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Finally, Some Good Remake News

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)

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Naw, I’m just fucking with you. This is goddamn miserable.

Anyone see the 1966 flick Fantastic Voyage? Directed by Richard Fleischer, I remember my dad making me watch it when he was in one of his many “respect the classics” moods. Invariably, he was right, damn him, and Fantastic Voyage was no exception. It’s a pretty amazing flick, and it actually holds up quite well. I’m not necessarily pissed that it’s being remade — it’s the type of material that’s ripe for such things, in fact. With modern special effects, it could really blow audiences away, much in the way that its spiritual successor, the enjoyable Martin Short film InnerSpace was.

So no, I’m not filled with any sort of righteous fury about its remaking. That said, if it’s not too much trouble, could we at least put it in the hands of a capable director? One who would work with a solid cast and give the material the love and attention it deserves?

What’s that you say? Shawn Levy? Oh. What’s he got under his belt?

Night At The Museum
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian
Cheaper By The Dozen
The Pink Panther
Just Married

Oh, you cockbiting doucheweasels. You literally cannot do anything right.

(shakes fist at sky)

(source: Dark Horizons)









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Comments

Donald Pleasance was so great in the original! But it's such a cool idea...If it's not made for children, then it has a chance. If it ends up PG-13, tho, the $$$ stay in my wallet.

Posted by: Chickaboom at February 8, 2011 10:35 AM

Based on his filmography, I can be reasonably sure that Levy's the Antichrist.

Posted by: sars at February 8, 2011 10:37 AM

Based on his filmography, I can be reasonably sure that Levy's the Antichrist.

Posted by: sars at February 8, 2011 10:37 AM

---------

sars, I think Nietzsche did actually mention him by name in a little-read passage in Thus Spake Zarathustra, and fingered him as the one and only Antichrist.

He also called him a sub-Michael Bay cockpunch. Though I'm paraphrasing, obviously.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 8, 2011 10:42 AM

This is really horrible news. Wasn't Cameron circling this one for a while there? I liked the original and I loved Innerspace and would like to see a technologically advanced version that doesn't both suck and blow so this news is most disheartening.

Posted by: TylerDFC at February 8, 2011 10:44 AM

This coukd actually be worse. They could have hired McG.

Posted by: agent bedhead at February 8, 2011 10:48 AM

Don't get all academic on me, Zeke. I get all my information from chainmails.

Posted by: sars at February 8, 2011 10:49 AM

Well fubba. The original does hold up. I know, because I, too, am encouraging my kids to watch classic movies with me (we started with 80s stuff, to ease them into older things). I had forgotten about Inner Space, so thanks for the reminder. I'm going to forge entirely about this particular news, and hope that I don't ever hear about the release of the remake, so I won't have to cry.

Posted by: Reba at February 8, 2011 10:55 AM

If you haven't got any Nietzsche-related chainmails yet, you haven't lived.

'If you're staring into the void, and you don't pass this onto 6 of your friends, the void WILL stare back at you!!!'

...

I regret nothing.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 8, 2011 10:56 AM

With modern special effects, it could really blow audiences away
---
Actually, modern medicine would blow most people away if they paid much attention to it. "Fantastic Voyage" got referenced in a ... I'm thinking it was a Nova episode I wandered into the other day that explained how teeny tiny robots are being developed to deal with problems in human beings. As an example, there's a camera about the size of a vitamin that one can swallow and it will take and broadcast a flash photo every two seconds for eight hours or so on the way through and out the ... other end. To check for problems along your digestive system.

There was talk about designing robots that could maybe attach themselves to viruses and prevent them from replicating. Science fiction becoming science fact. It might get tougher and tougher to make up stuff to amaze movie audiences than what's already really being done.

Posted by: , at February 8, 2011 11:08 AM

But who will play Raquel Welch in the re-make?

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 8, 2011 11:11 AM

For some reason, the only scene I remember is all the guys ripping the antibodies off Raquel Welch's white wet suit.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 8, 2011 11:19 AM

You forgot the part where the remake stars Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Adam Sandler and Paul Blart.

Posted by: admin at February 8, 2011 11:32 AM

Read the book by Asimov, saw the origionals..

This news?

*Facepalm*

Posted by: Magiel at February 8, 2011 11:32 AM

If it ends up PG-13, tho, the $$$ stay in my wallet.

There's a rating other than PG-13?

Posted by: Todd at February 8, 2011 11:32 AM

There's a rating other than PG-13?

They'll even institute a PG-14 when Spielberg finishes editing the crazy Indians' human-sacrifice scenes in the new Tintin (pronounced "Tehngh-tetngh").

Posted by: sars at February 8, 2011 11:41 AM

PG-14? Finally! I've been saying for years that 14 is one better than 13, it's about time somebody listened.

I'm a wee bit surprised that Shawn Levy didn't direct the recent Liliputians movie. It seems right up his ganglia.

Posted by: RobP at February 8, 2011 11:57 AM

Here's a list of things I know will be included in this movie. For every one of these that I get right, I'll give myself a present. Here goes:

1) Ben Stiller
2) Owen Wilson
3) "We're not in Kansas anymore!"
4) A precocious kid
5) Body part puns (one small present for every one)
6) Some averagely (that's a word) "hot" B-List actress in a skin-tight suit
7) Fat, bumbling best friend
8) A dog
9) EVIL SCIENTIST
10) someone getting hit in the groin
11) pratfall
12) Gas/poop joke

Posted by: Figgy at February 8, 2011 12:25 PM

Oh, forgot one:

13) 3-D

Posted by: Figgy at February 8, 2011 12:29 PM

Figgy, every one of those is a sucker's bet. I wouldn't bet a single shekel on any of 'em.

I SAID GOOD DAY, MADAM.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at February 8, 2011 12:33 PM

That's it! I've had it with all you fuckers! I will not stand idly by while you cast aspersions on the talent and character of Shawn Levy, star of the cinematic classic, and touchstone of genre films, Zombie Nightmare! This negativity WILL! NOT! STAND!

((Groundloops meds kick in))

What? Shawn Levy? Yeah fuck him. Right in the ear.

Posted by: Groundloop at February 8, 2011 1:29 PM

Well, hmmph.

Posted by: Figgy at February 8, 2011 2:30 PM

Well, Figgy, the first name that sprang to mind is Megahn Fox for the Raquel Welch role. As long as she doesn't have to try to remember any technical or scientific sounding dialogue her head should keep from assploding.

Posted by: Uncle JR at February 8, 2011 6:46 PM

Was it just serendipity that your phrase 'cock-biting', was followed by an advertisement for Subway footlongs?

Posted by: Somnopolis at February 8, 2011 9:43 PM