The Lost Symbol is the Next Dan Brown Movie

In the Continuing Pursuit of Fake Truth

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (36)

.. and then, sometimes I’m happy that Hollywood has steered clear of adult targeted films, particularly when those films are based on Dan Brown books. Not content to bore us to tears with revisionist fake history that was The Da Vinci Code, and now the upcoming Angels & Demons — which is a waste of a perfectly good Scottish boy (Ewan McGregor) — Columbia is already moving quickly on a third movie in the franchise.

The next film will be titled, The Lost Symbol and it’s based on an as-yet released Dan Brown book of the same name. The novel won’t be published until September 15th (damn, and here I lost my calendar, so I’ll be unable to mark that down), but Brown has already completed the manuscript for the film.

Except that the entire story takes place in a 12-hour period, no plot details have been released, and I’m not even sure if Tom Hanks is signed on (though, I’m sure he is). It will probably be based on a bullshit conspiracy theory. In fact, here’s hoping that the next Dan Brown movie can be a crossover with the National Treasure franchise. Tom Hanks’ and Nicolas Cages’ bad hair in one movie! It’d be like Christmas at rattyfuckinghair.com.

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Frist!!! I've always wanted to do that.

Posted by: Will at April 20, 2009 7:47 PM

Frist?

Posted by: Marcela at April 20, 2009 7:48 PM

There's a "b" missing from the title of the page, and a diamond in the middle of the word "no" in the first sentence of the last paragraph. Are those typos, or are you trying to hint at the plot of the book? Are you trying to bait the Dan Brown fans? :P

Speaking of Dan Brown, according to one of those links, he's only 44? This whole time I've been picturing him as an 80 year old man for some reason.

Posted by: Melissa at April 20, 2009 7:49 PM

Bad things happen when you're in a fevered rush.

Posted by: Jay at April 20, 2009 7:50 PM

This whole time I've been picturing him as an 80 year old man for some reason.

Actually, me too, Melissa. I think it's because his books give off that, "Did I ever tell you kids about the time..." feel.

Posted by: Marcela at April 20, 2009 7:52 PM

I've read Angels and Demons and I will not fault Mr.Brown for his ability to craft a story and do his research. However, the man simply cannot put two words together in such a way that they don't sound forced and grate on the mind. Movies are the ideal medium for him, and I hope his movies are SO successful that he just stops writing books at all. Hell, I hope he starts having other people write his scripts and just becomes a producer/director because the less he has to to with actual writing the better off all of us will be.

It's what George Lucas should have done a very long time ago.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 20, 2009 7:57 PM

I had a dream the other night that I was involved in a secret conspiracy against the Church -- God and the Devil weren't enemies but instead had planned the whole "humanity falling from grace" thing to trap humankind, and the Church was evil, of course, and was covering this all up. I had to save the day, with Mark Harmon at my side (whom I don't find particularly attractive, but he found his way into my subconscious, and his hair is infinitely better than Hanks', so I guess that was a plus).

My husband is trying to get me to write this all down, or at least email Dan Brown and sell him the rights to my dream, because then we could pay off student loans and buy a condo. Maybe I should just contact Hollywood instead? How much do you think that's worth? (If any of you steal my dream, I will find you and flog you with a cilice.)

Posted by: Ariel at April 20, 2009 8:03 PM

Dan Brown: author or lettuce leaf? You decide.

Posted by: Lucas at April 20, 2009 8:04 PM

It's what George Lucas should have done a very long time ago.

in a galaxy far, far away...

Posted by: dave at April 20, 2009 8:11 PM

I own this book. Right now it's propping up my old wobbly shitter until I get me a new one. (Shitter, not book)

Posted by: Janey at April 20, 2009 8:16 PM

I would find the phenomenon of Dan Brown much less irritating if not for stupid people who believe his writing is anything other than fiction. There is no truth here, idiots.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 20, 2009 8:18 PM

Say what you want about the quality of Dan Brown's prose, but to suggest that his novels might contain "fake truth" as opposed to the Bible's "real truth" is just stupid. Both are chuck full of bullshit.

Posted by: Dano at April 20, 2009 8:56 PM

Dear sweet fuck on a stick, but I hate Dan Brown's guts. Argh.

Posted by: figgy at April 20, 2009 9:01 PM

Would you rather eviscerate Dan Brown or Nicholas Sparks? Discuss.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 20, 2009 9:05 PM

I hereby dub him....Dan Brownstreak.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 20, 2009 9:33 PM

Would you rather eviscerate Dan Brown or Nicholas Sparks? Discuss.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 20, 2009 9:05 PM

Why don't we decide with the time honored method of steel cage death match?

Posted by: greer at April 20, 2009 9:43 PM

Say what you want about the quality of Dan Brown's prose, but to suggest that his novels might contain "fake truth" as opposed to the Bible's "real truth" is just stupid.

Dano, I'm pretty sure what Tracer Bullet meant is that it's frustrating to deal with people who read Dan Brown and then tell you about how they learned all about the Illuminati/ plot to cover up that Christ was married/ Priory of Scion when it's, you know, FICTION. But if you tell them that, they'll tell you that you've just bought into the "cover up" or "conspiracy" and there's no nice way to say "I haven't 'bought into' anything, you ignorant twit, I simply do my research from non-FICTIONAL sources. Ass."

I could be wrong though. Tracer?

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 20, 2009 10:18 PM

Dear Genny ( also rusty)

I don't mean to insult Tracer, just the Bible. The whole Jesus myth is just that, a myth. Any theory, story, or "truth" is total bullshit and not worth speculation of any kind. Dan Brown is just as full of shit as Pat Robertson.

Posted by: Dano at April 20, 2009 10:36 PM

no plot details have been released
---
Dude, it's Dan Brown. You don't need a fucking press release to know what happens.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 21, 2009 12:12 AM

I may not like Dan Brown's writing either, but at least he gets people reading you snobby literary fucktards. Read Nick Hornby's introduction to The Polysyllabic Spree for a more prosaic attack against insecure literary wannabes boosting their egos by attacking the less scholastically refined.

Posted by: vab at April 21, 2009 5:10 AM

I'm not a big fan of "The Da Vinci Code" or "Angels & Demons" (a book I gave up on 100 pages in) but his second book called "Deception Point" was damn entertaining. It's a beach read, but would make a great movie (or season of "24"). Rather than being loaded with exposition it's entirely plot driven, has nothing to do with ancient societies and religion, and moves fast. It's ridiculous at times, but a fun action/thriller.

Posted by: TylerDFC at April 21, 2009 7:17 AM

I'm not sure where to begin responding to your comment Dano, since I don't have the time to write a well-reasoned answer to your post (and let's face it, I'm not going to change your mind so I won't make myself late to work with a futile attempt). But, suffice to say I'm Catholic so I believe you're wrong about the whole Jesus Mythology thing.

And seriously, how insulting is it that Dan Brown is such a shitty writer and he's doing a fake hack-job on the Catholic Church? At the very least, he could do us the courtesy of being a fantastic writer.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 21, 2009 8:01 AM

you snobby literary fucktards

Oh no, you've seen through us!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 21, 2009 8:30 AM

Why does it bother some of you SO much that others may believe in Jesus? You don't carry on when it's a Super-Duper-Government-Conspiracy-Book. Whether it's Angels & Demons or Patriot Games or The Andromeda Strain, it's all just fiction, written to entertain. Relax.

Posted by: courtney at April 21, 2009 9:11 AM

Oh goody! A hybrid book-religion dispute. It doesn't get much better than this at Pajiba. So glad I'm not traveling today and can enjoy this one.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 21, 2009 9:32 AM

Dan Brown owes me ten hours. I will collect it in blood. Which, incidentally, has a conversion ratio of 1 gallon per hour owed.

You don't carry on when it's a Super-Duper-Government-Conspiracy-Book.

You are, of course, familliar with who was in govenment for the past eight years right?

Posted by: admin at April 21, 2009 9:46 AM

I was hoping rattyfuckinghair.com was a real website. Now I'm sad.

Posted by: MDA at April 21, 2009 11:31 AM

stardust savant,

It's true that you're not going to change my mind. I just can't believe in your mythology. ( that's what it is by the way). I truly fear for fate of mankind while it's considered a virtue to believe in the most insane bullshit imaginable. I know this opinion is viewed as offensive, but what the fuck. If I said the I believed that the Moon was made of green cheese everyone would make fun of me, so try to not take it too personally. Don't take Dan brown too personally either. He's just trying to make a buck. Like the pope. Only I don't think he protects child molesters. I could be wrong about that one though.

Posted by: Dano at April 21, 2009 9:14 PM

I bet jesus was real. I bet he was super famous and totally wrecked shit and spazzed out against the 'Man' and all authority figures he could think of, and then they busted him and he had an 'accident' on the way to jail.

Then, his dad got together with some publicists and sent a wholly edited version out by snail mail far away from the locals.

The locals wrote their own accounts too, but also didn't want to get busted so they met up in secret to hang out and talk about the good old days.

Then, later, a few guys found the texts and edited them further. And made some beaucoup cash to boot!

(I apologize to those I've offended - I'm a former Catholic, current 'meh', and I've always truly believed his ideas got hijacked.)

Posted by: replica at April 21, 2009 9:26 PM

I likewise can't wrap my head around your lack of wonder at things greater than the humans (that's what it is, by the way). Furthermore, I don't find your beliefs offensive; in fact my husband is an atheist, your phrasing just rather rubs me, and I'm sure many more, the wrong way. And no one ever said faith in and of itself is a virtue. Other things have to come with it to make a virtue. I don't take Dan Brown personally at all - he's able to make a living, so good for him. Too bad the man can't fucking write. If his book were the literary equivalent to Dogma, I might read it. But since it's the literary equivalent to Not Another Movie Movie, then I'm not going to waste my time. I'd rather rot my brain on comfort food like Harry Potter.

And no, I am not inviting you to rub me the right way. Only my atheist husband is allowed to do that with his non-believing hands.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 21, 2009 9:32 PM

Stardust Savant,
I have plenty of wonder about things greater than humans. Just go to the the NASA site and look the the pics from the Hubble Space Telescope. Of course if you could do that in Galileo's time the church would lock you up or burn you for being a witch.

You're right about Dan Brown's writing. It Sucks, but that doesn't invalidate his theories about Jesus. His books are just as wrong as everything else ever written about Jesus.
I'll leave you with a thought from a great thinker.

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."

-Richard Dawkins

Posted by: Dano at April 21, 2009 10:02 PM

The rumors of a plot leak from Dan Brown's newest book, The Lost Symbol, seem to be true. Doubleday Publishers confirm it. The new book will apparently center around George Washington and secret reason for the American reverses early in the Revolutionary War. Washington, a true and clandestine Tory, was secretly communicating Colonial war plans to the British via Benedict Arnold, Washington's secret illegitimate son. At the end of his life, Washington's conscience gets the better of him, and he write a confession that is buried with him in his tomb at Mount Vernon. A scholar discovers Washington's confession and is murdered by the CIA, who fear that his find will destroy the patriotic mystique of America's founding father and demoralize the country. The murdered scholar manages to contact Robert Langdon by phone just before his death, with the killer still in the room. The resulting chase takes Langdon across the Washington capital as the CIA and the FBI, having traced the call, close in. Langdon is contacted by a shadowy female representative of the Masons, a legitimate secret society of which Washington was once a member. Langdon discovers that the Masons based their foundation on a worship of King George III of England and his Queen, Charlotte Sophia, as Earth-bound divine figures with connections to the sacred feminine. The CIA and FBI, learning of the connection of the Masons to Washington and the truth of their country's founding, target both them AND Langdon. Langdon and his new female sidekick must go head to head with the forces of the American government in a desperate gambit to get the truth out to the country by televsion broadcast. Note: In the end, they do not manage to do so.

Posted by: Lapu Marie at April 22, 2009 6:03 PM

Looks like someone trying to read Dan Brown's mind (which shouldn't be too hard, DUH.) Nevertheless, the above post is false, and not The Lost Symbol storyline. Heard about this this morning from a buddy on another site. Good fun, though, eh? Way to harass the conspiracy theorists. People will believe anything these days (recalling the Da Vinci Hoax.) Lol.

Posted by: Gerald Potts at April 23, 2009 2:29 PM

I've got better things to do, dumb people with no life sweating it up over a book

Posted by: Melanie at April 23, 2009 2:42 PM

All you people who beat down on Dan Brown are just lamos. Yes it is fiction, and what is the purpose of fiction? TO ENTERTAIN. Just beacause he has sold so many books you all wish it was you, is no reason to hate on him. And if some idiot buys into it, well thats none of your problem is it? Some people have nothing better to do than break down someone who is making something of themselves. Pathetic.

Posted by: WULF at April 27, 2009 3:03 PM

u all are fucking retards! the books are great and u r all alliterate fucking assholes. who the hell gives a shit if u dont like the books or not. i obviously dont give a fuck

Posted by: ;ashgjskdbgjs at May 27, 2009 6:59 PM

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In the Continuing Pursuit of Fake Truth

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