storage wars" where scantily clad women bid on, then delve into lockers in search of merchandise they can sell.
    Wait, that may already be on Spike.

  • Maguita NYC

    I was thinking "Happy Endings" would be a more appropriate title for your show, but apparently abc has already stolen your idea.

  • Mrcreosote

    oh, there would be no happy endings. The show should be called "Everyone loses".

  • Maguita NYC

    ..? I meant "happy ending"... as in dirty massage parlor tricks in reference to your porn stars reality whore-ders type show.

  • Mrcreosote

    Oh I know about the massage parlour least I've HEARD about that. Spike is basic cable however it wouldn't fly-"Whore-dors" though. That's a name!

  • And Max would totally try to make this show.

  • Fredo

    I noticed that none of the shows you mention are ever seen by me. I don't know if I should feel smug about that or feel sorry for you that you have to know who d-bag C from "Storage Wars" is. That's valuable neuron real estate that's being taken up by junk knowledge.

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