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The Day of Reckoning Has Arrived, Boo Boo

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (40)

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[quietly pulls revolver out of drawer. stares at it momentarily. pulls out a box of shells. fumbles nervous with one. slips it into the chamber. cries silently. cocks hammer. sticks gun in mouth]


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[pulls trigger. explosion rattles the silence. the desk chair falls backwards. blood oozes onto the floor]

(Cinemablend)









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Comments

[enters room. looks at computer. picks up gun. sticks in mouth. pulls the trigger. crumples to the ground.]

Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2010 11:04 AM

Now I wanna watch "Shawshank Redemption" again.

And I see Aykroyd as more a Ranger Smith type anyway, so: No, I won't be seeing this.

Posted by: , at July 28, 2010 11:05 AM

Just wait 'til he sees the trailer.

Posted by: William Goss at July 28, 2010 11:09 AM

So... should we be expecting a song from Boo-Boo, then? An entire musical sequence where the bears dance their way around the park from picnic basket to picnic basket?

Because, if so.... *eyes gun*

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2010 11:10 AM

[enters room. scans carnage. plays around in the blood.]

Posted by: Poultice at July 28, 2010 11:14 AM

Does this mean you'll be in the theater watching it with lil' Jiba?

Posted by: Danielle Lilly at July 28, 2010 11:15 AM

I like to imagine that there are countless mangled picnickers just off screen.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 28, 2010 11:17 AM

Great. Now to make matters worse there's an ad with a computer-animated Smokey the bear seemingly popping out of the screen and jabbing his clawed finger in my eye.

Fuck bears. This, the maulings, the pussy-fied Care Bears, The Country Bears (dear lawd, did I just conjure up the worst memories by mentioning that.) Bears have a whole fucking lot going against them. They may just be the least worthy creature on the planet.

Now SHARKS on the other hand...

Posted by: penelope at July 28, 2010 11:17 AM

I, for one, am glad the artists have Yogi and Boo-Boo posed so that the image isn't NSFW.

Posted by: mswas at July 28, 2010 11:18 AM

[walks in. looks at slew of bodies.]

Shit. It's like The Happening in here. Welp, if you can't beat 'em...

*bang*

Posted by: Courtney at July 28, 2010 11:22 AM

You're gonna need a bandaid Dustin...

You know... pfft...

For that boo-boo.

pwahahahahaha.

[*Groooooaaaaaaaaan!* -- DR]

Posted by: Brian at July 28, 2010 11:23 AM

NEWS FLASH: Hollywood makes cartoon movies for kids, & they're generally dumb. First World Problems.

Posted by: the new transported man at July 28, 2010 11:24 AM

The weirdest thing about that poster is that the position of Yogi's legs looks like he's covering up his crotch as to not offend the delicate sensibilities of his morally and intellectually upstanding target audience.

Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2010 11:30 AM

....runs into room to see what all the fuss is about....realizes dream of taking over Pajiba and running it as a despot has finally come true....recruits Pookie to run my military....bans any further mention of Ryan Reynolds under threat of disembowelment.

Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2010 11:32 AM

And look at the placement of Boo-Boo's plate figgy

Posted by: mswas at July 28, 2010 11:36 AM

How much better would this have been with just voiceover footage of actual bears? "Hey, Boo Boo this ranger is De-li-shous!" I would welcome a gritty reboot of Yogi the Bear-
"They took his lunch. They took his friends. This time it's not going to be a pic-a-nic."

At least work "dick in a box" into this somehow.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 28, 2010 11:37 AM

The poster raises some questions that I hope the movie can answer.

Is that a half-eaten quiche next to Yogi?
Who brings quiche to a picnic and did the family kill them or did Yogi?

How did BooBoo learn to tie a bowtie?
That's a skill 99% of men can't learn, and they have opposable thumbs.

Will the Charmin toilet paper bears be making a cameo appearance?

It doesn't appear that they've done much with Ackroyd's makeup/costume yet, will there be post-production CGI to make him look more like Yogi or is this as good as it's going to get?

Clearly, I'm intrigued.

Posted by: clocker at July 28, 2010 11:44 AM

[ enters room. nudges Kballs ]

Hey jackass...there was only one round in the gun. You're not dead.

Posted by: PissBoy at July 28, 2010 11:46 AM

I am kind of hoping this is a movie about two furries coming to terms with their sexuality in middle America.

Posted by: badalamenti at July 28, 2010 11:48 AM

[rolls into room. examines gore. seeks explanation. notices computer screen. exclaims:]

"FINALLY! IT IS TIME!"

[presses doomsday button. rolls wheelchair over doomsday remote control. backs up. laughs maniacally.]

"THE LAST LAUGH IS MINE!"

[immolates.]

Posted by: Dr. Strangelove at July 28, 2010 11:59 AM

Dustin?

Posted by: zito at July 28, 2010 12:00 PM

[enters room, surveys carnage]

Oh my Godtopus! Guys, what happened? Another Shamalamadingdong movie? Adam Sandler and Mike Myers together in a film with Rob Schneider? What could be so horrible as to cause THIS???

[looks at computer screen]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[picks up blood and gore covered gun, pulls trigger]

EMPTY??? YOU BASTARDS!!! You are NOT leaving me here to face this hell alone!

[picks up letter opener]

O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die! (got to go out classy, bitches)

[falls to the floor]

Posted by: dammitjanet at July 28, 2010 12:06 PM

It doesn't appear that they've done much with Ackroyd's makeup/costume yet, will there be post-production CGI to make him look more like Yogi or is this as good as it's going to get?

Well, at least he's looking trimmer than he has in recent years.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2010 12:07 PM

1. Y'all are some fucked up motherfuckers. Poster ain't nothin' but a thing.

2. What the fuck are people using cups and saucers for on a picnic yo. Is that how they do?

3. We need some perspective up in this bitch.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 28, 2010 12:18 PM

Did I mention Mr. Julien and I finished watching season 5 of The Wire last night?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 28, 2010 12:18 PM

The title of this post is brilliant.

Posted by: C. C. Devine at July 28, 2010 12:46 PM

[ enters room. nudges Kballs ]

Hey jackass...there was only one round in the gun. You're not dead.

Posted by: PissBoy at July 28, 2010 11:46 AM

____________

[opens eyes]

You are one ugleh maddafacka.

[closes eyes, holds breath]

Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2010 12:52 PM

But which sell-out is going to play the real life addition to the movie, so he can fund his expensive cabin in upstate New York? Come on, who's got some respectability to sell? Anyone? Anyone?

Posted by: katy at July 28, 2010 1:00 PM

clocker mwahahahaha. fantastic comment.

And now, I present to you Yogi Bear as a guest judge on Top Chef.

Scene 1:

Judges Table:

Yogi: "Ranger Collichio, as an expert on pic-i-nic baskets, let me begin by noting that the quiche was a poor selection! And don't even get me started on the Brunoised vegetables. This celery looks like it was diced by my mother-in-law, you know, the one who doesn't have an opposable thumb and parkinsons.

*Gail, Tom C, and Padma sit in stunned silence*

Yogi: "what, did I go too far? I joke because I care. I mean, cmon, if you wanted family-friendly criticism, you should have called Papa Bear from the Berenstein Bears. I'm fucking Yogi Bear. I bring the hammer."

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at July 28, 2010 1:05 PM

But which sell-out is going to play the real life addition to the movie, so he can fund his expensive cabin in upstate New York?

Exactly. Dan Ackroyd sold out long ago (even though we may still love him) and Justin Timberlake, eh, who cares? But really, what victim does this atrocity have yet to claim? Whose actual face will appear in the movie?

Posted by: MM at July 28, 2010 1:18 PM

[watches Kballs turn blue. stifles laughter]

Posted by: PissBoy at July 28, 2010 1:40 PM

@mrcreosote:
Duh, it's dick in a pb&j.

Posted by: jen at July 28, 2010 1:41 PM

But really, what victim does this atrocity have yet to claim? Whose actual face will appear in the movie?

I solemnly nominate Brendan Frasier for that dubious honor.

I always fucking hated Boo-Boo, so it's fitting to me that he is voiced by painfully unfunny JT.

I also always hated Scrappy Doo. I have a thing against diminutive sidekicks, clearly.

Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at July 28, 2010 1:56 PM

But.... but... Brendan Fraser has LONG since destroyed any vestiges of dignity in his career. He's already been in that talking racoon vs. developer movie. No matter how ridiculous, this movie could not make it worse.

And Justin Timberlake has been pretty funny on SNL. And did you see the Punk'd episode he was on? (Neither did I, only clips. But I laughed!) So I wouldn't call him painfully unfunny, but, on the other side of the coin, I really don't care if his career & credibility go down in flames.

But, like, Lee Pace in Marmaduke? I has a sad. Will Arnett in G-Force? Not entirely unexpected, but still makes ya wince a little. Jeff Goldblum in Cats & Dogs??? Hugh Laurie in Stuart Little??? Bill Murray in Garfield??? He only just took the sting of that away with his awesomeness.

SIGH.

I know, it's for the children. Think of the children.

Posted by: MM at July 28, 2010 2:34 PM

You know, most Yogi Bear cartoons didn't have enough plot to fill out 10 minutes, much less a couple of hours. There was lots of pointless running around.

Although kids get the shit-end of the stick when it comes to movies, that doesn't mean that kids CHOOSE the shit-end of the stick. It's parents that assume their little darling offspring are going to glaze over in abject delight at six minutes of plot interspersed with 84 minutes of pointless running around.

STOP TAKING YOUR KIDS TO SEE CRAP. STOP BEING NOSTALGIC FOR YOUR *OWN* CHILDHOOD CRAP. STOP FEEDING YOUR KIDS CHEF BOYARDEE JUST BECAUSE YOU ATE IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS GOOD ITS JUST THAT IT WAS FAST AND CHEAP AND YOUR MOM WASALLOUTOFBOLOGNAARRRRGGGGGGH.[bang]

Posted by: Wednesday at July 28, 2010 4:03 PM

DUSTIN! DON'T DOOOO IIIIITTT! YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANYTHING IN YOUR LIIIIIIIIIFE!!!

*power rings a hand to wrest the gun away, but finds he's too late*

So shines a noble deed, in a weary world.

I blame you, Boo-Boo. I. Blame. YOU.

Posted by: Green Lantern at July 28, 2010 4:08 PM

*power rings a hand to wrest the gun away, but finds he's too late*

What -- there aren't enough other context clues that might suggest he's dead already? The puddle of blood on the floor doesn't tell you anything? The hole in his face? You get nothing from that?

God, you're a moron.

Posted by: Sinestro at July 28, 2010 7:58 PM

(enters room. surveys carnage. kicks gun away from nearest hand and into corner. lifts wallets from the dead. turns wallets upside down, shakes. cartoon moths fly out [IN 3-D!], movie theater ticket stubs and wrapped condoms fall out. remembers the dead are Pajibites. curses the poor. fucking poor. retrieves gun. walks out door to nearest bank. holds up bank. on payroll day. absconds with lotsa loot. gets plane ticket. bribes extradition authorities and lives high on hog [amid other things] in Honduras. convicted in absentia of robbing bank. suspected of killing roomful of Pajibites but never charged. considered justifiable homicide. lauded in editorials as having done world a great favor. pardoned by President Palin. returns home to ticker-tape parade. named ambassador to Canada. accused of allowing oil companies to run roughshod over Canadian drilling restrictions in return for poutine bribes. announces "you'll never take me alive." picks up gun ...)

THE END

Posted by: , at July 28, 2010 10:16 PM

,

You got ALL THAT from a picture of Yogi and Boo-boo after the best 69 of their lives?

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 28, 2010 10:26 PM

I don't have a witty/sarcastic comment D:

Posted by: Aaliyah at July 30, 2010 4:29 AM