Sandler, Rock, James Ensemble Comedy

And Do It Quickly / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 12, 2009 | Comments (43)

Wouldn’t you really like to see a big ensemble comedy? Here’s the premise: Five men reunite for a 30-year high school reunion over a Fourth of July weekend. Not much to it, but you don’t particularly need a high concept premise for a good ensemble comedy (see Knocked Up). You just need good material, a decent director, and a solid cast (don’t see Wild Hogs).

This movie, still untitled, has none of that. In fact, it’s sort of the corollary to what I imagine the studio-driven Breakfast Club remake would be like: Five comedic actors (two who are OK on their own) teaming up to form the ultimate suck. Hell, if you actually set out to cast the worst big name actors, you couldn’t do any worse than this team. Hang on to your jock straps, freaks. Prepare yourself mentally. Who am I kidding? There’s no way to appropriately prepare yourself for this roster of actors.

Deep breathe.

Adam Sandler. Kevin James. Chris Rock. Rob Schneider. David Spade.

Step away from the ledge. At least until I finish telling you who’s running the show. The movie will be directed by Dennis Dugan, who you know as the stellar director of such hilarious fare as Don’t Mess with the Zohan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and The Benchwarmers. Want more? The script comes from Sandler and Fred Wolf, who wrote the illustrious Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Without a Paddle and Strange Wilderness. It’ll all been done under the Happy Madison shingle, as if I had to tell you that.

OK. You can go ahead and jump now. Make sure to land head first — you don’t want to survive the fall.

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Comments

At last, we stand on the precipice of the Assocalypse. The endtimes, they have come.

I'll see you in hell.

Posted by: I Love Beets at February 12, 2009 9:51 AM

If anybody needs me I'll be locked in the MurderZepplin with some Ministry and Mrs. Dalloway.

What? I have to get it done before next week. It's still better than this.

Posted by: twig at February 12, 2009 9:57 AM

Do you/they mean 20 year reunion?

Either way, I like Chris, but I doubt he'd miracle this setup.

I wonder if anything'll make Kevin James look startled, and then maybe he'll have to run really fast.

Posted by: Jay at February 12, 2009 10:01 AM

I...he...wait...wha?

...

DIE SANDLER, DIE!

Posted by: Smokin at February 12, 2009 10:03 AM

On second thought, I think I would prefer that Screen Actors Guild strike after all.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 12, 2009 10:07 AM

I am not affected by this news. I would go so far as to say I am completely apathetic. I will ignore everything that has to do with this film and I will never watch it. Therefore, it does not exist and can not harm me.

Posted by: Snath at February 12, 2009 10:07 AM

Head first.

I'll see all of you in the damn ground. Right there next to Elvis and Jesus and E.T.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at February 12, 2009 10:11 AM

I think this will be a great film! Kevin James has proven that he can be a box office draw, his comedy is good and he has solid acting chops.

Chris rock is the shit although lately any movies he's made have been lackluster at best. I've always liked and enjoyed Spade, even in that Dickie Roberts monstrosity. He was the best part of that mess. And Adam Sandler is always golden, the guy poops, and funny comes out.

Honestly people, with the amount of talent, a solid premise and the backing of Happy Madison, it's sure to be a great comedy. One that I'm looking forward to.

Posted by: admin at February 12, 2009 10:13 AM

Uh-uh, no way, I'm not killing myself today, cause I got Friday off, even if it is to go to a funeral visitation, cause afterward we're hitting McGrogan's Tap Room, and then we'll probably go back to the hotel and drink some more. And if I'm lucky ...

Anyway, thanks, but I'll wait to kill myself Saturday, when I have to go back to work.

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 12, 2009 10:14 AM

bucdaddy, who put a funeral visitation on Friday the 13th? That's kind of...morbid.

Posted by: Snath at February 12, 2009 10:19 AM

Hey admin, Pull your head out of your ass and take a look at what you just said. What the fuck is wrong with you? You sound like you've just been labotomized! Idiot!

Posted by: admin at February 12, 2009 10:25 AM

Goddammit, Chris. Are times that tight? I know you don't have your talk show any more and your movies tend to flop horribly, but "Everybody Hates Chris" is doing well and your records and specials are still popular. You can't really need the money that bad, can you? Brother, we will start a telethon if we have to, but for the love of all that is good and holy, do NOT do this to yourself.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 12, 2009 10:28 AM

bucdaddy, who put a funeral visitation on Friday the 13th? That's kind of...morbid.

Posted by: Snath at February 12, 2009 10:19 AM

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 12, 2009 10:37 AM

The last time two cinematic/comedic forces of this magnitude teamed up we were subjected to "Father's Day" with Robin Williams and Billy Crystal. At best I'm envisioning a movie with enough ham, corn and cheese to feed a small third-world country- and then kill from high cholesterol. These five are like Tylenol, if you take one or two of them in one sitting you should be fine, if you take a bunch at once, you risk liver & kidney damage.

Posted by: bleuajyone at February 12, 2009 10:39 AM

I need pills. Lots of pills.

Posted by: branded at February 12, 2009 10:41 AM

Who are the two actors in this list who are okay on their own? Chris Rock is a great comedian, but his movies? miles of suck. The other for are fodder for the murdertank.
Could Renny Harlin direct this? Maybe get the DP Bale screamed at? Then nuke the set from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: MrCreosote at February 12, 2009 10:45 AM

Who are the two actors in this list who are okay on their own? Chris Rock is a great comedian, but his movies? Miles of suck. The others are fodder for the murdertank.
Could Renny Harlin direct this? Maybe get the DP Bale screamed at? Then nuke the set from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: MrCreosote at February 12, 2009 10:45 AM

"Father's Day" with Robin Williams and Billy Crystal

SILENCE! Just thinking of the poster makes me wanna cross myself.

Posted by: Jay at February 12, 2009 10:51 AM

Stand back universe, because the greatest film of all time, with Rob Schneider, the Stapler himself, is about to come to theaters. It's bound to become the greatest comedy since Schneider's magnum opus Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

Such talent hasn't been gathered together since the wedding scene in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, when Schneider, Sandler, and James performed at the same time. Schneider, who was robbed from his best supporting actor nomination, played a gay Asian rabbi with all the skill you'd expect from The Carrot, and beyond your wildest dreams all at the same time.

I for one am looking forward to this collaboration of the greatest talent our nation has to offer, and have always wondered whatever happened to David Spade. His Capital One commercials were the greatest things ever to air on the small screen since the moon landing.

I can only hope Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook will make cameos. However, so much funny on the screen at the same time may ruin all future comedies. To much of a good thing you might say.

You were right all along Dustin, my life is better now that I'm huffing paint thinners. I've never felt better in my life. Have a nice day.

Posted by: George at February 12, 2009 10:58 AM

I'm with Snath, I'm just going to ignore this thing until it goes away.

Posted by: tamatha at February 12, 2009 11:12 AM

I never said that only two of them would produce a quality product, only that it wouldn't kill you in the same way all five would.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 12, 2009 11:18 AM

Do you think if we (Americans) all got together and sent Chris Rock 2 bucks a piece and some Ramen noodles he would stop doing this shit?

Posted by: courtney 2 at February 12, 2009 11:34 AM

I actually died quite some time ago.
Zombies don't care about douchetoolery shit like this...

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Posted by: Rykker at February 12, 2009 11:58 AM

I saw the name Dennis Dugan, and immediately thought of his lame attempt at a TV series "Richie Brockleman, Private Eye." I checked IMBD, and see that came out in 1978. Yes, I AM old. I don't know why I remember a quickly cancelled series from 30 years ago. It's weird what sticks in memory and what doesn't.

And I have no interest in seeing this movie, so I will be apathetic along with Snath.

Posted by: rlr260 at February 12, 2009 12:15 PM

Happy Madison Productions must be stopped. Applications for the job now being accepted at www.savetheworld.com.

Posted by: ed newman at February 12, 2009 12:16 PM

"Kill Yourself. Just Kill Yourself." Wouldn't it be more productive to kill Adam Sandler?

Posted by: spazmodeas at February 12, 2009 12:27 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*bang!*

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 12, 2009 12:33 PM

Are you sure you didn't forget about some zombies in that story somewhere?

Posted by: Cindy at February 12, 2009 12:34 PM

Oh HALE no.

Posted by: Sapphiar at February 12, 2009 12:46 PM

Wow, the level of suckage from just the description of this is amazing. I can feel my asslips puckering up.

The actual production will be horrific. When's the release date, 12/21/12?

Posted by: Drake at February 12, 2009 1:10 PM

I'll be joining Snath on our journey down The Nile. I just had pancakes, nothing can touch me now. Question: is Rob Schneider considered a comedian? Other Question: When is his trial for crimes against humanity starting? I live in The Hague, I can go to the trial and egg him.

Posted by: Joker at February 12, 2009 1:27 PM

Worst casting since they decided to make Halle Berry into Catwoman. I'd rather have unprotected sex with Pamela Anderson than see this shit.

Unless I was high. Maybe then.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at February 12, 2009 1:51 PM

Get ready for Rob Schneider in Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb! Rated PG-13.

Posted by: Mr. Derp at February 12, 2009 1:51 PM

I've been making the argument for a while that Sandler is the nucleus of his own Frat Pack-like group consisting of himself, the above actors, and a few other actors that he works with over and over again, like Allen Covert, Steve Buscemi, and Drew Barrymore. With most of the key players uniting for one project, this is essentially that group's Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

Posted by: Peter Lynn at February 12, 2009 3:58 PM

Was Chris Rock on the Paycheck Ho list?

Does this prove he should have been?

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at February 12, 2009 5:55 PM

You guys are fucking ridiculous, Zohan was actually pretty damn good. Rock, Sandler, and James have built a shitload of good will that will trump whatever Spade and Schneider do. I think it'll fall somewhere in between Knocked Up and Wild Hogs. It won't be a great movie, but it won't be a piece of shit I refuse to watch even on cable TV.

Posted by: Really? at February 12, 2009 6:15 PM

Where was Dane Cook? Substitute Cook for Rock now your golden. But this cannot bring me down, I landed a job today, teaching wayward 6th, 7th and 8th graders at an alternative school. It is only for the rest of the school year, but it is something positive.

Posted by: richmac at February 12, 2009 6:28 PM

Adam Sandler. Kevin James. Chris Rock. Rob Schneider. David Spade??

I only find one funny in this lot. And he is movie box office poison and needs to stick to HBO specials and perhaps hiw own damn show! Looking at this gave me a headache. I don't know who I hate more I think it's a tie between David Spade and Kevin James. I feel bad for Rob Schneider sometimes because he just doesn't know how to be funny. Or probably never knew how to be funny in the first damn place. I guess SNL was really reaching when they hired him. Maybe they were trying to fill in a diversity quota much like with Chris Rock (wait was he ever in SNL?)

Posted by: ph at February 12, 2009 7:50 PM

I refuse to accept this as real. This is a hoax, right? Please?

Posted by: alphawhiskey at February 12, 2009 10:06 PM

J**** F****** C***st, doesn't anyone own a gun?!?

Posted by: karstark at February 13, 2009 2:43 AM

Screw you, Mr. Derp. You stole my thunder!

Derp a derp dee derp!!

Posted by: Green Lantern at February 13, 2009 10:24 AM

You can go ahead and jump now. Make sure to land head first -- you don't want to survive the fall.

No, why would i? After all, nobody forces me to watch this dreck. Yet.

Posted by: Arthur Dent at February 13, 2009 7:51 PM

Ok.
I want to think there's a twist at the end. Chris Rock will turn out to be a psycho-sylar and he's going to smash their brains while sandler watches his horrific movies. Then, he'll try to sing, but Rock will put some concrete in his throat.
Finally, he'll bring the annoying kid from Big Daddy to pee on him and then he's gonna break his neck with the black feet from Mr. Deeds

Posted by: psycho bale at February 15, 2009 6:19 PM

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