Showgirls Sequel News

Just 'Cause She Dances Go-Go, It Don't Make Her a Ho, No

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (33)

This feels like it should be one of Dustin’s “Two Truths And A Lie” except that a) I’m too fucking lazy to think up a lie, and b) I doubt anyone is surprised. Appalled and horrified, perhaps, but not surprised.

Yeah. Showgirls is getting a sequel. Frankly, I’m kind of stunned it hasn’t happened already. Anyway, JoBlo is reporting that the sequel is being developed by writer/director Marc Volander, and will be called Showgirls: A Story of Hope. Because it will focus on a minor character from the original, whose name was Hope.

Get it? A Story of Hope? About a girl named Hope?

And people wonder why I want to blow up the universe and kill everything ever.

Ahem. Excuse me. That slipped out. Anyway, Hope will be played by Rena Riffel, who played her in the original. Since Showgirls, Ms. Riffel has been quite busy, acting in such tour de force productions like Trasherella (which she also directed!) and Caligula’s Spawn. No word on whether or not Jessie Spano will make a cameo, but one can only —

What the fuck am I doing here? How did it come to this? Am I seriously reporting on a fucking Showgirls sequel? WHO THE HELL DO I HAVE TO KILL FOR THIS?

Fucking fuck.

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OH. MY. GOD.

This is... simply stated.... the best news OF MY LIFE.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 7, 2009 10:42 AM

Oh sweet merciful Godtopus on a pogo stick. Is Eszterhas in on this?

"Get it? A Story of Hope? About a girl named Hope?"

And the original was about a girl named Nomi because there was "no me" there. Get it?

So this makes absolute perfect sense.

So does this (from Wiki):

[Showgirls] enjoyed success on the home video market, generating more than $100 million from video rentals and became one of MGM's top 20 all-time bestsellers.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 7, 2009 10:44 AM

Oh! Oh! Is it going to start with the events of the first "film" from Hope's perspective? Will we be seeing her version of "floppy trout sex" (aka the "Epileptic Dolphin")? And then follow the rest of her story, like after she has T-shirt Wisdom's baby? Does she still "dance" after that? Does she incorporate the baby into her set? Does she start randomly doing blow here and there? Now that's the story I want to see!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 7, 2009 10:48 AM

And the original was about a girl named Nomi because there was "no me" there. Get it?

It's true, ,daddy! That's why she has a whole bunch of names, and no social security number, and stuff! It's deep and meaningful!

And Hope's real name was Penny... a bad penny always turns up!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 7, 2009 10:51 AM

My suggestion is that you shoot Marc Volander.

Or you can wait by the door of a movie theater that still shows Transformers 2?

Posted by: Magiel at October 7, 2009 10:53 AM

If this is gonna work, they're going to need to find a line that can trounce "Dancing ain't fucking. Everybody got AIDS and shit." I honestly don't know if that's humanly possible.

Posted by: benjamin at October 7, 2009 10:56 AM

Crapshittyfuckingstupenoawefulsometacular!

Posted by: admin at October 7, 2009 11:05 AM

Dreams really do come true.

Posted by: TSF at October 7, 2009 11:08 AM

It's not Showgirls without Nomi, DAMMIT. This is wrong!

Posted by: figgy at October 7, 2009 11:10 AM

I was just watching Showgirls while I ate my cereal this morning! All I could do was wonder how big Kyle MacLachlan's schlong would need to be for what's-er-name to stay on it in that pool sex scene.

Who even cares about a sequel, though? It'll go straight to video and no one outside of weirdos like us will ever hear of it. Rena Riffell is not the kind of actress who stars in movies that actually get released in theaters.

Posted by: Todd at October 7, 2009 11:21 AM

A Showgirls sequel? What's next? Will they finally greenlight the second half of John Travolta's magnum opus, Battlefield Earth?

Posted by: George at October 7, 2009 11:46 AM

Bland movies get sequels and that's whatever, Hollywood types have to eat I suppose, but notoriously bad movies?

How desperate do you have to be to pick over the corpse of Showgirls?

Posted by: Eep at October 7, 2009 12:29 PM

Why on earth would you make a shitty sounding sequel of a movie that was as awful as Showgirls? Did it make THAT much money?

Posted by: Carolina Girl at October 7, 2009 12:49 PM

Todd, during a group viewing, chat, and subsequent discussion of such sexual physics, the answer is:
Centrifugal Front Butt.

Learn it. Live it.

Anyway, isn't Hope/Penny the one that got knocked up by the "dancer" that was "teaching" Nomi to "dance?" The movie is about her and her . . . kid? I don't understand.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at October 7, 2009 12:53 PM

It has to be "Story of Hope" because, as you may remember, "No one wants to f--k a Penny."

This movie is nothing without Robert Davi and Gina Gershon.

Posted by: SugarKane at October 7, 2009 1:07 PM

TK, I second the motion to blow up the universe in a gnab gib. (If you're having trouble with that, figure it out on your own.) Then I wouldn't have to read about another stupid thing someone can do.

Posted by: bignick at October 7, 2009 1:29 PM

damnit, SugarKane, you beat me to it!!!

also, i need to finish my realtime review of this. i just don't know if the demand is still there.

Posted by: gp at October 7, 2009 2:26 PM

Did it make THAT much money?

Posted by: Carolina Girl at October 7, 2009 12:49 PM
---
See:

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 7, 2009 10:44 AM

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 7, 2009 2:59 PM

You know, until I read the comments, I'd completely forgotten having watched Showgirls. Thanks for reminding me...

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at October 7, 2009 3:13 PM

I can't wait for this sequel! Rena Riffel was the hottest babe in Showgirls. She was the reason the youthful version of myself saved his pennies to buy a VCR with slow-motion freeze frame.

Posted by: DarthDarko at October 7, 2009 3:26 PM

Hey, why not. I 'm all for soft core comedy porn.

I'm going to be thinking about Centrifugal Front Butt sex all day now, thanks a lot.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 7, 2009 3:49 PM

I was in a hotel with rare access to movie channels a few weeks back and watched more of the original than I should have out of morbid fascination and amusement. (I've still never seen it from start to finish.) The thing that most struck me is how completely batshit insane Nomi is. In any given scene she will go from buoyant and happy to despondent and raging in the span of a second with no consistency or logic whatsoever for such extreme shifts.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 7, 2009 3:51 PM

And, actually, wouldn't it be Centripetal Front Butt sex? She would have flown right out of the pool if it was Centrifugal. Which would have been kind of awesome.

http://xkcd.com/123/

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 7, 2009 3:53 PM

Look, if they could find a way to get Dustin Diamond and Mario Lopez parts in this, I'd see it in a minute. I think that the Showgirls franchise should be required to cast only from Saved by the Bell. (Mr. Belding! Nooooooooooo!!)

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 7, 2009 3:54 PM

i really appreciate the wyclef jean lyrics in this post. perfect gentleman is a song for the ages

Posted by: the chaplain at October 7, 2009 5:05 PM

Next thing you know Rob Schnider will use this as a means for Deuce Bigelow 3.

Holy F**K

Posted by: Corey W. at October 7, 2009 5:06 PM

Showgirls 2 wouldn't be complete without Elizabeth Berkeley's flat, flat ass. And for sure we have to hear someone mispronounce Versace just once to make this a true Showgirls sequel.

Posted by: chicaleela at October 7, 2009 5:18 PM

"In the sequel, Hope dies of cocaine contamination and her brother goes to Frankfurt to get revenge on those who are responsible for her death." Frankfurt??? Obviously the budget doesn't allow for shooting in Vegas.

They should cast Vin Diesel as the brother and just call it XXX:Showgirls but I bet that's already taken.

Posted by: Jiffyzen at October 7, 2009 5:57 PM

"Look, if they could find a way to get Dustin Diamond and Mario Lopez parts in this, I'd see it in a minute. I think that the Showgirls franchise should be required to cast only from Saved by the Bell."

Nobody likes Dustin Diamond or Mario Lopez, not even in an ironic sense. However, as you may or may not recall, Tori Spelling was totally on "Saved by the Bell" as Violet, and I'm pretty sure that Tori Spelling in a Showgirls sequel might simultaneously be the best and worst things to ever happen and would make the universe, as a collective entity, so spectacularly joyful it'll start raining goddamn Kinder eggs. Yeah, I know the chocolate tastes like plastic ass, but there are toys inside! Okay sure, so the toys are basically about as well designed as something you might expect from a shop class at a special ed school, but they always come with delightfully insane instructions and enough stickers to wallpaper a small bathroom.

I originally had some sort of vaguely relevant point, but it's long gone now so I'm just gonna go watch Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? again.

Posted by: Sarina at October 7, 2009 6:15 PM

Caligula’s Spawn
Really? Really? Where is this movie? For Christmas my parents managed to find me the unrated Caligula (because I asked for it). They found it, wanted to watch it after opening presents, I said no, they insisted. We made it to the guy getting his gut cut open and the wine spilling out before they got up and walked out of the room. Sometimes I love myself. Anyways...what is this movie you speak of. Caligula’s Spawn?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 7, 2009 8:12 PM

Im so happy, I ive got to get everything perfect for my wedding, its coming up very soon

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