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Gandolf and Jesus Walk Into a Bar

I am neither a number nor a person / Seth Freilich

Trade News | February 5, 2009 | Comments (30)

AMC has been pumping out a bunch of videos in build-up to the premiere of its “The Prisoner” miniseries remake later this year. I’ve been cautiously optimistic about this thing since the casting was announced, and the following little Making Of video isn’t doing anything to change my cautious optimism.

Could “The Prisoner” complete the hat-trick AMC started with “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad?” Can’t wait to find out.

Mini comment diversion: give us a punchline to “Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar.”


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Comments

Merlin ducks.

Posted by: Eep at February 5, 2009 9:55 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Four pitchers of water later, they stumble out into the street singing.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 5, 2009 9:56 AM

Mojo Nixon thinks, "Fuckdamn, I'm gonna have to change the lyrics to that song."*

*-"Are You Drinkin' With Me, Jesus?"

Posted by: bugdaddy at February 5, 2009 10:00 AM

Gotta play both sides of the aisle when doing a Jesus joke:

For Democrats: Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. A hot blonde sees them sitting there, and shouts "I can't believe it!". Jesus smiles, turns to Gandalf and says, "Is she talking about you or me?"

For Republicans: Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. After a couple shot of Limoncello, he looks at him and slurs, "If all gays looked like you, I wouldn't have damned them".

For Athiests: Gandalf walks into a bar. That's pretty much it.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 5, 2009 10:03 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Seth Freilich looks up and says, "I think I'll misspell the first on just to be a dick."

Posted by: Joey at February 5, 2009 10:10 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Seth Freilich looks up and says, "I think I'll misspell the first *one just to be a dick."

And thus my attempt at comedy is lost.

Posted by: Joey at February 5, 2009 10:11 AM

Jesus and Gandalf walk into a bar. Jesus has a poodle under one arm, and Gandalf has a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Jesus says....

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 5, 2009 10:14 AM

Gee I don't know how much appeal this is gonna have considering it doesn't the "fantastic" Hillary Duff in it.

Could they at least cast someone who can do a split across... THE WHOLE FLOOR!! like Mel B?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 5, 2009 10:15 AM

Congratulations BSlim, you've drawn more traffic to Pajiba by mentioning Hilary Duff in the Prisoner thread. Not many people know it, but "Hilary Duff" and "Prisoner", when combined together, makes for the #3 most Googled term in 2008.

Yes, EXACTLY for the reasons you'd think.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 5, 2009 10:18 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. The bartender then charges 4 bucks a glass for water.

Anyone know a punchline to this one.

"A man walks into a gynecologist..."

Posted by: George at February 5, 2009 10:25 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Both try to order a drink, but the bartender only acknowledges Gandalf's order. Jesus is confused about the snub.

Gandalf responds, "I am Gandalf the White from Middle Earth, and you are Jesus the Jew from the Middle East."

Posted by: branded at February 5, 2009 10:41 AM

Jesus and Gandalf walk into a bar, but only Chuck Norris walks out.

Finger on the societal pulse, yessir.

Posted by: Eep at February 5, 2009 10:42 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Jesus says "Seriously, I was a fucking lion in that other series. But with you guys, the best I get is freaking Elijah Wood? What the fuck, man?".

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. They both say "Ow!"

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar in Atlanta. The bartender says "Dragon*Con is two blocks east, King of Glory is at the next MARTA station".

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Christopher Hitchens can't believe it.

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Gandalf says "so, your dad is Morgan Freeman?"

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. A drunk chick flashes them. Gandalf says to Jesus "Tell your dad nice work". Jesus says back "My dad is that douchebag surgeon from the E! channel?"

"A man walks into a gynecologist..."

The gynecologist says "Sorry, it's been years since I've been with a man."

Posted by: Vermillion at February 5, 2009 10:42 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Jesus spills a bottle of wine and suddenly there's blood everywhere.

Oh, yes. I did just go there.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 5, 2009 10:44 AM

If Gandalf walked into a bar, no one would notice Jesus.

Posted by: Cindy at February 5, 2009 10:54 AM

A man walks into a gynecologist, and remarks "Boy, did I see this one coming!"

Posted by: Mike R. at February 5, 2009 10:57 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar to have a drink and do some business.

Jesus says, "I have a business proposition for you. I have some 'friends' who have this act. You're good at PR, so I think you could help us really sell this to the public."

Gandalf says, "What do they do?"

Jesus says, "Well, I'm a religious man and I don't want to say anything profane."

Gandalf says, "I can't promote something I know nothing about. Can you give me a hint?"

Jesus says, "How about I quote from the Bible. For example, Psalm 137:9."

Gandalf says, "I'm a little weak on my Bible verses. Can you please give me the full quote?"

Jesus says, "Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."

Gandalf raises an eyebrow and says, "What else do they do?"

Jesus says, "Malachi 2:3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces."

Gandalf raises the other eyebrow and says, "What else do they do?"

Jesus says, "Deuteronomy 28:53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, and flesh of they sons and of they daughters, which the Lord thy God hath given thee."

Gandalf smiles and says, "And what do they do for a finale?"

Jesus says, "Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

Gandalf says, "It's a deal. I'll promote your act. What do they call themselves?"

Jesus says, "The Apostles."

Gandalf says, "Nah, too Jewish. Call them The Aristocrats!"

Posted by: BWeaves at February 5, 2009 11:04 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Gandalf notices Jesus' hands and asks, "Mind if I have a sip?".

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Gandalf notices Jesus' hands and says, "You know, I have a slave that could probably help that."

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. The bartender looks at Gandalf and asks, "Who's the fuckin' hippie?"

Posted by: admin at February 5, 2009 11:08 AM

BWeaves...you magnificent bastard. Automatic win!

Posted by: Mike R. at February 5, 2009 11:15 AM

"A man walks into a gynecologist..."
Posted by: George at February 5, 2009 10:25 AM

...and apologizes for not watching where he was going.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 5, 2009 11:04 AM

FTW.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at February 5, 2009 11:18 AM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar. Christopher Hitchens can't believe it.

Posted by: Vermillion at February 5, 2009 10:42 AM

We have a clear winner.

What on earth possessed you to pull that reference out, V?

Posted by: Che Grovera at February 5, 2009 1:44 PM

Mike R. Thanks! I made that one up myself. I had a roommate in college who knew the Bible by heart. We used to sic her on the evangelicals who used to knock on our door. She'd say things like, "I think you're taking that verse out of context. What the Bible really says is . . . " and the Bible thumpers would avoid our dorm room after that. I thought to myself, "Damn, I gotta learn me some good Bible verses," and the dirty ones have come in the most handy.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 5, 2009 2:18 PM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar in Atlanta. The bartender says "Dragon*Con is two blocks east, King of Glory is at the next MARTA station".

Aww! I always forget that you're from my fair city, V!

Posted by: Annie_Reckson at February 5, 2009 2:23 PM

BWeaves for the win!

Posted by: Snath at February 5, 2009 2:38 PM

And they both die and come back to life! Funny!

Posted by: Lucas at February 5, 2009 4:30 PM

Gandalf and Jesus walk into a bar and Gandalf says, "What's a fella gotta do to get a drink around here."

Jesus responds by going, I don't know but with a hat like that I bet you get a free bowl of soup."

Posted by: EBIII at February 5, 2009 5:20 PM

The punchline will change depending on whether we're talking about Gandalf the White, or Gandolf, the magical Nazi.

Posted by: Lauren at February 5, 2009 7:03 PM

Thanks for the punchlines, especially you Vermillion, that was hilarious.

Posted by: George at February 7, 2009 2:28 AM

Gandolf?

Posted by: Arthur Dent at February 7, 2009 6:23 PM

Oh, go ahead, laugh. I'm crying on the inside.

Even the location looks dumbed down: welcome to Muslimland. The point of setting the original in a precious Welsh village is that it seemed so safe, so close to home.

Jim Caviezel is obviously Number Zero. Monotone: "we have a good shot at greatness." Feh.

Posted by: Janis at February 7, 2009 11:40 PM