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Superman's Got Another Villain, Ah-Nuld's Back To Terminatin', And GI Joe 2 Is Unfortunately Still Alive

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (21)



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Hello all of you lovely lovers. Here’s news that I hope you fucking choke on.

UNO: Zack Snyder’s Superman: Man Of Steel, a film I went from cautiously optimistic about to dreading in the wake of Sucker Punch, is getting a second villain. In addition to Michael Shannon as Zod, German actress Antje Traue (Pandorum) has been cast as Faora, another evil Kryptonian who escapes from the Phantom Zone. She was the basis for Ursa in Superman 2. Fucking hell, Snyder. Just say you’re remaking Superman 2 and be done with it, you goddamn jackass.

This is Ms. Traue:

Antje Traue in Pandorum.jpg

Antje_Traue.jpg
(via Slashfilm)

B: Yesterday Dustin posted the new image of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley from Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (note: all films from henceforth need to have a colon in the title. No, not that kind of colon). With the utmost respect to The Statham, she’s one of those beautiful women that I don’t find the least bit attractive. It’s a conundrum wrapped in a mystery surrounded by your mom. ANYWAY, here’s another couple of pics from the movie. One is of Shockwave, who transforms into either a Mazda RX-8 or a big-ass cannon, depending on what source material you’re looking at. The other is a gigantic robot something-or-other trashing Chicago. Honestly, I just want Michael Bay to heed my wish about the first two films: Make these entirely without dialogue, and we’re cool. Seriously.

(click for hi-res)
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3) Despite our protestations and lamentations, there will be a second G.I. Joe movie. The first one was horrible, but made a kersphlillion dollars. The only remotely interesting parts were the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow fights, and Rachel Nichols’ chest. Otherwise, it was a mess. But fortunately for us all, the guy who made Step Up 2: The Streets will be directing this time around. Anyway, it’s got a title: G.I. Joe 2: Cobra Strikes. See what I said about the colons? Also, if Joseph Gordon Levitt returns for this, I’ll shit in Dustin’s shoes.

Quatre - They’re making a new Zorro movie. This time, the Gay Blade will be up to his dashing hijinks in a post-apocalyptic future. No, I am not, in fact, shitting you. It’ll be directed by Rpin Suwannath (you know, good ol’ Rpin), and I’ve already forgotten what this paragraph was about.
(via FSR)

Finalliciously, Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to make another Terminator movie. Good Lord. Much as I’m excited for Terminator 5: Geritol, after being burned by the last two movies, it’s hard to muster up any excitement at all. What’s that? He’s working with Fast Five director Justin Lin to try to get it made? Oh, well fuck my ear with a chicken wing, that makes it all better.

I hate you all.









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Comments

At Arnolds age what is his Terminator gonna do? Sit on the porch and drink motor oil and threaten to terminate the kids in his yard?

Posted by: logan at April 28, 2011 11:05 AM

Seems odd that Schwarzenegger is taking a step back to something, at this point I would have expected him to be an astronaut or stunt pilot or professional football player or supervillain made out of ice.

Posted by: LEROOOY at April 28, 2011 11:08 AM

logan,
that film has already been made and it was called Gran Torino.

Posted by: schmerpes at April 28, 2011 11:13 AM

Also, if Joseph Gordon Levitt returns for this, I’ll shit in Dustin’s shoes.

::rolls out the Vest-Signal spotlight::

Posted by: branded at April 28, 2011 11:14 AM

"But fortunately for us all, the guy who made Step Up 2: The Streets will be directing this time around."

GI Joe 2: Electric Streets: Boogaloo Step!:3D

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 28, 2011 11:40 AM

wats the point Arnie? they're going to have to cgi your whole body this time

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_igtSYrb7l8k/S74yGWegR2I/AAAAAAAAAE4/OsSJ-1c_oJI/s1600/ArnoldSchwarzenegger_1.jpg

Posted by: haplo at April 28, 2011 11:40 AM

In fairness, Justin Lin also directed several episodes of Community in season one; including Modern Warfare (re: the paintball episode). So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Of course, a 5th Terminator starring Arnold is ludicrous. At this point, they should just say that the robots keep aging their T-100 model's skin shell so that the past John Connor doesn't get confused when a Terminator who looks younger than him shows up saying, "Come with me if you want to live." Those robots sure know understand human psychology!

Posted by: RobP at April 28, 2011 11:53 AM

1) Pandorum was awesome.

2) Antje Traue is beautiful, and kicked all manner of ass in the aforementioned Pandorum.

3) Mr (Mrs? Ms?) Rpin Suwannath needs to buy a fucking vowel.

4) The rest of this news makes my inner clown so very, very sad.

Posted by: Groundloop at April 28, 2011 11:55 AM

The Transformers are going to take over our planet!

Let's challenge them to a dance-off! With the Black Eyed Peas DJing, and special appearances by Justin Timberlake and J Lo!

Are you high? No, really are you hig? I'm going to hide in the twisted rubble and pray for a quick death before the sentient robots decide we make a good canape. These are three story mechanical juggernauts constructed entirely of sharp pointy bits. We have no damn chance. And you want to dance?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 28, 2011 11:57 AM

Why wouldn't JGL appear in G.I. Joe 2: The Fridge is Old Now. He doesn't even have to show his face and he still collects that massive paycheck.

Posted by: superasente at April 28, 2011 11:57 AM

Fuck it, I'm pronouncing "Rpin" as "Rapin'" from this day forward.

Posted by: TylerDFC at April 28, 2011 11:59 AM

We can only hope Snyder includes the scene where Superman peels a giant saran wrap Superman symbol off his chest and catches a Kryptonian with it. As we know, he does that shit all the time. I think just last month he used one on Solomon Grundy.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 28, 2011 12:15 PM

Instead of rehashing villains from previous Superman movies, why not bring us Mr. Mxyzptlk ?

Posted by: Pat C. at April 28, 2011 12:37 PM

G.I. Joe 2: Electric Boogaloo

Posted by: OldSchool60 at April 28, 2011 1:29 PM

She was so hot in Pandorum. So hot.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 28, 2011 2:31 PM

What's it rated, Arnold? What's it rated?

(Oh, and I want my official severed Terminator arm from Terminator 2. I earned it.)

Posted by: DarthCorleone at April 28, 2011 2:32 PM

I've had just about enough of your G I Joe bashing, young man!

Posted by: SPAGHATTAH NADLE at April 28, 2011 3:57 PM

i just knew it would be a mistake to click on this post but i had to do it, didn't i? fuck.

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 5:46 PM

kersphlillion dollars

I spent, like, two minutes trying to sound out that word. Trying to say KersphLillion, and not cheat by adding a letter as a shortcut, like kersphUlillion, or something.

Then, I saw "Rpin Suwannath" and started crying.

Posted by: vic at April 28, 2011 8:42 PM

if Charming Potato is in the sequel, (and how could he turn down the opportunity to play a bland military officer) then consequently JGL will return not just for the paycheck and the fact that no one will know thats who he is with the darth vader mask and voice changer. The two of them are virtually inseparable since stop loss. Its like the Matt Damon/Ben Affleck thing... except one of them is what I can only imagine as the real life version of Moose from the Archie comics.

Posted by: protoformX at April 28, 2011 10:53 PM

Of course, a 5th Terminator starring Arnold is ludicrous. At this point, they should just say that the robots keep aging their T-100 model's skin shell so that the past John Connor doesn't get confused when a Terminator who looks younger than him shows up saying, "Come with me if you want to live." Those robots sure know understand human psychology!

Posted by: cosplay costumes at May 5, 2011 4:58 AM