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Stallone Gets Expendabler, Mutants Expose Themselves, and David Tennant: Trade Bits To Feed Your Mewling Mouths

By TK | Trade News | May 12, 2011 | Comments ()

By TK | Trade News | May 12, 2011 |


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Greetings, you vile, pathetic dogs. I hope you're all finding cockroaches in your coffee. Here's a bunch of trade news. Try not to move your lips as you read it, otherwise people will think you're even stupider than before.

There will be an Expendables 2, unsurprisingly. I kind of dug the first one, even though it was so utterly testosteronidiculous (fuck you, it's a word). I could have used more Jet Li, and less overacting by Dolph Lundgren, but that's the only setting that Lundgren has. Please don't tell him I said that. Anyway, here's the synopsis, with a big honking spoiler in it:

The Expendables are back and this time it's personal! After Tool (Mickey Rourke), the heart and soul of the Expendables, is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They're not the only ones who want blood. Tool's beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney and the Expendables must risk everything to save her and humanity.

Holy shit, they're saving humanity? Man, talk about ambitious. Here's the promo poster:

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(via Slashfilm)

Hey, they're remaking Fright Night. When I first found out about it, I wanted to kill your whole family. Except that the cast is actually kind of cool -- Colin Farrell as the vampire, Anton Yelchin as the young reluctant hero, Toni Collette as his mom, and David Tennant (!) as vampire hunter/illusionist Peter Vincent, the role made famous by Roddy McDowell in the original. It also stars Christopher Mintz-Plasse and the adorable and very British Imogen Poots (POOTS!). Anyway, here are a few new images -- including one of Tennant looking decidedly un-Doctorish. But kind of awesome.

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(see more images over at Movieweb)

Next, I'd be terribly remiss if I didn't steer you towards the trailer for Viva Riva!, a spectacular and underappreciated film I caught at SXSW this year (read the review here). It's a gorgeous, gritty, noirish heist thriller set in the Kinshasa, directed by Djo Tunda Wa Munga and starring an all-Congolese cast. It was a phenomenal surprise, and it's unlikely that it'll ever make its way into the multiplex, so keep an eye out for it at indie theaters and Netflix-type sources. You won't regret it. Below is an older trailer, and there's a newer one available at Apple, though I warn you it suffers from horrible trailer voice-itis.

Finally, because we haven't had new X-Men: First Class news in, like, a minute, here's a new clip, showcasing Mystique shapeshifting, Xavier reading minds, and the CIA. And just to head things off at the pass, allow me to read the mind of reader and malcontent Illuminatus, and predict his comment: "This movie will suck, you are all sheep, it doesn't even have Wolverine, and it will be the death of this franchise." If we're lucky, greg will show up and call us names and tell us how lonely he is.

Anyway, here's the clip:


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