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Splendiferous Finch and A.A. Ron Rodgers Are Here to Get You Primed for the Super Bowl

By Brian Byrd | Trade News | January 28, 2015 | Comments ()

By Brian Byrd | Trade News | January 28, 2015 |


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Look, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t double over in laughter when two comedians put on wigs and pretend to be ridiculously named football players, all I can say is: Mitt Romney thanks you for your support. Enjoy the missionary position.

Everyone else should be excited that Fargo stars Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele released another edition of their hysterical East-West Bowl skit earlier this afternoon. Man, these guys sure are funny. Someone should really give them a sketch comedy show.

In addition to the usual nonsensically named characters played by Key and Peele, these teams include appearances from real-life losers of the birth certificate lottery such as New York Giants corner Prince Amukamara and Carolina Panthers running back Fozzy Whitaker.

Not sure how Green Bay fans will feel about Ha Ha Clinton Dix being described by the faux announcer as “so solid all year long for the Packers,” as his horrific defensive miscue led to the Seahawks converting a crucial two-point conversion late in the NFC title game. Turned out not to matter, though, after A.A. Ron Rodgers drove the Packers right down the field for the game-winning touchdown with no time left on the clock LOL just kidding the Packers blew a 16-point lead and lost in overtime.

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So what do you think of the latest rosters? The definitive name rankings are below, but we’ll entertain your (obviously incorrect) opinions in the comments.

UNIMPEACHABLE EAST-WEST ALL-STAR NAME RANKINGS
1. L’Carpetron Dookmarriott
2. [no one comes within one spot of L’Carpetron Dookmarriott]
3. Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace
4. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps
5. Mergatroid Skittle
6. Hingle McCringleberry
7. Stumptavian Roboclick
8. Nyquillius Dillwad
9. The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop
10. Dan Smith

The Key & Peele Super Bowl Special premieres Friday at 10 pm on Comedy Central.


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