Somehow Television Got Stupider: New Discovery Series "Amish Mafia"

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Somehow Television Got Stupider: New Discovery Series "Amish Mafia"

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | November 14, 2012 | Comments ()


Rock bottom isn't a simple thing that you smack into once, it's more like an onion, layers and layers of deeper and more sob-inducing bottoms, spiraling ever downwards.

So in 2006, a homicidal jackass murdered five Amish women, and in response, a small group of Amish men banded together in order to defend their community. From what? Well if Ben Stiller was involved they would probably keep the neighborhood safe from aliens and laughter, but the reality is probably a much sadder thing if that is even possible. The Amish church has refused to sanction the group, which is about as unexpected as the Yankees overpaying for a middle aged pitcher.

Naturally, the Discovery Channel, in their quest for science and knowledge, has decided to launch a reality television show following the group, which they have dubbed the "Amish Mafia." Nevermind that one of the guys isn't even Amish, that the Amish live without electricity (and thus television), this is totally a legitimate view into Amish life. And people are totally laughing with them and not at them.

The saddest part is that there is probably a brilliant and insightful story to be told here. There's the age old story of the pacifist being driven to the edge and picking up arms at long last. There's the destruction of innocence inherent in the original crime. There's the terrible irony of men taking up arms when there is no enemy; when all the violence they can muster can never confront their real fear of a world far larger and stronger and more complex than anything in their world view. There are really powerful story elements at work here: layers of irony and tragedy. And I'm sure that a reality television crew is totally going to pick up on all that.

An early trailer has been released showcasing the theme song:

We're still waiting for confirmation that someone will throw a punch after having their ice cream pushed in their face.

(source: Cinema Blend)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Joe Marcoccia III

    Whoever wrote this, first of all you don't start a sentence with "And", and your journalism sucks.

  • Al

    Merlin is a PussY!!!!!

  • Robert LeBlanc

    this is so badly acted and scripted it is kind of funny , the really sad thing is tht some people belive it is real....lets watch boo boo instead dear...

  • Pagansun

    Coming from Lancaster County I can say I have seen these people
    around the area dressed as Amish prior to any Amish TV shows .... but
    in reality there is no Amish Mafia, Fixers yes ... but not church
    sanctioned - Amish Keg parties, Amish pot fields, cars, computers just
    about anything the English do the Amish will do. I've even seen Amish
    men going into porn stores. The show does give a more realistic look
    into Amish life than most documentaries on the Amish have done in the
    past - Historical perspective likes to whitewash and water down the
    realities of life this is open and raw and does give you more of a
    realistic view of the Amish.

  • LaLobagirl50

    I fully agree with Shough610 regarding Oscar's rant - it perfectly sums up my opinion about this show. I live about 60 mi north of the Amish community in Ohio
    so I am familiar with the Amish. However, watching tonight's show and all the backiting and double-dealing made me feel like I was watching "Dynasty - Amish Style."! I was watching the show trying not to laugh at the same time - I find this way of life contrary to everything I've known about the Amish - and amusing and unbelieveable at the same time! That 'Lil Esther is a sneaky, manipulative gal, but also sharp! That Merlin character tonight -- Hell, I'm English in Ohio and I WOULDN'T even claim him! The guy is a joke - IF he was smart, he'd keep his yap SHUT and be much more sublte esp. at the car show. And John's greediness to advance in the Mafia and get a car has turned around and bitten him on the butt hard! Wouldn't want to be in HIS shoes with crazy Merlin on his behind! I must admit it - I am hooked and will keep on watching. Uhhh, Discovery Channel...just how LOW are you guys going to go? Everytime a new show comes out, just when you think you have see EVERYTHING, Disco scrapes to a new low. the "dumbing down" of America continues...God help us.

  • Dave

    Got to be the worst show on t.v.

  • Hoodie

    This show is so stupid.

    Levi, come into my hood. I will show You bad ass!


  • Manny

    These aren't even Amish people,..this is TELEVISION,..just like every other "reality" show.

  • amish mafia

    You also have a long list of dumb comments. Shouldnt you be doing something other than beating off to tv like get a job. You are disgraceful

  • amish mafia

    Do you realize it is just a show and you are making death threats?? Get a life Levi is a great guy and a good friend so shove it up your ass. If you dont like the show turn it off!

  • Amish Mafia

    I think this guy doesn't like Amish people or the Discovery Channel.

  • dave

    Just when i thought t.v. Could not get any worse!! congratulations Discovery Channel you did it again.

  • Ron

    Those POS punks would get their ass blown away in my hood..
    Amish Mafia pussies are a better name for these morons

  • John

    Come through Lancaster once you little bitch.

  • druid

    im on the way boy in white shirt

  • spiderman60

    Pathetic Gold Diggers, loggers, chopper builders, now Amish perpetrators; the Discovery Channel has become 'The White Male Trailer Trash' channel. They got rid of all the stuff that was the slightest bit interesting to anyone with an IQ over 50

  • Riyeko Lordaeron

    You are not Amish if you condone violence. The Amish have different sets of morals, ethics, and values than the normal society we all live in. I have friends that are Amish, and this is a disgrace to their religion and their society.

  • Ozioma

    It's weird, because just yesterday I was watching a trailer for a documentary on BBC Knowledge (a channel for docs, science shows etc over here in Africa), about a man who decides to *leave* the Amish community with his wife and kids and see what life is like in the outside worlds. One of the clips showed him with a DVD, and you could see the look of pure wonder on his face. And I think another part of the documentary was how he was going to deal with the shunning from his community if/when he decided to go back.

    That's the kind of shit Discovery Channel should be doing.

  • duckandcover

    Go home, Discovery. You're drunk.

  • BiblioGlow

    You know, I actually find this news to be quite heartening. It's nice to know that even in a community like the Amish, there is still going to be a contingent of unfathomably stupid people whose actions have no relation to logic. It's not just a result of our depraved society. It's a human thing. And despite that, we have still managed not to blow ourselves up yet. Well done, us.
    Of course, our society is the one that then comes along and films it for entertainment, so don't be too proud.

  • Actually biker gangs in PA and MD have used Amish to move drugs up from Baltimore, along PA to Ohio.

    A while back, an Amish family got killed by a drunk driver. What was confusing was the family was covered in high quality cocaine (this was back in the early 90's I believe). This led to a pretty big investigation in PA over Amish families who were basically drug muling for organized crime outfits.

    I mean, who thinks to stop a horse and buggy?

  • dizzylucy

    I'll only watch if Harrison Ford shows up and kicks some ass.

  • John W

    Someone please tell me what someone working on these shows makes? I'm talking about producer, director, writer (if applicable), etc because it's painfully obvious to me now that I'm in the wrong line of work.

  • zeke_the_pig

    It's funny you mention confronting a terrifying world far larger than one's small horizon, because that's how I feel every time you lot alert me to the existence of a show such as this. I'm cowering in a speedily built pillow fort and brandishing a shovel as we speak, hoping that awareness of more shit like this doesn't come a-knockin'.

  • Falstaff

    Is the English dead? Looks dead.

  • googergieger

    I'm pretty sure this is just a dream I had guys. So you can relax.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Rock bottom isn’t a simple thing that you smack into once, it’s more like an onion, layers and layers of deeper and more sob-inducing bottoms, spiraling ever downwards."

    It's like a televised Oak Island Money Pit of despair and stupidity. And every Now and then you turn up a wooden platform or piece of gold chain and you get all excited that there might be a huge treasure in there, but then the pit fills in with another thousand gallons of shit and you have to realize that it's just not worth the effort.

  • Fredo

    Poor Amish. First they lose Brother Ishmael to the evils of bowling. Now this!

  • duckandcover

    Don't forget their faithful horse, Buttermilk, in that crippling horseshoe incident.

  • Rocabarra

    From what I can see in the header pic, I wanna know more about the gun-toting dapper dan on the right. I'd go Amish for him.

  • Blake

    Somehow Television Got Stupider:.. NO. It's just catering to the intelligence of the average viewer.

  • duckandcover

    I'm trying to figure out the "somehow" part, because .. it's really not a great "whodunnit."

  • SHough610

    Dustin wrote the excellent article about what an abomination reality TV is. it always reminds me of Oscar's rant from the Office: "I don't like looking at it. It's creepy and in bad taste and it's just
    offensive to me.. It's the opposite of art. It
    destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me
    than hardcore porno."

  • ,

    So in the 9,999 days (and, really, probably 10,000) out of every 10,000 that they won't have anything to shoot at, what, exactly, are we going to watch? Seth and Abram and their neighbors ... BUILD A BARN! WITHOUT POWER TOOLS!

    Please note, I'm not mocking the Amish. There's something to be said for the simple and primitive lifestyle. Just the idea that there's anything to see here.

  • Mrcreosote

    The Discovery channel, The Learning Channel, Te History channel. Why are all the channels that should be smart, so so stupid. Go ahead privitize PBS because I need to see "Opera at the Met-Bounty Hunters"

  • duckandcover

    Downton Abbey will finally become "Downtown Abbey."

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    So maybe we could nuke LA, but before doing so send the people who don't suck text messages to evacuate? That could help, I think.

  • BlackRabbit

    Hey, I loved their singing! Oh wait, that's the Amish OUTLAWS. Carry on.

  • Wembley

    Well, if anyone is going to 'get medieval on your ass' it would be these guys.

  • Robert LeBlanc

    of course this is so stupid, it is so badly acted and scripted it kind of is funny..sadly there really are people who believe it is real....lets watch boo boo,,,,

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