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Save Your Children from the Liberals: The Muppets is Anti-American Propoganda

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)

kermit-copy-640x480.jpg

Fox News has long been the sole bastion protecting American values from a godless and cruel liberal atheist muslim fundamentalist communism at the heart of Hollywood. And so it is with a sad heart that we learn this morning why Kermit and company aren’t doing better at the box office: they’re simply anti-American.

You see, it turns out that the entire film is a thinly veiled allegory demonizing the oil industry, which as any loyal American knows, is akin to pissing on the Constitution. Did you know that the sixth amendment declares that oil companies are the fourth branch of government? It’s right after the part about how Washington’s wooden teeth get the tie breaking vote in cases where the entire Supreme Court gets syphilis.

Here’s Fox News getting to the heart of the Muppet cancer:

If this isn’t performance art demonstrating the rock bottom to which news can fall, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.









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Comments

"Are there any Occupy Wallstreet Muppets?"
"Uh, there should be!"

Yes, because that would make it easier to convince people of your insanity, you drooling, insane fuck-tard.

Posted by: superasente at December 6, 2011 10:19 AM

I love this. I keep trying to think of a clever way to caricature it in a comment, but I don't think I can do it. It's already a caricature of itself.

Every time Fox News accuses someone else of brainwashing an angel shits itself with laughter.

Posted by: Pfft at December 6, 2011 10:28 AM

Yes! Obviously!

Also John McLane shot a German dude, but only after the German dude shot the Japanese dude! Everybody knows that's the real story behind WWII - Hollywood is sending us a message, people! You're just too blind to see it!

Even Fox News is too blind to see it! They've only glimpsed the Muppet of the iceberg!

Only Adam Sandler can now save us from our collective blindness!

Posted by: zeke the pig at December 6, 2011 10:28 AM

In Soviet Russia, Muppets control YOU.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 6, 2011 10:38 AM


Bill O'Reilly wrote a children's book and it's the Muppets who are brainwashing children.

The more I think about it, the more I think it actually is performance art. Is it possible Fox News has just been pulling a Colbert this whole time?

Comic genius.

Posted by: Pfft at December 6, 2011 10:39 AM

"I thought 'Sesame Street' was supposed to be about sharing...but over the years it's gotten more liberal."

Wait. Isn't "sharing" just another term for "redistribution?" Gasp!

And... hold on. Isn't "Sesame Street" on PBS? The same institution that Fox News claims is bankrupting the U.S. economy and therefore needs to be cut? Double gasp!

Next thing you know they're gonna tell us The Wizard of Oz is some kind of allegory for supporting unions or somesuch other anti-American thing. Huh? It is? Triple gasp!

And yeah, being anti-military and anti-corporate greed is obviously a reason why some movies don't do well. That Avatar P.O.S. didn't make any money at the box office did it, with its caricatures of conservative villainy and placing environmentalism on a pedestal? Oh, hell, you know the drill... Quadruple gasp!

It's like they don't even know what they're supposed to be talking about, anymore.

Posted by: RobP at December 6, 2011 10:40 AM

I love how being opposed to oil is anti-American. Because a century of oil lobbying that produced such foreign policy gems as arming the Mujahideen that would later become the Taliban, or putting Saddam Hussein into power because it he was sympathetic to US interests at the time, has turned out so fucking wonderful for our country and hasn't cost us thousands of US military deaths trying to un-fuck.

If we can to re-invade Iraq twice in as many decades, without doing a thing about North Korea and an oppressed, starving people, then it's no longer about liberty, or democracy, or human rights.

Posted by: Markus at December 6, 2011 10:46 AM

The character's name was TEX RICHMAN. COME ON. And he wanted to drill for oil IN THE MIDDLE OF LOS ANGELES. It couldn't be more cartoonish. UGH

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 6, 2011 10:51 AM

And when Snidley Whiplash runs for President they'll cheer.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at December 6, 2011 10:52 AM

I, for one, welcome the hand-in-ass rule of our new Communist overlords.

Posted by: admin at December 6, 2011 10:53 AM

huh, i'm republican with libertarian tendencies who thoroughly enjoyed the movie and didn't get the reference until just now. texas oilmen have historically been the bad guy in hollywood. the thought that there is oil in the middle of hollywood is ridiculous to begin with, but the muppets aren't out to punish big oil, they just want their theatre back. i suppose you can make the connection if you need to, but you could just look at it like an old school underdog wins flick. but i guess i'm a stupid republican and hollywood got me with this one.

Posted by: jen at December 6, 2011 11:03 AM

In other news, the pot is calling the kettle black.

Posted by: FoZrpl at December 6, 2011 11:05 AM

I remember when I was a little kid, we were poor -- we were dead broke, in fact -- and my parents would see someone wealthy driving by and be like, "you see that guy? He started a business. He worked hard. You could be like that some day."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Posted by: Colin at December 6, 2011 11:07 AM

Our kids are being forced (FORCED I SAY!) to watch characters like Animal, who is clearly into BDSM. Also, has anyone checked Pepe's immigration status?

Hey, Swedish Chef! This is America, where we speak (kinda) ENGLISH!

Posted by: Jast at December 6, 2011 11:11 AM

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 6, 2011 11:16 AM

Sometimes there is no agenda. Sometimes there is just entertainment. Not everything has to be shot through the filer of left/right, conserative/liberal, Godly/secular, etc. We generally all like ice cream, right? Beer, beer is pretty good, or perhaps wine if you're not into the whole hops thing. And chocolate, that kicks ass, right? Corgis, and various Corgi related videos, those brighten up everyone's day, correct? It's gotta be a slow fucking news day to attack the muppets, right? Are people who drill for oil really hurt by this? Are they muppet sensitive? If so, then perhaps a litle felt therapy-Can you show me on this puppet where..DAMN IT!!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at December 6, 2011 11:28 AM

Did they bring up the fact that Tex Richman is a (presumably heterosexual) white male, who is obviously the most discriminated against group in America. Versus the Muppets who come in all colors and shapes (including pink & purple--it's a secret gay agenda to brainwash the children to make them homosexual--wake up America!).

Posted by: True_Blue at December 6, 2011 11:37 AM


What I love most about this is that they are apparently oblivious to the fact that Disney owns The Muppets. Yes, the rabidly anti-communist mega-corporation Disney that has squeezed every possible commercial dollar out this franchise in every possible way and has a long history of conservatism is now an evil liberal foil. It's just beautiful. I'll bet Walt is about to unfreeze himself in rage at the insult.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 6, 2011 11:45 AM

Faux News didn't say shit about Daniel Day-Lewis as the embodiment of capitalism in There Will be Blood, 'cause they knew he'd go all Bill the Butcher on their asses.
Soft cuddly puppets, that's ok.

A funny pic for your viewing pleasure

Posted by: dorquemada at December 6, 2011 12:05 PM

Thanks Three-Nineteen I was just about to go search for some pics of the LaBrea Tar Pits. There's no oil in LA indeed.

Posted by: Zombie Mrs Smith at December 6, 2011 12:27 PM

Will someone please think of the poor oilman. He's just trying to get us to the hospital with his sweet sweet crude, and we are so ungrateful for his efforts despite his only compensation being a billion dollars.

Posted by: John G. at December 6, 2011 12:33 PM

Wow.....I just....wow...... did I really hear two Fox News commentators chastise the Muppets
because there is no such thing as rich oil exective villains?

like I said.....wow

Posted by: kirbyjay at December 6, 2011 1:00 PM

Well, if anyone would know about insidious brainwashing of the American public by puppets of a huge multi-national entertainment company, it's Fox News.

I guess this finally answers my long-held question of just what the hell is up Bill O'Reilly's ass.

Posted by: Bert at December 6, 2011 1:03 PM

I posted this rant on the original review:
---
If I were a wealthy man, I'd like to think I'd endeavor to be kind and generous and giving; at the very least, I'd make an effort not to be evil.

So, why is my imaginary wealthy self always -- GODDAMN ALWAYS -- portrayed in movies as evil? Why couldn't it simply be that the revenues from the theater don't match the expenses, that the boiler or the roof needs to be replaced and there's just not enough money for that, which is what happened to the fucking movie theater in my town that wasn't a megaplex and probably would have shown "Take Shelter" by now while the Carmike and Hollywood fuckaplexes can't be fucking bothered?

Or why couldn't a generous wealthy man or woman make a huge donation to save the theater? And the Muppets could put his/her name on the theater:

,politan Theater

Like that?

GOD DAMN and mother FUCK you all for making me pissed about a Muppet movie.

Posted by: , at November 24, 2011 2:48 AM
---
I'm thinking FOX owes me. I'll be contacting Dustin, my intellectual property attorney, forthwith.

Posted by: , at December 6, 2011 1:57 PM

I'm thinking FOX owes me. I'll be contacting Dustin, my intellectual property attorney, forthwith.

Posted by: , at December 6, 2011 1:57 PM

You need to be careful using the word "intellectual" in any association with Fox News.

Posted by: Bert at December 6, 2011 2:10 PM

@Bert: wonderful. Just, wonderful.

@...um, ",": It isn't GODDAMN ALWAYS. Sometimes it's a place or person representing the Hollywood Fuckaplexes you mentioned. In movies like Dodgeball, among thousands of others, the underdog is facing off against a large, corporate chain. Either way it's corporate, and I think the joke in The Muppets, especially naming him Tex Richman, was to have the most cliched villain possible because it really didn't matter who the villain was, the movie is about the Muppets and the villain is just an excuse to get them all together. The arrogant oil man who wants to buy a beloved local property but doesn't care about the product because he wants to get at what's in the land is so cliched at this point only a Muppet comedy can use him.

Either way, though, corporate America is, in film and in our daily lives, usually the reason for why mom & pop organizations and even smaller corporations go out of business. I can't go to a CD store anymore not because of mp3's, but because Wal-Mart is the #1 seller of CDs in America. Barnes & Nobles made mall bookstores and corner bookstores, and even Borders megastores, irrelevant and put them out of business. Even as I go to the B & N for books, I'm saddened by the thought that I helped put the smaller ones down.

Posted by: puppetDoug at December 6, 2011 2:24 PM

Comma:

If the Muppet movie included a super rich guy who engaged in philanthropy, Fox News would scream that it was another example of liberal Hollywood lionizing Warren Buffet and suggesting to children that there was something wrong with capitalists holding on to their money.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 6, 2011 2:40 PM

Either way, though, corporate America is, in film and in our daily lives, usually the reason for why mom & pop organizations and even smaller corporations go out of business.
---
Also the reason millions of Americans have jobs. I mean, the Barnes & Noble and the Walmart in your town hire and pay ... (wait for it) ... people who live in your town, right? And I really doubt they pay a whole lot worse or provide much worse benefits than the mom-and-pop places we (and I include myself) mourn, unless mom and pop were unionized. Looked at from a customer service POV, it's possible the mom-and-pops were more helpful and knew you better; but it's also likely they had a 10th the inventory or less that a B&N has and likely cost more too. And from an employee POV, I doubt it made a whole lot of difference in the wallet.

But I agree more or less with your larger sentiment. It's sad to see that era of Americana sort of pass by. I try to make up for it by spending my money in local, one-off, neighborhood bars rather than soulless chains whenever I can help it. A man's gotta take a stand SOMEwhere.

Posted by: , at December 6, 2011 6:38 PM

My issue is that they just don't let anyone speak at all.
Two to one, ranting and screaming, and they still come off like utter Twaits.
And yes, I made that word up, just for them.

Posted by: Odnon. at December 6, 2011 7:09 PM

This has to be an Onion thing, right?

Posted by: Inquisitive Mind at December 6, 2011 7:55 PM

I'm puzzled by Wikipedia information that suggests Andrea Tantaros was an escort. And I quote:

"Before that, Tantaros worked on Capitol Hill where she served as Press Secretary to Republican Leadership and an escort in the U.S. House of Representatives."

I mean ... sure it makes perfect sense, but wouldn't she want that kind of moonlighting gig hidden?

Posted by: Johnnyboy at December 6, 2011 8:29 PM

There's all these programs out there to take care of hungry kids. Why would that Muppet be starving?

What a good point. There's enough "evil liberal" programs that there is no such thing as a starving child. Stupid ignorant irritating fucking pile of festering dog bile. If I saw that woman on the street I would piss on her like she was on fire. Unless she actually WAS on fire. Then I'd use a shovel to stamp out every burning ember. Then piss on her. Then probably relight her. I'm not a fan, is what I'm saying.

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Posted by: kengao at December 6, 2011 10:43 PM

Wow, way to kill the thread there, kengao.

Posted by: elsie at December 7, 2011 8:12 AM