Steven Spielberg Will Direct a 'BFG' Movie, Because Hollywood Executives' Main Source of Fuel Is Happy Childhood Memories
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Steven Spielberg Will Direct a 'BFG' Movie, Because Hollywood Executives’ Main Source of Fuel Is Happy Childhood Memories

By Vivian Kane | Trade News | April 25, 2014 | Comments ()


Have you gathered by now that I tend to take film and TV news very seriously, seeing every new casting announcement as a sign from the universe, guiding me towards my true destiny? Well, I do. And if you don’t do the same than I can only assume you are knowingly ignoring the will of the fates.

And today’s prophecy? Clearly we have angered the divine godtopustical deities because Steven Spielberg is planning to direct a live action adaptation of the beloved Roald Dahl children’s book, The BFG.

The positive: The film (as of now) is being produced by Frank Marshall (Back to the Future, every Indiana Jones movie, and basically a billion movies from your youth) and written by Melissa Mathison (E.T.).

The negative? I imagine we should be preparing for some off-puttingly CGI’d snozzcumbers.

Prove me wrong, universe. Prove me wrong.

Via THR.

Vivian Kane wants Hollywood to keep its dirty stinking hands off of her Shel Silverstein. Really, is there anything left?

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • BWeaves

    So snozzcumber isn't Benedict's, ahem, nose?

  • BWeaves

    This cries out to be animated in the most 2-D, crude, hand drawn style. Live action would just be creepy.

  • Afferbeck

    They did make an animated movie about 25 years ago. I probably still have it on VHS somewhere

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Vivian Kane wants Hollywood to keep its dirty stinking hands off of her Shel Silverstein. Really, is there anything left?"

    True Detective Season 2: Who's the Son-of-a-B*tch that Named Me Sue?

  • Cowtools

    What's with the negative reaction? Have I entered a parallel universe where Speilberg wasn't responsible for writing, directing and/or producing some of the best kids' films of all time?

  • holy whizz poppers, Batman...
    If we're doing this, and we've already done Narnia and Middle Earth, I demand a live-action Chronicles of Prydain movie with Lena Headey and Elle Fanning (possibly Chloe Grace Moretz).

  • Alicia

    Just make sure you get a kid with actual talent to play Taran.

  • Ozioma

    They already did a movie on this book. They don't need to try again.

  • _Alexander_

    ....what is a BFG? Because my knowledge on this topic is limited to Doom

  • Uriah_Creep

    Doesn't BFG stand for Big Fucking Gun?

  • lonolove

    It stands for Big Friendly Giant! I weep for your childhood. This book is magical...this enormous giant gets picked on by the other giants for being runty and for refusing to eat humans. Instead he eats snozzcumbers which give him great whizzpoppers (farts) and he goes about in the night giving children delightful dreams.

  • Ben

    I don't know, I think doom is a pretty rad childhood to be honest.

  • LMo

    Roald Dahl is the best! I devoured his books when I was a child. Now i feel the need to go on a Dahl shopping spree on amazon.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    I also came here slightly confused (and excited) over the prospect of Spielberg directing a Doom adaptation.

  • Ginger McFlea

    No, no, no. If it has to be made, and I'm not sure the case has been made that it does, this is the exact opposite of what it should be. How about Tim Minchin, Richard Ayoade and, oh, maybe Mike Leigh team up to write and direct this? And if it has to have an American aspect, then have Liam Neeson play the BFG. He knows all about taking. Plus he's enormous.

  • Alicia

    And if it has to have an American aspect, then have Liam Neeson play the BFG.

    "An American aspect"? Liam Neeson is from Northern Ireland.

  • Ginger McFlea

    You're right, of course. I was thinking more of the Hollywood blockbuster element than Neeson's origins.

  • stella

    Can they just re-release Matilda instead?

  • DarthBrookes

    Remember when Spielberg was going to direct the Harry Potter movies, but Rowling put her foot down and refused him the rights, because he insisted they had to turn Harry into a Mid-West American farmboy called "Hank Potter"?

    Yeah. That.

  • Cowtools

    That sounds like BS frankly.
    Speilberg didn't try to change Tintin's nationality or name, why would he do so with an even more recognisable character?
    I can believe that the suits wanted to change HP, and that was why Speilberg didn't direct it.

  • Ben

    According to an article I found, he didn't want to change it to hank potter, but he did want to merge a bunch of the books into one movie and make it a cartoon.

    "“I did think it would be worthwhile for Steven Spielberg to direct…We offered it to him. But one of the notions of Dreamworks’ and Steven’s was, ‘Let’s combine a couple of the books, let’s make it animated,’ and that was because of the [visual effects and] Pixar had demonstrated that animated movies could be extremely successful. Because of the wizardry involved, they were very effects-laden. So I don’t blame them. But I did not want to combine the movies, and I wanted it to be live action.”

  • Emily Smith

    Are you serious, or is my hangover making me seriously misread your comment?

  • stella

    Wait what? That would be so weird.

  • vivkane

    I would pay so much money to see "Hank Potter." He would be so earnest.

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