free counter with statistics The Last Airbender Gets a Cast | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

89a1bd86753a443e8551d98c89b0293d.jpg
Shyamalan’s Live-Action “Avatar” Abortion Gets a Cast

File Under: Things Which Bring My Piss to a Boil / Phillip Stephens

Trade News | December 12, 2008 | Comments (40)

You may have noticed that in my “Avatar: The Last Airbender” writeup that I elided any mention of M. Night Shyamalamadingdong’s upcoming live-action rendition of the show. I’m trying not to think about it, and any attempt to inform me of this film’s existence has been greeted heretofore with fingers in the ears and a chorus of “LA LA LA LA LA!”.

The show was perfectly fine in an animated medium and the existing voice cast was exceptional - why sully things with a bound-to-be-clumsy live film, let alone one helmed by the increasingly disastrous Shyamalan? But shit, if we go around believing the industry capable of that kind of circumspection, we may as well start crushing Paxil into our Cheerios

But, anyway, if schadenfreude or boredom has you interested in the project - Shyamalan, has lined up a primary cast: 12-year-old karate kid Noah Ringer will play Aang; Jackson Rathbone (of Twilight) is Sokka; Nicola Peltz (of Deck the Halls) will be Katara. What’s irritating here is not that these kids are mostly unknowns or had bit parts in retarded movies, but that they’re all whiter than Mormon Jesus. “Avatar” self-consciously created a world and characters from non-Western cultures, they being the source of philosophy and metaphysics the show drew upon. Shyamalan and Co., in taking us to honky-town, have stripped one of the more original elements of the story.

Oh, but this isn’t the most unkind cut of all. Guess who is in negotiations to play Zuko, the angsty, rage-filled, self-hating prince? Jesse McCartney. Name not ring a bell? This is the fuckstick who polluted our ears, homes, and hearts with “Beautiful Soul”, which somehow played every ten seconds on the WB/CW a few years back, a pop ballad so ass-demolishingly lame that even the ten-year-old girls it was meant to arouse were given pause. I’d post a link were it not expressly forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

If any of you have the mind to beat any or all of these people about the face with a cudgel, I sure as hell won’t stop you.


← While She Was Out Review | The Worst Sci-Fi Remakes →



Comments

A cudgel? Too pedestrian.

I prefer the ping! of an aluminum bat, myself, used in the overhand, overhead Baby Seal Season swing.

Posted by: The Wanderer at December 12, 2008 2:24 PM

WOW.

I just had to look up pictures of these people, as they aren't familiar names to me. The actors for Sokka and Katara actually kind of work, based only on google images, but JESSE MCCARTNEY has clear toolface. Zuko is an amazing, complex, fucked up guy, and he is not a midwestern tool. Christ!

The best part, though, was that the google image search for Noah Ringer gave me no direct hits, but one image of Rachel Maddow captioned "dead ringer for actor Noah Wylie?" Heh.

Posted by: Edith at December 12, 2008 2:29 PM

M. Night Shyamalamadingdong's

It stopped being funny five minutes before it started. Really.

File this under "But Jake Gyllenhaal isn't PERSIAN!!!!"

And then set the file on fire.

*sigh*

Posted by: twig at December 12, 2008 2:31 PM

They could have just gotten Rufio (Dante Basco) to be Zuko. Dude, not cool.

Posted by: ziva at December 12, 2008 2:32 PM

I prefer the ping of the machine that goes ping. That aside, if this movie gets anymore cracker the NAACP is going to get all up in Shyamalan's ass.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 2:33 PM

Rufio is Zuko?! I just had a nerdgasm.

I love Hook and I don't care who knows.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 2:36 PM

In related news season three of Avatar is finally available of iTunes in the UK!

(big news as the only other way* to get the last season is importing from the US and that's fifty quid; not counting shipping, or the fact it's a different DVD region,and my laptop can only switch regions so many times )

*Not the only way, but I want to pay for stuff I like

Posted by: cockroach at December 12, 2008 2:44 PM

Shyamalan lives around Philly, right?

Yeah, could someone warn the "It's Always Sunny" folks to pick another town, and quick? Because they are the only things preventing a total orbital bombardment just to get the bastard.

Fucking JESSE MCCARTNEY?!?!!

Jesus H. Christ. I thought the Dragonball movie was horrible, horrible Anglo-raping of blatantly Asian characters.

And the really fucked up part? Shyamalan is of Eastern descent! Is there a Oriental version of cooning out?

Posted by: Vermillion at December 12, 2008 2:46 PM

M. Night Shyamalamadingdong's...It stopped being funny five minutes before it started. Really.

I heartily agree. From now on let's all use "M. Night ShamWOW" instead.

File this under "But Jake Gyllenhaal isn't PERSIAN!!!!"

Now, this remark here...Well, I am happy to stare at Jake Gyllenhaal for long periods of time; but it's not like there aren't scads of gorgeous actors who look a leetle more "Persian" than Jakey, and who could've used the work.

They could've at least dyed his hair and made him wear contacts...like Jessica Alba did to play Sue Storm, remember that?

Posted by: Jerce at December 12, 2008 2:47 PM

I have to disagree about the voice acting. It took me a while to get used to Sokka's and Katara's tone. Their delivery, at least in the early episodes, was kind of flat and bland, it sounded almost like a recorded cold reading. On the other hand there's Mako who was incredible as usual. Also the soundalike they casted after his unfortunate departure was almost too perfect, you had to know it. Now you know and it may bug you. Hence the spoiler tag.

Posted by: Sunsneezer at December 12, 2008 2:48 PM

Sorry it seems spoiler tags are ignored by the parser, and simpl deleted from the text I should have used [] instead of >. Hope I won't spoil anyone's enjoyment over that.

Posted by: Sunsneezer at December 12, 2008 2:51 PM

And the really fucked up part? Shyamalan is of Eastern descent! Is there a Oriental version of cooning out?

If there isn't, can we call it take out?

Posted by: branded at December 12, 2008 3:08 PM

oohhh mannn! I'm so upset at them for this. This show lived, had a great life, did its thing, and died the way it was supposed to.

but they can never resist the urge to squeeze more cash out of it.

Posted by: VinKong at December 12, 2008 3:15 PM

Shyamalan lives around Philly, right?

He lives in the fancy schmancy Main Line area just outside it. Just avoid West Philly when you send the Murdertank in...or better yet, pick me up and I'll beat his ass myself. Not for Avatar, since I've never seen it, but for the ridiculousness that was The Happening. That movie is not of the lord.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 3:16 PM

Wow Vermillion, I was thinking the same thing. What the fuck is Hollywood thinking? I don't know what's going to be more painful. The live action Dragonball movie, or the Avatar movie. I hope it fails so badly, Shamalan will be bankrupt for life. God, I hate you Shamalan!

Oh, and Dustin, don't review these movies, your too ignorant about the geekiness to properly hate these movies. If it was something else, you'd be fine, your a great critic, but you know nothing about geekishness. Phillip should review Avatar for the proper hating it deserves. And find someone who knows enough about DBZ (Me! me! me! me! me! me! me! me! me!) to review it, so they can give it the hate fuck it deserves. Whatever you do, don't send the same person to see both movies! It could ruin their brain for life.

Posted by: George at December 12, 2008 3:32 PM

I actually always thought Shymalananana had some decent directorial chops. I think if people just take the goddamned pen out of his hand he might turn out alright.

Posted by: FourKings at December 12, 2008 3:35 PM

I've actually started to enjoy the Shyamalan-shyte-samiches. I almost think he does it on purpose just to piss us all off. He's really just the most dedicated comedian in history. His career is one long joke whose punch-line will be his end.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at December 12, 2008 3:39 PM

...And too true Four Kings, but someone has to be the blighter in the film industry. It's that bloody messiah complex what's got him in this mess.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at December 12, 2008 3:46 PM

I am one of the few that still like Shyamalan despite the happening being one of the all time most dissapointing movies ever. I'm sorry but I still love Lady in the Water, The Village, Sixth Sense. I am hoping that the happening was a fluke and he will get back to work now and stop coasting on the "I've had previous successful movies" train. I was initially excited to hear Shyamalan would be directing this if only to open up Avatar to a whole new world of people who ignored the incredible anime. The casting has given me doubts though. I understand people's concerns and can see how they would like more Asians cast and I agree. The Jesse McCartney rumor is making me gag and I only hope that it is that, only a gagging rumor. Shyamalan, please do not cast him in this role simply because he is shiteous famous. You have the chance to win every soul back that you drove away with the haneous Happening. Cast someone with real talent. I am not opposed to Rufio for those proposing a Rufio comeback playing Prince Zuko, even though I picture Rufio with the red hair and horrible costume choice we had to endure in that movie.

Posted by: tvconnoisseur at December 12, 2008 3:48 PM

I will be the first in line the night before opening. Picket signs make handy weapons when necessary.

That said, there is no end to the awesomeness that could transpire here, were it to be awesome. Live-action blood-bending would creep me out for WEEKS.

Posted by: Sweetie Dahling at December 12, 2008 4:01 PM

It was some Swedish study so who really needs the goods, but a correlation was found between people who watch more than 19 hours of television each week and people who are unhappy with their lives. It's problematic where the barrier makes evident, Can I get away with 18 hrs and 59 mins during sweeps and March Madness? . It's pretty much a governing law of motion that people who like M. Nightshy's movies watch at least 20 hours of television per week. Have that truthy nugget.

Mmmm, succulent fleshy schadenfreude.

Posted by: Jackseppelin at December 12, 2008 5:35 PM

"Beautiful Soul"? Never heard of it. Also, I've never heard the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus. Or that new "Camp Rock" thing on Disney. Fact is, I haven't listened to a music station on the radio in about twenty years, and it is awfully nice to sidestep the sonic abortions Disney/Clear Channel, et al. successfully foist on the rest of you. Cheers!

Posted by: Laughner at December 12, 2008 5:38 PM

I'd post a link were it not expressly forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

Good line.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 12, 2008 5:42 PM

Jesse McCartney as Zuko...
you're fucking kidding me right?

Posted by: Celie at December 12, 2008 6:05 PM

well I was going to join the chorus and whine about JESSE FUCKING MCCARTNEY as my beloved Zuko, but then I had a mental image of him FIRE BENDING and I'm just laughing too hard.

Posted by: tarasova at December 12, 2008 7:03 PM

This might just go down as the most fail casting ever. They took what had the potential to be an awesome movie series and just crapped all over it. Not one single Asian??? Not one? Can't wait to see white!Iroh, white!Ozai, and white!Azula.:/

And seriously, Jesse Freakin' McCartney? The same Jesse McCartney who writes treacly pop ballads and starred as JR Chandler on "All My Children?" Figures they'd screw up the casting of the show's most complex character, but I didn't know it would be so colossally horrible. Mr. Shyamalan, you have indeed outdone yourself, and I do *not* mean that as a compliment.:(

Posted by: luthien26 at December 12, 2008 7:46 PM

What a wasted opportunity Shamalamafuckface. I always suspected that they would end up whitewashing Aang, but characters like Katara, Sokka, and Zuko? They're so few opportunities for Asian and First Nation actors in Hollywood, why whitewash the few ethnic characters there are? Is it because, for once, they're actual characters and not one-dimensional racial stereotypes?

I thought the star of Whale Rider, Keisha Castle-Hughes, would have made a good Katara.

Posted by: Gibran at December 13, 2008 12:16 AM

Whoa, the Pajiba psychics strike again. As of yesterday morning, I had JUST finished watching the last episode of Avatar, had JUST wiki'd the show to see whether they would continue to tie up some of the few loose ends, and had JUST gagged when reading about this lung gunk spittle of a film.

Is it just me or will doing this live action make this even cartoonier than, um, the actual cartoon? What made this show wonderful was the fact that created sympathetic characters without all of the off-screen drama that comes with big name/big face actors. Remember that episode where they see the play about themselves? I'm predicting something very similar to that.

Perhaps I'll go off to study the fine art of denial-bending with Holocaust deniers and pretend that this doesn't even exist.

PS. I thought I recognized Zuko's voice! RU-FI-OOOO!

Posted by: KatieP at December 13, 2008 12:58 AM

Jackson Rathbone was the popular cool guy in the Gossip-Girl-But-Shittier ABC family show "Beautiful People." No matter how hard he tries, he will always be wedded to that in my mind. The fact that we was in Twilight doesn't help matters either.

Posted by: Manda at December 13, 2008 1:03 PM

I'm putting my hand up to brand Jesse's face for the part.

Not many people know that I can in fact fire bend.

Give me a lighter, a couple of bowls of chili and I'll squat out a fireball that'll poach that fucker's eyeball like an egg.

Posted by: DarthBrooks at December 13, 2008 1:04 PM

This thing was doomed to fail before they even began casting but their choices just rub salt into the wound.

Posted by: Victoria at December 13, 2008 8:00 PM

Caucasians playing Asian characters. Cast by an Indian director.

And there is no uproar over this... I can only presume because there is ZERO fucking anticipation for this pathetic excuse for a movie.

However, the fact that this is a DOOMED exercise does not excuse this. This is HORRENDOUS and SHOULD receive wholesale, universal condemnation.

I'm fucking serious.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at December 14, 2008 3:03 AM

There is plenty of uproar. Google "Avatar Casting."

Or go here:

http://theangryblackwoman.com/2008/12/10/m-night-say-it-isnt-so/


http://aang-aint-white.livejournal.com/646.html


(And no, I don't think the casting for Katara and Sokka are very good at all. They were the darkest people on the show. They were kept consistently and noticeably darker than everyone else, and yet Katara was always treated as "the pretty one." For dark-skinned female kids, this was very significant -- in fact, it's why Shymalan's own daughters got into the show; they wanted to dress as Katara. Which makes the whole thing that much more stupid. Cast a BLONDE for the darkest girl on the show. Very logical.)

Posted by: Mac at December 16, 2008 10:19 AM

(And you know what? I feel sorry for the kids who were cast. They are children and should never have been put in the face of this inevitable backlash in the first place. M. Night et al should have known better.)

Posted by: Mac at December 16, 2008 10:21 AM

and we thought shit couldn't get worse than the Dragon Ball movie coming out. wtf, hollywood? recession does not give the excuse to half-ass shit. where's the pitchforks and torches, ppl? we need 'em right about now.

Posted by: Snea at December 17, 2008 1:09 AM

Another avenue (with essay and addresses)

http://ciderpress.livejournal.com/209919.html

Posted by: Mac at December 17, 2008 12:17 PM

well............i love zuko but not now after what they did to him!!

Posted by: allison at December 17, 2008 8:38 PM

And worst of all... there are now fucking apologists for the white cast, saying Aang looks white and "color doesn't matter, they just picked the best actors for the part". And the best actor was white, EVERY TIME? Doesn't part of being the right actor for the part involve, you know, looking like the character?! For those people accusing me of having a political agenda, firstly, fuck off, secondly, how would you like it if they made Harry Potter blonde and without glasses? That's what I'm talking about, if you HAVE to not involve race.

Posted by: kelly at December 18, 2008 6:25 PM

people, seriously, do you really love the show? then don't say bad things about the movie, like "i hope it fails" or "it is doomed". I know you don't like the cast (remember jesse mccartney is NOT confirmed to play zuko), but think that probably they like the show like you do, and want to take part in the movie. Also, remember M. Night likes the show too. and very much. otherwise he wouldn't have decided to make a film, so i don't think he'll change anything, unless it is to fit the whole first season in just 2 hours. Not to mention, Mike and Bryan will tell him off if he does something BADLY wrong. You see? The CREATORS are there to help out through the filming.

Posted by: me at January 20, 2009 8:53 PM

For some reason, I doubt that Mike and Bryan had anything to do with the casting choices...

Posted by: Min at February 20, 2009 6:04 PM