Pajiba

Can't get more conservative than this. This is true marriage, old-school way. Will the lady be sold off by her dad too and the guy pay a heft amount to marry a woman he has never met?

Do the men get to see pictures of the woman? Cause it sounds like the groom is gonna have a much better idea of what he's getting himself into than the bride, which is not cool.

Mostly, of course, it sounds awful all the way around.

I see nothing unusual about Fox’s “I Married a Stranger,” I’ve ended up with plenty of strangers in the morning after paying for their company. But I will admit that same sex marriage should be allowed so they can end up as miserable as a man and a woman in a conventional marriage.

Urge to kill...rising...

It's been a while since we fired up the Murdertank. Today's a good day for flame throwing.

I'm so glad to know that the sanctity of marriage is preserved by strangers marrying each other on television so they can have their 15 minutes of desperate fame. Surely it would be immoral, and part of a descent into people marrying horses and cars, if my friends who have a beautiful son and have been together for years were allowed to marry because they are both women. Excellent, just excellent.

I just...gah!

It never ceases to amaze me how the most pious, dogmatic pricks come up with the most twisted ways to spend their time.

And is it just me, or is our culture riding a train headed toward every social satirist's worst nightmare?

Finally, a FOX show the Taliban can love!

If this was really old school, the woman would have a heavy veil (non-see-through) and the man would not know who he was marrying until he lifted the veil for the kiss after being pronounce man and wife.

Also, they'd have to consumate the marriage through a hole in a sheet, so they don't actually touch, except for the naughty bits. (I'm not sure who came up with that rule, but I always thought it was pretty stupid.)

Here's an awesome quote from a fictional journalist:

You want to know about voting. I’m here to tell you about voting.

Imagine you’re locked in a huge underground nightclub filled with sinners, whores, freaks and unnameable things that rape pit bulls for fun.

And you ain't allowed out until you all vote on what you’re going to do tonight.

You like to put your feet up and watch “republican party reservation.”

They like to have sex with normal people using knives, guns, and brand new sexual organs that you did not know existed.

So you vote for television, and everyone else, as far as your eye can see, votes to fuck you with switchblades.

That’s voting.

You’re welcome.

--Spider Jerusalem

Or did you know about the old royal tradition where the king gets to spend the first night with your life?

Marriage has all kinds of traditions in different societies and throughout the ages. The possibilities for reality TV shows are endless!

Did you know in some societies the tradition is that the mother in law is present in the room while the marriage is conusmmated?

You mean like a threesome? Hell, maybe this old school thing ain't so bad after all. I want a mulligan on my marriage.

Not threesome. Just watching. I guess the tradition could do with an update though

But see - isn't this just like certain mentalities.

Pro-lifers - no abortion, but no sex education or condoms in the schools. Who cares that once the kid is born, they're not willing to step up and help care for it (uh, hello childcare benefit cuts!)

Pro-marriage - no same sex marriage, but who cares if the divorce rate sky rockets or if shit like this is on tv.

I think I know too much about different marriage traditions. Here are two more:

This one happens in some Arabic countries: Little girl (we're talking even three or four years old here) is married to a man (for example a 50 year old man) but the marriage cannot be consummated until the girl is of age (not sure what the age would be. 16 or 18 I presume)

Some African tribe tradition: Old wealthy woman marries young healthy woman. A stud is found to impregnate the young woman but the dude has no legal rights regarding the woman or the child. Everything belongs to the old lady.

FOX really should emply me. I'll make 'em a million.

Here's another awesome idea for a marriage based show. A show based on polygamy (man married to more than one woman) or polyandry (woman married to more than one man, something which has been practiced in some societies around the world, but so rarely many people have never heard of it)

Just wanna make sure I understand what y'all are saying. You're saying that just because there are people stupid enough to get famous for marrying a stranger, the entire idea of marriage as it has been practiced in the west for about 2000 years is balls-up and we should let anything go because some heterosexuals turn out to be retards?

Ya. OK. I'm completely convinced you're right.

actually hater, the point is that people complain about gay marriage saying that it'll cause blood rain to fall from the sky and puppies to seize up and die due to the supposed dissolution and desecration of the "institution of marriage," but see nothing wrong with perfect strangers marrying one another on national television. That's a fuckin' laugh riot, but them queers marryin' because they love each other? Oh hell naw. That shit ain't right.

That's what's being mocked. Unless you were kidding, in which case, never mind!

Here are some samplings of conversations I've gotten into with my Southern Baptist, ordained minister father (no shit) about my 10 year long evil relationship with my girlfriend:

Dad: Love the sinner, hate the sin.
Me: What?

Dad: I don't think you should be allowed to marry her and definitely not allowed to have children together.
Me: Why not the children?
Dad: You'll teach them that it's okay to be a homosexual.
Me: I would have taught my kids that regardless. Next issue.
Dad: They're more likely to be gay.
Me: You and Mom are straight, how do you explain me?

But then he comes to our house, hugs my girlfriend, considers her family. I think he's at odds with what he really thinks and what he's supposed to think as a man of a certain religion and position.
It could be worse, I could have been disowned.

Word, fig. Word.

Don't mind me, I'm just over hear polishing my ball of hate until it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building.

So you like shinning balls, tamatha?

Fuck FOX. Long and hard, say, with an oversized chainsaw? Shadows, fire up the secret MurderMaid Orbital Ray of Slow Painful Death and target - Shadows? Where the hell's my XO gone? Why's it so damn quiet up here? Shadows, get your act together, there's smiting to be done!

Dad: Love the sinner, hate the sin.
Me: What?
---
I don't know why this is such a difficult concept for people to grasp. If instead of calling it sin we called it "dumb, stupid, possibly illegal and/or morally debatable shit you do that people with a conscience probably wouldn't," well, who among us can't count all our friends and family (ourselves included) in that crowd? We might not like what they do, but we still love 'em, right?

Usually.

And don't get all het up, I'm not saying gay folks are "dumb, stupid" etc., just generalizing on the concept of sin. Personally, I couldn't care less what you do in your bedroom, and with whom. I thought real conservatism meant minding your own damn business. Why I lean Libertarian.

One of the Menendez brothers (shot-gunned their parents) got fuckin married WHILE IN PRISON for life.
Somehow, thats a legally recognized bond, non-offensive to those sanctity-of-marriage folks and their bent rules...
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
sigh

Whither rogue, world-ending meteor?

Some of my cousins are kinda hot...

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