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Sassmouth Reese Witherspoon Arrested, Goes from America's Sweetheart to America's Drunk Sweetheart

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | April 22, 2013 | Comments ()


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Honestly, I didn't think Reese Witherspoon had it in her. She always seemed to me the poster-lady for uptight soccer mom-ness, the kind of woman that gives her accountant-type husband the hairy eyeball if he has more than two drinks. She always seemed pretty, sweet, and kind of a buzzkill.

But now she has a police record and a mugshot, and now I think I love her.

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Witherspoon was arrested on Friday night, and honestly, her crime wasn't so bad (a misdemeanor). It was actually her husband who was pulled over for a DUI, when Witherspoon began sassmouthing the police officer.

"Mrs. Witherspoon began to hang out the window and say that she did not believe that I was a real police officer," according to the report. "I told Mrs. Witherspoon to sit on her butt and be quiet."

The report went on to state, "Mrs. Witherspoon asked, 'Do you know my name?' I answered, 'No, I don't need to know your name.' I then added, 'Right now.' Mrs. Witherspoon stated, 'You're about to find out who I am'."

Things about this scenario that I love: 1) She hung out the window, 2) she talked sh*t to the police officer in total white-trash fashion, and 3) she pulled the "Do you know who I am card." If only she'd taken her top off, the image would've been complete.

She has apologized, however, releasing a statement yesterday. "I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said." My guess is that one drink too many was actually just one drink, but good for her for showing some personality. My guess is that her husband was probably the one that was really pissed because the two spent a few hours in jail, and Witherspoon's buzz had already worn off by the time they'd gotten home, and you know that guy was going to get the drunk Witherspoon sex he waits MONTHS to get.

Poor guy. Finally gets his opening, and the cops cock block him. Let's poor one out for Jim Toth, y'all.







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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • dudewhatsmyname

    Not so much sass. More like being an ass. I don't think a drunk narcissist is cute, never have.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    Blake Lively is loving this.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    This is what it takes to get you to like her more? What the hell is going wrong in your brain?

  • googergieger

    "I've seen drunker."-Pretentious alcoholic.

  • $27019454

    Like the jeremy irons thing -- this just bums me out. Then I remember I am just joe smo with a glass of wine on a monday night, making gnocchi w sage leaves for the fam, planning Scary Mary (mom's) birthday thingie, ducking out on the patio to smoke a j and I remember, I could give a purple rat's constipated asssss about her, this or her poor husband Jimbo the Drunk Fuck. Amiright???

  • Kobie

    Looks like her husband couldn't Walk The Line.

  • Rochelle

    This is the kind of celebrity schadenfreude I can really get behind. There's no obvious mental illness, just two people who should know better making stupid decisions. I'm glad it didn't cross the line and end tragically

  • e jerry powell

    Uh, Mrs. WItherspoon? Was her mom in the car with her?
    Ms WItherspoon. Witherspoon is her maiden name, not her married name.
    (Dustin, that's not on you, it's on the officers writing the stupid incident report.)

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    Didn't have it in her? You've seen her sass in Freeway, right?

  • e jerry powell

    She got dat Tennessee sass. Gotta watch for dem Southern Girls.

  • Atoz15

    Even if I can get over her self righteous, morifying comments (which i can) I can NOT get over the drunk driving-they had a baby 7 months ago! What sort of an example is this setting for him and the other (older) kids?

    It really annoys me she completely neglected to call out the dangers of DD in her statement , but instead stated how she was "scared" for her husband...umm don't let him drive!! Be scared for the other ppl he could have hurt (at the very least publicly) ...honestly tht statement made me angrier, she took it too light-heartedly

  • dizzylucy

    Yeah, I can't really get on board with the hey she's kind of fun now attitude. Get tipsy and yell at paparazzi? I'd love her right along with you. But sassing the police to the point of being arrested, when all they were doing was their job and potentially saving someone from being seriously hurt or killed by her drunk husband's driving? No, can't appreciate the fun in that.

  • I have no respect for her for doing this. She is incredibly wealthy and could have easily called a cab or a car service but she knowingly let her SEVERELY drunk husband get behind the wheel. She has 3 young children at home...what the hell is wrong with her? There is NOTHING funny about drinking and driving, innocent people die from it every damn day. And the fact that she pulls the Hollywood "don't you know who I am?" bullshit pisses me off even more. Then in her statement she says she was fearful for her husband? WTF?! Maybe she should have been scared for her own life and the lives of other people on the road instead.

  • $2786243

    Sorry. This isn't some 19 year old girl walking through town, mouthing off to the police after a night doing kegstands at Sigma Nu. This is a middle-aged woman trying to pull weight after her high-powered hubby drove drunk down the middle of a major road in downtown Atlanta. It's not cute at all.

  • Maguita NYC

    It's the Legally-Blonde forever effect. Like beer goggles, many perceive Reese as Elle Woods, and think her cute and sexy no matter what.

    Time to lose the trifocals and actually see who Reese has become: A nagging has-been who pulls the "Do you know who I am" card.

  • Tinkerville

    Thank you. It's not cute, funny, or remotely okay. I don't care if she wasn't the one driving and I will not be pouring one out for Jim Toth. He can go to hell with the rest of the drunk drivers out there.

  • Anniescam

    Have you never seen "Freeway?"

  • Bea Pants

    This is JUST what I was thinking! Clearly RW was just channeling her roots in that movie.

  • Xtacle Steve

    This still seems pretty classy by southern standards. I mean, she still had her pants on. Less of a Juliette Lewis and more of a senator's wife catching him with a hooker, if you ask me.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Does the "do you know who I am" line EVER work? I know it gets you absolutely no where in my place of employment. My standard response is "If you need to ask, you're not as important as you think you are".

  • poopnado

    I do not love her for this. Her husband was drunk (way over the legal limit) and she allowed him to drive? And then mouthed off to a cop in his defense? Unacceptable. Even when I'm piss-ass drunk, I interrogate the driver to make sure he or she is okay to drive. I lost a friend because he lied to me and said he was sober, then admitted to being drunk later. I was so angry I couldn't forgive him. Drunk driving is so dangerous!

    Witherspoon can suuuuuuck it.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    She is one of the few celebrities that this is actually a good thing. I think most people still see her as Tracy Flick. She was born in New Orleans for crying out loud! Their state bird is the barfly.

  • JenVegas

    The state bird of Louisiana is the brown pelican.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Am I the only one who finds that mugshot kind of adorable?

  • lonolove

    Since Jim Toth works for the agency that represents Witherspoon, and this is going to be a press bonanza tanking her America's Sweetheart image, I kind of hope he gets shit-canned. They already went to CAA for a statement. I can't imagine any employer being glad to get asked about a DUI.

  • Eve

    Pour one out for Jim Toth? Look, I understand the joke but, seriously, they could have killed somebody.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    also, "pour" not "poor"

    Hmm. I think I have a case of misplaced outrage.

  • Eve

    Oh, I just copied and pasted Dustin's comment. You're right, let me edit mine.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, I no. My outrage was at the typo in the original. Seriously, misplaced priorities. Celebrities drinking and throeing their wait around 1000 miles aweigh? I could care less. Misuse of homophones? Grrrrrrrrr. Even if it is Monday mourning.

  • NateMan

    I've got nothing against mouthing off to a cop. That I appreciate. But I'll never understand the tendency of the famous - or their spouses - to drive even a little drunk. It's not like you can't afford a freaking taxi!

  • Scully

    I dunno. The whole “I’m an Murrikan and I deserve to stand on Murrikan ground!” was ridiculous. If she starts waving around her Don’t Tread On Me flag, I will not be the least bit surprised.

  • That would crack me the fuck up

  • kirivinokur

    "Right now.’ Mrs. Witherspoon stated, ‘You’re about to find out who I am’.”

    THAT is a fantastic line. I'm really impressed that she came up with that on the spot.

    Poor cop.

  • kirbyjay

    I got arrested years ago for the same thing. Cop was arresting boyfriend ( Mr. Kirbyjay) for disorderly conduct and I opened my yap so I went with him. Unfortunately the " do you know who I am" card didn't work for me either. Cop didn't give a rats ass who Kirbyjay was. Them damn beer muscles can wreak havoc at times.

  • Yeah, it's an alright story, but that is a shite mugshot. One of the main upsides of a brush with law enforcement is the mugshot. You can be immortalised looking badass like Al Pacino, or you can look like you're sad because you dropped your sweets on the floor, like you. Come on, Reece, give it to the camera with some attitude.

  • Aaron Schulz

    i kinda like it, she seems like shes kinda laughing at the camera

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