The Least Interesting Personality to Ever Inspire a TV Show
Here’s the reality: 90 to 95 percent of America (maybe more) has no clue who Nikki Finke is. Fifty to sixty percent of our own readership probably has no idea who she is, or is only familiar with her from the occasional comment I make about her humping billy goats for scoops. That’s what she does: She breaks entertainment news, often only five to ten minutes before it’s released, but on occasion, well in advance (she also has a tendency to claim to be breaking news that’s already been broken by someone beneath her and therefore not worth recognizing).
Nobody cares about Nikki Finke. Strike that: Industry insiders care about Nikki Finke, and movie bloggers, since we 1) blog about news that she reports, and 2) love to hate her (that hate is mostly irrational and borne out of jealousy. Also, because she’s fucking arrogantly obnoxious.) The rest of America could not give a rat’s patootie.
The point I’m getting at is this: HBO is making a half-hour comedy about her. Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) is behind it. Why? I have no idea. Because people in the industry are myopic enough to believe that the rest of the world is compelled by the same things they’re compelled by, namely a blogger whose public life is mostly a mystery, so we make up crazy shit about her — that she’s some deranged psycho who would literally kill a man to break casting news on Spider-Man (an unnamed source verifies this).
Anyway, to actually give the show, “Tilda” (get it? “Tilda”? “Toldja!” Not if you don’t know who Nikki Finke is, which is the point) some appeal outside of Hollywood, they’ve cast Diane Keaton in the role of crazy, cat-lady blogger. Or, at least, she’s circling the project (it’s not the gospel until Finke reports herself it because she’s never wrong, except when she is, at which point she’ll simply delete the post or correct it after the fact).
But hey! HBO found a lot of success with “Entourage,” which gave us an inside look at the life of an celebrity actor and his crew, so this’ll work, right? Well, it’s one thing to spend half-an-hour watching a show about pretty people doing a bunch of nothing and fucking other people, and a completely other thing to watch a show about an older lady typing away on her computer and probably screaming at the fictional people who live inside her head.
Well, unless Nikki Finke really does hump billy goats for scoops. In which case, “Tilda” could be a twisted half-hour of perverse entertainment.
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