The Next Best Thing to Rocky 7
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The Next Best Thing to Rocky 7

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | October 15, 2012 | Comments ()


I had never seen any of the Rocky movies until around age 25, when I saw all five of them in one week in the evenings when AMC played one each night for five nights running. And boy was Friday night disappointing. How do you top Mr. T and Ivan Drago? Apparently you don't. For all the absurdity of the sixth movie, at least it will allow AMC to run that five night marathon again while just leaving out the fifth one.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that's why the sixth one was entitled Rocky Balboa with no Roman numeral. It gives plausible deniability to the very existence of the fifth movie. Call it Rocky VI and it implies there's a fifth. And no one wants to remember that movie.

But Stallone just can't get enough of the little shorts and the giant red gloves. So even though he's not doing another Rocky (yet), he's going to oil up that beef jerky for another fifteen rounds plus montages in a project called Grudge Match.

But now Stallone is going to drag De Niro down with him into his narcissistic day dream of a senior citizen professionally boxing. The two will play aging boxers who climb into the ring "one last time." Grudge Match is supposed to be a comedy, so at least they're not trying to sell us grandpa gladiators with a straight face.

Look, Stallone is in better shape than I've ever been in my life. I am under no illusions that he couldn't kick my ass. But that doesn't mean I need to see his old man nipples one last time.

(source: SlashFilm)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • bleujayone

    From our home office in Belchertown, Massachusetts...Top 10 alternative names for Grudge Match...

    10. "Stop! My Grand-paw's A Palooka!"
    9. Glass Jaws
    8. Rope-2-Dopes
    7. Bob & Hair Weave
    6. Faded Careers
    5. Liver Spot Shot
    4. Meet the Brawlers
    3. A Bout of Arthritis
    2. WBA-AARP
    1. Sucker Punch 2

  • TK

    I love that someone referenced Belchertown. It's my second favorite Massachusetts town name, second only to Athol.

  • Groundloop

    I think I liked the idea for this movie more when it was an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

  • ghisent

    But that doesn’t mean I need to see his old man nipples one last time.

    So, that's what my blueberry muffin looks like when it comes back up. Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

  • MikeRoorda

    It's been proven by science and stuff that watching all of the Rocky movies and the Rambo movies in the same weekend can lead to a terrifying condition known as "Early Onset Puberty." Kids in suburbs around the US have started watching the films in groups and while staying over at their friend's houses. Back hair, larger testicles and deeper voices are sweeping the nations youths. "Rockbowing" is real, and it is a threat. Are you noticing facial hair on young Timmy? Is little Barry performing ever more impressive feats of strength? If so, it might already be too late. Talk to your kids. Ask questions. Above all, make sure you know what they're getting out of the Redbox kiosk at the mall. Remember, responsible parents don't leave their kids alone with a Netflix account in the basement.

  • zeke_the_pig

    I'm still yet to see a single Rocky or a single Rambo and you know what, it's gonna stay that way. zeke just don't give a shit.

  • Dragonchild

    It's strange how the old movie franchises became better known by their sequels. "First Blood" is about a soldier-turned-drifter's stateside struggles that eventually turn violent. "Rocky" is actually a character drama complete with a love story and lots of moping about. I wouldn't call them GREAT movies, but they're not the action-packed shlock that defined the franchises. Taken as stand-alone movies, you could do a lot worse.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Well reasoned and convincing. Alright, dude, I'll give 'em a shot. Gives me some hangover viewing for this weekend.

  • ghisent

    Exactly. In fact, First Blood also has a fair bit of commentary about the aftermath of Vietnam and the sometimes bitter reception that veterans received.

  • ghisent

    I will readily admit that the first Rocky flick is pretty good, and the first Rambo (First Blood) is actually really good.

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