Pajiba

You know you guys keep insinuating that Clay Aiken is gay, I'm sorry but I just don't see it.

If we're ever going to reach a saturation point for superhero movies, I'm guessing this is it.

Clee Shay, the gays already have Northstar. First openly gay superhero.

Of course, Marvel killed him off in every universe he was in, so maybe a new gay superhero is needed after all.

That's Clay Aiken? I thought it was a very gay man.

He wears skintight purple and works out of the African jungle. He also has no superpowers,...

So he's going to bash supervillains with his purple man junk?

How about a sequel to "The Shadow" too?

Actually Sam Raimi finally got the rights to it and is working on a remake.

I don't know know if any of you cubicle monkeys have actually seen it, but the original Shadow movie, with Alec Baldwin in his last performance with his name above the title, is one of the GAYEST movies of all time.

Seriously. You think purple spandex makes the gay? How about about where the entire film the lead is traiding homo-erotic quips with the bad guy.

I can imagine the pitch meeting. "Alec, we're gonna make a movie about a dark, possibly homocidal and schizo super hero who wears a trench coat, causes men to go crazy, and was the inspiration to Batman."
"sounds good."
"but wait, there's more. We're gonna make him queerer than a three dollar bill. And not in the harmless, delighful Liberace-style gay. No, we're gonna make him scary gay. Truck-stop handjob gay. Al Pacino in Cruising gay. Last Exit to Brooklyn Gay. Getting gang-raped in the shoulder-blades in a turkish prison gay."
"..."
"Either you do this, or you get to spend the next six months at home with Kim."
"Sigh. Only if there's a sequel."

Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson has the package and the total package to pull off the purple body suit.

And if wrestlers are fair game for this dreck, may I suggest that the man known as "Batista" could fill the purple suit -- though he might be overkill for the long and lean Phantom.

You know: the Phantom is really a super-sleuth or an "Indiana Jones" type guy -- a myth-buster who is saving the local savages from their own superstitious nature from the opportunitistic white man. Totally racist premise; totally low-key in spite of the lilac britches. I have no idea why anyone wants to make a movie out of this. It would make a better two-part episode of "Venture Brothers"/.

You could almost say this is a Phantom--let me finish--menace.

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

Ack! Branded beat me to it!

Yeah, no superpower, but he wears a RING!

(Which also has no superpowers.)

Some superheros shouldn't be resurrected.

Yeah, no superpower, but he wears a RING!

(Which also has no superpowers.)

Wait... I don't... Forgive my superhero ignorance, but he has no superhuman strength? Or superhuman speed? He can't fly? Or like, jump really far, or talk to the animals or anything? Weak!

Wearing ugly clothes and garish accessories does not make one a superhero. It just doesn't. Because if it does, Mary Kate Olsen is the greatest hero our world has ever known.

Read Kick-Ass, Clee Shay. You'd never think a superhero that has no abilities would be so damned awesome, but he is.

Then again, who's Batman besides someone dressed in ugly clothes with garish accessories?

Then again, who's Batman besides someone dressed in ugly clothes with garish accessories?

Touche, perhaps, except that Batman's garish accessories actually do some shit. And his outfit, while arguably the end result of abandonment issues that went unchecked, is at the very least not purple. I can't imagine in whose heart the Phantom's costume might strike fear, except for maybe the Boy Scouts organization.

Also, I have Amazoned this book you recommend, thank you.

The first Phantom movie was written by Jeffrey Boam of Brisco County jr., Lost Boys, Innerspace and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade fame.
It actually was a really fun movie with Treat Williams chewing the scenery in fine style and Catherine Zeta Jones looking painfully hot. Hell, it even had Patrick McGoohan in it.

The Phantom is a dynasty of no-powers superheroes who like shooting their enemies with a pair of .pistols. Punching them in the face has always been a secondary pleasure.
Their favorite foes have always been pirates as the dynasty was started by a cabin boy who was the sole survivor of a pirate attack in the 16th century.

Incidentally the comic strip started in 1936, which means he beat Batman to print by three years.

They are set to make a more serious approach to the character, similar to Nolan's approach with The Dark Knight.

A man who wears a Grape Ape-purple body condom and a domino mask and rides a white horse through the African jungles, dispensing two-gun justice... Yeah, that's crying out for a "more serious approach."

Weird as it may sound, there is a market for this. "The Phantom" is huge in Scandinavia and a few other places around the world. For real. The original "Phantom" movie may have tanked in the U.S., but I'd bet a year's worth of back hair that it turned a fat profit in Europe.

The original movie had its charms, too. Midway through the movie, Our Hero is about to be led off to be murdered by a pair of thugs. Catherine Zeta-Jones, playing a sexually voracious sky pirate, eyes Billy Zane and declares, in full vamp voice, "I get the body when you're done."

Oh hell yes.