Star Trek Gets a Release Date, X-Men to Begin Filming in 2011

Hey Geeks! Here's Your Future!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (32)

Whattup, Geeks? How’s the halitosis? Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Here’s some advice: If you stop drinking Mountain Dew: Code Red, you’re teeth won’t rot nearly as fast. Plus, your urine won’t glow in the dark anymore.

So, you’ve got a Jailbreak iPhone, with which you’ve created your own fancy-ass calendar app with a countdown clock and a cyanide pill that’s released from your phone if you don’t get laid by your 40th birthday? Congratulations! Problem is, I suppose, is that you don’t have any social events to add to that calendar. Well, I’m here to change your life (or at least give you something to look forward to besides your own self-demise).

First up, Star Trek 2 has got a release date! According to Coming Soon, Paramount has tentatively set a date of June 29, 2012, a mere two-and-a-half years in the future. Nevermind that Abrams hasn’t even officially signed on and there’s no script yet, you can now make plans to be in the theater for the entire 4th of July weekend in 2012, which will help alleviate your loneliness and give you a brief break from your First Life girlfriend in 2012.

Wait! Wait! There’s more. Hugh Jackman, speaking backstage at the People’s Choice Awards (I know! Fuck the people! amiright?) says that filming for the Wolverine sequel should begin in a year or a year and a half in Japan. Which means that Wolverine 2 will probably also see a 2012 release date, too (and with The Avengers also coming out in 2012, I hope you’re 40th birthday doesn’t arrive that summer). I know! How exciting. Strap on those claws and buy yourself a Wolverine slushy to celebrate.

Now, I know you’re super-bummed about the indefinite delay of Spider-Man 4 (stop cutting yourself!), but the good news is this: John Malcovich has confirmed what Nikke Finke first reported last week: That he’s set to be the Vulture in the fourth installment of the franchise. I know! Malcovich! Even I’m excited by that. I’d just assumed they’d cast Pete Wentz.

Elsewhere, Joshua Dallas has replaced Stuart Townsend as Fandral in Kenneth Branagh’s Thor because of creative differences. I barely understand the sentence I just wrote.

Finally, here’s something a little more immediate, to get you through your day — a new trailer for geek dreamers, Kick-Ass, which opens this year’s SxSW (if you’re attending, please don’t break your wrists trying to beat me up) before opening wide on April 16th. This trailer will make you erect. I know, because I am!

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Comments

Okay, TK needs to come back from Australia. Like, now. I don't know how much more Dustin geek-hate I can take.

Posted by: Snath at January 11, 2010 12:06 PM

Wait, so Rowles is talkin' about himself, right?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 11, 2010 12:08 PM

which will help alleviate your loneliness and give you a brief break from your First Life girlfriend in 2012.

Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like... when dorks cry.

Posted by: branded at January 11, 2010 12:14 PM

Glad they finally made a trailer with more Red Mist in it. I'll go see this movie for superhero McLovin alone.

Anyone else think that "Hit Girl" is the stupidest name for a superhero ever?

Posted by: MikeG at January 11, 2010 12:21 PM

First LotR, now Thor... Stuart Townsend can't get no love in geek films.

Posted by: vikky at January 11, 2010 12:21 PM

Dustin, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Happy Monday!

Posted by: MM at January 11, 2010 12:23 PM

you rurine won’t glow in the dark anymore

This typo gave me WAY too much amusement.

Posted by: Drake at January 11, 2010 12:26 PM

vikky - I'm getting the impression that Stuart Townsend is kind of a dick regarding geek films. He left Thor due to "creative differences," which to me says "I'M A RAGING ASSHOLE LISTEN TO MY IDEAS!"

Posted by: Snath at January 11, 2010 12:27 PM

I don't know how much more Dustin geek-hate I can take.

I agree, Snath. Did you do something to Rowles we should know about? This seemed awfully personal. And kinda hateful. Just downright mean spirited, that Dustin.

Posted by: Xtreme at January 11, 2010 12:31 PM

Snath, I can see that. I can also see that he is a tall, willowy vacuum of suck.

In the LotR special features (...sorry Rowles), Peter Jackson mentioned that after they cast Townsend as Aragorn, they realized they had cast the role, in Jackson's words, "a little too young." You can practically hear the "..and shittily" at the end of that sentence.

"Creative differences" can also mean, "we would like to create a successful movie, and you are going to destroy that pursuit with your beaky nose and constant references to your way more famous girlfriend, Sean Connery, and that twenty minutes you spent on set in New Zealand."

Posted by: vikky at January 11, 2010 12:34 PM

Huh. I just read a little article that said Stuart Townsend was basically fired because he showed up six hours late for a screen test. Obviously this may or may not be true.

While I actually kind of like Stuart Townsend (by which I mean I think he's hot), I'm gratified that, like a worker who shows up six hours late to a shift at McDonald's, an actor can be instantly shown the door for being a lazy ass.

Posted by: MM at January 11, 2010 12:44 PM

I'm gratified that, like a worker who shows up six hours late to a shift at McDonald's, an actor can be instantly shown the door for being a lazy ass.

Posted by: MM at January 11, 2010 12:44 PM
----------------------------------------------

You and me both.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 11, 2010 12:50 PM

branded: that was hilarious.

And, also, it reminded me of this.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 11, 2010 1:09 PM

Well, this explains the Mayan calendar.

Posted by: Cindy at January 11, 2010 1:12 PM

Fuckin' Rowles. I'm going to drink so much Mountain Dew, I will spontaneously evolve into the next stage of humanity, and come to kick both the ass at the tip of your spine and one one that hands out under your nose! I WILL ROCK YOU, BOY!

*returns to building his own 4th Edition D&D Gunslinger class*

Posted by: superasente at January 11, 2010 1:28 PM

Dustin...you were totally that dork that was beat up by the geeks in high school, weren't you? You have that ring of David Spade in PCU to your posts. It's OK. You can let the healing begin. Or you can get lynched by our legion of SuperGeeks.

Posted by: Kat at January 11, 2010 1:40 PM

As a self-hating nerd, I have no problem with Dustin's rhetoric. I say that kind of shit to myself all the time.

Well, except for suicide pacts, iPhone apps, and Second Life relationships: I have some self worth. Besides, I'm not computer savvy enough to play Second Life. I always get stuck in a wall and freeze up my computer.

Posted by: Robert at January 11, 2010 1:51 PM

Bitch, you're probably the one with an iPhone.

Posted by: Jay at January 11, 2010 1:52 PM

It's Malkovich with a "k" not Malcovich with a "c". Sorry, I hate mispelled names.

Posted by: Peanut_Butter_And_James at January 11, 2010 2:08 PM

Is Mark Strong now our only (admittedly awesome) option for super villain? I'm just saying.

Posted by: coveredinbees at January 11, 2010 2:53 PM

Dustin, I'd like to point a couple of things out to concerning your apparent lack of respect for the geek population.

1. Have you ever been to a fantasy/sci-fi convention? There are more scantily clad women at these conventions than you would find at your average nightclub. Chain-mail fucking bikinis. Now granted some of them shouldn't be wearing these bikinis but that's true if you go to the beach also.

2. Most geeks that I know don't follow any of the major religions. Point in fact, most of the ones I've been around for the past 10 years or so tend to favor alternative beliefs like Paganism or Wicca. In case you need it spelled out, both of said religions are,shall we say...more liberal when it comes to sex and sexuality.

3. You're a film/pop-culture geek, Dustin. That's why you have this website. Just because you don't dress up as an elf, a wizard, or a cast member from Star Trek, doesn't mean you aren't a geek. You are, so get over yourself.

P.S.=Did I forget to mention the insane amount of booze, recreational drugs, and sex that goes on at the average fantasy/sci-fi convention?

Posted by: bignick at January 11, 2010 3:16 PM

Stop acting like you're not a geek, you bald, fat ass.

Posted by: TrevorB at January 11, 2010 3:33 PM

Damn you, Cindy, you beat me to it.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 11, 2010 3:38 PM

Is Guy Ritchie involved in this in ANY WAY? Cos Mark Strong, Jason Flemying and (coolest man alive) Dexter Fletcher are ALL in this...saying that...they where all in Stardust so are the Stardust people involved?
Either way, this is easily going to be the coolest movie of 2010, so nice to see so much BritAwesoemness.

Mark Strong should have been Moriarty.

If not him, Paul Bettany or I will burn Ritchie's pub to the ground

Posted by: Nadine at January 11, 2010 3:58 PM

*returns to building his own 4th Edition D&D Gunslinger class*

Posted by: superasente at January 11, 2010 1:28 PM

Asente, in the immortal words of a great man:

Calm down, have some dip.

Posted by: bignick at January 11, 2010 4:48 PM

Nadine, can we burn that pub down anyway? S'dreadful.

Posted by: coveredinbees at January 11, 2010 5:20 PM

rowles.. you're out of touch with the geek of today. also.. breaking news: it's now cool to be a geek.

Posted by: cass at January 11, 2010 6:07 PM

It's not cool to be a geek, Cass. It's cool to know the same things as geeks without actually looking like a geek.

Posted by: bignick at January 11, 2010 7:08 PM

Man you people get way too riled up. Reading the comments here is way funnier than Dustin's post. Come on, guys. You're just making his little heart cackle.

Posted by: figgy at January 11, 2010 11:22 PM

Figgy, that's the point. We're all here to make Dustin feel better. It's an online circle jerk with him at the center, ready to receive a load.

Posted by: bignick at January 11, 2010 11:37 PM

Mark Strong! Mark Strong! Mark Strong!!

I love him so much. Because he is OSSOM.

And you know what a good test of geek's geekiness is? A true geek gets all riled up when people rag on geeks.

TEAM NERD!!!

Posted by: Jelinas at January 12, 2010 3:43 AM

Wait, someone's sad there's no Stuart Townsend?

Posted by: protoguy at January 12, 2010 5:36 AM

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Hey Geeks! Here's Your Future!

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