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Take Your Stinking Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Movie Studio!

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (26)

apes-440x336.jpg

20th Century Fox is pressing ahead with its Planet of the Apes prequel, Rise of the Apes (tentative release date: June 24, 2011). As if this weren’t enough of a bad idea in the first place, they’ve decided to go with CG apes. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

I’m sorry, but everything in my body just revolted and the bile that rose up (pun intended) is getting mailed to whomever is in charge of this monstrosity. Sure, we all know the machine is going to keep on churning out the remakes and the prequels, and some of you out there may even have kept an open mind about this idea. OK by some of you, I mean, me. But part of the intrigue of any PoTA film is seeing that connection between man and ape; the expressions of the actors beneath the make-up just can’t be conveyed realistically by CG representations. Sure, if you need to show a large group of apes running through the brush, go for it. But up close and individually? You may as well make this animated.

The official synopsis: “Rise of the Apes is an origin story in the truest sense of the term. Set in present day San Francisco, the film is a reality-based cautionary tale, a science fiction/science fact blend, where man’s own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy.”

I don’t care that they’re using WETA Digital or that Rupert Wyatt (“The Escapist”) is directing, just bring me my barf bag NOW.









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Comments

Why? Why are they doing this?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 10, 2010 5:16 PM

I wish they would make a race of hyper intelligent super monkeys. Watch as they rise up and take control. Then we could let them run our film studios and maybe, just maybe, this crap would stop churning out.


Maybe I just wanna see A monkey Use Uwe Boll's head as a soup toureen.

Posted by: Blank at May 10, 2010 5:21 PM

If you set the ape uprising in the present day, THEN HOW THE FUCK DOES MARKY MARK GET INTO SPACE IN THE FUTURE?

Posted by: D-Day at May 10, 2010 5:22 PM

Sweet Lord. And there's a twist: they all turn out to be ape avatars remotely controlled by Predators (YES.) so as to lure out Aliens from that underground temple thing in the Arctic (or was it Antarctica?). You probably need a new bag now?

Posted by: SB at May 10, 2010 5:22 PM

Except I would put it to you that in the last version where all the apes were made up to look like Janet Jackson, we couldn't see any expressions either. So they've already ruined the franchise.

Posted by: PaddyDog at May 10, 2010 5:23 PM

No, it's going to be totally super awesome! Cartoon apes! Prequel! Origin story! Movie where the title starts with "Rise of the..."! It'll be totally realistic and cautionary because talking warrior apes are just around the corner! Makes you think! Hooray!

Posted by: Johnny C. Georgie at May 10, 2010 5:35 PM

Terminator 2: Judgment Ape

Posted by: annoyingmouse at May 10, 2010 5:42 PM

the expressions of the actors beneath the make-up just can’t be conveyed realistically by CG representations.

Have you seen those movies? Their mouths are almost entirely covered by rubber snouts. It's terrible.

Ah nostalgia...is there nothing you cannot fix?

Posted by: superasente at May 10, 2010 5:50 PM

They've already made this movie. I believe it was called Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

Posted by: alone in the dark at May 10, 2010 5:50 PM

Ape Revolutions starring Keanu Reeves.

Posted by: SB at May 10, 2010 5:52 PM

What's eating Gilbert Ape?

Posted by: D-Day at May 10, 2010 5:58 PM

G.I. Ape: The Rise of Gorilla.

Posted by: SB at May 10, 2010 6:01 PM

'Cuz that CGI people-monsters thing really made I Am Legend (Big Willy version) FANTASTIC. YESSS!! Pysched!!

Seriously, I don't have a (huge) problem with all-CGI'd movies, but when you mix humans and CGI talking creatures (as opposed to just CGI effects) in the same frame, you get Marmaduke. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Scooby-Doo. That ain't right. (Unless it's Gollum - that gets a pass.)

Posted by: MM at May 10, 2010 6:14 PM

So is this a prequel to the original or to the Burton remake? If it's the former, we're 40+ years after the release. I'm surprised the studio would bank on that following unless they're going relatively low-budget. If it's the latter, I don't think my skepticism requires any elaboration.

If it were CG like Avatar is CG, then that would be o.k.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 10, 2010 7:03 PM

I agree with DarthCorleone. The best thing about Avatar were the animated people, and they looked about as real as giant blue kitties are gonna look. If the apes are done that way, or as a previous commenter mentioned, like Gollum, I don't really have a problem with this. It might even look pretty neat.

Posted by: kyle at May 10, 2010 7:24 PM

To those of you questioning the actors expressions beneath the make-up, go watch Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter in the original. In fact most of the actors who portrayed apes gave more with their eyes alone than some actors can do with their whole faces.

Darth, the studio did say the would be "...employing certain of the groundbreaking technologies developed for AVATAR..." Doesn't make me feel any better and I still wouldn't want to see it with no actors. As for which version this would be a prequel to, it is the original.

Posted by: Cindy at May 10, 2010 8:19 PM

Again, they've already made this movie.

Posted by: alone in the dark at May 10, 2010 8:37 PM

Really, a war for supremacy? I thought the humans killed each other off, and the apes just managed to stay out of the way long enough to come back and take over. Otherwise, the kinda... point of the original movie is lost. Who is Charleton Heston screaming at, when he sees the statue of Liberty? The apes who managed to defeat humanity? Real poignant there. Also, did the interstellar spaceship launch before the experiments in modern day San Francisco? This really sounds like some asshole wanted to do a Deep Blue Sea with apes, and the studio was like, "Hey, lets tie it into a beloved franchise to make more money!"

Posted by: Franzibald at May 10, 2010 9:44 PM

People always like celebrities, but I think those in uniform deserve more respect. They defend our country and safeguard our policy. Join M i l i t a r y f l i r t i n g.c o m, show your love and respect to our military heroes.

Posted by: lily at May 10, 2010 9:50 PM

Who gives a shit about apes anyway? They hog the covers, they're way too into feet, and they only take you to the motels by the highway. Call me when Rise of the Pandas: In JM's Pants (No Really, She's Into That) comes out. At least they spring for appetizers and cab fare.

Posted by: jM at May 10, 2010 9:58 PM

Well the Tim Burton movie was undone by a nonsensical and awful ending. At least it looked good but it was a pretty bad movie. I don't have any interest in moving forward with them. Ah, Fox. Is there any decision you won't fuck up royally?

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 11, 2010 7:33 AM

APATAR

Posted by: BWeaves at May 11, 2010 9:44 AM

"I've seen monkey-shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this!"

On the other hand, I wonder if that's how the apes lead their revolution. Instead of armories, they just load up at Taco Bell and White Castles across the land first. Brings new meaning to the term "Duck & Cover".

Posted by: bleujayone at May 11, 2010 10:23 AM

Sigh.

Posted by: Nicolae at May 11, 2010 2:47 PM

I'm still holding out hope that one day Planet of the Apes: the Musical will see the light of day.

I haaaate every ape I seeeeee
From chimpan-a to chimp-an-zee
Well you finally made a monkey out of meeeeeeeee...

Posted by: figgy at May 11, 2010 3:21 PM

@ figgy:

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! For now the first prize (still) goes to Jeff Wayne's Musical The War of The Worlds.

http://www.thewaroftheworlds.com/Landingpage.aspx

Posted by: SB at May 12, 2010 4:17 PM