Pajiba

Oh come on, League wasn't that bad. It only finally destroyed the career of Sean Connery and completely obliterated the source material.

Some of those actors are actually quite accomplished, I hate that movie for what it did to them.

Here's a few amusing links in case anyone else needs to wash the taste of that news out of their brainstem:

Heterosexuality is a house of cards that can collapse at any time.

Fist Me This Christmas. A decidedly different sort of carol. Probably NSFW.

Clearly they needed a remake to make a complete set with the 3 awful sequels. Yes, I said 3. Having one excellent film in the mix doesn't make sense. Though The Crow 4: Wicked Prayer can be so bad it's good with sufficient alcohol. David Boreanez gets hit in the head with cake.

You'd think the lack of a single good spin-off property would have been a hint.

Ladies and gentlemen it gives me great pleasure to bring you the following announcement.

The scientists at Pajiba Labs Inc. have made a revolutionary discovery that will change the face of human biology forever. They have discovered that; contrary to scientific fact, pro-life supporters and commonly accepted theory, you can indeed get pregnant by engaging in anal sex.

It has been proven that this is an extremely rare occurance that only happens when two reccesive carriers of a certain gene engage in intercourse of this type. For example: douche mates with douche, idiot/douche or asshat/fuckwad couplings may produce these rectal fertilizations.

It should be considered that conception by this method does have one significant drawback. It turns out that the principals of physics also hold true in these situations. That is; what goes up must come down, always raise with pocket aces and what goes in must come out. Therefore if you conceive by this method you can look forward to a slightly uncomfotable colonic birth.

With that, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. Stephen Norrington. The world's first buttbaby.

*occurrence
*recessive
Hee!

They have discovered that; contrary to scientific fact, pro-life supporters and commonly accepted theory, you can indeed get pregnant by engaging in anal sex.

And so come down the bricks of the abstinence-only education's foundation.

Apparently I have to fire my editor.

.......why?

I want to hear this motherfucker tell me why he thought this was a good idea. And if the answer isn't "psychotic producers have kidnapped my family and threatened to kill them if I didn't do this remake", I want to crush his brain with my boot. Through his ear.

I was never impressed with the original. And Brandon Lee, may he rest in peace, was a shitty shitty shitty actor riding hard on the goodwill Hollywood had for his dad.

And I ain't saying his death wasn't a terrible thing, but you know he would have starred in a bunch of shitty sequels if he was still alive. And also some shitty action movies, because that's already where his career was headed. And his career would be a joke today. Like Eric Roberts, but without the confusion-inducing Academy Award and Golden Globe nominations.

And before you ask, yes, I do hate kittens, puppies, Mom's apple pie, rainbows, butterflies, and fluffy little baby hedgehogs.

But I love dong!

Wait, does donglover need a hyphen?

If they are this desperate for fodder these days in Hollywood, they should remake all the ground-breaking movies.

Remake Blade Runer.

Remake fucking Dr. Strangelove.

Remake 2001: A Space Odyssey.

What the fuck: remake all the Clint Eastwood westerns, all the Dirty Harry Movies.

In fact, they should also remake all the porn shot in the 70's so that they can improve the production values, only shoot it with A-List talent to really class it up. Imagine "The Devil in Ms. Jones" starring Jennifer Aniston.

Imagine "The Devil in Ms. Jones" starring Jennifer Aniston.

Hell is watching Jennifer Aniston going to hell? Lots of shouting and hand-wringing and whining and not the top candidate to gratuitously see naked anyway....

Yep, that's a diabolical plan you've got there.

I just died a little inside. I'm just going to close my eyes, put my fingers in my ears, and sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the top of my lungs until this goes away from my brain.

I hate them. I hate them and I want them to burn.

Make peace with whatever gods you pray to, Branded.

Oh.

Well.

there will be blood

Oh sweet satan on a moped NO!

Someone fetch me a paper bag before I hyperventilate with rage.

I hate The Crow, but I hate remakes of cult movies even more.

I'm searching desperately for a silver lining so I won't start crying before work. Maybe they'll bring Brandon Lee back from the dead to star? He'd totally be the sexiest zombie ever. Yes! Happy thought!

I'm sorry, Batman and Robin is the absolute worst superhero movie ever followed closely by Superman IV.

Ok dude the movies wasn't that great. The music was freakin' awesome though, and that "Burn" song was killer as well as many of the other songs. So I will agree with you on that one. I can't believe they're remaking it though...these hacks are seriously killing my love of all movies. I don't even watch movies anymore, I watch mostly TV shows on DVDs like The Wire and It's Always Sunny in Philly. Screw this shitty movie machine and all it symbolizes!!!!

WHAT???

hbng bvhggbvvgbfgfvgbfgvbfgfbvt bhnghngbgbvfzszs fvghjnubu vgfvgf

That's what me beating my head on the keyboard translates to.

A Crow remake and a reboot/sequel/whatever for The Phantom. Somebody should remake Spawn and we'd have a "Shitty Comic Book Movies From the 90s" Axis of Evil.

Crow's not as bad as Phantom or Spawn...it's just stultifyingly mediocre. A couple of good fight scenes (especially the one in the above shot)but not much else. I think Crow gets a pass for its gothic tone coupled w/ Lee's tragic death. Myth-making were those two events. If Lee did not die on set, people would not remember The Crow.

If the offer still stands Mike R., I'd welcome the chance to slaughter what's left of my (and others') precious movie memories.

In the spirit of full disclosure, if anyone remakes Blazing Saddles, I will go off the map, abandon my family, and never be heard from again except for a string of unsolved murders involving only a tire iron and schnitzengruben.

I'd like to occupy the position of either Key Grip or Executive in Charge of Prodding TK With a Big Pointy Stick. I'm more of a broad idea man and not suited for lengthy movie proposals due mostly to my short shockingly short attention hey let's go ride bikes!

"Is it strange that, if I stare at Xian's post long enough, I see a sailboat?"

You dumb bastard, it's not a sailboat, it's a schooner

A schooner is a sailboat, you sloppy bitch!

It may interest that little shit in Mallrats to know that in some parts of Australia, a schooner is a beer, not a sailboat. So yeah. Fuck him. The Easter Bunny doesn't exist!

Clint Westwood here, yeah, the guy who pied Santa on CNN. The Crow has been my favorite movie ever since it first came out. At risk of sounding like I have a big head, I think its safe to say that I'm the biggest Crow fan out there. I've even been to Brandon's grave at Lake View Cemetery. So I think my two cents would be helpful. I can totally see how it would be a total mistake to remake The Crow for the more modern times. It will put a spotlight on the original Crow for a very short time for all the wrong reasons. As much as I want more people to see the original Crow movie, I don't want them to see it just because a new one is being made. People will think its cool to have seen the original just because the new one is coming out. And if the new Crow movie is very popular then everyone will forget about the old one after time and whenever someone references The Crow, everyone will think they are talking about the new version. The fact is, it has the potential to completely change The Crow's credibility. But for good or bad will remain a mystery ... for now. To be honest, I can't wait to see the new Crow remake. And you know why? I just wanna see what happens. Because I know that whatever happens with this new remake, nothing will change the fact that the original will always be my favorite movie of all time. The new remake could be absolutely awful and it wouldn't change a thing for me. The original would still be my favorite movie of all time and I would still be grateful that I got see if the remake lived up to the original or not. And if the remake turns out to be totally awesome, I can hold my head high knowing that the original is still my favorite but the remake is not too far behind it. Besides, it can't be any worse than all those awful sequels that somehow got made.