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Scarface 2: Chainsaw Boogaloo: Just Kidding, It's a Remake not a Sequel!

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (29)

Scarface-03.jpg

Sometimes it just seems like Hollywood isn’t trying anymore. There is going to be a Scarface remake. Because the film with a poster in every other dorm room across the country clearly isn’t accessible anymore and needs brought up to date and modernized for today’s hip young audience. I mean, Scarface is almost thirty years old, and it’s so clearly dated. Cuba’s not communist anymore, drugs don’t exist, his little friend looks as antiquated as a blunderbuss, and kids these days have never seen a chainsaw, what with their iSaws and such.

David Ayer is going to be writing the script for it, which I suppose counts as points in its favor. He wrote Training Day, which was appropriately heavy and entertaining fare. Of course, he can also just crib from it since Denzel Washington’s character was about fifty percent Tony Montana anyway.

The real question isn’t even why they’d bother, we know exactly why, because they think that they can wring a few more bucks out of something. And let’s face it, it will turn a pretty profit since every frat boy with that cliched poster will go see it opening weekend and drag along three brain cells worth of friends. The real question is who in the world they think can fill the shoes of Al Pacino in this generation of actors.

Scarface is pointless without Pacino, without that manic dark energy he brought to Tony Montana. But to get someone with the acting chops to pull it off, you have to convince one of the good actors to not only do a pointless paycheck flick, but to put themselves up in a no-win acting comparison to vintage Pacino.

That leaves one and only one choice: Charming Potato.

(source: CinemaBlend)









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Comments

I'm calling it now: Russel Brand.

Posted by: Markus at November 30, 2011 10:37 AM

you know, as i was reading this i was fully thinking "Charming Potato". not because he's any good, or because i particularly like him, just because. i think it's somehow perfect.

Posted by: mex at November 30, 2011 10:45 AM

3 points from me:

1. The first paragraph of this post is the best thing I’ve read in at least 4 days. Thanks.

2. I’ve never liked the film very much. As far as I’m concerned the movie is just Al Pacino manifest as pure entertainment. The rest is disposable.

3. If Potato was cast in this it would be an extraordinary monument to man’s folly that would echo out into deepest space and into eternity. And I would love every minute of it.

Posted by: zeke the pig at November 30, 2011 10:47 AM

I giggled at Charming Potato, but you know they are going to cast Shia LeWhatever. Speilberg is continuing to foist that shaggy megalomaniac on us no matter how hard we push back.

Also, Cuba is still communist.

Posted by: Donut Plains at November 30, 2011 10:52 AM

What the hell. Brian De Palma's Scarface was already a remake of the 1932 movie and switched it up from an alcohol prohibition theme to the cocaine madness of Tony Montana.

So what will the NEW remake be about? My money's on Johnny Depp turning this into a Disney movie. Don't put it past him. He'll take that stupid money and run with it.

Posted by: agent bedhead at November 30, 2011 10:54 AM

That Pacino kid has nothing on Paul Muni.

Posted by: Maymar at November 30, 2011 10:55 AM

Thanks, bedhead, for confirming what I thought.

Posted by: , at November 30, 2011 10:59 AM

Upon hearing this news, an actor with unexplainable wealth and influence decrees that this should be his vehicle from which he finally wins one of those brass-plated bookends he's been wanting for some time. That's right kiddies, Adamn Sandler is here to rain poo on your parade. He also requires that he be listed as a producer, is catered to by nothing by Subway foot-longs and that Rob Schneider plays Nick the Pig. Schneider then prepares for his role by locking himself inside of Babalu Restaurant for six months.

The part of Elvira goes to Lindsay Lohan, who partakes in Method Acting by predictably bringing in her own cocaine. Rounding out main cast, Javier Bardem surprises everyone and makes an almost unrecognizable turn as Omar Suárez on the condition that he gets to do his part wearing whatever he happens to have on that day. Continuity chaos abound! But after blowing their budget to rope him in, they have to go on the cheap for everything else. The shooting location is moved from Miami to Jacksonville (hey it's still Florida right?), cocaine is replaced with delicious Coffee-Mate coffee creamer and the parts of Manny Ray and Chi-Chi will be played by George Lopez and Carlos Mencei.

On the plus side, they do score F. Murray Abraham, this time playing the drug kingpin Alejandro Sosa. Not because of any career nostalgia mind you, it turns out he really just wanted to buy a boat.

In an undecided move, theater are required to outfit their chair seats with broken broomsticks and beer bottles so that anyone who pays money to see this skidmark can at least be prevented by further contaminating the gene pool.

Posted by: bleujayone at November 30, 2011 11:34 AM

The other remake was the Grand Theft Auto clone game Scarface: The World Is Yours back in 2006. Basically Tony prevails in the mansion shootout, stops doing coke, has to rebuild his empire and seek revenge on Sosa.

It's as bad as it sounds.

Posted by: Jast at November 30, 2011 11:37 AM

You're right Steve, if there was ever a movie that didn't need a remake, it's this one. Jesus.

Posted by: Riles at November 30, 2011 11:42 AM

Will Smith.

Posted by: chayes at November 30, 2011 11:47 AM

The first paragraph was a particularly impressive display of sarcasm. This comment is not intended as such.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 30, 2011 11:48 AM

This kid can play Tony Montana just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uovMpapeCJQ&feature=related

Posted by: KV at November 30, 2011 11:56 AM

I did not see that last sentence coming, but I liked it.

Posted by: MM at November 30, 2011 12:20 PM

"And let’s face it, it will turn a pretty profit since every frat boy with that cliched poster will go see it opening weekend and drag along three brain cells worth of friends."

So... the whole fraternity? They should try for a group discount on tickets.

Posted by: Craig at November 30, 2011 12:21 PM

I didn't get the appeal of Scarface. I mean, Al Pacino did a great job, but I still found the character wavering between cartoonish and douchey. Best part of the movie is when he gets filled with buckshot and drops face-first in the fountain, slow clap.

Whoops, spoiler alert. Sorry time-travellers from the eighties who haven't seen the movie yet. Tell the Doctor I said hi.

Posted by: SJ at November 30, 2011 12:23 PM

While this is a stupid and lazy idea for a movie, I am also super annoyed that the writer of this blurb didn't acknowledge that the 1983 Scarface is already a remake.......I suggest you actually do your research and check it out, the 1932 version is actually a lot better than the 1983 version.

Posted by: RL at November 30, 2011 1:09 PM

No.

Just no.

Posted by: Aislinn at November 30, 2011 1:54 PM

Don't be so churlish... the Footloose remake proved that reboots work, so shut your mouth.

Posted by: Nick at November 30, 2011 2:05 PM

Not even going to bother reading the rest of the comments.

Scarface should not be remade. Ever. I'm a woman and that film is one of the greatest of all time, and it is BECAUSE of Al Pacino and what he brought to that character. And I know the 1930's version came out first, but it can't compare to the Al Pacino version. Yes, there is a bit of cheese factor, but anyone else would have made it an over the top cartoon. It's not just his full body of work as an actor but it's the clothing in the film, the music and the ensemble cast that made Scarface what it is. Fucking LOVE IT. The real Tony Montana (not whatever bullshit actor they put in the remake) can take me behind a middle school and slap me in the face, do lines off my ass, and get me pregnant any day. The way half the Pajibians wax nostalgic about Firefly and Buffy and Battlestar Galactica and every other science-y, renaissance, elf world fantasy whateverthefuck and I don't say anything...you will NOT talk about my Al like that. That man currently has his balls hanging to his knees from old age and would gladly tongue them for his work in The Godfather, Dog Day Afternoon and Scarface. He is a screen legend and will be treated as such.

Posted by: scorzi at November 30, 2011 2:19 PM

Don't be so churlish... the Footloose remake proved that reboots work, so shut your mouth.

BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(deep breath)

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(gasps)

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(wipes tears away)

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!

Ohh, man. Thank you. Seriously, that was a good one. I needed that. Hoo boy, now I need a fuckin' drink.

Posted by: TK at November 30, 2011 2:50 PM

I think Zach Galfinakis would be an awesome Tony Montana.

Posted by: Jakob Montrasio at November 30, 2011 2:55 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA...........ahem.....Thank you Jakob for providing us that piece of entertainment.

You want someone hard to pull this off..........you need someone who is awesome enough.

Posted by: Lord-ninja at November 30, 2011 3:11 PM

How are they not already talking to Michael K. Williams about this? The man ACTUALLY HAS A HUGE SCAR ON HIS FACE.

That man would act circles around post-1980 Pacino.

Posted by: Bert at November 30, 2011 5:05 PM

Danny Trejo?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 30, 2011 5:53 PM

what with their iSaws and such.

I'm off to the Apple Store. Wonder if they have them in blue?

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 30, 2011 8:48 PM

Pacino's Scarface is a re-make (I liked the original too) but I don't see the point. That hasn't stopped hollywood though.

Posted by: Candy at December 1, 2011 3:42 AM

Ok, seriously. How many times do they have to remake the same movie? Better question, how are they going to remake a movie that was a remake/Brian De Palma rendition of another movie? For those who may not know what I am talking about it is the 1932 version under the same title just instead of cocaine it is alcohol.

Posted by: Johnsonfly at December 4, 2011 3:22 AM

The title of this post reminded me of an incredibly irreverent joke the punchline of which is "Just kidding, he was already dead!"

Posted by: Ace at December 8, 2011 11:34 PM