It’s been a long road for Kyle Newman. The director’s Fanboys has had a torturous road from concept to production ever since its origin in 2003. In 2005, Kevin Spacey’s Trigger Street Productions came on board the film that followed the exploits of a group of geeks who travel cross-country to George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch so they can break in and screen it before it’s too late for one of the kids, who’s been diagnosed with cancer. The Weinstein Co. picked up the film later that year, which is when the wheels came off the wagon. Harvey Weinstein hired director Steven Brill to reshoot a few scenes, and he also excised the cancer angle and decided to play it as more of a teen comedy at the expense of the geeks instead of a dramedy aimed at them. However, the fanboys were not exactly pleased at this, and in a weird instance of PR maneuvering, the Weinstein Co. has decided to release both version of the film on DVD, and are even throwing out hints of possible giving a theatrical release to both versions (yeah, right), just because the geeks formed online to organize a boycott of Weinstein’s Superhero Movie. I mention all this because it’s a perfect example of just how proprietary Star Wars fans feel when it comes to films involving/concerning them; for the first time, George Lucas and Harvey Weinstein could probably share a beer and commiserate. Plus the Weinstein Co. reported getting 300,000 emails about the film, which is downright terrifying. And yet I also can’t help but admire the fans’ tenacity; sure, the film is probably gonna land somewhere south of good, but the story’s heart seems to be in the right place. I think the company should just pull the trigger and put it out on DVD already. There’s no way a theatrical release could do as well as it needs to do to justify either version.
Changing gears radically: Elizabeth Banks is going to play Laura Bush in W, a biopic about George W. Bush being directed by Oliver Stone. Aside from tarnishing Banks for me forever, Stone is just guaranteeing that he’ll make a wingnut movie about Bush that comes out as screamingly slanted, which isn’t really necessary to do since the facts of the mismanaged war tend to speak for themselves. Hell, PBS’ “Frontline” did it just a couple nights ago. In other news involving actresses going slumming: Julie Benz (“Dexter”) has joined the cast for Saw V. It was inevitable the film would be made, but I’d still held out foolish hope that we’d make it a year without one of these stupid things. Honestly, isn’t everyone beyond tired of torture porn? And I don’t just mean the normal people out there; aren’t the hardcore horror kids over it, too?
Also this week, it was announced that Warner Bros. has won the bidding war for I Am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want To Be Your Class President, a book proposal by Josh Lieb, whose credits include “The Simpsons” and “The Daily Show.” Lieb is also on board to adapt his book, which deals with a chubby boy in the 7th grade who’s actually an evil genius running an operation out of a lair underneath his parents’ house. There’s no telling yet when the film will materialize — the book proposal just sold to Penguin — but I have to admit, it’s a promising set-up. And Lieb also wrote for “News Radio,” which sure doesn’t hurt.
The first trailer this week is for something so damn off-the-wall that any attempt to describe it would be met with scoffs of disbelief. David Mamer? Chiwetel Ejiofor? Mixed martial arts? It’s all real:
And just because I like going out on a downer, here’s the clip for Standard Operating Procedure, a documentary from Errol Morris (The Fog of War) about the prisoner abuses at Abu Ghraib:
Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.
God, Fanboys sounds like another case of Kevin Smith/Brian Michael Bendis 'In Hollywood, you Fail Up!" syndrome. Although I heard that when the fourth movie completely sucked, it ruined a lot of the mood for the movie.
One of the writers, Ernest Cline, is a really funny guy. His spoken word CD "Ultraman is Airwolf" is very, very funny.
But I'm sure they focus-grouped the script up with all sorts of wonderful parent's basement references because that never gets old.
Posted by: twig at March 27, 2008 6:11 AM
I mention all this because it's a perfect example of just how proprietary Star Wars fans feel when it comes to films involving/concerning them;
You underestimate the power of Kristen Bell in the gold bikini.
The first trailer this week is for something so damn off-the-wall that any attempt to describe it would be met with scoffs of disbelief. David Mamer? Chiwetel Ejiofor? Mixed martial arts? It's all real:
Wait a sec. Ejiofor beats the shit out of people, including TIM ALLEN? Well, there goes 8-10 bucks of my money.
Ricky Jay's been all over the place, a real Hey It's That Guy! (you out there somewhere, Fametracker?) and he's also a stage magician.
I can sympathize with "Fanboys"'s plight, but I've just never had a real desire to see it through all these years of limbo. Besides, 1998 was the horse latitudes for me, I barely want to think about that year. I'd kinda just rather watch a fan movie on ifilm. But I wish them luck. Trying to derail "Superhero Movie" is probably a good thing too. I'm pretty sure Elizabeth Banks *can* do it, but.....yeah, I'd rather she didn't. Ohhh well.
Fametracker was a great site - but I don't think it's been updated for quite a while now.
Posted by: Simon B at March 27, 2008 9:07 AM
Ricky Jay is in every David Mamet movie.
Posted by: Louise at March 27, 2008 9:13 AM
No, Elizabeth Banks, no!!!!!
Who is the picture of in the header? I can't tell if it's Parker Posey or Jordana Brewster or Lacey Chabert.
Posted by: Andrew at March 27, 2008 9:26 AM
Who is the picture of in the header? I can't tell if it's Parker Posey or Jordana Brewster or Lacey Chabert.
I do believe that's Kristen Bell dressed up as Princess Leia.
Posted by: Lucie Monk at March 27, 2008 9:40 AM
"...which deals with a chubby boy in the 7th grade who's actually an evil genius running an operation out of a lair underneath his parents' house."
This sounds almost exactly like a cartoon I watched when I was growing up called Dexter's Lab.
Posted by: SkortBrun at March 27, 2008 9:48 AM
This sounds almost exactly like a cartoon I watched when I was growing up called Dexter's Lab.
Wow, I'm old.
Actually, I think Parker in the bikini might've sealed the deal for me, but she would've been given that role in 1995 or 6 when it didn't exist yet. Oh, cruel time.
I must rise up in defense of my girl-crush, Elizabeth Banks.
I can understand why she's taken the role. Just think of Joan Allen in Nixon (another Oliver Stone movie, btw). I look forward to seeing what she does with it.
That said, I think E. Banks is too pretty, thin and poised to portray Lane Bryant First Lady Laura Bush.
Posted by: Jerce at March 27, 2008 10:12 AM
Oh, the Princess Leia gold bikini...I wonder how much that fantasy has contributed to the rate of carpal tunnel syndrome in men?
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 10:13 AM
"....Also this week, it was announced that Warner Bros. has won the bidding war for I Am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want To Be Your Class President, a book proposal by Josh Lieb, whose credits include "The Simpsons" .."
....Aaaaaand that's the moment when I have to say passsss. The Simpsons has become a VERY, painful, weekly experience.
"biopic about George W. Bush being directed by Oliver Stone...."
File under: Suckiest movie that ever sucked.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 10:14 AM
This sounds almost exactly like a cartoon I watched when I was growing up called Dexter's Lab.
Technically it is Dexter's Laboratory and I watched it in college, which makes me feel really old. Until it has an nemesis/sister named DeeDee, I refuse to see the similarities. Plus, Dexter was younger than the 7th grade.
I love Dexter's Laboratory.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 10:15 AM
Slim, where have you been hiding at?
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 10:19 AM
These are the facts: Best Dexter episode was Hamhocks and Armlocks followed closely by the one were he and Dee Dee went on that labeling war.
End. Of. Discussion.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 10:20 AM
Slim, where have you been hiding at?
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 10:19 AM
-----------------------------------------------
Sorry for the lack of posts, work's been a bitch these past few.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 10:21 AM
Julie Benz: I loved you as Darla on "Angel." Step away from the horrible career choices. Please.
Posted by: biscuits at March 27, 2008 10:34 AM
Don't hate me, but "Redbelt" looks like one of my wet dreams. Chiwetel and Fat Tony? In the ring? Come to me David Mamet...
Posted by: courtney at March 27, 2008 10:35 AM
In addition to Deadwood and Boogie Nights and Magnolia -
and buncha other mamet films including The Spanish Prisoner and House of Games and State and Main and Heist -
Rickey Jay is first and formost a world renownd magician, and one of the greatest slight of hand artists alive.
Posted by: Withnail at March 27, 2008 10:41 AM
I wonder how much that fantasy has contributed to the rate of carpal tunnel syndrome in men?
Lots, I think. For me it took a while. At the time I thought it was odd how much skin Carrie was showing. I didn't think that was strange of me, only being 8, but years later I discovered that most of my friends has been excited even then. But I was a bit (even more) prudish then. Later on I fully appreciated how good Carrie looked. But not everyone can do it and win. Jennifer Aniston's try was a non-event. I'm more intrigued by the cadres of the amateurs at conventions. But I thinks she looks fantastic in the white dress and white boots (which was great to see big again in 97 with that ultralipgloss), along with the sorta ski bunny Hoth look.
As for Kristen, I feel a bit like Fred Thompson's XO in "Red October", credentials or not I don't care for her wearing the uniform! But...whatever, she just doesn't draw me. It's my loss of prurience. I think it's her eyes that look off to me and make me uneasy if I look too long. But I'm more concerned that that "Balls of Fury" guy is in it. Like, "oh, I kinda like you, kinda like you...oh, this is happening too? Hmmm, that's tricky"
Anyway, the outfit's always looked damn uncomfortable to me in "Jedi", but the soft-looking exposed abdomen is thrilling.
What was in the first header picture, the inverted photograph? Still glad you've changed it to GoldBikiniKirsten, thx.
Posted by: Adere at March 27, 2008 10:42 AM
Worthy of note:
Carrie Fisher, was coked out her fucking skull during Return of the Jedi....MEANING, she must have taken many a lightsaber, from all the jedi and production crew.
true story
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 10:45 AM
It is good to see you back Slim. It has been sort of quiet around these parts.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 10:45 AM
Jay: I think it's her eyes that look off to me and make me uneasy if I look too long.
The eyes are the main put-off reason for many of my buddies, too.
Mmmmmmm, abdomen...
Posted by: Adere at March 27, 2008 10:47 AM
It is good to see you back Slim. It has been sort of quiet around these parts.
I though Fanboys was made and released a while ago. I know I heard about it before.
Posted by: Brian at March 27, 2008 10:55 AM
Ricky Jay! God damn I miss the hell out of Deadwood.
Jay, I was always mesmerized by Princess Leia in the bikini...I thought she was the prettiest thing, and it was thrilling to see her look so womanly as opposed to being covered in her virginal white dress.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 10:59 AM
Several things:
The Mamet movie has me so pumped I can hardly stand it, but casting Tim Allen as an action star and Randy Couture as....well, an actor? I must see to believe.
Ricky Jay can throw a playing card so hard that it sticks into the rind of a watermelon.
Dexter calls his labcoat Freddy. (Freddy does not liiiike yoooooooou!!!)
Posted by: feramones at March 27, 2008 11:05 AM
If you think Elizabeth Banks playing Laura Bush sounds awkward, how about Josh Brolin as Dubyah himself? That's right, sexy man's man Josh Brolin, Brand Walsh himself... playing Bush. I think the first pictures released from set will be the official end of The Brolin's seed 1 ranking in the spank bank.
Posted by: Lannie at March 27, 2008 11:15 AM
I think the first pictures released from set will be the official end of The Brolin's seed 1 ranking in the spank bank.
That will NEVER happen. :p
Hmm, David Mamet...I need to rewatch State and Maine, I always loved that movie.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:25 AM
Joah Brolin as George W. Bush? That doesn't even make sense. Not that Elizabeth Banks as Laura Bush does or anything. Ugh, I'm getting really tired of all the garbage I read about in the Trade Round Ups.
I think I need a nap.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 11:27 AM
When oh when will David Mamet stop putting his no-talent wife in his films? She casts a massive stain over everything he does. Perhaps a clue for him might be the fact that nobody else EVER casts her in anything.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 27, 2008 11:28 AM
Ha! Paddy, I just looked up Rebeccah Pidgeon's next project without Mamet and it stars Julian Sand. Loooove it.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:34 AM
SandS. Julian baby, I know your real name, I loved you in Arachnaphobia.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:36 AM
I just looked up Rebeccah Pidgeon's next project without Mamet and it stars Julian Sand
It's sad that that's sadly indicative of where one's career is, though I suppose Julian doesn't mind being the evil British Bruce Campbell. Maybe he could team up with Biehn. Get these guys something good!
Julian Sands will always have my heart for "Room with a View."
Posted by: her? at March 27, 2008 11:50 AM
"I loved you in Arachnaphobia"
You know I think that is the first time that sentence has ever appeared on this particular plane of existence.
Re: the gold bikini. I long for the day that I date someone who is geeky enough for me to pull something like that off and it actually be cool as opposed to utterly random. I think I'd look far better as Wonder Woman though, my skintone suits brights better than all that gold, plus it would give me an opportunity to have a lassoo, because really, who doesn't want a lassoo?
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 27, 2008 11:52 AM
Oooh, a movie with Julian Sands, Bruce Campbell, and Michael Biehn would make me so deliriously happy I would explode.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:52 AM
Ah, yes, Dexter's Lab-or-a-tory. I watched a lot of him during the post-college, unemployed period. (Is it even possible that I'm that old?) For some reason, my Dexter impression always killed. I don't imitate cartoon characters often, and when I do it generally sucks, but my friends could not get enough of Dexter.
Good times...
Posted by: elizabeth at March 27, 2008 11:54 AM
You know I think that is the first time that sentence has ever appeared on this particular plane of existence.
Ha ha ha!! I can't help it, AtO, that movie simultaneously squicks me out and makes me happy.
...I should be put down.
And Alex, if I were into girls I would totally appreciate you in the Wonder Woman outfit. You can't go wrong with a lasso.
Any guy I date better be willing to wear a pirate costume, complete with talking parrot and peg leg. Mimicking birds and wooden appendages get me fired up.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:56 AM
Alex:I think I'd look far better as Wonder Woman though,...
Suddenly I've lost all attention for the rest of yr comment. Geez, why the hell am I so frisky lately?
Posted by: Adere at March 27, 2008 11:58 AM
Alex The Odd, I KNOW you were not just talking shit about Arachnophobia, AKA, the movie with one of John Goodman's greatest roles EVER? It's his best non-Cohen Brothers role!
LIES! No one should be put down for loving Arachnophobia, for it is a craptacular suckstravaganza! Oh my God, how I love that movie. Spiders...spiders everywhere! Spiders like tiny industrial Hoovers that drain people dry. Love. Also, John Goodman is strangely hot.
Julie i hope you can appreciate the graphic thoughts of pain when thinking of splinters in naughty places that popped into my head when you mentioned ...wooden appendages get me fired up. I dun even have any pink bits and that's a cringe-worthy image.
AtO....I would be on the next red-eye across the waters for a Wonder Woman performance. But you'd totally have to spin and then make the "Dun duh! Dun Duh! DUHHHH!" noise that followed the explosion after she transformed to make it truly worth it.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 27, 2008 12:16 PM
Oh hell no. Not Arachnophobia. No discussion of that movie or it's evil inhabitants, except John Goodman.
All spiders should die and be completely out of my existence forevermore. Spiders are as evil as Peeps and are out to kill us all.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 12:20 PM
But... but... Arachnophobia is so awesome! It has a gianty spider queen! who screams! and gets all explodey when killed!
I am much more fond of Anaconda for ridiculously over the top and obviously fake animatronic creatures.
Goodman was very good in The Emperor's New Groove for the record.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 12:30 PM
I am SO SO SO afraid of spiders, but I still love Arachnophobia. I remember seeing it at the drive-in with my parents when it was first released. Damn scary out there, in the dark, with the crickets, and the slurping.
Alex - I was Wonder Woman for Halloween one year. I can't tell you how many times I had to spin, spin, spin for my treats. I loved it.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 12:35 PM
Spiders are as evil as Peeps and are out to kill us all.
MORE LIES! Not about the Peeps, obviously, which are the devil's handiwork. The thing about the spiders. LIES! I like spiders! Well, okay, maybe not so much brown recluse spiders, but the non-homicidal varieties are totally useful in that they eat bugs. Now, bugs don't freak me out or anything, but flies are filthy and mosquitoes bite and make me itch, so I'm perfectly happy to have the helpful little spiders eat them all.
Oh, but you know the one kind of crawly critter that freaks my shit out? Centipedes. They have those hooked bandy legs, and there are so many pairs of them, and they scuttle and it is not natural and they are clearly not of this earth and must be destroyed. Do spiders eat centipedes? If they do, that's one more reason spiders are awesome.
I say, we kick her ass all the way back to the jolly old mother country.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 12:40 PM
Sarina, quit talking about spiders. Snakes eat bugs and are very peaceful and sweet creatures, unlike spiders, who are evil to the core and are out to kill us all.
Spiders are evil. End of discussion.
They also do not kill centipedes.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 12:45 PM
It has a gianty spider queen! who screams! and gets all explodey when killed!
You left out: and gloats. She gloats over the helpless hero, right before the part where she goes explodey.
I haven't seen the movie in a long time; but as I recall she actually snickers.
Kick-ass.
Posted by: Jerce at March 27, 2008 12:48 PM
Um, hello? CHARLOTTE'S WEB ANYONE? Anyone who speaks ill of Charlotte will get a pop in the piehole, same as Alex the Odd is gonna get from me n' Barbado.
Snakes are neat too, though.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 12:50 PM
But... but... Arachnophobia is so awesome! It has a gianty spider queen! who screams! and gets all explodey when killed!
And, AND, JOHN GOODMAN!
Posted by: coveredinbees at March 27, 2008 12:51 PM
The Eddie Izzard show I went to see recently (for I am awesome) had an entire bit on the sheer horror of if spiders could fly. Imagine that for a second. Yeah. (I think the general consensus was we'd get the fuck off the planet and that tennis racket sales would skyrocket)
BSlim: why the threats of ass kicking man? I thought we were cool. As for you Mr K (damn you and your two letter name not allowing me to properly use my scary teacher voice on you), just watch it.
Oh and PissBoy is there really any way that could assume I wouldn't have a pre-recorded soundtrack complete with transformation sequence sound effects? You really have no faith in my commitment to this do you? For shame.
You are a girl after my own heart Kolby after my Dark Phoenix adventures last halloween I'm digging the superhero vibe for costumage. I was going to grab a blonde wig this year and go as Emma Frost but I think Wonder Woman might be back on the cards. *Sigh* is it October yet?
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 27, 2008 12:56 PM
The giant explodey queen spider totally fucked my shit up when I was 6.
I went to take a sip from my water jug that was next to my bed and the moonlight hit my glass and all I could see were these horribly furry long legs spread out across the top of my glass. I thought it was her coming after me about to bust out of my cup and eat my face.... *shudder
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 12:56 PM
"And, AND, JOHN GOODMAN!"
"Delbert McClintock, infestation management. Always nice to meet a colleague. "
I do so love The Goodman. Part of the reason I love those Dunkies commercials so much.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 12:57 PM
They also do not kill centipedes.
Well, Melody, nobody's perfect. Besides, I'm telling you, centipedes are not of this earth, so I can't fault the poor helpless spiders for fleeing in terror from the heinous scuttle bug monsters. I hate centipedes so much. You and TK are right about snakes, though. Snakes are lovely.
I don't like anything that can disappear within a room, which includes but it is not limited to bugs, insects and arachnids and everything else that gathers under a back door light in the summer, and might turn up in the kitchen....or in the bathtub or the sink, or behind the coffee maker. And might fly and buzz in a loud, rattling way.
Utter fear and loathing. I would definitely need to pump up with Valium like Kate Capshaw did to stand doing that scene, I'd much rather yank a python off a tree branch, though I wouldn't exactly want to do that either.
Wormer, you think THAT'S bad... shortly after seeing it, I woke up one morning with tiny bumps all over my torso... and saw a spider scurrying down my leg.
I seriously almost shit myself. I also destroyed a chair and a bookcase exploding out of bed too quickly, all while screaming like a baby.
And yet, I still like the little fellas.
Also, Alex... no, YOU watch it.
That's right.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 1:01 PM
TK - of what Dunkies commercials are you speaking of? We only get Rachael Ray ones here.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 1:03 PM
Kolby, reason 8,993,285 why Massachusetts is cooler than wherever the hell you are.
Goodman does the voice overs for all the "America runs on Dunkin" commercials.
Point of interest: even since Barbado has started posting again, there has been no sign of the spammer.
Coincidence? Maybe. Or the staff is cleaning up the comments. Still, pretty weird....
Re: the gold bikini. I long for the day that I date someone who is geeky enough for me to pull something like that off and it actually be cool as opposed to utterly random. I think I'd look far better as Wonder Woman though, my skintone suits brights better than all that gold, plus it would give me an opportunity to have a lassoo, because really, who doesn't want a lassoo?
Okay I read that in two ways, both of which speaks volumes about my state of mind currently:
2) Alex wants a special someone that she can wear the gold bikini for, which is saddening, since no woman should ever lack for a man to ogle her in next to nothing. As a rresult, I am extremely turned on and volunteer for such a worthwhile duty.
2) Alex wants a special someone to wear the bikini for her, and with no gender distinction apparent, it seems like a bisexual call to arms. The bonus of her liking to dress up like Wonder Woman only complcates things more. As a result, I am still extremely turned on, but cannot volunteer, since such a sight might cause her to leap into the Thames.
You really shouldn't just plop stuff like that where I can readit. Unless you wish to go through that whole "hiding from the crazy Americans" again.
"I don't like anything that can disappear within a room, which includes but it is not limited to bugs, insects and arachnids and everything else that gathers under a back door light in the summer, and might turn up in the kitchen....or in the bathtub or the sink, or behind the coffee maker. And might fly and buzz in a loud, rattling way."
That's a good way of rationalising Jay, you sound like my flatmate. Her fear extends to anything that can do something she can't do ie. fly, jump really high, spin webs or scuttle really really fast (oh and also see in the dark). She has a lot of phobias.
I once woke up to find a spider the size of my fist crawling over my face. I screamed the fucking house down. But, like TK (who is on notice) I still like them, as critters go.
I was also six (6) years old when the thing tried to choke me.
but still Blllaaaaaagggggg.... how can you still like the little things?
Anything with more than six legs creeps me out. I don't like butterflies either but that's only because they taste with their feet and I feel like they're coming in to have a taste tester when they land on you.... yuck
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 1:10 PM
P.S. I repeat: Ejiofor is kicking random folks asses. Inlcuding TIM ALLEN. You think that would be a bigger deal, but nooooo.
Sorry V, you may not believe me but I actually don't do this on purpose. I've had the weirdest afternoon and as such I'm not firing on all cylinders - normally I have a little voice in my head telling me to be aware of stirring up your stalking impulses before posting. I do trust you not to actually stalk me which is a fairly large compliment. Socalled on the other hand... do we know that he's actually in Rome with Mrs Socalled? I mean it could all be some kind of cunning deception...
What else don't you like... friendship? Puppies? Hope?!
Also, Alex (who is SO in trouble now) - either that's a MONSTER spider... or you have a tiny, wee little fist. Which gives me some really wacky imagery, of this diminutive British lass with tyrannosaurus arms and hands.
Butterflies are wierd. Sure they're pretty to look at but they taste you with their feet when they land on you to see if you taste good or not. They also evolve from caterpillars which have many, many feet. Not unlike centipedes.
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 1:26 PM
TK (for whom I am making a list specifically so that I can put him on it) is right I do have teeny tiny little hands as I am a teeny tiny little person (and the image of me with T-Rex limbs actually just made me choke on my coffee) it was also a freaking huge spider with long spindly legs. It looked like one of the robots from War of the Worlds only fuzzier and sans lasers.
AND butterflies are related to moths, which I also hate.
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 1:28 PM
"...diminutive British lass with tyrannosaurus arms and hands."
Like Matthew McConaughey! Why can't a giant spider eat him?
Also, lay offa Alex. Us wee girls have wee hands. It is completely normal and not at all freakish and unnatural like Le McConaughey and his dwarf appendages.
And Wormer, a caterpillar is nothing like a centipede. It's more like a millipede, only cuter. Millipedes have many legs, certainly, but they're not hooked bandy legs, and they don't effing scuttle. Millipedes are fine. Centipedes are the embodiment of evil.
Man, look what happens when I leave to go get sushi with a friend.
PissBoy, the wooden appendages are not for penetration, but rather for the beatings. So is the parrot.
I hate spiders. Flames on the side of my face hate them. AtO, I had one drop on my face when I was 12, and I STILL haven't recovered.
And no, there isn't anything wrong with loving Arachnaphobia. When the big spider comes squealing out of the barn and attacks Julian Sands? Freaks the shit out of me.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 1:32 PM
..as are spiders.
Sarina, you are never ever going to be able to convince me that spiders are cool. EVER. I lived in a house that had a happy colony of brown recluse spiders in it and I was terrified for years. I have woken up to one of those bastard coated bastards with bastard filling on my pillow next to my head. As a result, I did not sleep in my bed for 6 weeks. My parents watched Arachnophobia when I was a small child and I had nightmares for years afterwards. I hate spiders, all of them, and I have legitimate reasons for doing such.
Kolby, I send you sympathies for having to endure Rachel "asshat" Ray.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 1:35 PM
Skoora is the gentle shark, he has the teeth but not the heart.
Aww. Like Jabberjaw?!
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 1:35 PM
Like Matthew McConaughey!
There is only one thing about McConaughey that matters and that is the abs. Everything else is irrelevant. Why do you think he runs around shirtless everywhere?
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 1:37 PM
Bahahaha dwarf appendages...
The caterpillars might be cute but they destroyed half my garden of herbs last spring so they can all rot in hell. Little fuzzy bastards....
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 1:38 PM
I first saw Ricky Jay in a great episode of the X-Files involving a decapitated magician. He was pretty awesome.
I like spiders on an intellectual level, but they do make me shudder if they get too close in person. Plus I read some story when I was a kid about spiders seeking revenge on an exterminator, so I absolutely cannot kill them. Brrrrr. I used to live on a farm in Kansas (near Winfield! Home of Mary-Ann!) and there were some amazing black and yellow ginormous spiders that built webs in the tomato plants. They were so amazing to look at that I would get really close to them and have that nice pleasurable mixture of "Oooh, nature is awesome" and "Ooooh, how horrifying, this thing is a monster."
Posted by: gelis at March 27, 2008 1:40 PM
Ooh!! OOOOHH!! I forgot about the scariest spider species ever.
In PA we have Daring Jumping Spiders. They are black with white or yellow stripes, fuzzy, bite when provoked, can jump great distances, and have green metallic fangs. GREEN. METALLIC. FANGS!!!
My roommate and friend from high school used to work in the parking lot at Sesame Place, and when she was in her booth she saw the biggest spider ever. She was fascinated so she leaned in closer...and as she stared mesmerized by the green teeth it jumped at her FACE. They jump at your face. Gah!
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 1:41 PM
ok, yesterday it was Mr. Hands--i haven't been able to eat artichoke jalapeno dip since that was in the news--and today it is spiders. jumping fraking spiders. clearly the universe is trying to tell me to get back to work.
Dexter's Laboratory. man i loved that kid!
Posted by: pq at March 27, 2008 1:50 PM
Oh, no no, Julie. Skoora will at least get through dismembering you before his guilty conscience takes over.
P.S. TK, this? ALL HAIL THE GIANT EXPLODEY SPIDER QUEEN! Made me laugh for about 10 minutes.
The screaming spider queen is almost as ridiculously awesome as the roaring great white shark at the end of Jaws: The Revenge.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 1:55 PM
It looked like one of the robots from War of the Worlds only fuzzier and sans lasers
Alex, are you talking about a Daddy Long Legs? Because that's what it sounds like you're describing. Daddy Long Legs aren't even spiders - they're happy little fellows who help keep skeeters out of your room at night.
Now, if y'all wanna see what a REAL spider looks like, Google "Banana Spider." You will NOT be dissapointed. You will also be scared shitless. We had one living on our back porch one summer in Gainesville. It was the teeniest little thing at first, and it spun the most beautiful webs, so I was happy to leave him alone. After a month, though, it had grown to be, quite literally, the size of a saucer. I do have small hands, but this bitch was huge. We captured it in a tupperware container and brought it to the Ag Department at UF. We let them keep the tupperware.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 1:57 PM
Alex The Odd:
I was just thinking the same thing. I mean what sane person goes to Rome and continues to log on a see what Pajibans are up to? Plus there's that very handy connecting flight through Heathrow. Why if it weren't for the fact that he's probably hopelessly stuck on the M25 or Ken Livingston has him in chains in a dungeon for driving a rental car through the congestion cordon without paying the fee, you would probably be begging him to make sure your skin lampshade still preserved the beauty of the tatoo right now.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 27, 2008 1:58 PM
You are sickSarina. Let's make out.
Jay Skoora is forever Jabberjaw for me now. My love of 80's cartoons is overwhelming.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 1:59 PM
...skin lampshade...
Hee hee. I mean, not hee that Alex would be flayed and lampified, obviously. The phrasing is just really funny. Um...anybody know if socalled has a foofy white dog named Precious? And a well in his basement?
without seeing Sarina's italicized antecedent, I came across the word "lampified" and thought you guys really were The Eloquents...then I realized I'm an idiot and y'all take great liberties with the English language.
My sister had a pet tarantula but still made me kill the run-of-the-mill house spiders when we lived together. How the fuck does that make any sense?
Posted by: feramones at March 27, 2008 2:24 PM
Um...anybody know if socalled has a foofy white dog named Precious? And a well in his basement?
Not sure, but I've heard rumors 'round these here parts that he has a penchant for tucking away certain parts of his anatomy and whispering to the mirror that he'd fuck himself.
You know, the more I think about it, the more Ted Boynton sounds like a serial killer's name.
[shivers]
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 2:54 PM
[gasps]
Kolby, the first name of the actor who played Buffalo Bill is Ted...coincidence? ...I think not.
We're onto you and your ladyflesh pantsuit, Socalled.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 2:59 PM
I'm not talking daddy longlegses(es) Kolby (although those fuckers freak me out) I'm talking a spider. Trust me, it was not a floaty flying thing but a web spinning crawly thing.
Oh and as far as big assed spiders go Dubai's Camel Spider has got to win it. Surely. Or the Baboon Spider from Zambia, apparently they are attracted to movement and so will chase you. Yep.
I think you've hit the nail on the head there PaddyDog its a good thing I live in a city of 8 million people with a one way system that would confuse Andre Neveu and some seriously hostile natives or no doubt I would be putting the lotion on the skin as we speak. See, that's why Vermillion holds no fear for me - at least he wouldn't turn me into soft furnishings.
My imminent demise at the hands of a Pajiban regular aside (really if I could choose anyone to kill me it'd probably be PissBoy - at least I'd go out with a bang (fireworks puns are not beyond me, I'm sorry)) I would kill to have a "Ladies of Pajiba Cocktail Evening" it would be awesome. If you gals ever organise one I'm flying in.
I would kill to have a "Ladies of Pajiba Cocktail Evening"
Oh my god. There would be so much debauchery...it would so full of debaucherosity...the debauchergodtipussitude of it would kill me. A Pajiba ladies liquor night, no boys allowed? I'll be there with my push-up bra, a bottle of Hendricks, and a goosefeather pillow.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 3:13 PM
Alex - I am now convinced that I will be dreaming of spiders tonight. Big, hairy, jumpy, chasey, poisonous blood suckers. And then I'll open my eyes and "see" one on the ceiling. Fabulous.
Julie - stop lying. You know you don't wear bras.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 3:20 PM
daddy longlegses(es)
This made me giggle so much I think I may have popped a blood vessel in one of my eyeballs. I do so love a riddle of pluralisation.
Tequila, limes, pack of playing cards (for the drinking games), oversized man's shirt and half a ton of eyeliner. I'm in. And also crashing on your couch.
Seriously though, you find yourself on my side of the pond ladies and you best make sure I don't hear about it. Otherwise there will be enforced drunkenness. It will not be pretty. (or: tell me about it! We'll go dancing!)
ps Sorry Kolby cuteoverload. com should remove those images for ya.
This is SO WEIRD. I had a dream last night that I was holding a little cobra in my hand, clasping it behind its head so it couldn't bite me.
I remember throwing it into these random bushes, and watching it turn around and come flying at me. I tripped backwards and watched as it came at my face. I dodged it at the last moment, but it clamped onto my other hand. I woke up screaming, to find a fucking SPIDER on the pillow in front of my face!!
Ahhh!!!
John Goodman is the ONLY reason to watch Arachnophobia. As well as Roseanne.
Ladies of Pajiba: MY HOUSE!!! (Well, I guess my new house, when it is finished being built. This summer! Bikinis! Cold margaritas! Basking in the warm mountain summer air! I AM SO IN.
Or the Baboon Spider from Zambia, apparently they are attracted to movement and so will chase you. Yep.
...aaaaand I will never sleep again.
Kolby, I will beat you with my unsupported breasts.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 3:28 PM
Kolby, I will beat you with my unsupported breasts.
Um... I'll be in my bunk.
Since we're creeping each other the fuck out, when I was 17 I was taking a nap in my room. I woke up and the first thing I saw? A WASP... crawling out from UNDERNEATH THE COVERS NEXT TO MY FACE.
Alex, my couch is your couch. And your tequila and limes will definitely be mine once we start playing Asshole.
And Boo, you had me at muh. Then I read "argaritas" and really got excited.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 3:44 PM
"Ladies of Pajiba: MY HOUSE!!! (Well, I guess my new house, when it is finished being built. This summer! Bikinis! Cold margaritas! Basking in the warm mountain summer air! I AM SO IN."
Yeah, you probably want to take that invitation back because you know that I would actually fly in for that and then you'd be stuck with a British Chick would would demand to spend the week (because I'm getting my money's worth out of the old air fare) shoe shopping, buying electrical goods, eating sushi and getting ridiculously drunk with you. There would be literally no escape, until I decided to road trip it down to see 'bama.
TK: Pshaw. That's what I have to say to your wasp story. I once had to endure a wasp landing on my leg and stinging me numerous times while I led a horse to his paddock. I couldn't make any sudden movements, because I was 14 and wee, and the horse was big and as skittish as all get out. So, once again, pshaw.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 3:56 PM
then you'd be stuck with a British Chick would would demand to spend the week (because I'm getting my money's worth out of the old air fare) shoe shopping, buying electrical goods, eating sushi and getting ridiculously drunk with you.
How is that a bad thing?! We all should be so lucky :)
TK, wasps are probably the scariest insect in the world...so bless your pansy-assed pony-loving little-girl heart.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 4:00 PM
OK, Kolby. Let's quit fucking around.
When I was a kid, I was sleeping over a friend's house when all of a sudden his baby sister (about 2 years old) started SCREAMING. Like, horror-movie screaming. His dad leaped out of bed, ran to her room, threw open the door and...
Well, we'd later figure out that wasps had built a hive in the gutter next to her bedroom... and it eventually made the wall give out, and the hive broke through the wall and fell onto her bed while she slept. She was literally stung over 50 times. A TWO YEAR OLD. If that's not a parental nightmare, I don't know what is.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 4:01 PM
Yeah, I've had a weird pinging sensation on my leg while lying in bed before now (do you have any idea how many times that sentence had to be rewritten to make it not sound dirty? Well do you?) and pulled back my covers to reveal that I had been sharing my napping place with a pair of wasps which had stung the length of my calf. They really don't bother me, don't get me wrong I think they're the tiny bestriped minions of Satan but I've been stung by them so many times I think I'm immune to it or something. I no longer feel it.
TK and Kolby, I see your frivolous little wasp tales and raise you this:
When I was eleven, there was a wasp nest under the eaves of the back porch of the house, and my brother thought it would be HIGH-larious to toss rocks at it and then call me to come outside. I was stung 24 times. Not.Awesome.
Sarina, if that was my brother, they'd never find the body.
For reals, yo.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 4:04 PM
OK, that story is horrendousTK. That poor kid!
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 27, 2008 4:04 PM
Oh, well...I didn't refresh to see the thing about the two year old before I posted my comment. That's worse. She wins.
Posted by: Sarina at March 27, 2008 4:05 PM
TK - obviously, that little girl wins. Hands down.
And now I am getting choked up because I'm thinking about My Girl and MacCauley Culkin's character getting stung TO DEATH by bees. Poor Thomas Jay.
Which, for some strange reason makes me think of The Boy Who Could Fly. Seriously, I don't know what reason, but it must be a strange one.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 4:06 PM
She was literally stung over 50 times. A TWO YEAR OLD.
Oh my GOD. That is horrifying.
I have luckily never been stung by a wasp. I've been stung by a bee once on the thigh (after it flew up my shirt, the pervert), and once by a fire ant when I went to pick a flower (oh girly innocence). The fire ant hurt like hell, it was as if someone was injecting me with acid while gnawing on my hand.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 4:09 PM
BSlim: why the threats of ass kicking man? I thought we were cool.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 27, 2008 12:56 PM
It is part of the new "Pajiba Cruelty Policy" a method that I'm just informing TK that we came up with to make non-complaint Pajeeevans fall into line.
So there
We are still cool! Is just that your butt will have been kicked....severely.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 4:11 PM
Ladies of Pajiba: MY HOUSE!!! (Well, I guess my new house, when it is finished being built. This summer! Bikinis! Cold margaritas! Basking in the warm mountain summer air! I AM SO IN.
Oh, crap, I just remembered the Angelina Jolie confession boo made some time ago.
Seriously, you say these things to break a poor, easily manipulated, erotica-writing virgin's heart, don't you?
Oh, speaking of fire ants, I've got another story. I was driving home one night after watching Monday Night Football at a local watering hole (hee), and I apparently had a brake light out. So I got pulled over. Now, in Florida, at night, the cops will often have you get out of the vehicle while they write your ticket. So I got out of the vehicle at the officer's request. I stodd where she told me to stand. Which happened to be on top of a fire ant hill. I was wearing flip flops. They swarmed, they bit, I started creaming bloody murder and jumping around. The fucking bitch cop made me stand there while she finished writing my ticket. For a spent brake light. I was sweating and in tears when she handed it to me, and I took off toward my apartment complex, which I forgot to add was less than 50 yards from where she pulled me over. I couldn't wear shoes for days. I hate fire ants. And cops.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 4:14 PM
Oh and Vermillion, your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not given you the means to deduce who's spamming OR to recover the stolen Death Star plans...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 4:14 PM
I was SCREAMING bloody murder, not creaming it. That would have been weird.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 4:15 PM
Alex: I'm not taking it back! You can't make me! I know full well what I am involving myself in here, and I WANT IT.
Also, I think 'Bama doesn't live all that too far from me...
so obviously it is totally worth it. I'm centrally located on the East Coast, y'all! Mountains, beach only 4 hours away by car, and lots of AWESOME. Provided by moi, of course.
Oh yeah: poor little girl! I got stung twice on the neck a few years back and thought I might pass out...but I'm allergic, so you know...it stands to reason.
Good to know, Slim, good to know. I'll do my best to stay in line. Do I get an advance copy of the rules or is the trial and error process (along with associated beatings) all part of the fun? Cause I'd be up for that.
"The fire ant hurt like hell, it was as if someone was injecting me with acid while gnawing on my hand."
I had a similar experience while diving and kneeling on a fire worm (do you think they call them "fire randombug" for a reason btw?) except at the bottom of the ocean... which actually made it better because at least the water was cold. You win this round Julie, but I'll get you in the end.
OK, end of day loopiness is setting in (I'm Pajibaing at home, not impressed with myself) I'm off for a glass of wine, gourmet not prepared by me food and Lars And The Real Girl.
Jesus Kolby, that cop is a sadist. I've been lucky, I've been pulled over three times but never by a woman so I've been able to use my feminine charms* to get me a scolding, a warning, and a ticket which was later 1/2 refunded :)
*When I was in high school this meant tears, now it means being exceedingly sweet and cleavagey. Heh.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 4:21 PM
Kolby, I know a girl who, years ago, sat on a fire ant hill. In a skirt. Commando.
"Do I get an advance copy of the rules or is the trial and error process (along with associated beatings) all part of the fun? Cause I'd be up for that...."
We believe a non-informed process is ultimately for the best, people we'll realize they are in violation as their asses are actually being kicked. The reasons for this are OBVIOUS and need not be explained.
Asking for explanations might or might not be out of line.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 4:27 PM
Fire Ants are evil. Pure evil.
I had wasps in my office last year. The thing landed on my desk and I did not see him and put my elbow on top of him. It was not a good day at work.
TK, that is horrific.
Sarina, you have got to be kidding.
Posted by: Melody at March 27, 2008 4:29 PM
I know a girl who, years ago, sat on a fire ant hill. In a skirt. Commando.
...
...
!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 4:34 PM
OK, OK. Fire Ant bites leave serious blisters. Painful, itchy, pus-filled blisters. I can't even imagine them down there.
I may never take my panties off again.
Posted by: Kolby at March 27, 2008 4:42 PM
I may never take my panties off again.
Me neither, Kolby. Just reading about that incident broke my brain and my vagina.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 4:45 PM
The girl (her name is Kelly, and she's kinda stupid, you know, generally speaking) would only wear big ol' granny panties for about a year after it happened. That seemed to be the shelf life of her fear overriding her innate sluttishness. She's now back to going commando (she says she doesn't like underwear because it's 'restrictive') but she no longer lives in Florida, so I guess she figures she's safe.
Oh. dear. god.....I have a small swarm of wasps living in my wall right now and am now terrified to go home. That poor little girl.
Not as bad as sitting on fire ant hill commando.... but I was 8 when I sat on a fire ant hill in shorts. My skin has honestly never been the same.
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 5:02 PM
I'll tell you what stings like a motherfucker... jellyfish. When I was a kid in Cape Town, I got stung by them a couple of times. It's sort of like being STABBED. If the knife is serrated, and heated up to 1000 degrees. And poisonous.
Try it some time.
Posted by: TK at March 27, 2008 5:05 PM
I know a girl who, years ago, sat on a fire ant hill. In a skirt. Commando.
That's it, I'm wearing pants for the rest of my life! I'm pretty sure my vagina is actually crying right now.
Posted by: starkravingsane at March 27, 2008 5:07 PM
EEEEE!!! TK, I've been terrified of jellyfish my whole life, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 5:09 PM
Let's see...I was stung by bees once and I thought that no other pain on earth could compare....'til got stung by a centipede.
....So I'm in the emergency room and my mom tells me that I cried like a little. girl.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 5:17 PM
Ohhhh god...
Slim: That's scarier than the thought of a million wasps busting through my wall in the middle of the night
Posted by: Wormer at March 27, 2008 5:26 PM
1. Redbelt seems like it just might be fucking awesome... especially since I'm a bit of a Mamet fangirl.
2. TK, I went to a marine biology camp in the Florida keys the summer that I was twelve. We spent most of our time either swimming or walkng through the mangrove groves.Unfortunately, the cassiopea is native to mangrove groves and shallow waters.
Look them up on wikipedia-- they're jellyfish, but they're upside down. They just release a cloud of nematocysts (what makes the sting) into the water, which you swim through unsuspectingly. The individual stings are painful as all hell, and when you get a bunch of them, all over your body? Agony.
Let's see...I was stung by bees once and I thought that no other pain on earth could compare....'til got stung by a centipede.
....So I'm in the emergency room and my mom tells me that I cried like a little. girl.
Do you see, people? DO YOU SEE WHAT I AM TELLING YOU? BSlim knows. Centipedes are stalking damnation, and they will pick us off one by one. I mean, all those legs...hooked bandy scuttling legs...that shit ain't right. We must hunt them down before they destroy us all.
hello, all...sorry to comment on a technicality, but Rebeccah Pidgeon did do a legitimately good star turn in David Mamet's play "Oleanna" when it first premiered 10+ years ago with William H. Macy @ the Berkshire Festival in Massachusetts. By the time Mamet made the movie, though, they'd replaced her with another woman who was definitely one of the most annoying actresses EVER...don't even remember her name, luckily we've been blessed enough that she remains in obscurity today.
**As for Kirsten Bell...the bikini pic vaguely terrifies me, but man, just seeing her face makes me miss good ole Veronica. I want my Mars family back!
Posted by: jules at March 27, 2008 6:25 PM
Okay, I see even more logic here: I had no idea centipedes can sting. But again, I'm afraid of them all anyway.
It's still one of the best solo singles by a member of the Jackson family, but yeah, adding pain to the creepy scuttling is bad news.
I stepped on a bee when I was about 7. Perhaps as a result I pretty much don't even get out of bed without at least socks on. I didn't go on the 7th grade snorkeling trip, TG (Sea Base did they call it? I know Broward and Dade both had schools send kids and I'm assuming it's the same thing you're talking about), but for Cub Scouts the camping wilderness down there was the Everglades. Mmm mmm good, let's go camp in a swamp. A breezeless muggy swamp, with a big warm sleeping bag. One morning there was a water mocassin under someone's tent while we ate our runny, runny scrambled eggs. That wasn't too exciting. Watching the firelight reflect red on the patrolling gators' eyes was fun though. They couldn't care less we were there. I'm astonished I wasn't attacked by all manner of tiny painbringers in that fetid hell (Oh yeah, you totally need the watershed and the biosphere and all that, fucks up the rest of the state without it, but it is NOT a good place for ME to be in more than two minutes).
I move to Georgia and some of my new classmates are saying "I wanna go camping this weekend!" and I'm thinking "how fucking crazy ARE you?". But the foothills of the Smokies are actually kind of a nice place, those spoiled kids had no idea.
Hahaha oh man. For those of you who are terrified of centipedes, here's one:
Once late at night in the summertime, I used the downstairs bathroom (which I usually don't), and after I was done I stood up to flush and found a centipede was sitting in the bowl, about two inches from the rim. Centipedes? In MY vagina?! Yeah, almost.
Posted by: Lannie at March 27, 2008 8:23 PM
Jeezus, Kolby, I hope not. I could only find anecdotal evidence just now but they sound friggin serious.
Hmm. Tree scorpions sure are ugly, I'll grant you that, but scorpions don't freak me out. I'm not sure why. Probably because they're not centipedes. They still have bandy legs, but there are far fewer pairs of them, and they don't scuttle the same way. There is something about the way centipedes move that I just cannot handle.
And Lannie? This?
"...a centipede was sitting in the bowl, about two inches from the rim."
I would freak the fuck out and possibly become catatonic. Scorpion in the toilet? Fine, whatever. But a centipede? Oh hell no.
A centipede will just sting your ass, a scorpion will cut your clit off with his evil little claws.
Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 9:06 PM
Well, not 'fine, whatever' if it actually bit me or pincered me with its scorpion claws, obviously. But if it was just, you know, chilling in the bowl rim...hey man, if it's willing to be ushered politely into a cup and escorted outside, then we don't have a problem.
No chilling for the centipede. I would douse that fucker with a gallon of Clorox and then flush it straight to hell. God, I hate centipedes.
Haha yeah, I definitely went catatonic when I thought about all the horrible possibilities in that situation. It still gives me the willies to think about it. And yeah, it definitely got the flush. Generally I'm a nice little vegetarian who is willing to peacefully co-exist with bugs that come across my path. But if you threaten my vagina, I will fuck you up.
Ugh, centipedes. Just think of the scuttling! Now I always check the bowl first.
Posted by: Lannie at March 27, 2008 11:26 PM
"That's No Moon, That's a Pajiba!
The Daily Trade Round-Up / Daniel Carlson
It's been a long road for Kyle Newman. The director's Fanboys has had a torturous road from concept to production ever since its origin in 2003. In 2005, Kevin Spacey's Trigger Street Productions came on board the film that followed the exploits of a group of geeks who travel cross-country to George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch so they can break in and screen it before it's too late for one of the kids, who's been diagnosed with cancer." Oh yeah- IT, you fucking mor-tard. Get a fucking editor, you dipshit hack-job non-journalist.
Posted by: Get an editor, you fuck at March 28, 2008 12:43 AM
ALEX! Sweet Godtopus Woman!
THE Dark Phoenix with an Emma Frost understudy?
I'm switching teams!!!
Damn my timing...you'll never read about this most profound moment. That outdoes my Illyanna/Dark Childe and 7of9 handmade latex prosthesis efforts. WHY CAN WE NOT GET PHOTO POSTING ON THIS HEAH WEBSITE?!
Posted by: replica at March 28, 2008 3:32 AM
Yes, Georgia has tree scorpions Kolby. But they're fairly small and I can handle those. The mothafucker that freaks my shit out is the waterbug. Yeah, that's a ginormous roach on steriods that fuckin FLYS!!! Sons of bitches will dive bomb your ass....
Posted by: starkravingsane at March 28, 2008 10:05 AM
And I did not just misspell flies. God I need more coffee
Posted by: starkravingsane at March 28, 2008 10:08 AM
Wait...did somebody say somebody else was in Georgia?
On a note to terrify you all: on average, people ingest between 2-3 spiders per year while they are sleeping.
Good night, folks!
Posted by: feramones at March 28, 2008 10:17 AM
p.s. some may say that's an urban legend, but I never let facts get in the way of a good story.
Posted by: feramones at March 28, 2008 10:21 AM
feramones, I think there's a few of us.
Yes, the waterbug. I think that's one of the monsters I was referring to earlier that will sit on a screen door for hours and hours (you gotta get past ME to go back inside) and occasionally flbbbbppt oh so terrifyingly while waiting around to mate.
Fun for cats if they get inside, those hunting instincts come back out, still horror for me.
I'll admit it's intriguing to hear about various forms of Jean Grey and Wonder Woman costumes, but titillation can turn into shame as I realize I have nothing that good to offer in return. I still like the "Clark Kent having hurriedly re-dressed" getup I wore to work the year before, but no one got it, but I'm also good at "it's a costume because I *say* it is", or "oh it's just too cerebral for YOU, man" if I wanted to lie and flatter myself.
GOSH, FUCKING THANKS Chloe. How would we EVER get along without you??????
Posted by: boo at March 28, 2008 1:09 PM
Dammit...I thought I could be the only Star Wars geek to dislike the "gold bikini", but now that I've seen Kristen Bell in it, I realize I'm not as strong as I thought
God, Fanboys sounds like another case of Kevin Smith/Brian Michael Bendis 'In Hollywood, you Fail Up!" syndrome. Although I heard that when the fourth movie completely sucked, it ruined a lot of the mood for the movie.
One of the writers, Ernest Cline, is a really funny guy. His spoken word CD "Ultraman is Airwolf" is very, very funny.
But I'm sure they focus-grouped the script up with all sorts of wonderful parent's basement references because that never gets old.