By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (61)
This is not an actor you’ll confuse with Michael Cera, Keanu Reeves, or Katherine Heigl.
My favorite: Brother, if only because What’s Eating Gilbert Grape is my favorite Johnny Depp movie.
(Source: Wild Ammo)
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Posted by: Jeremy at August 17, 2010 5:31 PM
Uh, I think I'll take all of them. No clothes.
Posted by: Jessica at August 17, 2010 5:41 PM
I'll settle for anything that doesn't involve a wig, scruffy facial hair or make-up.....which leaves me with what?
Posted by: PaddyDog at August 17, 2010 5:45 PM
He looks like Mike Patton in the chocolate eater one
Posted by: Steph at August 17, 2010 5:45 PM
I'll take Sea Gangster with a side of Greaser and maybe some Psychotic Writer #3 for dessert...
Posted by: SaucyWench at August 17, 2010 5:48 PM
I vote none.
Posted by: figgy at August 17, 2010 5:54 PM
Steph, I thought the same thing. If there were ever a Patton biopic (he'd have to become mainstream and then die tragically for that to ever happen so that won't be made) Depp would have to play him.
Posted by: Paul at August 17, 2010 6:10 PM
What movie did he play a tranny?
Posted by: Sad Rockstar at August 17, 2010 6:13 PM
@sad Rockstar: Schnabel's movie "before night falls"
Posted by: caro at August 17, 2010 6:18 PM
PaddyDog, I think that leaves you with PotDealer...which was going to be my choice. That pic has this whole Riggins vibe that I'm diggin.
Posted by: griffimx at August 17, 2010 6:19 PM
The "Chocolat" version.
From "21 Jump Street" to respected Hollywood icon, in about 20 years. Impressive.
Now please don't dump your adorable French wife for a gold digging Russian and then make ranting, racist phone calls, Johnny. Stay cool. You can do it. I believe in you.
Posted by: Slash at August 17, 2010 6:21 PM
Tea drinker, because it's one word away from a bagging.
Posted by: admin at August 17, 2010 6:22 PM
figgy clearly hates her vagina.
I'll take Emo Wolverine, thank you! Think of what he could do with his mouth since he lacks the use of his hands!
Ahem. Bunk. Me. Now.
Posted by: popejenn at August 17, 2010 6:31 PM
Joker.
Simply because I spy a nice suit below. And I can't resist a pretty man in a suit.
Posted by: Scully at August 17, 2010 6:37 PM
Steph, He really, really does. Now I will never get that connection out of my head.
Friend: "Pirates of the Caribbean was a pretty good movie, yeah?"
Me: "Shut the fuck up and help me find my Melvins album."
Posted by: the_wakeful at August 17, 2010 6:37 PM
uh...greaser, brother, pot smoker*.
HE IS HOTTER THAN HADES! I still have an open invite to that all night video game session, Johnny. I'll accept just talking if that's all I'll get.
*help me. this collection of words is gonna haunt.
Posted by: replica at August 17, 2010 6:47 PM
He looks like a wet rat.
Posted by: figgy at August 17, 2010 6:51 PM
Good, more wet rat for ME! The only one I really hate is Astronaut Johnny, but that's because it was his WORST MOVIE EVER. And he's been in some real stinkeroos.
He was Tranny in that movie about the Cuban gay dissident. He was also a sadistic prison warden in the same movie.
Posted by: Wednesday at August 17, 2010 6:58 PM
I hated Sleepy Hollow but my god is that man fine in his Ichabod Crane persona or what? When I was in school, Washington Irving never got me all hot and bothered. Who fucking even knew?
Posted by: gilgamd at August 17, 2010 7:04 PM
I'm with Dustin. (New campaign slogan.) Of all the pictures above, I vote Brother.
I also enjoyed What's Eating Gilbert Grape. "I could go at any time!"
Posted by: MM at August 17, 2010 7:06 PM
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again....mmmmm Johnny Depp. Bunk.
Posted by: Jadine at August 17, 2010 7:30 PM
Mmmm. Mmmm. Oh, what? I have to pick?? Shoot.
I think I'll have to go with Greaser with a chaser of Brother, because I also like my Johnny sans scrubby facial hair. Though, lets be honest, I doubt anyone would kick him out of bed in any of his incarnations.
And I say again...mmm.
Posted by: noodlestein at August 17, 2010 7:43 PM
I'll take Psychotic Writer #2 please.
Any man that can balance a spoon on his nose and still look dashing is clearly magical.
Posted by: gee. ay. at August 17, 2010 7:46 PM
Joker/Chocolate Eater.
Posted by: Cindy at August 17, 2010 8:16 PM
So where's Rape Apologist Johnny?
Posted by: Scarlett at August 17, 2010 8:19 PM
I got agree with "Brother". What's Eating Gilbert Grape is also MY favorite JD movie, but Benny and Joon (my second favorite) isn't on here. Where's "Illiterate Buster Keaton Wannabe" Johnny Depp?
Oh, and "Pot Dealer" Depp is so beautiful, even though I'm usually against men with highlights in their hair.
Posted by: lucy at August 17, 2010 8:27 PM
Johnny Depp is a borderline douchebag. He is overrated and has tried his whole life trying to channel river phoenix.
You might not want to admit this but its true so fuck you captain jack retard fucking lunatic sparrow
Posted by: Little johnny at August 17, 2010 9:13 PM
Donnie. Brasco.
Posted by: Greg! at August 17, 2010 9:30 PM
I'll take them all. But ESPECIALLY Emo Wolverine Johnny.
Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 17, 2010 9:34 PM
Little johnny seems to be trying to exit his dad's shadow by dispairaging him.
It's ok, Lil guy. That's what your psychiatrist's couch is for.
Posted by: popejenn at August 17, 2010 9:44 PM
AH'VE DAHCIDAHD TAH CHAHNGE MAH NAHME!
PAHPEJAHNN WAHS BAHRING AHND STAHPAHD.
Posted by: Spaghatta Nadle (formerly popejenn) at August 17, 2010 9:49 PM
Putting chocolate making and chocolate eater side by side is brilliant.
Psychotic director for me. Johnny Depp's frighteningly large teeth in Ed Wood deserve their own entry.
Posted by: Gigi&ThePonies at August 17, 2010 10:04 PM
Huh. My favorite's not in there. Where's "Lover" face from Don Juan de Marco? Yes, I own that movie.
I can't stop laughing at the "Emo Wolverine" name.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 17, 2010 10:16 PM
Based soley on the picture posted above, Chocolat eater. Cuz it looks like he's eating something else there.
Posted by: Viking at August 17, 2010 10:36 PM
Pot Dealer
Badass.
Posted by: sailboat at August 17, 2010 10:45 PM
Gilbert Grape first.
Second, You didn't include Mad Hatter from Alice. Oh, he was so diabolically weird/gorgeous, as he always is---yet creepy. OOOh. Yum (lick my salivatin' lips!
Posted by: Stinky at August 17, 2010 10:50 PM
Stinky, the Mad Hatter is included under "Tea Drinker" in the bottom row.
Posted by: Spaghatta Nadle (formerly popejenn) at August 17, 2010 11:56 PM
I gotta go with brother and pot dealer.
Anyone know which movie the joker is from? I'm drawing a blank on that one for some reason.
Posted by: Even Stevens at August 18, 2010 1:29 AM
Even Stevens it is the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus.
Posted by: Gigi&ThePonies at August 18, 2010 1:31 AM
I really had to laugh at "astronut."
Posted by: gelis at August 18, 2010 1:50 AM
Where's The Man who Cried?
@Steph: I'd take take both Patton and Chocolate Eater, possibly together.
Posted by: balenga at August 18, 2010 2:10 AM
Rogue Agent, he makes having his eyes gouged out look sexy.
Also Pot Smoker because I love Hunter Thompson.
Posted by: Uda at August 18, 2010 2:49 AM
This is incredibly funny but I do love me some Depp in costume so Sea Gangters.
#2. Psychotic writer 3- That hair and glasses. Swoon!
#3. Chocolate eater. Chocolate + Depp = Ahhh!
Posted by: Jean at August 18, 2010 4:41 AM
* All of the above.
Posted by: PissBoy at August 18, 2010 8:41 AM
I prefer "Bad Director" while wearing woman's clothing and doing the dance of the seven veils, or wearing his wife's angora sweater, whatever.
Posted by: BWeaves at August 18, 2010 8:52 AM
Emo Wolverine is now an integral part of my arsenal of insults.
And I want to be a Sea Gangster more than anything on Earth. Just rippin fools on the high seas with my mind on my booty and my booty on my mind.
Posted by: Kballs at August 18, 2010 9:40 AM
Where's Vietnam Soldier-Boy?
Posted by: Mattfactor at August 18, 2010 9:43 AM
I prefer Psychotic Writer #1, though I'm fairly certain he was an accountant in Dead Man, the literary name notwithstanding.
Posted by: hindulovegod at August 18, 2010 9:54 AM
noir pirate. I love a man in a good hat. WHY DID YOU MEN STOP WEARING HATS? Idiots.
Posted by: pickled tink at August 18, 2010 10:03 AM
The titles on these is too funny, I love seeing sea gangster next to noir pirate. Although for accuracy's sake, he was a Coke dealer, not a pot dealer in Blow (duh). I love most of these, what an insane collection of films he's been in!
But I gotta say, I have a soft spot for Greaser. I LOVE that Johnny Depp's been in a John Waters movie. CRRRRYYYYYYY BAAAAAAABBBBBYYYYY!
Posted by: valerie at August 18, 2010 10:23 AM
(Gets handed the menu)
Hello waiter. And how is your lovely wife doing? Great!
Okay, for right now I'm going to start with a large ice water with a 21 Jump Street twist, and with the meal you can just bring me some old thumb rings and hair ties; preferably heavy on the Chocolat, light on the Blow.
Annnnnnnd......
(Waiter waits patiently while I thumb through La Restaurante de Depp menu's pages)
You know what? What the hell! I had an ambrosia salad from Edward Scissorhands earlier, so I'm absolutely famished! Let's go all out tonight!
Ummm, I'll have two Sweeney Todd meat pies for an appetizer, and then the Carribean salted cod and hardtack for a main course, and I'll round it out with a mug of warm Chocolate Factory chocolate with a dish of gobstoppers and edible flowers.
Oh, and here's an extra $100,000. Find Depp himself because I want to take a bite out of his ass.
Posted by: scorzi at August 18, 2010 10:43 AM
Psychotic Writer #2 obviously. The spoon? Come on. That's great.
Posted by: buttercup at August 18, 2010 12:19 PM
uhh...Greaser please. duh.
Posted by: beet salad at August 18, 2010 12:38 PM
My favorite local boutique has a dressing room that is covered in Johnny Depp. I Love It! It's like Teen Beat barfed Johnny Depp all over a tiny little room. I go there to try on clothes just so I can bask in the Deppness.
So my vote is all of them. Where is Don Juan DeMarco?
Posted by: wsapnin at August 18, 2010 3:26 PM
Chocolate with a Noir Pirate chaser and a Rogue Agent for a midnight snack.
Posted by: rene at August 18, 2010 3:52 PM
Once a douchebag, always a douchebag.
Capiche
Posted by: gamma at August 18, 2010 4:06 PM
Chocolate eater please!!
yeah but he can eat whatever he wants...
Posted by: Wormer at August 18, 2010 5:24 PM
You know what? I'll take everthing, every-single-thing. Especially Chocolat-eater.
Posted by: Ilmarien at August 21, 2010 8:25 AM
@lucy - Second on "Benny & Joon"
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Posted by: wholesale fashion dresses at January 5, 2011 9:47 PM
I have never had more fun at the movie theatre than the time I went to see the first Jackass movie. I have also never seen a theatre have that much fun. This is great news.
My gf and I went to the second Jackass movie. There was a couple sitting next to us. As soon as the movie ended, the woman turned to the man and said "You are never doign this to me again".
Posted by: bleach cosplay at March 4, 2011 12:51 AM
I'm gonna go with Rogue Agent, just because I always thought that was a cool visual.