Pajiba

Oh lawd, this again?

He's absolutely right about doing the same shit they've been doing since I was a child (which was a long time ago). The Oscars producers are stuck in a 1970s variety show warp that becomes more and more embarrassing every year to everyone involved every year.

Yeah Seth, the Oscars had a meeting and decided to pick a hot young up and coming actor to destroy so he won’t go on to fame and fortune, cuz that’s the way they roll. Don’t blame the Oscars, maybe if Franco had an ounce of talent and not been preoccupied with putting shitty ass videos of his goddamn cat on youtube maybe he would have known that hosting the Oscars ain’t nothing to fuck around with and maybe he would have prepared himself better.

He's right, though ....

First, Anne 'I'm buzzing like a eighth-grader at her her first crack orgy. A little girl in a big city, that's me. No one bothered to arrest me, or ever slap the smug off of my face when I had the fucking gall to show up at that Occupy rally when my criminal boyfriend stole all that money on pretty necklaces for me, and I TOTALLY had no idea because I'm Diane Court and I'm super excited to annoy all of you important people--who are the true stars--today!' Frigging Hathaway. I saw about minutes, and guh-ugh.

Franco: while I agree you got a disproportionate amount of ire for your part in this, don't take the gig if you're 'too good' for it. Ooh, it's so artistic to dampen everyone's mood. Why can't we just exchange ideas about Michel Foucault, you wonder? Because we finished grade five, and moved past it, so *you* keep up with us, you self-regarding ponce. You're not a genius, you just have huge bags under your eyes and gross friends. Terry Richardson, oh droll! What are you going to deconstruct next? How he's managed to ride his father's equally lecherous coattails for decades despite the fact that he changes up his subject matter and technique as often as he changes his prop specs?

Rogen, huh? Just wake up? I thought it was your career that was slow on the uptake, now it's the alarm clock too, my baby? I even agree with you, but um, thanks for putting your neck out there a year after it would have meant something. Just send me your bill, hopefully I'll get it before you remember that you have allure without the baby fat and remember your place, sir.

I think all of the sleepwalkers responsible should've taken a hit of whatever it was that Anne was taking (after taking out the hit on her, I mean *really*), maybe they would've remembered that no one's obligated to watch this crap and realized that if they're feeling duty-bound to anyone who isn't running an ad, they could stand to make an effort into creating a show that isn't a candy-coated, circle-jerking prom queen abatoire. Ooh, call up Niven!

You know what? Do it. Do call him up, and have the audience place bets on whether he or Billy Crystal will moulder more efficiently before the orchestra cues get ignored.

If they're so devoted to the status quo, just get someone like Hugh Jackman to host. That seems to be his thing. Cromwell could cancel Christmas, but we can't get rid of the Oscars. Prayer circle, anyone?

Dear Seth Rogen – do you know why no one blames Anne Hathaway? Did you even notice that people blame James Franco but no one blames Anne Hathaway? She was giving the same shitty material as Franco. But she was professional and she tried. Tried to make it good and work her money.

While Franco stayed there like he was too good for this and looked like he was high on drugs.

Shy -- I respectfully offer an alternate explanation: No one blames Hathaway because she is exactly right for that lame, flaccid, shtick-y humor. She's Liza Minelli-esque, complete with jazz hands. Annoying and hammy -- just like the Oscars.

Either that or no one blames Hathaway because you can't blame the "special" kid.