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That's Not My Name!: Popular Baby Monikers Coming To An Infant Near You!

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | December 11, 2012 | Comments ()


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Baby names are something that are discussed at length amongst Pajibans on the Facebook. It has been determined that we will soon be in a world of adults named Klasseigh, Jerreigh, Hashtag, Fail Whale, and Tard Cat. I'm not sure if this is a leap forward, but some of the popular names for babies are also coming from more pop culture sources. These kids are going to Google their names one day and end up wading through the nastiest fanfic this side of "Cupcakes". (Do not Google fanfic "Cupcakes". If you do, don't read it. Gah.)

I can't imagine explaining to my kid where I came up with their name if I chose most of these.

"Well, sweetie, I watched The Hunger Games and was so taken with one of the murderous children that I named you Cato."
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"There was a little girl in a battle for her life. She was killed by one of the other children. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUE!"
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"There were these popular books about sparkly vampires and then they made movies about them! It was super sweet. I named you after the large, sort of doltish vampire with the huge biceps and the six-pack, so sexy...Now go clean your room, Emmett."
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"Oh, Katniss! You are so funny! Now go practice another 8 hours with your bow and arrow in case we need you to fight to the death."
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"Damn it, Primrose. I don't understand why you decided to dance at The Pink Panther. I was really hoping you'd learn to make goat cheese on a hippie commune."
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"If it's good enough for Nic Cage's weird goth kid, it's good enough for you, Weston."
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"Adele is a popular singer. Her voice brings people to tears and she sang the best James Bond theme ever in the history of the world." "I love you, Mom." "And I love you, Aria."
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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • HaydenT

    Love the name Inara but naming my daughter after a space prostitute seems like a very bad idea.

  • randomhookup

    In the future, our dogs will be named Edgar and Prudence. Our children will be named Rumspringa and Turbulence.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I want dogs named Sookie and Kermit!

  • Bodhi

    My toddly is named Arleigh. DH has a buddy from way back with the name & I thought it was awesome (it still it). Its uncommon, but it isn't weird or flat out made up. Lots of people look at me like I've misplaced an H & they get confused when I spell it, but he'll be the only one in his class & that was important to me. "Slightly off" is where I am most comfortable

  • Uriah_Creep

    And of course we have Darling Overlord's twin daughters, Tootsie Rowles and Dinner Rowles.

  • BWeaves

    Wendy was invented by J.M. Barrie in "Peter Pan." Full name? Wendy Darling.

    It doesn't seem so weird now.

    Anyone go to school with a Kunta Kinte or Kizzy?
    I met a Kizzy, and my first words to her were, "I know exactly when you were born."

  • e jerry powell

    Kunta Kinte would have been too cliche. Kizzy, at least, means "stay put."

  • Mrs. Julien

    I have a friend Wendy with brothers named Michael and John.

    "Miranda comma Darling" That's just for Malin.

  • Kati

    I've posted this before, but there are two gems currently walking the hallways of the high school in which I teach. The first is Ca'Vosier - he's not a student of mine, but he regularly turns up on the detention/suspension list.

    The second is a student of mine, and his name is Reighn, spelled just like that. When I met his mom, she said that she was perplexed by hm going by his first name, because he used to go by his middle name back up north - Ainsley.

    Scanning today's detention list now...ah, here's another great one - Ya'Launi. I wonder if it's ya-Lawny or ya-loony...
    And I almost forgot - I've got a student who goes by his middle name of Chance. Which isn't that big of a deal, until you learn that his last name is Luck.

  • e jerry powell

    I have a couple of black grandmothers, honey. These names ain't shit compared to what a strong black woman can come up with.

  • Bodhi

    Do tell

  • Hawkeye

    Having recently given birth and given the boy child a "normal" name, the boyfriend and I fought about the two names he wanted. Erwin Rommel & Heinz Guderian, me being German and he a WWII enthusiast, he figured it would be a no brainer, he figured wrong.

  • MissAmynae

    My extremely racist mother-in-law's name is Jo, and she desperately wants one of her grandkids to have her name. We've told her our first choice is JonahQuanda. Tee hee.

  • BlackRabbit

    D@mn you for putting that song in my head. :)

  • MissAmynae

    ?? ooh, what song? the closest thing to "JonahQuanda" is "Cunegonda" from Candide.....

  • BlackRabbit

    My brain went right to Sir Mix-A-Lot. " Perhaps I need to hear more music.

  • MissAmynae

    nothin wrong with that! my jonahquanda don't want none unless ya got buns hun! oh, i'm adding that to reasons to tell jo why we picked it- because its from our favorite song.

  • Slash

    It's amusing to me that people think naming their kid something "creative" demonstrates how much they care or somesuch. Honestly, I'm not sure what it actually demonstrates, other than proof that fewer people should procreate. And that attention whores should never procreate.

  • Mrs. Julien

    And that they don't understand the concept of nicknames.

  • anikitty

    Anyone know La-A and Ja-A? (that's "La dash a" and "Ja dash a") I didn't believe it until I saw their applications for school.

  • Bodhi

    Yup. Lemonjello & Orangello are my FAVORITE though

  • petitesuissesse

    I was named after the emotionally inept femme fatale in a French existential play about hell. It beats the name my father wanted to name me: Iphigenia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I...

  • Salieri2

    Wait, does that make you Estelle or Inès? I've never read "No Exit", but Inès seems like a badass.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Um, or he wanted to name you after the daughter Agamemnon sacrificed to his ambition.

  • petitesuissesse

    Precisely. I'm glad that's not my name.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ironically, Medea would be a bad mythological name now not because of the original connotation, but because of Tyler Perry (or is it Martin Lawrence?).

  • Maybe it's because I live in the South, or maybe it's because I write obituaries for a living, but I see way too many variations of the name "Brittany." Britney's parents were poor white trash. You really don't have to name your daughters after her, okay? The worst version ever - Britknee. Seriously.

    On a side note, the two most amusing names I've had come across my desk were Quiche Lorraine (yes, after the breakfast food) and Dv'qrrk, a name with no vowels and that no one in the family could agree how to pronounce.

  • Salieri2

    Bloom County shout-out!!

  • PDamian

    Back in the 1990s, I had a fair number of Briannas in my classes -- along with Brienna, Bryanna, Breeanna, Bree-anne, and so help me God, Briiannee. Some folks are too stupid to live.

  • ,

    McKenzie, MaKenzie, MacKenzie, M'Kenzie etc. etc. etc. And all the variations of Kayla, McKayla, Kayleigh and on and on.

    My daughter says it's weird giving a girl a "Mac" name when "Mac" is Scottish for "son of."

  • PDamian

    Smart kid!

  • brite

    My niece was named Brittany when she was born mid-80's and HATED her name pretty much until she became an adult and changed it. Fortunately it's fairly easy to legally change your name.

  • VonnegutSlut

    My cousin dated a dude who was my age (31--and my cousin is 21) and had a kid named Elora.

    When he first told me her name, I said, "Oh cool, like Elora Danon?" Blank stare. "The little baby from WILLOW?" Even blanker. "The movie?" The blankness continued. "Never heard of all that," he said. Never even HEARD of it?!?!?!?

    I almost revoked his Child O' The 80s Card right then and there.

  • BBB40

    Seriously? My daughter was born last year and we named her Elora - specifically because of Willow. I've always thought it was a pretty name.

  • BWeaves

    Nothing new here. You all know I'm old. When I was 12 years old, I met a pair of brothers at my grandparent's synagogue. Doctors Alka and Bromo Seltzer. I kid you not.

    I'm also a weaver (note my moniker BWeaves, it's not my name, but what I do). Back in the 1800's there was a Quaker family (in a book about weavers) with 15 children named: Parvis, Picus, Piersus, Prisemus, Polybius, Lois, Lettice, Avis, Anstice, Eunice, Mary, John, Elizabeth, Ruth, and Freelove.

    Freelove was born in the 1860's. Yup, there's just something about the 60's. And Freeborn Church made looms and spinning wheels in the 1800's, too.

    Then there was Landworthy Pierce, a veteran of the Revolutionary War.

    I personally went to high school with a boy named Skunk Bass in the 1970s. He became a rodeo cowboy.

    When I was born, we lived next to a couple who named their daughter Zane after a character in a scifi book the mother was reading while pregnant.

  • Bodhi

    I had a roommate who's sister dated a guy named High Noon. His family lived in Alaska & had never had running water

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I work in events, and I have kept the badge for attendee Stirling Broadhead because it cracks me up.

  • Mrs. Julien

    My ex-boyfriend had a student named McGregor Steele.

  • BWeaves

    My husband had a student from Thailand named Phuc Hu. That's when my husband quit taking role outloud and just passed around a sign up sheet.

  • Mavler

    My cousin had a baby girl in 1995 and named her Foreste. No one talks about it when we get together at family gatherings but we all know she was named after Forest Gump.

  • When folks asked my husband or I what we planned to name the baby, we frequently answered with our reject list: Hephzibah, Hethelrede, Malvolio, Sherlock, Caesonia, etc. We had great fun proposing new dreadful or historically tainted names to each other, but actually granted our spawn slightly unusual (for the U.S.) but not weird monikers with perfectly staid middle names.

  • Mavler

    My mother's childhood nickname for me was Malvolio. I haven't the slightest idea what her expectations were, but I think it's safe to say, one way or the other, that I did not live up to them!

  • BlackRabbit

    No Navi's? Or hell, I'd name my kid Loki. That could never go wrong.

  • Bert_McGurt

    My buddy's got a cousin named Thor. Does NOT live up to the name.

  • theotherone

    Chalupa Batman?

  • Jezzer

    I think giving children novelty names is more of a cry for attention on the part of the parents -- "LOOK HOW COOL AND NON-MAINSTREAM WE ARE!!" -- than it is any attempt to help the child forge an identity later in life. Unless that identity is "#1 spot on the Bullies' Hit List."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I see your point, but yes and no. As the only person in the U.S. with my full name - that's first & last, I don't have a middle - I'd rather have that than my nieces who are named something similar to Sarah Jones, Mary Jones and Katie Jones. that bland.

    I have interesting, though pre-existing names for my kids, should I ever have them, in mind. Unusual and perhaps a tad baroque, but not boring. Please, just not boring.

  • Anon

    I'd rather have an interesting kid with a boring name than a boring kid with an interesting name.

  • MissAmynae

    my nieces are Safyra Skye and Braelyn Alexa. luckily they're homeschooling.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    luckily?!

  • MissAmynae

    lucky in the teasing and bullying-wise sense only. i'm not personally a fan, but to each their own :-) Their parents fit Jezzer's profile very well, bless them.

  • jM

    My last name is Markes and I'm a terrible person, so I'm naming my kids Skid and Stretch and sleeping with the door locked.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    My last name is Bond, and my brother recently spawned. Now, the obvious choice is James, but we all hate that name, and the kid will get called Bond all his life anyway. So, my brother wanted to name him Otto. We agreed that Otto Bond was incredibly clever, unfortunately, his wife is a killjoy.

  • just julie

    I'm waiting for the flurry of kids named "Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All" among Who fans.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    My husband wanted to name our dog that. It was a close call but the dog's a ginger so it didn't work. If we get a black dog, we'll definitely go with Stormageddon, Stormy for short.

  • So glad I wasn't the only one who went there when I saw this title.

  • Alyson McManus

    unfortunately there will be many river songs or amy ponds.

  • just julie

    We named our new dog River Song Tam.

  • lilianna28

    Emmett was on our short list for baby boy #2 because of Back to the Future. Hubby wanted to call him "Doc". F-u for ruining it, Twilight. That and Belle. Always wanted a Belle ala Beauty and the Beast. Twilight ruins EVERYTHING

  • ,

    I used to work with a guy who said his brother called his (the brother's) penis "Emmett," as in, "Me and Emmett's goin' out tonight." I could never look at the all-time great Dallas running back the same way again.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Not because of a certain otter?

  • Alyson McManus

    and his jug band?

  • BWeaves

    Yes, I thought of the otter first, too. You ought to thank Twilight.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Or the unseen Richter quintuplet?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I know someone with a daughter named Aria (plus a generic last name). I kinda dig it. whats the point of having a plain last name, if you can't go a little Shenandoah on the first? My sister knows an actual John Smith.

    Speaking as someone who chose a traditional Scottish name for her son, one which is shared by someone I thought was a major movie star, and despite being only 4 letters is MASSIVELY confusing for people, I have come to the conclusion that parents just can't win. Ever. At anything parenting-related.

    Mostly, I'm just commenting because I'm working from home and I can.

  • Alyson McManus

    ewan is a wonderful first name. and how do people not know how to say ewan. i just assume since thats the first massive scottish movie star with a four letter name. that or jude.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Yep, it's Ewan. We even spelled it the same way for simplicity's sake. We get Evan (which I can see), Ewing, and then the people who pronounce it either like "ew-an" as yuck, or Youwan as in Obiwan (which admittedly is strangely appropriate).

    Judging by the credits in Trainspotting you can't swing a dead cat in Scotland without hitting a Ewan.

  • Alyson McManus

    ewan macgregor is a megastar and a megahottie how do people not know this!

  • anikitty

    Manti will be coming to a preschool near you in 5 years.

  • Bedewcrock

    I totally know a Lehi AND a Nephi.

  • Alyson McManus

    do you live in utah, southern idaho, montana or wyoming? cuz that would make sense

  • Bedewcrock

    yes. i made it out alive somehow with a pretty bland Biblical name.

  • BlackRabbit

    And yet you meet so few Rahabs. And of course, weird names are not new. http://tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com/...

  • Blake

    Whatever these two name their kidlet(s) I expect will scar the generation to come.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I can't be the only one figuring it's going to be Diana if it's a girl.

  • BWeaves

    I doubt it. Do you really think the royal family wants a Queen Diana to come to the throne?

  • Salieri2

    Not a whelk's chance in a supernova any of that kid's laundry list of names is Diana. I'm betting there's going to be at least one Mary and one Elizabeth in there.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Now? No. But her succession would be maybe 50, even 60 years down the road. And the massive amounts of goodwill that would result from Britain's beloved Prince naming his firstborn after his even-more-beloved deceased mother is a PR dream. I think it'd outweigh the risks and objections.

  • BWeaves

    Will and Kate are doormats who won't rock the boat. The kid will be Elizabeth the third with maybe Diana as a middle name.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I don't think they'll go Elizabeth either. My money's on Victoria!

  • Blake

    Most Sportsbooks have Diana at 12/1.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Please don't tell Mr. Julien I'm participating in this...

    There is no way in hell they will name that baby Diana as a given name. It would be like getting to see the Wizard: No way. No how.

    I don't think they're doormats as much as traditional and conservative. It makes sense considering they are part of an institution that has convinced itself, and even at times large parts of their country and the world, that they are important and relevant and their progeny matter.

  • Bodhi

    This. IF the their child is a girl, one of her names might be Diana, but it will more towards the middle of the pack. They remind me of a lot of the wealthy young couples I know back home; youthful & a little kicky, but very traditional when it comes down to it.

    If its a girl & they name her Caroline, I will throw up a lot in my mouth, $20 they won't have a Logan, Morgan, Oliver, or Liam though

  • Mrs. Julien

    Oliver would be a VERY interesting choice.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    Picking a kid's name is terrifying. Imagine you were the parent who named your daughter Buffy before the show/movie came out, your poor kid is scarred for life and there's nothing you can do about it.

    I have a couple of names picked out for my future son/daughter but I plan on giving him/her a nice middle name so they'll always have a second choice.

  • 724wd

    my wife and i named our daughter Anya. not as a tribute, but because we liked that name.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    Anya's a beautiful name. It's a super common name for people with Russian/Slavic ancestry.

  • 724wd

    which neither my Lao wife or me (german/scot) have...

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Your kid'll be scarred for life anyway, because YOU NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER BUFFY. She'd probably benefit from the show, because otherwise people would think you named her after a playboy model or a stripper.

  • Guest

    Double comment. Sorry.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Or a floor polisher.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    Ha! I only used it as an example because I actually knew a (blonde, petite) Buffy and she always got sh*t for her name.

  • PDamian

    I'm dating myself here, but there was a TV show back in the late 60s/early 70s called Family Affair, featuring a little blonde girl with curls named Buffy (the character, not the actress). If you're my age (late 40s), "Buffy" suggests the little girl rather than the vampire slayer.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I went to private school and each grade had at least one girl with a very top drawer nickname: Buffy, Frosty, Tuppy and so on. Speaking as someone who reads a lot of historical romance novels genre fiction, "Tuppy" is suddenly a much funnier nickname. I wonder what kind of work she went into?

  • Salieri2

    I always think "Tuppy Glossop."

  • Mrs. Julien

    Is he related to Sir Roderick Glossop? Did I get the reference?

    http://www.drones.com/pgw.cgi

    Subject: [jiba] Re: That's Not My Name!: Popular Baby Monikers Coming To An Infant Near You!

  • Salieri2

    Nephew of! http://www.gutenberg.org/files...

    "I'm not saying I don't love the little blighter," he said, obviously moved. "I love her passionately. But that doesn't alter the fact that I consider that what she needs most in this world is a swift kick in the pants."

    A Wooster could scarcely pass this. "Tuppy, old man!"

    "It's no good saying 'Tuppy, old man'."

    "Well, I do say 'Tuppy, old man'. Your tone shocks me. One raises the eyebrows. Where is the fine, old, chivalrous spirit of the Glossops."

    "That's all right about the fine, old, chivalrous spirit of the Glossops. Where is the sweet, gentle, womanly spirit of the Angelas? Telling a fellow he was getting a double chin!"

    "Did she do that?"

    "She did."

    "Oh, well, girls will be girls. Forget it, Tuppy. Go to her and make it up."

    He shook his head.

    "No. It is too late. Remarks have been passed about my tummy which it is impossible to overlook."

    "But, Tummy—Tuppy, I mean—be fair. You once told her her new hat made her look like a Pekingese."

    "It did make her look like a Pekingese. That was not vulgar abuse. It was sound, constructive criticism, with no motive behind it but the kindly desire to keep her from making an exhibition of herself in public. Wantonly to accuse a man of puffing when he goes up a flight of stairs is something very different."
  • damnitjanet

    I think you mean ARYA, as in Stark.

    Personally, I'd like to buy the perfect little saddle for baby Tyrion. And put a micro-chip in little Carl.

  • Bert_McGurt

    And a cute little pink bullet, explosion, and poison-proof case for baby Holly.

  • PDamian

    I'm not a big 007 fan (I like the films, but that's about it), but I've always thought Vesper Lynd was a pretty name. And I did know someone when I was a kid in third grade who was named Honor, and who constantly bragged that she was named for "a beautiful actress in my daddy's favorite movie." Years later, when I finally saw Dr. No and realized that she barely missed being named "Pussy," I nearly bust a gut laughing.

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