Pajiba

I imagine Steven Seagal "working" with local police mostly consists of him standing in front of eye-rolling cops, squinting into the middle distance and saying, "Sheriff (long pause for affect) what can I do to help?" The sheriff then waves him somewhere out of the way and after offering to sign autographs for disinterested cops and teenagers who've never heard of him, Seagal wanders off to hit on a newscaster one-third his age. Twenty minutes later somebody yells, "Goddammit, he ate all the damn donuts again."

Holy shit jamiepants that is hilarious! Get on TV! Do it!

Kidnap a puppy, throw a baby down a pipe, light the swamp on fire, do something so we can see Seagal take you down with a neck chop. Take one for the Pajiba team!

Great.

Thanks for that.

You had to go and mentioned Kelly LeBrock, which of course got me curious and thinking, "What is up with Kelly LeBrock these days? She seemed to totally disappear after she married this ass hole. The internet will know. It knows everything!"

So, I say fuck you and fuck Google Images. My lasting image was of Kelly LeBrock at the very end of Weird Science where she showed up at that gym class of dorks clad in that incredible outfit. (That image was especially burned into my mind, because one time I was watching it on cable or on VHS at friend's house some 20+ years ago and when she came out in that outfit my friend's uncle got off the couch, crawled and on his hands and knees to the TV and began licking the screen right where Kelly's belly was. True Story.) That image of Kelly (sans the crazy uncle) was what I always went back to when I thought of her. Until now.

Thanks.

A sex symbol?

I honestly don't know what to say to that.

especially since New Orleans was just named the city with highest crime rate.

Hey now, anikitty. There's no reason to throw a baby seal at me when I'm down.

Tracer Bullet FTW.

Oof. Can we talk about the facial beating that Seagal has apparently taken? He's looking a little Island of Dr. Moreau Brando-y. I think we can all agree that is not a good look.

And, burster of bubbles that I am, jamiepants will prolly have to go baby el chupacabra hunting or something rather than for those cutesy little seals. ;)

My college roommate and I mockingly used that "blood bank" quote perhaps far more than it deserved, but the amusement never wore off.

Why all the hate? Why the put-downs? Don't any of you know he can turn into a llama? Seriously. I read somewhere that he was a llama in his past life and now, when provoked, he has the power to transform into a crime-fighting llama-being. It's not all that different from when I get provoked and turn into a roaring, whiskey-soaked lush lurching around my ex-girlfriend's back yard without any pants on, despite the temp being in the mid-twenties...

Which is why, today, my wiener is wrapped in a warm washcloth...

Oh shit.
http://blog.nola.com/davewalker/2008/11/steven_seagals_secret_life_as.html

"Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures - including musical performances and philanthropic efforts - in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans."

Great, he thinks he's a musician, too. Well, Jamiepants, our first stop will be Cat's Meow, looks like. Heh.

You think Cat's? I think he's gonna try to go all smokey-bar and hit up an Uptown/Marigny/Bywater joint. Let me just say, I am pumped.
By the way...I just drove around Metarie with my boss and some drive-thru daiquiris checking every cop car we passed to see if he was driving. Alas, we were denied.

(yeah i know it's before noon...my boss bought it dammit! DON'T JUDGE ME!)

Jamiepants, c'mon, man, do something big. Do something HUGE! We need this. *I* need this! You're not doing shit exept tagging photos and watching The Hills anyway...

laineypants, I think a life of tagging and hills-watching is a fine life to be had.
I'll think of something...but not until the show starts filming, because you KNOW he's not gonna be on the streets until he's televised.

I kinda like Seagal, as far ruining LeBrock, she knew god dam well what she was getting herself into. Let me tell you something Freilich, that cunt didn't want for anything, she could have had it all. Whatever role she ever wanted was between her legs. Like most women as soon as a guy says no, they start crying about a guy did them wrong. I went out on a date with this lady one time, we went to the mall to go see a movie. We got there early so we decided to walk through the mall to kill time. We walk into a jewelry store to look around, and as soon as I could blink my eyes, she's all up in my face asking me to buy her a watch for her birthday. I said bitch you've got a watch between your legs, don't be asking me for shit. Don't blame Segal for LeBrock's problem.

Take it easy admin, I'm not saying LeBrock did everything wrong. I'm just saying that Seagal is a great action movie star and maybe LeBrock tried to hitch her wagon to his and it didn't work out for her. I didn't mean to get you all riled up, look, I think LeBrock was a good actress and some unfortunate things happened to her in Hollywood and maybe Seagal could have done more for her. So let's not dump on LeBrock.