web
counter
 

Lucas Mounts the Corpse Again

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (43)



helpmeobiwan.jpg

George Lucas always said that he thought 3D was silly, that he’d never been a fan, and that he’d never re-release Star Wars in 3D. Funny thing though, there is nothing in the universe that George Lucas loves more than money. And when Avatar had the gall to knock the sale figures of Star Wars down a notch on the top ten sales lists, that was one insult too many. So now the Star Wars films are going to be run through the horrific conversion process that does little other than take an extra $5 out of your wallet and give you a headache. And if I wanted to lose $5 and get a headache I’d just buy Bieber tracks off of iTunes. Zing! I’ll be here all week.

They’re leading off with The Phantom Menace in 2012 which makes sense because although it’s the worst film of the six, they can’t really credibly start with Star Wars since even the remastered version had visual issues from degradation of the source material. 3D would not be that film’s friend. Of course, this will give Lucas a chance to make sure that Greedo not only shoots first, but that Han doesn’t even shoot second. Instead, Howard the Duck will enter and hug Greedo into submission.

We joke a lot about how Lucas can’t leave well enough alone, but do you know how long it’s been since he did anything other than suck at the Star Wars troth or help Spielberg LaBeoufify Indiana Jones? Sixteen years out of a career that started 37 years ago. There’s a difference between a drought and a desert.

(source: Blastr)









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



They Should Have Sent A Poet | Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives Trailer | Josh Holloway Cast In MI:4 | Your Mission Is To Put Your Shirt Back On









Comments

His visual acuity is like a T-Rex. He can't see us, or take our money, if we don't move (our butts to the theater when these movies are released).

OR...

Just don't look!/ Just don't look!

Posted by: RobP at September 29, 2010 10:12 AM

So?

I mean, really, this does not surprise or shock or outrage me at all. Surprise passed when they first announced the prequels were being written. Shock rolled through while watching the gussied-up re-release of the original trilogy. Outrage came when The Phantom Menace managed to dismantle everything I'd always loved about Star Wars - look! Luke is just a regular guy like me! Trying to escape the farm and make friends and find adventure in the stars! WhatthefuckisanAnakin?!?

Lucas mounts the corpse while simultaneously rubbing his hairy chest with $1000 bills and calling it "art". Fuck off, Lucas. Fuck. Off.

Posted by: malikvlc at September 29, 2010 10:21 AM

I would kick him in the nuts for 15 dollar.

Posted by: Magiel at September 29, 2010 10:21 AM

How much more money can this fat-necked fuck need? When is enough enough?

Hopefully, the 3Ding process will cost more than the movies bring in. I doubt it. Kids will want to see them, most likely. I got my 4 year old nephew into Star Wars. While he - thankfully - prefers the originals to the prequels, in no small part to some gently strong arming by me and my brother, I'm sure he'd get a kick out of watching it on the big screen.

Posted by: ForbiddenDonut at September 29, 2010 10:23 AM

I think I'm just going to let out an 8 hour sigh for the day.

Posted by: PaulterA at September 29, 2010 10:25 AM

Suck at the "Star Wars" what? He most certainly has not pledged fidelity to the franchise or we wouldn't be getting this.

Posted by: , at September 29, 2010 10:26 AM

I wouldn't have thought it possible when I was a kid, because I adored Star Wars so much, but he's pretty much killed any love I ever had for the series.

Give me the original 3 films in their original condition and then fuck off Lucas. I'm done.

Posted by: Carrie at September 29, 2010 10:30 AM

Actually he talked about doing this several years ago, along with the TV shows. I'd been waiting on it, in fact. Still no word on those shows though. He ain't gonna live forever.

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2010 10:31 AM

He needs to be put in carbonite and hung on a wall in the National Gallery as the man who created THEN destroyed one of the best movie franchises in history. With each revamp, the younger generation sees less and less of the original story and more supposed “WOW”. Here's an idea: WRITE SOMETHING NEW! I think he forgot that he CAN do this. Someone should remind him.

I really believe that he thinks he is doing something right; but at some point, he has to have to face the fact that he wrote 3 really good Star War movies (I argue only 2; blah, Jedi), and everything else became a vanity project to prove that he is still the “Sci-Fi Master”. Sorry Georgie, your best years are far behind you. Focus on ILM’s ability for great CG for OTHER movies. Otherwise, you look like an insecure kid who needs to update his outfit every time fashion demands it.

Put down the 3D jeggings before we all regret it.

Posted by: Melissa C. at September 29, 2010 10:35 AM

Yeah, I'm out. You're such a whore Lucas. Or maybe you're a pimp. Not the good kind of pimp either.

Posted by: admin at September 29, 2010 10:35 AM

O-VER-RA-TED!

*BOOM BOOM BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*

O-VER-RA-TED!

*BOOM BOOM BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*

O-VER-RA-TED!

*BOOM BOOM BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*

O-VER-RA-TED!

*BOOM BOOM BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*

Posted by: Kballs at September 29, 2010 10:38 AM

*shakes fist at the skies* LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Posted by: supafly at September 29, 2010 10:38 AM

ROCK

SALT

Posted by: lubeg at September 29, 2010 10:47 AM

No mas. No mas.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at September 29, 2010 10:51 AM

You think he's overrated, Kballs? Really? I think people are just sitting around going, "God, Lucas can suck my balls."

Posted by: superasente at September 29, 2010 10:54 AM

I'm really enjoying the word "LaBoeufify." Thank you for that.

Posted by: Sean at September 29, 2010 10:59 AM

superasente,

Absolutely I think he's overrated. He's a glorified idea man who was a technical wizard 30 years ago and now produces a bunch of stuff. He can't write a script for shit, his directing is mediocre, he takes way too much credit for everything that Lucasfilm creates, and he treats his fans like little piggy banks. "American Graffiti" is good but not THAT good. "Indiana Jones" was his original idea, but Spielberg and Kasdan were responsible for its greatness. And he has REPEATEDLY made foolish and narcissistic changes/updates/prequels/whatever to his biggest cinematic success. Being richer than most nations does not make him great. He made good on a fantastic idea and turned it into a massive fortune. This makes him an shrewd opportunist, not a great talent.

Posted by: Kballs at September 29, 2010 11:14 AM

What is the "Star Wars" you speak of?
I have never heard of it. The Phantom what?
Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. Never heard of it.
Opium, however, is awesome.

Posted by: Odnon. at September 29, 2010 11:16 AM

Dangnabit, this kid I'm having in November will totally want to see all of this 3D bullshit won't he? If I never ever teach him what 3D means maybe I can avoid these and he will be happy with the originals?

Posted by: JenVegas at September 29, 2010 11:26 AM

Opium, however, is awesome.

Good sequels too.

Posted by: twig at September 29, 2010 11:31 AM

At this point, it's just like throwing a dessicated hot dog down a corpsified hallway, yeah?

Posted by: Captain Steve at September 29, 2010 11:35 AM

I don't understand why people get so upset about how Lucas ruined the franchise. It's his franchise to ruin. His loss. If he wants to do a 3D version, let him. I don't like 3D either, so I simply don't buy it. Problem solved. Don't like the prequels? Forget them, like they never existed. Stick with the original trilogy. I did the same thing with the Matrix films. For me, it started and ended with the first film. The others were just a glitch ;-)
I can understand why fans might get sad by Lucas poor attempts to build upon his legacy, turning it into an exercise of milking the cash cow, the way he did with the prequels, but getting mad about it? Just enjoy and cherish the original films and move on to other stuff.

Posted by: King Mob at September 29, 2010 11:51 AM

You know, he could make mountains of money by simply running the original three movies through the theatres once a decade--without spending a cent on fluffing them up. every ten years there would be a new batch of kids, plus all us adults who continuously freak out at all his nonsense. Would you spend ten bucks once a decade to see a star wars movie on the big screen unchanged?

In fact he could probably make mountains of money holding the films for ransom: "send ten dollars or I will alter them more and destroy the originals"

given the obsessiveness of starwars fans, he's more of an obtuse opportunist than a shrewd opportunist.

but I'll be damned if it isn't everytime someone mentions starwars I have the worst craving to haul out my dvds and curl up in bed. what the hell is that, I'm a frickin pavlovian dog.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 29, 2010 11:52 AM

Kball, I'm on-board man; you're preaching to the choir. My point was that everyone is on-board, which would make him rated exactly where he should be rated. At the bottom.

Posted by: superasente at September 29, 2010 12:05 PM

2D was bad enough - who the fuck wants to see The Phantom Menace in 3D?!
Shiny turds still stink despite the shine, George.

Posted by: Chickaboom at September 29, 2010 12:24 PM

That's not true...THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!

*dark voice* Search your feelings, you know it to be true!!

NNOOOOO!!! NOO!...

*dar voice* It is your destiny...

Posted by: Brian at September 29, 2010 12:24 PM

Who is more foolish: The fool or the fool who keeps giving Lucas more money?

Posted by: schrome at September 29, 2010 12:36 PM

The strange thing is that I agree with all of you.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 29, 2010 1:29 PM

Just enjoy and cherish the original films and move on to other stuff.

But that's no fun to the whiny bitches. Bitches wanna bitch.

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2010 3:47 PM

He can't leave those films alone. He just has to keep going back and tweaking it slightly. Then again. And again.
I think Lucas must have some sort of cinematical OCD.

Posted by: Simon at September 29, 2010 4:09 PM

Just how is Episode I the worst of the six? Perhaps because it was the biggest letdown, after which most people expected the prequels to suck, but I didn't completely write them off until Episode II, with the even more nonsensical plot and acting that got even worse than the previous installment.

Anyway, King Mob, it may be Lucas's franchise, but I think the nerd rage stems from the fact that many fans considered to be Lucas the best contributor to cinema of all time, and I'll bet all lot of the rage directed at him results from the subsequent disillusionment that set in. He got all the credit when the franchise was good, now he gets all the fury when it goes to shit.

Posted by: SJ at September 29, 2010 4:33 PM

Nevermind 3-D, someday they are going to have "Smell-O-Vision" where you too can smell the fresh bantha poodoo, "Feel-Around", where you will be able to feel one of your limbs hacked off, and "Cinema-Taste" where you'll be able to have whatever Yoda is serving.

Basically anytime some new cinematic bell or whistle come out Georgie boy will re-issue his movies. And like crackwhores on DTs, legions of pathetic fans will buy yet another copy of each of them.

Money...meet Fools. Fools...kiss Money good-bye.

Posted by: bleujayone at September 29, 2010 4:50 PM

Nevermind 3-D. Someday movies are going to have "Smell-O-Vision" where you too can smell the perfume sweat of Jabba the Hutt, "Feel-Around", where you will be able to experience the sensation of one of your limbs hacked off, and "Cinema-Taste" where you'll be able to have whatever newt and bog stew Yoda is serving.

Basically anytime some new cinematic bell or whistle come out Georgie boy will re-issue his movies. And like crackwhores on DTs, legions of pathetic fans will buy yet another copy of each movie that the don't need.

Money...meet Fools. Fools...kiss Money good-bye.

Posted by: bleujayone at September 29, 2010 4:54 PM

whoops...hit "Post" twice. Bugger.

Posted by: bleujayone at September 29, 2010 4:55 PM

"Just how is Episode I the worst of the six?"

Jar-Jar
metachlorians

Posted by: Pat C at September 29, 2010 5:54 PM

Is it wrong that I'm a tiny bit excited about this news just for the possible opportunity to see the original trilogy on the big screen again?

Posted by: Chugga at September 29, 2010 6:07 PM

Is it wrong that I'm a tiny bit excited about this news just for the possible opportunity to see the original trilogy on the big screen again?

You're asking the torch-wielders?

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2010 6:30 PM

(opens the door a crack and pushes lips through to whisper) I think the Darth Maul scenes might be awesome! (quickly shuts door again)

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at September 29, 2010 6:57 PM

oh, I'll slide with chugga. I can put up with 3D for a third time around with star wars and empire strikes back on the big screen. the other four, well, maybe i will save my dough for films that havent actually paid for themselves yet

Posted by: idleprimate at September 29, 2010 7:22 PM

I won't side with chugga, exactly, but I don't think it's wrong for people to want to see what they'll be like in 3D, even if it's shitty. I'm definitely curious about Empire, but I won't cave in. I think. I... hope...

Posted by: RobP at September 29, 2010 8:58 PM

I have one point of contention: "The Phantom Menace" clearly was not the worst of the prequels. "Attack of the Clones" gave us such stilted dialogue that if I were to ever watch this film, I would immediately fast-forward to the Yoda/Dooku fight, and even the joy of finally seeing Yoda throw down couldn't save such a horrible mess of rhino shit.

Posted by: Kris at September 29, 2010 9:09 PM

What makes me more upset is knowing that in 5+ years they're probably going to "revamp the series." Megan Fox as Leia, Robert Downey Jr. as Obi-Wan, Old Spice Guy as Darth Vader, and the lead role of Luke goes to Justin Beiber.

Posted by: Kristin at September 30, 2010 1:26 AM

I'm honestly surprised some basement dweller hasn't nerd raged and killed him yet.

Posted by: greenbastard at September 30, 2010 4:15 PM