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Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman is Coming Back. Twice
Color Me Indifferent / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 8, 2008 | Comments (30)

spiderman-black-costume.jpgNikke Finke, who is so powerful that she often makes up shit and Hollywood producers make it happen, is reporting that an agreement to bring back both Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire for a fourth and fifth installment of the Spiderman franchise is a done deal. In fact, they are apparently working to film the two installments back-to-back, which always works, doesn’t it (see, e.g., Back to the Future II and III, and The Matrix II and III)?

And while Finkke reports that they won’t try to out-dark The Dark Knight, there is some reason for hope: Emo Spidey is gone, and James Vanderbilt, who wrote the under appreciated Zodiac, penned the script for Spiderman 4. Though the villain for the fourth film hasn’t been revealed, it’ll likely be someone in an earlier film; probably Dylan Baker’s Dr. Curtis Connors, who will turn into The Lizard, as he did in the comic books. Moreover, while Mary Jane’s character will be in the next two films, Kirsten Dunst has not been signed yet, though I’m sure it’ll happen.

Finally, Finke also reports that a Spiderman Broadway musical, with lyrics written by Bono and The Edge, is still a go. It will be directed by Julie Taymor, and I cannot imagine a worse idea. Holy Bloodshed.









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Comments

"Finke also reports that a Spiderman Broadway musical, with lyrics written by Bono and The Edge, is still a go. It will be directed by Julie Taymor, and I cannot imagine a worse idea."

You made that entire paragraph up, didn't you?

Didn't you?

[crickets]

Oh God.

So cold...

Posted by: TK at September 8, 2008 12:05 PM

"Finke also reports that a Spiderman Broadway musical, with lyrics written by Bono and The Edge, is still a go.
-----------------------------------------------
WHAT DA....

*Barbado slams head against desk, loses consciousness*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 12:13 PM

Ugh, Maguire.

I vote Spider-Man needs a good ol fashioned "reboot"

Posted by: keif at September 8, 2008 12:19 PM

Spider-Man musical, hehe, kind of a funny idea... Written by .... No... Noooo! .... BonononoARGH ughghhghghg (Projectile vomits into keyboard, head slowly drooping until the puke bubbles stop.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 8, 2008 12:25 PM

Agreed, Keif.

Maguire is waaaay past my personal douche-O-meter tolerance threshold.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 12:25 PM

let's hope Kiki will dance again in 4.

Posted by: mothy at September 8, 2008 12:44 PM

A Spiderman musical?? Written by Bono and directed by Taymor? WOW.

I took the Newman clan to see Spiderman on Stage! a few years ago (Newman-tot was about 3); a 45 minute trampoline rip-off was my reward. This sounds SOOO much worse.

Posted by: Ed Newman at September 8, 2008 12:51 PM

And while Finkke reports that they won't try to out-dark The Dark Knight, there is some reason for hope: Emo Spidey is gone...

Fuck you Hollywhores. First they cut off Emo Petrelli's hair on Heroes and now no more Emo Spidey. What whiny superhero will there be for me to endlessly mock while simultaneously wanting to brush the hair out of their face?! Hmmph... that hair accented Petrelli's stroke-face perfectly.

Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 12:58 PM

You made that entire paragraph up, didn't you?

What safe warm cave have you guys been living in, you lucky devils?

Hey, I've got almost nothing but love for ol' Paul and Dave, but I've been wincing ever since I heard, hoping it'd just waft away.

Posted by: Jay at September 8, 2008 12:58 PM

And now I command you to give me some credit for what I didn't just say.

Posted by: Jay at September 8, 2008 12:59 PM

So this means more Bruce Campbell cameos? I support.

Posted by: Kizer at September 8, 2008 1:05 PM

Toby Maguire was such a bad choice as spider man, they should just retool the whole franchise. Hopefully the next spider man will be taller and Maguire.

Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 1:08 PM

Oh, I LOVE the idea of a Spiderman musical. They could get Pierce Brosnan to sing the lead. He was soooooo good in the Mama Mia Sing-a-long I went to this weekend. Everyone in the theatre sang SOOOOO LOUD during his songs that you could barely hear him. That's how you know it's really good.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 8, 2008 1:23 PM

I'm too bored to comment. Those movies put me to sleep.

Posted by: Amanda47 at September 8, 2008 1:34 PM

Spider-Man Broadway Musical? Can somebody lend me a gun so I can go shoot the jackass who first put those words together in a sentence?

Posted by: Lucas at September 8, 2008 2:09 PM

That final part can't possibly be real.

Dustin tell me you're just fucking with us. Please. My brain can't take it.

Posted by: figgylicious at September 8, 2008 2:17 PM

I normally pretend that the Spiderman franchise doesn't exist, but in this instance I have to vent. There are copious reasons that this news sucks, but for people like me who won't be watching these movies, the problem is this: other, potentially better movies will be back-burnered or scrapped completely in order to make room for this dookie at the box office.

Also, the thought of the two ugliest leads in Hollywood smashing their faces together in yet more pale, chemistry-free love scenes makes my belly hurt.

Fuck.

Posted by: Mella at September 8, 2008 2:17 PM

J. Taymor is a hack. Raimi is hit-and-miss.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at September 8, 2008 2:39 PM

Yeah, they had a casting call for the musical about a month ago. Tragically I found myself otherwise engaged and couldn't attend.

Posted by: KatSings at September 8, 2008 3:41 PM

Finally, Finke also reports that a Spiderman Broadway musical, with lyrics written by Bono and The Edge, is still a go.
I for one can wait for Bono to rework the wording to the Spider-Man theme song, Homer Simpson style. What's the Irish equivalent of "Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, doing whatever a Spider-pig does?"

Posted by: Brian at September 8, 2008 4:31 PM

Kevin Longrie, am I to assume this means that you did not enjoy Ms. Taymor's truly awesome adaptation of Titus Andronicus? Because that movie was awesome with a capital A, in the Biblical sense and with a side of s'mores.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 5:34 PM

Ahhh! AvB, is that the movie with Anthony Hopkins, some chick with branch arms and no tongue, and Jonathan "rape you with my eyes" Rhys Meyers?! I think I saw it once during a three day period of being doped up on flu medicine. I don't remember a lot of it, just awesome costumes and a pool orgy. I think my mind was trying to protect me in my delicate state by blocking it out. Stupid mind.

Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 8:01 PM

Spider-Man Broadway Musical? Can somebody lend me a gun so I can go shoot the jackass who first put those words together in a sentence?

Oh, no! I want to give you a medal for that sentence!

Posted by: Jay at September 8, 2008 8:23 PM

Ah AVB, now I want to eat a pie.....

Posted by: YeahButNoBut at September 9, 2008 3:23 AM

AHHHHHHH!!! NO!! NO PIE! Do not eat the pie! Do not speak of the pie! Why would you bring up the pie??
*whimper*
jM, there's a reason your mind protected you from that movie. It is an excellent movie, aside from one mind-searing scene that YOU DO NOT NEED IN YOUR LIFE. I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. LOOK AWAY. It's for your own good, believe me. Pies are wonderful things, and even Shakespeare and Anthony Hopkins should not be able to ruin them for you.
Excuse me, I have to go away and think of completely non-pie-related things now.
*spooky voice* BEWARE THE PIE. */spooky voice*

Posted by: BiblioGeek at September 9, 2008 6:35 AM

That's the one, jM. And Jonathan Rhys Meyers can rape me with his eyes any day.

Mr. vB hates that movie. Which is probably part of why I purchased it on DVD immediately after renting it. Well, that, and the Awesome. He and I now frequently threaten to cut off each other's hands and replace them with branches. And also cook each other into pies which we will then serve to the other's family.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 9, 2008 8:45 AM

Taymore pretty much has me all up in her hot pocket due to Titus alone.

Bono toolbaggery aside, Spiderhoma! will at least have the fuck art-directed out of it.

Posted by: firedmyass at September 9, 2008 10:42 AM

Seeing as I love pie and would like to keep loving pie, I'm just going to let the few fragment my fragile mind has retained of this movie be it. Strangely, the weirdest part for me are those eyes.

Posted by: jM at September 9, 2008 10:43 AM

Not that I think that a musical "ruins" the integrity of the Spiderman franchise, if anything two and three proved you could polish shit and put lipstick on a pig and still make millions, but I seriously have a fucking issue with both Bono and the Edge being in anything.

Do they make great music? Probably. I'll never know because I'm too sick of Bono attempting to convince me that his altruism is selfless and not out of a desire to increase his marketability as a "star for the people" ala Brangelina and The Madonna-ster.

Posted by: Roaddog at September 9, 2008 11:19 AM

Spiderhoma! firedmyass, you are awesome.

This could be a fun diversion...

Spidey Get Your Gun
West Side Spidey

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 9, 2008 11:24 AM