Saw VII vs. Paranormal Activity 2

Sawings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (11)

Taking a page right out of the NBC playbook, Lionsgate has exercised the contract for Kevin Greutert to direct Saw VII just after it was announced that Paramount had signed him to direct Paranormal Activity 2. Since the two films have the same release date (Halloween), Greutert cannot film both and is contractually obligated to do Saw VII instead. The technical term for this legal maneuver is “shooting your dog so that no one else can pet it.”

It’s not like they kept Steven Spielberg out of the hands of the Paranormal Activity franchise, we’re talking about Kevin Greutert. Who? Exactly. He has directed exactly one film: Saw VI. Other than that he edited the other five Saw films, The Strangers and a couple of other random flicks. The general reaction to him being signed to direct Paranormal Activity 2 in the first place was a muted “meh,” and everyone assumed that the deal was sealed for part two to gargle smegma and be subtitled “Book of Shadows.”

Greutert has a hilarious series of blog posts on the topic, which have since been removed (the entire blog appears to be blank now: www.kevingreutert.com) presumably after frantic calls from his lawyer or agent.

“If you’ve ever been raped by your dad, then you now how I feel right now.”

“I’m in the middle of something really terrible right now, as anyone who has come to this site probably knows. While I fight for justice in this, the important thing is to avoid giving in to hatred and anger, because these emotions are life killers. Hopefully we will all arrive at an amicable solution. Thank you to everyone who is working with me on this.”

“Woo hoo! Lawyers are sending me to Canada tomorrow! I just had the task of telling my 83 year old mother that no, I’m not going to be allowed to direct the movie we were all so excited about when my family last got together, and that I’m being forced to leave town before getting a chance to see her again. Yes, I’ll be filming people getting tortured YET AGAIN. So we’ll have to put off me making a film she can actually watch for another year. I’m not making this shit up.”

Personally, I love the way he bemoans being unable to let his 83 year old mother watch anything he does because he’s only gotten to make doilies at the torture porn crafts table. Seriously, if Lionsgate really does go through with making him direct, he should epically fuck it up. Add a unicorn sex scene with a midget. Take out all the graphic violence. Hell, he should turn in a 90 minute real time video of his own testicles. Don’t swallow it down and be the good employee, Kevin, don’t be that guy. Answer the call to greatness.

(source: SlashFilm)

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Comments

“If you’ve ever been raped by your dad, then you now how I feel right now.”

I have carefully considered my reaction to this for a good minute and a half. Still cannot come up with anything more eloquent than, "Dude, seriously?"

Posted by: Schlegel at January 27, 2010 11:18 PM

Lloyd I feel your pain but you are going about this whole thing the wrong way. If you are upset about this movie release, you should not post about it on a rarely visited website about pajamas. This gets you nowhere. Here is what you do:

1) Buy copy of Paranormal Activity 2 on DVD.
2) Gather male friends.
3) Form a small circle.
4) Put DVD in center of circle.
5) Pull out Penises simultaneously.
6) Maintain eye contact with guy directly across from you.
7)Masturbate simultaneously onto DVD.
8) Last one to finish must watch movie.
9)???
10) Profit.

Posted by: Adventureman at January 28, 2010 1:58 AM

gross

Posted by: superasente at January 28, 2010 8:45 AM

my stepdad was way hot.

just saying.

Posted by: gp at January 28, 2010 9:37 AM

Adventureman, the part about the pajamas was cute - but I don't know about sharing your Friday night routines. That seemed a bit intimate.

Posted by: Cindy at January 28, 2010 9:56 AM

I'm less shocked by Adventureman's Friday night activities (I mean really, who hasn't circle jerked on a sequel?) than by the fact that his entire post used normal syntax.

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at January 28, 2010 10:50 AM

A unicorn sex scene with a midget is exactly what the Saw series needs to get back on track. I'm not asking for greatness like the original, just a return to the quality level of Saw III: Ok, not great, but at least a little bit interesting. He pushed VI to II levels of "Eh--it could be worse."

Posted by: Robert at January 28, 2010 10:55 AM

and everyone assumed that the deal was sealed for part two to gargle smegma

I was just getting ready to eat lunch. Thanks for that. (sarcmark!)

Posted by: MikeG at January 28, 2010 11:41 AM

I'm sorry, wait...

Saw VII?

Are you fucking kidding me? I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoyed to first few Saw movies. They were a cool new horror movie, the twists were interesting, the killer's motivations sort of compelling. But didn't he die? IN LIKE THE 3RD MOVIE? HOW IS THIS STILL GOING ON? WHO KEEPS GOING TO SEE THESE? IT'S OVER JUST LET IT DIE ALREADY.

Posted by: buttercup at January 28, 2010 11:46 AM

Woo hoo! Lawyers are sending me to Canada tomorrow!

This amuses me for reasons I can't explain. Is going to Canada = going to jail? Or is he escaping to Canada in the manner of avoiding the draft?

But you can't hide from extradition in Canada - unless you're facing a death penalty charge in the U.S. I guess directing Saw VII is a little bit like the death penalty.

Of course, it's not like directing Paranormal Activity 2: Electric Boogaloo is exactly fantastic, as everyone is already convinced it's going to suck. (And they're right.) It's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Posted by: MM at January 28, 2010 12:11 PM

buttercup, you just don't understand. Everything that has happened in Saw IV-VI was planned by Jigsaw before he died. Even stuff you watched in Saw III that didn't seem to go by the plan was the actual master plan. We're at the point that Jigsaw's wife is supposed to take over his work, but VI puts a major kink in that plan that will surely play out in VII. And I'll be there on opening weekend to make sure my money doesn't go to the sequel to one of the most ineffective haunted house films I've ever seen. At least Saw started with something good at one point.

Posted by: Robert at January 28, 2010 1:01 PM

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Sawings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

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