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Sunsets Are Beautiful. Newborn Babies Are Beautiful. This... This Is F*cking Spectacular!

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (25)

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File this one under “never gonna happen, but fun as fuck to talk about.”

Simon West, who historically has a pretty terrible director (Con Air, The General’s Daughter, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider), was recently doing a press tour for the upcoming Jason Statham/Ben Foster film, The Mechanic. It’s a film that I truly do hope is good, because it looks like fuckballs of fun and it also stars Tony Goldwyn and Donald Sutherland, both of whom I love.

Regardless, West was asked by Crave about 1997’s cheezetacular crapfest Con Air (I mock, but I’ve seen it roughly 8 billion times, because it’s ridiculously watchable and entertaining). Here’s his response:

“I’d like to do Con Air 2… It’d be great. It’s a matter of getting everybody together. There’s so many people involved and it’s about getting everybody to agree. But I’m going to bring it up to Nic. I’m going to put a bug in his ear about it. If the two of us want to do it, we’ll go after the others.”

Of course, on the one hand, Nic Cage will literally act in anything at this point. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Bangkok Dangerous? Christ, he’d act in a Vagisil commercial if it’d pay the bills. And John Cusack was in 2012, so you know where he’s coming from these days. And Colm Meaney was in War Games: The Dead Code, so, you know… he’s got free time.

On the other hand, the rest of the cast — John Malkovich, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo and all the crapulent actors who were the other bad guys… everyone except Steve Buscemi and that maniac who played Swamp Thing — um, you know, fucking died.

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There aren’t that many people left to get together. I suppose you could just recycle the same plot but put it on a boat or a bus or a train or, I don’t fuckin’ know, a friggin’ Toys ‘R’ Us (WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME FILLED WITH AWESOME AND BURIED IN MORE FUCKING AWESOME).

Anyway, it’s unlikely, but it’s fun that West loves the project enough to keep dreaming about the sequel. I love every shitty second of Con Air, so the project gets my damn vote.

AND BECAUSE I LOVE YOU:

(apologies for the abundance of caps locking… blame Joanna)

(source: Dark Horizons)









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Comments

I could watch Con Air all day and not get tired of it. This and Tombstone on loop back to back is my heaven. "Tie a Yellow ribbon round the ole oak tree. Cause this boy is coming home to his ladies. Home forever."

Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at January 26, 2011 10:37 AM

Pshaw. A Toys "R" Us would be great, but I think there are better places for Con Air 2 to be set:

Top Chef Kitchen
Hair dryer warehouse (see what I did there?)
Chuck E. Cheese
Mime's glass box
The Matrix
Hazzard County
Dubai (With the Sexand the City girls)
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away
Charlie Sheen's house (Cinemax version)
The Cenobyte's dimension
Camp Silver Lake
The View

Posted by: mrcreosote at January 26, 2011 10:40 AM

I think I've seen Con Air roughly 8 billion times also. I freaking LOVE that movie. Cheesy as hell but so awesome at the same time. I'd definately see Con Air 2 if they ever actually did it.

Posted by: Sarah at January 26, 2011 10:40 AM

didn't read this yet but Amy Chua probably takes her parenting lessons from that header photo.

Posted by: denesteak at January 26, 2011 10:43 AM

Oh man. I would camp out for the premiere of Con Air 2. I have no idea how they'd pull it off, or what possible plot could be used, but I'd watch it in the theater and then pre-order the DVD. There is just nothing I don't love about Con Air. Okay, except Nic Cage's hair. That is pretty bad, but everything else is the shizznit.

Posted by: Siege at January 26, 2011 10:47 AM

WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME FILLED WITH AWESOME AND BURIED IN MORE FUCKING AWESOME

A veritable crispy-skinned TURDUCKIN OF AWESOME.

Posted by: Rykker at January 26, 2011 10:53 AM

I have yet to see Con Air.

I am concerned as to whether I be able to follow the sequel.

This bunny you speak of in particular seems to be a bit of a complex plot development.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 26, 2011 11:00 AM

YOU LOVE ME. YOU REALLY LOVE ME.

That may be one of my favorite scenes in the history of ever. I don't know how Nic Cage didn't get all the Oscars just for that one line. And his hair. Oh, the hair!

Posted by: Figgy at January 26, 2011 11:07 AM

Put that shit back in the box!

Posted by: camytaru at January 26, 2011 11:09 AM

I suppose you could just recycle the same plot but put it on a boat or a bus or a train

Do you want Con Air 2: The Speedening? DO YOU? Maybe we should check with Jason Patric's people*.

* Let's be honest. Jason Patric doesn't have peope.

Posted by: branded at January 26, 2011 11:11 AM

Mr Patric has people. They are called creditors and they would like to talk to him about an unresolved matter of 1285.00 remaining on a set of hair plugs from "Glamazon's house of Chincilla hair".

Posted by: mrcreosote at January 26, 2011 11:14 AM

Stop trying to make Jason Patric happen.

Posted by: Siege at January 26, 2011 12:19 PM

The only reason anyone should feel bad for this is for the horse they're going to hafta shave down to come up with Cage's hair.

Posted by: D-Day at January 26, 2011 1:13 PM

OH MY SWEET CRACKER SANDWICH I AM THERE. I LOVE THIS IDEA. SO MUCH. I CAN NOT STOP YELLING.

Seriously Con Air is one of my favorite movies. It makes the husband look at me like I've gone insane. I don't care. I love this movie so much. So very, very much.

Posted by: Melody at January 26, 2011 1:13 PM

I LOVE this movie. My husband and I watch it every time it's on TNT (which is what, weekly?). The best way to watch it is to slowly repeat Cage's lines after him, in your very best terrible southern accent.
It also makes a wonderful drinking game.

Posted by: badkittyuno at January 26, 2011 1:17 PM

Yep Con Air and The Rock. I could pretty much watch them whenever, and screw anyone who laughs at me. SO entertaining!

Posted by: Laura at January 26, 2011 1:36 PM

that maniac who played Swamp Thing

That maniac is M.C. Gainey, and I will not have you maligning him.

And yeah, I would watch the shit of Con Air 2: Electric Boogaloo. (Yeah, I went there, it was dumb, so sue me.) The only problem, as hinted above, is that if it's not once again on an airplane, then there's no point in calling it Con "Air". It would have to be Con Train, or Con Boat, or something.

Posted by: MM at January 26, 2011 1:53 PM

This is the best news I've ever read!!! Remember the tag line, "Buckle Up." I still have the movie poster. Yeah that's right, I loved the movie so much I bought the poster too!
They can bring Cyrus the Virus and Pinball Parker back from the dead and call it Con Zombie! It will be the best movie EVER!!!!
You can't enjoy this movie on TNT. You must watch it in all its R-rated glory.
Now I have to go clean my pee up.

Posted by: Dinlge Berry at January 26, 2011 2:10 PM

What about "Con Air 2: Ghost of The Virus"? Because I hate to think about a Con Air without Malkovitch. Ooooh, maybe they could take over an airport, and then it would be "Con Air 2: Like Die Hard 2, But With Nicolas Cage"

I think I am going to directly home after work and watch Con Air and eat some pink snowballs.

Posted by: Siege at January 26, 2011 2:12 PM

If they could somehow have this once again happen in the skies, I would absolutely see Con Air 2: Dirty Rotten Snakes on a Plane.

I was literally, yes LITERALLY, just quoting the bunny scene to a colleague yesterday. She gave me that look that said she was laughing to humor me, which is cool, because I will use any excuse to quote Nic Cage's bad southern accent trying to talk a psycho out of shooting a stuffed animal.

Posted by: Nicole at January 26, 2011 2:27 PM

I suppose I'm the only one here who's a bit leery at the prospect of a sequel...is no one else afraid they would fuck it up royally, thus muting some of the brilliance of the original?
Methinks much of what made this movie so fun and watchable was a happy accident, and I have little faith that it can be recreated.
Plus, Malkovich's character died, and there's just no way they could come up with a better villain than Cyrus the Virus...but the zombie twist Dingle Berry mentioned did pique my interest just a bit.

Posted by: Jessie at January 26, 2011 3:00 PM

@MM
"The only problem, as hinted above, is that if it's not once again on an airplane, then there's no point in calling it Con "Air". It would have to be Con Train, or Con Boat, or something."

They can film it in a train station. Call it "Conjunction Junction."

Posted by: russmunki at January 26, 2011 3:12 PM

I was thinking a series of 18-wheelers. Con Air 2: ConVoy.

Posted by: thegardenhead at January 26, 2011 4:17 PM

You would have to rename the movie. Nic is no longer in prison and everyone is dead. What, you're going to put him back in prison and present the same scenario?

Posted by: The Minn at January 26, 2011 4:34 PM

I vote we put the real Nick Cage in a real prison and fill it with cameras, see what happens.

And when I think convict Nick Cage, I think Raising Arizona.

Posted by: Lucas at January 27, 2011 1:51 AM