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A Handy Guide To Green Heroes, And Cameron Diaz Is Melting

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (25)



The Green Hornet movie stills-5.jpg

Here is the new international poster for the upcoming Green Hornet, which is the one with Seth Rogen, not the one with Ryan Reynolds.

For those of you who are confused by the abundance of green-related superheros, may I direct you to this helpful link. (And to think — people want to cut NPR’s budget). However, this doesn’t quite cover them all, so don’t forget:

The Incredible Hulk is also green. Also, huge and super strong and enjoys destroying cities. He used to look like Eric Bana, then he kinda looked like Edward Norton. Now he looks like Mark Ruffalo.

Also, the Swamp Thing. The less said about his film adaptation, the better. He is large and made of moss and doesn’t wear pants.

The Green Goblin is green as well. He looks goblinish. He was hammed to bits by Willem Dafoe. Then bastardized by James Franco before James Franco became cool.

There is also a green Power Ranger, but he can go shit in his helmet for all I care.

There are undoubtedly others that you pedantic fucks will surely point out.

Anyway, as I was saying, here’s the international poster for The Green Hornet. It is unquestionably terrible. I’m not one of those people who really hates Cameron Diaz (there are many that do). I think she’s kind of goofily, ditzily fun in the right scenarios. She’s fun in There’s Something About Mary and The Sweetest Thing. Hell, she’s even kind of amusing in Charlie’s Angels. She’s by no means a master thespian, but she’s hardly a war crime. As for her looks, which are also frequently bashed, there are certainly far less attractive women, I suppose. She doesn’t squeeze my lemon, but she’s hardly some sort of wrinkle-faced bat.

That said, she looks like she might be melting in this poster. Or she had a stroke. Whatever it is, her face is fubar’d. It’s not right. Also, I believe Christoph Waltz is planning on shooting off her kneecap.

greenhornetintl2.jpg
(source: Superherohype)


I must say, I prefer this earlier one. Less is more, you know?

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Comments

Cameron Diaz sure looks relaxed and nonchalant even with a machine gun blasting away right next to her hip.

Posted by: sars at December 15, 2010 10:29 AM

Don't forget Green Arrow, Green Lama, Green She-Hulk, or the Green Team!

I'm a pedantic fuck.

Posted by: Joe G.! at December 15, 2010 10:38 AM

I thought she was super hot in The Mask, but then she went a bit overboard on the skinny kick.

Posted by: Eep at December 15, 2010 10:39 AM

There's the Green Lama, Fandral the Dashing (he's blond but wears green), Iron Fist wears a mostly green (and unnecessarily tight) costume, Polaris, She-Hulk, Beast Boy, the Riddler and Viper (aka Lady Hydra) off the top of my head.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 15, 2010 10:41 AM

That's actually a GOOD image of Diaz. She's made up to the tits and almost looks hittable.

We haters know better.

Posted by: , at December 15, 2010 10:41 AM

Can we count Vision as green?

Posted by: mswas at December 15, 2010 10:41 AM

It looks like her left kneecap is trying to burst out of her leg like an alien spoor.

Yes, I can always find something to criticize.

Posted by: , at December 15, 2010 10:43 AM

I love the Swamp Thing films. I don't understand your distaste. Unless you meant that saying less is better so no one gets the idea to remake and ruin it. In which case, I just screwed that up. Sorry.

Posted by: Paultera at December 15, 2010 10:44 AM

Martian Manhunter is the greenest brother in the universe.

Posted by: Todd at December 15, 2010 11:19 AM

Banshee, the green Phoenix outfit, Fing Fang Foom, Sauron, Blink (costume), Mandarin often wears green, then you have your Skrulls, Toad, Curt Connor's Lizard, and nerd god knows what else.

Posted by: D-Day at December 15, 2010 11:23 AM

You're right. DEFINITELY the earlier poster.

Posted by: Four Eyes at December 15, 2010 11:25 AM

Cameron is in this? i didn't think Green Hornet ever fought the Joker....

Posted by: logan at December 15, 2010 11:50 AM

If I may be one o' them there pedantic fucks for a moment...
(I'm already a douchebag hack, so why not?)

Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno... THE Incredible Hulk, thankyouverymuch.

Also, the Swamp Thing. The less said about his film adaptation, the better,

Unless it references Adrienne Barboobs.
(finished for you.)

Posted by: Rykker at December 15, 2010 12:49 PM

OH MY GOD, HE IS RAPING THE LAW!

Posted by: THE SofĂ­a at December 15, 2010 1:27 PM

For a second there I thought you were all saying "The Green Llama" and I was just one big pile of wtf because, come on, comics.

Then again, why not? He could be played by Taylor Lautner and his superpower would be Super Spitting!

Posted by: Chola_Figgy at December 15, 2010 1:30 PM

First of all, that wrinkled bat is kind of cute.

Second of all, the early trailer that was posted for The Green Hornet a while back actually looked sort of funny and possibly charming, but any sense of good will shriveled and died when I saw them shilling in Carl's Jr. commercials. How bargain basement is that? Yeah, we don't have endorsement deals with McDonalds, or Burger King, or Pepsi, or whatever... fucking Carl's Jr. (For the record, I know nothing about Carl's Jr., as they don't have that chain in my neck of the woods. And yet, I'm seeing commercials for it. With Green Hornet in them.) UGH!!!1!

Posted by: MM at December 15, 2010 2:32 PM

Ahem...

AHEM...

AH-HEM!!!

I too, am green. And I have AWESOME bling. And TREMENDOUS willpower! Guys?

Guys?? Hello???

Aw...you'll see when RR's movie comes out. I can kick all kinds of Hornet, Llama, Goblin, Arrow (m'boy) ass.

Guys...?

Posted by: Green Lantern at December 15, 2010 3:09 PM

You forget me? ME!?!

I will keep the soul of the Captain in my toolbox until you answer for this oversight!

Posted by: Mr. Green Jeans at December 15, 2010 3:31 PM

Oh, Christ. Here we go. Now all the colored morons will be coming out of the woodwork.

That was totally not a racist comment. I meant colored heroes.

No, wait.

Damn it. You worthless land dwellers are so sensitive.

Posted by: Aquaman at December 15, 2010 3:37 PM

Jay Chou is in this? LOL

Posted by: noonoo at December 15, 2010 5:08 PM

That's actually a GOOD image of Diaz. She's made up to the tits and almost looks hittable.

Hittable with a late 90's Lincoln Continental.

Her face looks like Claire Forani took botox injections from a nest of highly irritated wasps.

Which in turn could be easily explainable by a few facefulls of Alex Rodriguez's highly superficial, chemically altered, Madonna-VD transferring underpants navy.

Posted by: D-Day at December 15, 2010 5:50 PM

According to Carl's Jr, the Green Hornet is a bumbling idiot? I didn't want to see this movie in the first place, but now I wish it didn't exist at all.

Posted by: dagnabbit at December 15, 2010 5:51 PM

Bitch better not be knocking on my boy the green ranger. Tommy was all up in this shit and hard core!

Posted by: Ben at December 15, 2010 9:51 PM

Ben - Okay I gotta admit. I liked the Green Ranger. Dragonzord FTW, yo.

But I could still power ring his ass to the ground if I had to, zord or no...

Posted by: Green Lantern at December 15, 2010 11:49 PM

Don't leave out Fiddler's Green. Not a super hero, but still a comic book character (and DC at that).

Posted by: Lucas at December 16, 2010 1:53 PM