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Pretty Much All You Need to Know About the Smurfs Movie

Can I Stomp On One? / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 2, 2009 | Comments (28)

Here’s the new movie poster for The Smurfs, the CGI live-action hybrid due out this Christmas 2010. If the people behind the poster are anything like the people behind the movie, we’re all going to want to stick our faces in a huge pile of blow and go out shooting.

God Save Us All.

La la lalala la. La La La la La!


smurfsscan.jpg



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Comments

Interesting: a movie about little people who live in mushrooms, likely made for and by people who live on mushrooms. I hope we find out if Smurfette's carpet matches her drapes.

Posted by: laredo at September 2, 2009 9:16 AM

must....resist....urge....to recite....donnie.....darko....speech....on smurfs.....

Posted by: buttercup at September 2, 2009 9:21 AM

You know what capitalism is? Getting smurfed!

Posted by: branded at September 2, 2009 9:24 AM

why is there a smurf up there with a scarface reference?

do you not realize i haven't finished my first cup of coffee yet?
i'm just not fully awake yet.

this should be a late afternoon post.
as it stands, i just want to put my foot in someone's ass.

Posted by: gp at September 2, 2009 9:29 AM

So, how bad do you think this will be, Speed Racer bad, or Scooby Doo bad?

Posted by: George at September 2, 2009 9:33 AM

either of those i can handle. as long as it isn't phantom menace bad.

Posted by: gp at September 2, 2009 9:41 AM

I should like to pop him in the oven and hope for a delicious blue biscuit to be produced.

If not, I'll settle for a porn movie with him and that Pillsbury dough boy.

Posted by: Cindy at September 2, 2009 9:45 AM

As a Belgian myself, I couldn't be any prouder right now.

Posted by: Thijs at September 2, 2009 9:46 AM

Did they… did they just take a photograph of a McDonald's toy from 1991?

Posted by: WonkeyTheMonkey at September 2, 2009 9:48 AM

Say hello to our little friend


So...


Scarface:The Smurfs :: Machine Gun:Shitty Movie

THE SMURFS WILL KILL US ALL!!

Posted by: mswas at September 2, 2009 9:49 AM

In this country, you gotta Smurf the money first. Then when you Smurf the money, you Smurf the power. Then when you Smurf the power, then you Smurf the Smurfette.

-Papa Smurf (The Godpapa) to Stoolie Smurf

Posted by: Mrcreosote at September 2, 2009 9:56 AM

George, Scooby Doo bad...there's no such thing as "Speed Racer" bad. =P

Posted by: DoctorControversy at September 2, 2009 9:58 AM

This made me think of Dylan Moran's bit on smurfs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNya1weTX7k

That man is adorable.

Posted by: Sandisan at September 2, 2009 10:36 AM

Totally serious question here - Are their pants also shoes? I mean, do they... Hold on - is it a pair of shoes with pants attached or do they put on shoes and then stretch the pants over their shoes and up their waist?

Secondly - the pant/shoe combo is pretty friggin' tight... There's no noticeable bulge there. Does this mean they are without genitalia? Or do they simply deposit their uh... seed? Smurf seed? HOW DO THEY PROCREATE?! Do they all have the same Smurf seed hole? Is Smurfette different?

Thirdly - what Smurf is that? What's he looking at that's causing such concern? Is it another Smurf spreading his Smurf seed?

Lastly - how do we kill them? Is it a matter of stomping? You'd think so, but wouldn't Gargamel thought of that years ago? Fire? Are they flame-retardant? Do we poison a village in the same manner you poison an ant colony?

So many questions...

Sigh...

Posted by: Skitz at September 2, 2009 10:42 AM

skitz, They have no peen but they do have a nutsack, thus the origin of the term "blue balls."

Yeah that was a stretc HEY! That fuckin' Smurf in the pic at the top is ... is ... he's THUMBing his fuckin' NOSE at me! The NERVE of this guy. Little blue bastard, it's THIS for YOU:

www.postgazette.com/pg/09245/994768-84.stm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA!!!

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 2, 2009 10:56 AM

It looks like he smurfed a brick in his shoe-pants.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at September 2, 2009 11:28 AM

How do we kill them? Is it a matter of stomping? You'd think so, but wouldn't Gargamel thought of that years ago?

He would have, but your average cartoon villain is a few ounces short of a Quarter Pounder, if you get my drift. These are the guys who are too fucking stupid to set up a bear trap to prevent your "smarter than the average bear" from stealing pic-i-nick baskets.

Posted by: George at September 2, 2009 11:31 AM

*headbadger*

/jM

Posted by: TK at September 2, 2009 11:42 AM

When are they going to make a Ren & Stimpy movie?!?!?

Posted by: Carolina Girl at September 2, 2009 12:23 PM

Aside from the stupid tagline...I think it looks kinda....cute. I mean, it'll probably suck like Garfield or every other movie of it's type that's ever existed, but...the smurf looks cute.

Posted by: figgy at September 2, 2009 12:32 PM

Skitz: Given that every @#$@# smurf wears a headgear which suspiciously looks like a sock stretched over his head, I had always assumed smurfs have their genitals on top of their heads. Which would make any smurf sex to look like one of those twins conjoined at head.

Posted by: True_Blue at September 2, 2009 1:01 PM

I believe the lolcats folks would call the character on the poster "Surprise Buttsecks Smurf".

Posted by: laredo at September 2, 2009 1:21 PM

"...I had always assumed smurfs have their genitals on top of their heads. Which would make any smurf sex to look like one of those twins conjoined at head."

Please let this be true and please, PLEASE, let this film have an R rating...

Posted by: Skitz at September 2, 2009 1:38 PM

Actually, only the male smurfs have genitals on their heads. Smurfette is built normally. Which is why smurf orgies all look like creepy-insane blue and white screwnicorn parties.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at September 2, 2009 3:29 PM

There is no way I'm seeing this movie since I know that the word 'smurf' is just a G-rated bluephamism.

I would simply die of laughter.

Posted by: admin at September 2, 2009 4:26 PM

If that's what the animation looks like for the film...someone needs to go back to school.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at September 2, 2009 5:56 PM

Did you see the bit on Robot Chicken involving Gargamel finally capturing and preparing Smurf? He winds up ordering Chinese takeout.

Posted by: kellyo at September 2, 2009 8:52 PM

they have balls you say, 'cause otherwise what would they need pants for? the hat is more than enough! also, I never noticed they were like stirrup pants before, they do have the shoes attached, how odd...
i think he missed his turn with smurfette, he's flabbergasted, she's the only female there, gotta wait a while if you want some action.

Posted by: al at September 3, 2009 3:15 AM





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