'The Expendables 3' Teaser Trailer is Here, Mostly Because of Inertia and Apathy
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

'The Expendables 3' Teaser Trailer is Here, Mostly Because of Inertia and Apathy

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | December 19, 2013 | Comments ()

Screen Shot 2013-12-19 at 1.40.29 PM.png

Remember how we used to make fun of how old everyone is in The Expendables. Well, they’re three years older now, and much like this franchise, they are inexorably creeping ever so closer to death. At least they’re whistling cheerily into the black-hole chasm of hell.

Jesus, Harrison Ford. You’ve got more millions than you have years left to spend it. Why? “Because I was Han fucking Solo, you little sh*t. And if someone wants to pay me $3 million for four days of work, I’m going to take it, and I’m going to use it to build another wall around my heart to close all you pathetic, sad-sack f*ckers off.”

Oh. OK, then.

Do Movie Reviews Matter Anymore? A Pop-Culture Experiment | 5 Shows After Dark: There is Too Much TV, Guys

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Bert_McGurt

    Who the hell is Powell and how did he get his name up there? I recognize everyone else on this poster but I have no clue who this guy is.

  • bleujayone

    I'm beginning to think that if someone really wants to take this team out, all they really need to do is invite the lot of them over to the local Chinese buffet dive and have the waitstaff tell them their tab is already covered. The resulting cholesterol, gallstones, high blood sugar shocks, MSG-induced migraines, salmonella, indigestion, heartburn, incontinence, screaming yellow shitstorms, chronic gas and hangovers should afflict 3/4 of them leaving quite literally sitting ducks when a busboy/suicide bomber is sent into the full house Mens' Room. The resulting explosion easily leaves the few remaining to die with only their own poorly written quips and broken communal fortune cookies as defense.

  • DeaconG

    Obviously, with More Dakka.

  • Uriah_Creep

    When I make my own movie with my rapidly-aging, couch potato friends, I'll call it The Expandables.

  • emmalita

    The Inflatables?

  • bastich

    The Dirigibles!

  • Laura

    Were the first two any good? I kept meaning to watch at least the first one and never did.

  • Patrick Garcia

    *Sighs* Still no Dwayne Johnson?

  • NoPantsMcLane

    He is in the car version of the Expendables.

  • Patrick Garcia


  • LwoodPDowd

    Helicopter fuel is expensive!

  • BWeaves

    Why are they using the theme whistle from The Bridge Over the River Kwai?

    Why didn't they come up with their own whistle theme?

  • emmalita

    Are you really wondering at their lack of creativity? I mean the first one was creative laziness, but now we're just at lazy laziness. (And there might as well be something in it for me to enjoy).

    Fuck it - I'm just going to go watch River Kwai again.

  • NateMan

    Statham, Crews, and Li deserve better. The rest can go eat a weiner (schnitzel).

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Oh good, I was worried there wouldn't be any movies to take my dad to this year.

  • emmalita

    My dad wants to go see The Hobbit Too: Electric Dragon-loo. I think I might prefer The Extendables.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Yeah, my dad won't see a modern movie if one of those old action dudes aren't in it, so this movie is totally convenient for me.

  • Nadir Ahmed Ahmed Ali

    Where is JCVD?

  • carrie

    [spoiler] he's dead in the 2nd movie[/spoiler]

  • BWeaves

    Ah, so HE's the expendable.

  • BWeaves

    He's too busy doing epic splits for Vulva, I mean Volvo.

  • NoPantsMcLane

    He can do his splits in my vulva any time he want's to.

  • bastich

    This movie series would be a lot more interesting if the actors could portray their signature roles.

    Who wouldn't want to see a Han Solo/Rambo/Transporter/Blade/ Terminator/Mad Max/El Mariachi/Ivan Drago/President Camacho/Frasier

  • Al Borland's Beard

    I should throw some tossed salad and scrambled eggs at you.

    /Rips out bad guy's throat

    I thought it said "Crammer" at first and thought they were incorporating porn into it.

  • bastich

    If that were the case, then I think the movie title would be
    "Expendables 3: Beefcake Lemon Party".

  • Classic

    Oh man I just died laughing at the whole creeping ever closer to death.

  • Paddington

    I wonder why Jet Li continues to come back for these. The first one had such clear disdain for him and, I'd assume, his type of action star. Other than that, dumb movie make boom. I don't have to think and silly shit happens and I can dig it.

  • DarthCorleone

    A third movie with all these characters back yet again? I'm beginning to think that the word "expendable" doesn't mean what the makers of these movies think it means.

  • BWeaves

    I think they're just trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records.

blog comments powered by Disqus