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A Few Geek Nuggets for Your Momma’s Basement

Tuck In Your Shirt, Act Like You Give a Sh*t / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 20, 2008 | Comments (30)

A few weeks ago, we reported right here on this very site that the He-Man movie was all but dead. We were wrong. And by “we,” I mean, “me.” Apparently, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is very much alive and, according to LatinoReview, John Stevenson is the likely director. He was a co-director of Kung-Fu Panda, which made an obscene amount of money at the box-office, fully guaranteeing that anyone associated with it would be paid scads of money to do anything, talent be damned. Still, no one has been mentioned for the lead role, but I’m going to just put this out there for you folks to chew on: Javier Bardem. Think about it. He has already displayed an ability to wear a bowl haircut well:

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In other geek friendly news, last week we announced that Joe Johnston would be helming Captain America: The Rise of the G.O.P. This week, it’s been announced that Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely are negotiating to become the screenwriters for the flick. Those two were responsible for writing The Chronicles of Narnia, so they are a great fit for Captain America, since they’ll be able to bring their religious zealotry to a character already well known for his right-wing beliefs. I’ve also revised my opinion on who would make the best Captain America, and in doing an image search for him, it looks as though I’m not alone: Mark Valley, who played a Republican on “Boston Legal,” so he’s also well suited to the role.

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Finally, for you horror geeks out there, one of last year’s very best films — horror or otherwise — the Korean monster movie , The Host, is getting an American remake. Boooo! The Host just seemed so unrelentingly Korean. It’s just not gonna translate well here, in part because American directors have a hell of a time effectively doing horror-comedy, particularly horror-comedy that is so unbelievably terrifying, as was The Host. They haven’t exactly recruited A-list folk for the remake, either. While Gore Verbinski will produce, a commercial director, Fredrik Bond, will direct, while Mark Poirer, who wrote the disappointing Smart People, will pen the script. Here’s an idea: Don’t.

Here’s a scene from the original. Hang on to your cinegalia.


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Comments

[unpopular opinion]I wasn't that enamored of The Host. I enjoyed certain aspects of it, and the scene posted above is pretty badass, but for the most part I was disappointed. I thought it would be funnier or gorier, or both.[/unpopular opinion]

It definitely shouldn't be remade though. Write. A god damned. Original. Idea.

Posted by: Julie at November 20, 2008 11:24 AM

BOOOOOOOOOOOO...

as in: BOOurns

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 20, 2008 11:27 AM

I agree with Julie, "The Host" was just ok, it's so hard to translate a foreign horror film and make it a success given our American sensibilities.

Posted by: Pookie at November 20, 2008 11:32 AM

*HISSSSSS*

You are just trying the make the Captain American nerds angry today, aren't you, you sick bastard. Hahaha, good show.

Posted by: Snath at November 20, 2008 11:35 AM

I'm sorry, but that Unborn ad looks like they're in the middle of making the Unborn, not fighting it. The focus on only their upper bodies doesn't help dispell said impression. HA HA...sweating and pantless.

Posted by: Mike R. at November 20, 2008 11:40 AM

I'm about to brand myself a geek, but...

...Cap's from the 40's. A poor part of New York in the 40's. He served in WWII and his shield was given to him personally by the President. He's probably a dyed-in-the-wool, New-Deal-loving Roosevelt Democrat. As far as I know, the only views he ever expressed in the comics were sort of vaguely pinko, touchy-feely WPA-sponsored sorts of views. I can't speak to recent continuity, as it's all utter shit.

And, you know, incidentally, isn't it sort of playing into the rhetoric of the right to suggest, even in fun, that a character who is willing to call himself "Captain America" MUST be a conservative?

Posted by: Landon at November 20, 2008 11:41 AM

I agree with Julie and pookie about "The Host". It really was just ok.

I thought it started off very strong and was really great up until the family broke apart and went their separate ways. The film really lost a lot of steam after that happened.

The interaction among the family members was what really made the film great and once they were sent their separate ways things fell apart.

Posted by: ajax19 at November 20, 2008 11:44 AM

I'm trying to kiss ass but I didn't think too much of 'The Host' either.

Its just so depressing that there is such a dearth of original idea's that any foreign film that enjoys even the slightest modicum of success is immediately remade.

Posted by: Alex the not so odd at November 20, 2008 11:44 AM

*bollocks*

meant to say 'I'm NOT trying to kiss ass....'

Posted by: Alex the not so odd at November 20, 2008 11:46 AM

Landon, please ignore all of that Captain American stuff above. This is just Dustin poking at us geeks with a sharp stick to get a reaction.

It worked very well the last time he made similar comments when he posted about the Joe Johnston news. Go back and read the comments there. The People In The Know defended Cap's liberal ways.

Posted by: ajax19 at November 20, 2008 11:48 AM

I also agree with Julie -- overall, I thought The Host was pretty disappointing and I had to work to keep paying attention to it. Still, enough with the remakes already!

Posted by: thejodester at November 20, 2008 11:51 AM

If I had a boatload of cash, once I grew tired of the hookers and drugs and tattoos and having my likeness carved in butter, I think it'd be a neat idea to immediately remake any remakes being redone. For instance, like, twenty-four hours after the initial remake was released, release my remake, using pretty much the same actors/settings/etc... Shit, I could hire friends as extras, film the whole thing schnockered outta my gourd, and for what? To hand-deliver a flaming turd to all the fuckwits who can't leave shit well enough alone and come up with something remotely new... Hell, they don't even need to come up with something new necessarily, just don't call it a remake/re-imagining. Hey everyone! Here's Uwe Bowles' remake of Let the Right One In whoo-h...? What's this? A Skitz Lee Joint remake of Bowles' re imagining - Let the Right One In, In My Pants, The Quickening? Brilliant!

Again, that's only if I had a crapload of dough...

Posted by: Skitz at November 20, 2008 11:56 AM

I have a comic geek friend who also happens to be gay. I have never really read any comics but according to him Captain America and Tony Stark were "really close" if you get my drift. Now my friend has a penchant for seeing the world through gay-tinted glasses, so this may all be a part of his overly active, and somewhat pathetic, fantasy life (he was litterally vibrating in his movie seat over all the homoerotic undertones in The Dark Knight). Anyway, I thought I'd ask the comic afficionados on here if there was any truth to his claims.

Posted by: Aliboo at November 20, 2008 12:32 PM

I am going to disagree and say that I loved The Host... if for no reason other than I can't bring myself to agree with Pookie.

That's a road fraught with peril...

Posted by: TK at November 20, 2008 12:34 PM

Aliboo: your friend sounds exhausting.

As for the Tony/Steve possible coupling, I say hell naw. While it's true that Tony will mount anything with a slight indentation, Cap always struck me as pretty bottled-up and asexual.

Posted by: firedmyass at November 20, 2008 12:39 PM

Oh look everybody it's TK, and TK wants to be noticed. Everybody say good afternoon to TK.

Posted by: Pookie at November 20, 2008 12:52 PM

Skitz, that's brilliant.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 20, 2008 12:57 PM

I can't comprehend anything posted here because I'm too distracted by Javier giving me that I want to do dirty things to you look at the top.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2008 1:01 PM

I would totally watch Skitz's movie.

Or we could do various movie scripts as read by children. That'd be pretty cool.

Posted by: Slash at November 20, 2008 1:01 PM

I seem to remember loving The Host. The creature alone is worth a rent. Just trying to pick out elements from Korean wildlife that inspired the design. It's such a beautiful and terrible mix.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 20, 2008 1:12 PM

Aaaand now I'm picturing Javier Bardem in nothing but some underoos and boots.

GODDAMNIT, Rowles! I'm *trying* to survive a long-distance relationship here!

*forces self to think of horror movies and puppy dogs being kicked and baseball and tupperware parties*

*sob*

Posted by: figgy at November 20, 2008 1:43 PM

figgy, ditch the underoos and you'll be so happy.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2008 1:50 PM

Cindy done and DONE!

Ha-HA, dangly parts...

Posted by: figgy at November 20, 2008 2:12 PM

I'll so bet Javier is NOT on that little dick list.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2008 2:48 PM

Now Dustin needs to make a "5 Celebrities With the Biggest Dicks in Hollywood".

Right? Of course right.

Madonna would be #1.

Posted by: figgy at November 20, 2008 8:37 PM

Ooh, I like that idea. Plus, can we have maps to their houses?

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2008 8:42 PM

I'm in commentative mood today.

I loved Host for few reasons:

1. the creature and how it came to be.

2. the family drama and comedic aspect of it

3. The horrifying commentary on political and militaristic ideologies.

It is because of the third reason that I am damn convinced any remake would fail. Because American film will not have the same gist for making that harsh a criticism on itself. I mean, who are they gonna blame the pollution, too? Canada?

Posted by: Yocean at November 20, 2008 8:56 PM

I actually really like the camera work in that scene you showed above. I haven't really seen anything like that in American cinema...I don't know...it was just really interesting and unusual.

Posted by: ph at November 20, 2008 10:27 PM

Dude, Captain America isn't a republican. Not even a little bit. I could site many examples, but as you don't care and won't listen, I won't bother.

Posted by: matthewasente at November 21, 2008 11:56 AM

as monster-movies go, host was awesome. maybe ya'll expected too much from it, eh? plus, they got into korean archery and how serious it is over there, i thought that was cool. archery is NEVER in movies.

and i'll just say the thought of seeing someone dressed up like capt. america flinging that disc around on the big screen doesn't sound very cool.

Posted by: farik at November 21, 2008 12:57 PM