Batman Needs A Woman
By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (46)
We’re almost two years away from the release of The Dark Knight Rises, Christopher Nolan’s likely final entry in his thus far superb series of Batman films. Two years. Which means we’ve got a long time for speculation, adulation, criticism, fawning, bitching, hand-wringing, and general nerdtastic fanboy splodeyism. Yes, all of those are words. Fuck you.
Speaking of nerdtastic, am I the only one who inexplicably doesn’t like the title, The Dark Knight Rises? Something just seems off about it. I dunno. Whatever. Moving on.
Women have not fared particularly well in Nolan’s Batman universe. Katie Holmes, as Rachel Dawes, was messed up by the Scarecrow and gave an breathtakingly dull performance. Maggie Gyllenhaal, who I think is lovely and amazingly talented, took over the role and got herself blown to smithereens and was derided by shallow dickheads as not being pretty enough, which is a) one of the most idiotic, immature, asinine and generally shitty criticisms one can make, and b) not true and c) irrelevant anyway, because she’s a damn fine actress.
/rant
Anyway, news rumor broke today that three actresses are either attached or auditioning for roles in the film. The first is that Charlize Theron has been offered the role of Sarah Esson, a detective who Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman) has an affair, an eventually marries. She was created during Frank Miller’s Year One series, and I barely remember her. But the more key piece is that if she’s being cast, and by a potentially big-name actress, that means more screen time for Oldman, which is never, ever a bad thing.
Secondly, both Vera Farmiga (The Departed and Kacie Thomas (um…) auditioned for the role of Julie Madison, the love interest for Bruce Wayne. The character was portrayed (miserably and boringly) by Elle MacPherson in Joel Schumacher’s atrocious Batman & Robin. I don’t know shit about Kacie Thomas, but she can’t possibly be worse. Vera Farmiga is absolutely brilliant, so that’d be a win too. Madison has had a few different iterations in the confusing-as-fuck DC universe, but the most recent, post-Crisis incarnation was a law student and daughter of a businessman who’s in debt to Sal Maroni (played by Eric Roberts in The Dark Knight), so that incarnation makes the most sense.
It’s an interesting mix. Nothing is solid yet, all is conjecture. But the discussion is worth having. Personally, I’d love to see Farmiga in the part — Thomas has a pretty threadbare resume, but at the very least, she seems a bit young. As for Charlize Theron, I used to hate her. Loathe her, in fact. Until I saw this:
(source: Slashfilm)
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Comments
Posted by: coveredinbees at November 3, 2010 10:31 AM
Let them choose Mylène Jampanoi:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYTqh6SqJhs
Posted by: Poet at November 3, 2010 10:35 AM
At least they won't have to work very hard to name the inevitable porn version.
Posted by: Paul Southworth at November 3, 2010 10:35 AM
Oh my god. That Between Two Ferns episode/clip/whatever was so hilariously funny! Thank you, TK, for that.
Also, thank you for your excellent and right-on-the-money defense of Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Also, also, Vera Farmiga is wonderful. More of her in everything, please.
Posted by: tamatha at November 3, 2010 10:37 AM
I hate the title as well. It's so...cheesy? Yup, I'll go with cheesy.
As for the female role, I agree that Vera Farmiga would be great. I initially though that Theron is too old (don't hate me! I'm sorry!) for the movie, but then I remembered how old Oldman is in the part, so I think it might be a perfect match.
*Also, I just love that picture of Maggie. How anyone could call her unattractive is beyond me.
Posted by: Scully at November 3, 2010 10:37 AM
I'm sorry, but Charlize Theron blows goats. Really, I heard it from a friend of a friend who saw Ferris Bueller at 31 Flavors... She destroys everything she touches. Aeon Flux...I still choke up bile when I think of her in that movie. I will officially complain loudly, yet still watch the damn movie if she is in it.
The title sucks. Where is he rising from? Why is he rising?
Btw, who is the hot chick in the photo? Goodness gracious, me oh my.
Posted by: Skeetikus at November 3, 2010 10:39 AM
Ahem, the picture at the top, Scully? That's Farmiga. Though I do see a resemblance now that you mention.
Posted by: coveredinbees at November 3, 2010 10:41 AM
All I know is if you bing (yah, my IE 64bit uses it, don't laugh) Kacie Thomas Image Search, I see far too many penises.
No idea what that means, but I blame Joel Schumacher.
Posted by: Taj Mc. at November 3, 2010 10:48 AM
Well, I think they're both smoking hot, so no foul. It is a delicious picture!
Posted by: Scully at November 3, 2010 10:50 AM
Vera Farmiga is close to perfection. Can she be Talia Al'Ghul, instead? Or Catwoman? She'd make a wonderful Catwoman. C'mon, Chris, you know I love you, but why can't a woman kick ass and chew bubble* gum next to/against Batman?
How can you hate, even loathe, Charlize Theron? I thought you loved Arrested Development like every good citizen?
*And she's all outta bubble gum.
Posted by: RobP at November 3, 2010 11:00 AM
And for those getting hung up on the title, I have two words for you: Batman Begins.
Posted by: RobP at November 3, 2010 11:02 AM
Though I do see a resemblance now that you mention.
Yes. They both have brown hair. And boobs. And legs and arms. The resemblance is remarkable indeed. Except that Maggie has a chronic hunching condition. And her nose is . . . unusual. And her eyes are droopy. And her cheekbones want to swallow her mouth.
Other than, they're like dopplegangers and shit.
Posted by: Kballs at November 3, 2010 11:03 AM
I want a badass Catwoman. I'm thinking Emily Blunt or Mila Kunis.
Posted by: ZO at November 3, 2010 11:04 AM
How can you hate, even loathe, Charlize Theron? I thought you loved Arrested Development like every good citizen?
I... um... have... uh, well, see...
I'veneverseenArrestedDevelopmentnotevenasinglesecondofit.
Don't you judge me, you fucks.
Posted by: TK at November 3, 2010 11:04 AM
Sal Maroni (played by Eric Roberts in The Dark Knight)
Eric Roberts has the most schizophrenic career. He was in The Dark Knight AND in Sharktopus! That's kind of fabulous.
Posted by: Edith at November 3, 2010 11:06 AM
You will burn in the fiery pits of hell for your transgressions against Ms. Theron and your lack of Arrested Development consumption!
Ahem. I actually hope it's not Vera Farmiga as that would make for some very awkward pantal fumbling in the theater.
Posted by: Robert Scott at November 3, 2010 11:08 AM
The Dark Knight Rises is awkward because it's just the title of the previous film with "Rises" added to it. It's lame and lazy and smacks too much of "look, you liked the last one! This one is similar!"
And it looks awkward:
- Batman Begins
- The Dark Knight
- The Dark Knight Rises
Just... no.
Also, I'm hoping Commisioner Gordon doesn't have an affair. Whose crazy idea was thát? He doesn't seem at all the type, much as I love Gary Oldman. I liked the idea of Gordon as a principled family man.
Posted by: Linda at November 3, 2010 11:19 AM
Mmmm, Vera Farmiga.... Oh, sorry bout that.
Arrested Development...never ever watched a second of it either.
And I still hate Charlize Theron. Blows goats, I'm telling you. Look it up if you don't believe me.
Posted by: Skeetikus at November 3, 2010 11:20 AM
1) "am I the only one who inexplicably doesn’t like the title"
Nope. I don't like it either. I don't like The Caped Crusader either, but if I were choosing, because of course it's all about yours truly, I would have gone simple and named it Gotham. Call me, Nolan.
2) I'm only disappointed in the possible female casting because I wanted Talia as the secondary villain and as a bridge between Bruce and Batman, since that issue has gone largely unexplored.
3) The more JimGary OldmanGordon, the better.
4) Has anyone looked at the cast list from Batman & Robin? There's a ton of people in that movie that I just don't remember. Elle MacPherson, Jessie Ventura, Vivica A. Fox (hazy but I can see her in my head), and Doug "HE HAUNTS MY SLEEP" Hutchison.
Posted by: D-Day at November 3, 2010 11:20 AM
I loved Charlize Theron IN Arrested Development..but hate her outside of it. I think she's a boring and overrated actress with an annoying mumble-mouth.
Posted by: citizen_cris at November 3, 2010 11:21 AM
Sorry, TK, Maggie is homely. She belongs in Indie films only.
Posted by: Skeetikus at November 3, 2010 11:21 AM
Hate on Charlize?
You'll be coming around to Heigl's charms in a few years too.
Posted by: , at November 3, 2010 11:22 AM
I like Charlize Theron. And yet, I don't like Arrested Development.
How will I be classified when President Palin rezones the nation?
Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 3, 2010 11:24 AM
Aeon Flux...I still choke up bile when I think of her in that movie.
That was in no way her fault. It was no one's fault. Except whatever moron thought you could turn Aeon Flux into anything other than a brainmelting mindfuck.
Posted by: twig at November 3, 2010 11:40 AM
I don't care for the title, either. I would have preferred The Caped Crusader but really would have been happy with any title which lacked portions of the previous titles.
I also agree that Maggie Gyllenhall is pretty and simply can't wrap my brain around the contempt slung her way because "she isn't pretty". I don't get it. I find her unconventional looks very attractive and I also think she performs quite well.
Posted by: lubeg at November 3, 2010 12:08 PM
From a remote location in California State, we damn the man and save the Empire with this Snarkiness...
How the [CENSORED] do you consider Mila Kunis a worthy Catwoman? I'd say easily Talia Al'Gul, but not Miss Kitty.
We should all pray to Godtopus we don't get Myguns Focks (Megan Fox for the sarcastically impaired)as the cat. She'll put that role in the crapper too.
I think we need a good replace on Joker (I'm saying Mark-Paul Gosselaar [I know, but hear me out] based on his recent appearance [as in looks] in Raising the Bar he could look like Heath, the acting may be suspect but the look might work) and Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn) needs to arrive. For that role, I'll go Kristen Bell for scary psycho Shrink.
Or you can revisit Scarecrow and introduce Fright, his assistant (Go Check Wiki.).
That or introduce The Black Mask, Deadshot, Mr. Zsasz, Roxy Rocket, you get the idea.....
Posted by: Kahntahmp at November 3, 2010 12:09 PM
I won't judge you, TK, but I will quietly feel pity for you. Not for Skeetikus, though, who is clearly just an ass. You don't have to think she's a good actress, bro, but you completely missed the point where Teek (totally using this from now on, feel free) said Gyllenhaal "was derided by shallow dickheads as not being pretty enough, which is a) one of the most idiotic, immature, asinine and generally shitty criticisms one can make." Well done proving him right.
I'm not saying The Dark Knight Rises is a good title, or that it's remotely aesthically pleasing when lining all the titles up together, I'm just saying it doesn't matter. Get. Over. It.
Posted by: RobP at November 3, 2010 12:13 PM
Sarah Esson, a detective who Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman) has an affair, an eventually marries and eventually gets her brains blown out by the Joker.
/value
Posted by: superasente at November 3, 2010 12:14 PM
[CENSORED]
I'm sending this to the Department of Redundancy Department.
Posted by: superasente at November 3, 2010 12:17 PM
[CENSORED]
I'm sending this to the Department of Redundancy Department.
That's all you got me on? Wow. I need to work harder.
Posted by: Kahntahmp at November 3, 2010 12:22 PM
No Catwoman and No Vera Farmiga as any Bruce/Batman´s love interest,please!!!!
Posted by: Juli at November 3, 2010 12:33 PM
@Kahntahmp
Worthy ideas, but you're perhaps forgetting that this is Christopher Nolan. He doesn't cast schlock (Megan Fox), he respects Heath's performance enough not to go back to the Joker, and he goes for not just big-name actors, but big names who can do something on screen. Everyone in Inception was established in some way, be it with Nolan or on their own credibility (yes I know, Ellen Paige, but let's just ignore that flame war).
That knocks out fanboy-ish (not meant in a negative way) casting of Goselaar, who's never proven himself to be anywhere near Heath, who at least was great in Brokeback to the extent that you knew he could act. You can also cross out Kristen Bell, who despite her Pajiba-darling-ness, would get destroyed by one Batpunch and still hasn't been in anything to deliver on the promise of Veronica Mars.
I agree Harley Quinn would be interesting, but that character lives on the parasitic and sympathetic (parasympathetic?) relationship between her and Mr. J. No Joker, no Quinn.
Posted by: D-Day at November 3, 2010 12:59 PM
@kahntahmp zsasz was in batman begins
Posted by: superking at November 3, 2010 12:59 PM
Damn Charlize Theron for being hilarious AND looking ridiculously gorgeous even with no makeup on and messy hair. That was brilliant. She'd be good, but isn't she doing that Hancock monstrosity, if they're doing a second one of those? I'd vote Vera Fermigia.
The Dark Knight Rises
The Dark Knight Brushes His Teeth
The Dark Knight Takes a Shower
The Dark Knight Makes Coffee
The Dark Knight Eats Pancakes
The Dark Knight Drives to Work
The Dark Knight Gets Stuck in Traffic for Two Hours
The Dark Knight Decides to Take the Bus From Now On
The Dark Knight is Yelled at by Boss
The Dark Knight Regrets Having Risen
Posted by: figgy at November 3, 2010 1:05 PM
Maybe nobody thought Maggie was pretty in the Dark Knight because she spent the entire movie scowling. I'm a fan of hers and it was a definite improvement from Katie Holmes, but she had zero chemistry with Bale or Eckhart and the attempts to make Rachel Dawes a more empowered, independent lady mostly came off as huge bitch to me.
I'm also of the opinion that Dark Knight Rises is a pretty lame cop-out title. I get it, Batman's popular again by the end of it. Very compelling.
As far as Vera goes, I just want to see a leading lady that has chemistry with Bale, I'm sure she'd be fine but, in character, isn't she a little old to be a law student?
Posted by: valerie at November 3, 2010 1:07 PM
It's never too late to go back to school. She could be an adult learner.
But I am all for Vera. She's quite pretty & very talented. As for Maggie: she looks fine & normal -- nothing to go gaga over, but not mangled-looking.
I could care less about the title. It's more the content that I care about.
Someone mentioned Zsasz. I love this idea, but he did appear briefly in Batman Begins. No Catwoman, PLEASE. I'd go for Hush.
Posted by: shanmarie at November 3, 2010 1:26 PM
Isn't Bale too old to date a law student?
Posted by: coveredinbees at November 3, 2010 1:53 PM
Dude, I just want a decent Catwoman. I want that with every cell in my body. Please, Mr. Nolan, don't let me down. I want the Burbaker Catwoman on the screen, to wash out the taste of that horrible Halle Berry dreck. God, please.
Posted by: lise at November 3, 2010 2:15 PM
Keep your playful, suggestive Catwoman out of my dark, tragic Batman movies. It would be rad if they just broke it wide open & let in all of the supernatural villains, e.g. Killer Croc, Clayface, etc. Call it Batman: Oh Hell Naw or Batman Quits.
I'm all for bringing back Two Face, shouldn't have killed him off in the first place, idiots.
Posted by: the new transported man at November 3, 2010 2:33 PM
I would crap myself with joy if there was ever a Batman movie with the word "detective" in the title. Or that, y'know, showed him doing some detecting (yeahyeahyeah investigating). He is The World's Greatest Detective and all.
Also, no one should complain about Maggie Gyllenhaal after we had Droopy the hound in the other one with a bad title.
Props to those who beat me to it on the Joker defacing Sarah Esson-Gordon.
Posted by: coryo at November 3, 2010 4:58 PM
I...233rd the Vera Farmiga lust. I don't care which character she plays as long as she looks hot.
And nothing on this earth can convince me that Maggie Gyllenhaal is beautiful. I'm sorry, but I have EYES.
Posted by: Joker at November 3, 2010 6:54 PM
They need to pick the one with the biggest juggs.
That is all.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2010 7:17 PM
That is a shitballs stupid title. What's the next one going to be, The Dark Knight Lays Down for a Nap? The very thought makes me drool a bit. And not in the way that I drool at the thought of Gary Oldman getting more screen time.
Posted by: stardust at November 3, 2010 7:25 PM
I agree, that title is not good.
In fact, it sounds smutty.
Still, I can get past that if they opt for a remotely coherent plot this time.
And while I'm dreaming, please can it come in at no longer than 120 minutes?
Posted by: Simon at November 3, 2010 8:51 PM
For the love of God, he'd better put Catwoman in this bitch or I'll be pissed.
Posted by: duckandcover at November 3, 2010 11:21 PM
Honestly, if a villain has been beaten like a dead horse its Catwoman. Please, no Catwoman.
Posted by: chris at November 11, 2010 1:40 PM
First of all, Vera Farmiga is so f*cking pretty and, on top of that, such a heart-wrenchingly good actress. So this? This makes me really, very happy.
Second of all, The Dark Knight Rises will never not inspire me to sing CCR. . . .
don't go round tonight. . .it's bound to take your liiiiife. . .there's a Dark Knight on the rise. . ." *
*TM a friend of mine.