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The Real Housewives of the Bible

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (14)

Real-Housewives-of-The-Bible.jpg

Some television show ideas just sound like “South Park” gags or articles from The Onion. This goes so far around terrible that it doesn’t wrap back around to entertaining, it actually loops terrible so many times that it strangles the very notion of quality within a vice of ever tightening tentacles. Ty Adams, who is CEO of the Heaven Network and the worst threat to America since bin Laden went snorkling, had this to announce about his network’s new show “The Real Housewives of the Bible”:

Because of the popularity of the reality shows we’ve seen of the other Real Housewives, I saw women that weren’t able to stabilize their own relationships, and we get to see this aired on screen and yet we don’t see any solutions as to the problems they’re facing. I want people to understand how it feels again to fall in love. I wanted to showcase women who are having issues in relationships just like you see on these reality shows because this is real life. We’re not afraid to face those tough issues and so we wanted to not necessarily pick the perfect person who had everything, we wanted to find the hard issues and see how people work this out where you can really grasp the essence of what love and true love in relationships is.

I have only two shining lights of good news here. First, I can’t find any actual website or information about this so-called “Heaven Network” so I’m cautiously optimistic that somebody is just sending fake PR releases out. That sounds like fun actually, I’ve got an endless capacity for fake email addresses and bad ideas, so maybe I’ll see if I can make the front page of THR. I’ll keep you posted.

Second, I smell a TK real time review.

(source: )









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Comments

I love how every time a terrible idea for a movie or TV show is kicked around, one of the first things people around here think of is, "Let's make TK do it." No wonder he hates everything.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 13, 2011 10:15 AM

Like we could help TK with that Socrates.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 13, 2011 10:23 AM

Real Housewives of the Bible? So, like, Rachel and Zipporah and such?

Posted by: Todd at July 13, 2011 10:33 AM

SPOILER: Mrs. Lot doesn't make it to season 2.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 13, 2011 10:55 AM

She doesget a spinoff cooking show though.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 13, 2011 10:56 AM

I was going to say something and now I forget what it was cause Mrcreosote's comment made me snork so hard it erased it.

Oh wait, I remember what it was ...

I'm down with this because there must have been a lot of fucking in the Bible to get all those "begats." IIRC, God told Abraham his descendants would be as numerous as the sands on the beach, and Job had seven sons and three daughters killed in a building collapse, and after he lost everything and was proved faithful and everything was restored to him, God gave him twice what he had before.

Do THAT math.

So with any luck this will be porn.

*crosses fingers*

Posted by: , at July 13, 2011 11:44 AM

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, make TK do the real time review!!

Posted by: Mr. Yuck at July 13, 2011 11:47 AM

I think all of the inbreeding has just made us less fertile now-a-days. All of those people in the bible are CRAZY old to, so this is one of the few pornos I would not be interested in. Well, unless I'm in the right mood.

(Speaking of which, how have the "This Ain't ______ XXX" people not gotten in on the whole Real Housewives thing? I mean that pretty much writes itself, more than porns usually do.)

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 13, 2011 11:52 AM

can't wait to hear what Mrs. Abraham has to say about that little father-son outing Abraham took with Isaac.

Posted by: klingonfree at July 13, 2011 3:52 PM

Do you think they'll include ALL the wives? Because Solomon would make that fairly interesting, seeing as he had 700 of them. Also, do concubines count? He had 300 of those.

What about handmaids? Do we get a Hagar sub-plot?

Personally, I look forward to how they make things "resolve" for Tamar after her brother rapes her and her dad does nothing about it. Because that's a feel-good family story...

Posted by: Reba at July 13, 2011 4:02 PM

As the representative pastor's wife in these here parts, I think this could be an awesome night of wining and snobbery. Besides, I need a job.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at July 13, 2011 5:42 PM

Oh my Lord, I can't wait to see the drama between Rachel and Leah unfold.

Posted by: Alwyn at July 13, 2011 5:47 PM

Lot and his daughters! Let there be Incest!

Posted by: The Wanderer at July 13, 2011 6:03 PM

See, like I said the entire Lot family is just spicy.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 13, 2011 9:14 PM