Half of you poor bastards probably don’t even know who Sam Kinison was. Dude was an ex-preacher so full of cum and piss and vinegar and anger and vitriol that, one day, he exploded: He took that anger and he turned it into a stand-up routine, one aimed at the church, more specifically folks like Jimmy Swaggert and Jim and Tammy Fay Baker. Kinison had this guttural, primal scream that was half funny, half terrifying, and it would make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and laugh. And the dude was freakin’ hilarious, even if he was a sexist asshole. He was a stand-up comedian that just also happened to be part of that 80’s rock scene, so had he not died six days after his wedding, the dude probably would’ve faded away like his contemporaries, Gilbert Gottfrieid, Andrew Dice Clay, Bobcat Goldwaithe, and everyone on Headbanger’s Ball. Remember that “Wild Thing” video: Billy Idol, Stephen Tyler, Joe Perry, Tommy Lee, Richie Sambora, Slash, C.C. Deville, the dude from RATT, the dude from Skid Row that wasn’t Sebastian Bach (Rachel Boll?) and that motherfucking riff. Oh that motherfucking riff: “You’re a lying, unfaithful, untrusting tramp, and I think I love you.” Woah! I’m having some serious high-school flashbacks, y’all. And my heart is racing a little. I feel like I’m about to get beat up again. And I think I love it. Bring it on Darryl Bowman. I will fuck you up. Yeah. I’ll do it. From inside this trash can. No, come on Darryl. I need that lunch money. Shit man, I weight a buck 25 — the only thing keeping me alive are those cafeteria cheeseburgers.
Do yourself a favor and watch this video:
Anyway, the point is: Someone has finally gotten around to making a movie about Kinison. Granted, it’s an HBO movie, but still. Unfortunately, in doing so, they’ve apparently decided to shit all over poor Kinison’s grave by casting the human cumstain to play Kinison.
Yeah. Dan Fogler. I’ll grant you the physical resemblance, but DAN MOTHERFUCKING FOGLER! You’ve got to be kidding me. KIDDING ME. That anthropomorphic piece of fecal matter. As Sam Kinison? OOOOOWWWWW NOooooOOOOOOO. Worse still, Tom Shadyac is directing. The DIRECTOR OF ACE VENTURA AND EVAN ALMIGHTY? OOOOOhhh OOOOOHHHHHHWWWW. Patch Adams. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! DEMON FROM HELLLLLLL!
“There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die. You go to jail. Or you run out.”
Half of the poor bastards don't know Kinison? For serious?
Posted by: Lizardqueen at November 18, 2008 9:19 AM
Additionally, after watching the Wild Thing clip for the first time in, I don't know, decades, it is a confirmed scientific fact that rock 'n roll doesn't age well. There are some hot pieces of hair metal ass up in that video. Have you seen some of those dudes lately? Heaven's to Betsy! Of course, I'm sure I don't look like I'm 13 anymore either, but that's not the point.
Posted by: Lizardqueen at November 18, 2008 9:28 AM
If you want to help the starving people in Ethopia ...
Don't send them food. No. No.
I'll tell you what.
If you want to help the poor starving people in Ethopia ...
Send them U-Haul trucks. Why?
BECAUSE THEY LIVE IN A DESEEEEEERRRRTTTTT!!
OH! OH!
MOVE WHERE THE FOOOOOOOOD IIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!!!!
Posted by: Duane at November 18, 2008 9:28 AM
Well, I don't - nor Dan Fogler, either. This is not my culture, I'm just a tourist...
Posted by: Tarn at November 18, 2008 9:30 AM
Mmmmmmmmmmm. Misogyny.
And who the fuck doesn't know who Sam Kinison is? Whoever you are, please walk up to the next person you see and ask for a donkey punch. If they don't give you one, countinue asking people until you get one or more and finally smarten the fuck up.
Posted by: admin at November 18, 2008 9:31 AM
Dude was a fucking hell of a musician, too.
I think, now, more than ever, we need TK to resurrect Alfred Hitchcock so he can throw Dan Fogler at M. Night Shayamalan, causing an explosion of douche energy that will temporarily open a hole in the fabric of space-time, taking the both of them into an eternal hell where they will be forced to forever watch their own shitfest movies while being face-raped by Satan, manifested as Charles Haley, thus preserving the memory of Kinison.
(Hitchcock will be peacefully returned whence he came, thanks to TK's temporary mercy.)
Posted by: Sean at November 18, 2008 9:32 AM
Not to disparage anyone's knowledge, but if not half then probably still a large amount. He's just not out there anymore. That Rodney Dangerfield's Young Comedians Special was 23 years ago (and where the hell'd Bob Nelson go? Bob Saget was good on that one too. No, really, he was a pretty good, dirty minded young stand up).
But it looks like Dustin didn't even bother mentioning video co-star Jessica Hahn, who even more obscure now. However, I'm delighted that he remembered Rachel, the guy, as John Travolta would say, with all that shit on his face.
And here I thought "Man on the Moon" was an unappealing movie. Yikes!
Thank you, Jay. The acknowledgment is appreciated. Proper word usage kicks ass.
Posted by: Sean at November 18, 2008 9:49 AM
I would like to record that I had no idea folks were running about misusing the word whence.
Posted by: Lizardqueen at November 18, 2008 9:51 AM
Well, it's almost never used without the redundant "from" in front. Once you learn it's wrong it's like what having perfect pitch must be like (which seems horrible).
I didn't realize the "from" was redundant, but now that I'm thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. Thank you Sean and Jay for teaching me some exciting new grammar today. Huzzah!
Posted by: Snath at November 18, 2008 10:03 AM
I'm a huge fan of "whither".
It's a really small fan club.
That's because everyone jumped on the "thither" bandwagon long ago.
Posted by: branded at November 18, 2008 10:06 AM
Whither the proper usage of whence? (Did I do it right?) Totally a member of the very exclusive Club Whither. I'd also like to record that I've had 3 cups of coffee this AM, which is 3 more than usual, so please bear with me as I crash and burn later. You should see my poor Facebook today. Christ!
Posted by: Lizardqueen at November 18, 2008 10:13 AM
I do remember who Sam Kinison was, and I never thought he was funny. I guess I don't find screaming funny. Anyway, it's too long since he died. No one will care. It's sort of like The Doors movie. It was too long. Nobody cared. Actually, I think most comedian docudramas do poorly. Did anyone watch the Freddie Prinz story?
Posted by: BWeaves at November 18, 2008 10:19 AM
I believe that was correct.
You should see my poor Facebook today. Christ!
Tempting! But you know how impossible it is to find people there. Even in the Pajiba group we are alone together, since it's a bunch of real names with inconsistent amounts of information and all they let you search for is real name or address anyway rather than any profile keywords, so you've gotta go through all 800+ names and say "is that.....?".
Sam Kinison had his moments. But like most comedy, it just doesn't stand the test of time...jokes about cultural cliches become cliches themselves.
So we have a shitty shitty actor directed by a shitty shitty director about a comedian who faded into obscurity ten years ago, at least. I hope they're not taking on mortgages on their future Oscars.
Posted by: Wednesday at November 18, 2008 10:28 AM
Rowles, you ignorant slut.
Fogler is perfect for this.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 18, 2008 10:30 AM
Jessica Hahn...oh Jessica, and you tit-ravingly mad rolling around videoness. I'll never forget the great audio from the dozens of times you and Sam would get into on on Howard Stern. You remember that? It was when Howard was still funny/relavant/innovative. Sam was alive. And you had a career because you were a whore who slept with an evangelist.
Jessica Hahn - The world's first Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian/any other faux-celeb whore who banged someone and got famous from it
Jessica Hahn - Groundbreaker.
Jessica Hahn - Mother of about 77 million of my kids...cuz they all hit the target.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 18, 2008 10:33 AM
Oh my god. Jay, I love you. So few people know why the from is redundant, and that is one of my biggest pet peeves. (No, seriously, it makes me twitch when people say "from whence." Literally, twitch.)
I'm also a fan of wither. And the proper usage of thee and thou, though those are much harder to work into everyday conversation these days, as people think you're being ridiculously formal.
Posted by: lizzieborden at November 18, 2008 10:41 AM
Ahh.. The reason I have never heard of Dan Fogler is because I have never seen anything he's done, according to IMDB. Except for maybe the 59th Annual Tony Awards, but I don't make a habit of remembering the names and resumes of the chorus line.
Hence, I have no opinion.
Posted by: wsapnin at November 18, 2008 10:43 AM
Can we think of any troll-like, gravely-voiced actor around that would make a suitable replacement for Mr. Fogler?
Who else would we have play Sam? Paul Giamatti?
Posted by: Alabamapink at November 18, 2008 11:00 AM
Well, I like Sam because when I did coke that one time with that dude, all he did was a Sam Kinison impression for like 3 hours and all I did was laugh and laugh and laugh.
And I didn't even die or go to jail.
True story, y'all....and now -
back to catalogin' Darwin books!
Posted by: Estelle at November 18, 2008 11:03 AM
Kinison was one of the most overrated comedians of all time. He had a groundbreaking delivery, that was really about all he had going for him. Other than that, his set was nothing but how much he hated women, how much he hated gay people, and then more about how much he hated women. He was Andrew Dice Clay but louder. That's it. Try listening to one of his albums now and actually laugh. He sucks. The real heroes of comedy from back then remain Bill Hicks and George Carlin, two comedians as intellectually enriching as they were angry, and they didn't have to yell to get their point across. Fuck Sam Kinison. If this movie creates even one more Kinison fan, then the world will be a worse place because of it.
Posted by: Mitch Clem at November 18, 2008 11:04 AM
I know Kinison. I am ambivalent.
And I haven't seen anything sadder than Billy Idol, Stephen Tyler, Joe Perry, Tommy Lee, Richie Sambora, Slash, C.C. Deville, the dude from RATT, and the dude from Skid Row that wasn't Sebastian Bach doing a circle jerk around Kinison as he's giving the old limp pickle to some poor, dead-eyed bimbo. The whole thing was just...yeah. Sad.
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at November 18, 2008 11:05 AM
Hell the FUCK YES, Mitch Clem!Bill Hicks is my baby daddy*!
*needs citation
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at November 18, 2008 11:08 AM
they will be forced to forever watch their own shitfest movies while being face-raped by Satan
Not to be picky, Sean, but how can they be face-raped and watch their shitty movies?
Also, Kinison was way before my time, and when his special came on super late on Comedy Central a year or two ago, I thought he was sort of...unfunny. I'm gonna have to go with Mitch Clem, here. Simply listening to him rant was funny for a while, but when that wore off, he's jokes sort of sucked.
Dustin can't help but sneak in a causaisian/hetero/male dig. Even on someone he so clearly likes. Lot of self lothing going on there. It's almost a talent.
Posted by: djganesh@djganesh.com at November 18, 2008 11:25 AM
However, he was Walter Sobcek before Walter Sobcek.
Occasionally I get an urge to say "is s/he right???", but somehow doubt it would work.
Why did you mention Hicks? In three months - when they announce The Bill Hicks Story starring Dane Cook - I'm coming after you.
Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 18, 2008 11:28 AM
Mitch Clem: Can't argue your points, but Kinison's misogyny and homo-hatred was so obviously fueled by self-loathing that was anything but subconscious, unlike the appalling Dice-Clay. Sam was hateful and damaged, but at least he knew it.
Amelia: A retarded boy crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken one day is sad. That video requires a new word that encompasses pathetic, fetid, wretched and sticky.
Posted by: firedmyass at November 18, 2008 11:28 AM
Shhhhh....I've heard rumors of a Bill HIcks movie starring Russell Crowe. Don't tell!
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at November 18, 2008 11:30 AM
...how can they be face-raped and watch their shitty movies?
You hang them upside-down and keep your legs spread as you thrust. Duh.
Posted by: firedmyass at November 18, 2008 11:32 AM
Fuck yes for mentioning Bill Hicks! PLAY FROM YOUR FUCKING HEART!!!
All I know about Sam Kinison are from those late-night TimeLife ads that used to feature his videos and all those mp3s my dad had on his computer that he refused to let me listen to because of all the swearing. I was homeschooled though so I totally did while he was at work.
And all this grammar talk is warming the cockles of my English major heart. Is it sad that one of my favorite pages to visit is one that catalogues all of the common errors made in the English language?
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 18, 2008 11:32 AM
Just throwing it out there again: Dan Fogler won a Tony Award for acting. And what was the role? A very schticky, over the top, ridiculous character based on physical presence and an ability to do a funny voice.
I don't want to count this film out until I see a trailer. This is the kind of role Dan Fogler might not eff up too badly.
Favorite Kinison moment? He was badass on the Tales from the Crypt episode where he was the voice living inside a corrupt club owner's head trying to get him to admit to stealing from the club and murdering people. Fantastic performance. Katey Segal was very good in a sex kitten role in that episode as well.
At first I thought this was going to be a thread about FireJoeMorgan folding.
Btw, I think Kinison was more of a homophobe than a sexist, but he really was hilarious either way. And inexplicably good friends with Bill Hicks.
I mean, yeah, both edgy comedians, but I have to think their politics were pretty different.
Posted by: Eep at November 18, 2008 12:13 PM
Kinison was a force to be reckoned with! I swear Bobcat Goldwaithe stole a lot of his schtick from him, with all the yelling and shit. Sam was tied to a lot of 80s hair rock bands, and I guess went the way of cocaine over a decade ago. He is missed! He was insanely funny!
Posted by: ph at November 18, 2008 12:40 PM
Amelia: A retarded boy crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken one day is sad. That video requires a new word that encompasses pathetic, fetid, wretched and sticky.
Posted by: firedmyass
Pafetchicky?
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at November 18, 2008 12:44 PM
I was a casual fan of the early "Married Wiwth Children" (I felt it got old fast), but my favorite episode had to be Sam Kinison as the Angel in a Christmas episode that was a takeoff on "It's A Wonderful Life". Good stuff.
Posted by: slower lower at November 18, 2008 12:47 PM
i know sam, but not dan. who is fogler?
Posted by: meg at November 18, 2008 12:56 PM
Additionally, after watching the Wild Thing clip for the first time in, I don't know, decades, it is a confirmed scientific fact that rock 'n roll doesn't age well.
I'm sorry, but you are painting with too broad a brush here. Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Lou Reed, Cream, Eric Clapton, Buddy Holly...I don't have to keep going, do I?
Posted by: Cindy at November 18, 2008 1:00 PM
I thought this was about the Goonies remake. Tell me that doesn't look like Sloth's mama in this picture.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 18, 2008 1:04 PM
Kiniston did a reasonably funny bit in that movie about going back to college that starred Rodney Dangerfield. Sally Kellerman was the hot English professor...That's all I remember.
Posted by: Arkansan at November 18, 2008 2:19 PM
Excuse me?
You don't remember Billy Zabka?
Adrienne Barbeau?
M. Emmet Walsh?
Robert Downey Jr.?
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.(well, they did cut his scene)?
A thunderous cavalcade of casting and all you remember is the salad dressing queen.
Hmph!
THUNDEROUS!
And speaking as we are of obscure history, do people remember the Hidden Valley Ranch phone sex ads? I mean, if you were only gonna remember one person I guess she'd be an alright choice.
Kinison was a ball of funny rage. Fave bit: calling the ex of some audience member and yelling at her on the phone about how much of a bitch she was.
But FOGLER???!!!
Posted by: Fredo at November 18, 2008 3:31 PM
Kinison is getting what he deserves. He was a complete bigot.
Bill Hicks was full of anger and bitterness, but he was also hopeful and loving and had a plan for humanity, which was why he was the greatest comic of all time. He picked on the powerful.
Kinison, Bernard Manning, and Andrew Dice Clay (spit) picked on the powerless, though perhaps Kinison less than the others.
How about this: Chris Moyles as Manning and Kenan Thompson as Clay. That'd teach 'em.
Posted by: james. at November 18, 2008 5:24 PM
Sorry this is kind of a passion of mine. The brilliant Stewart Lee has a great thing on why PC comedy isn't a bad thing:
Kinison was one of the most overrated comedians of all time. He had a groundbreaking delivery, that was really about all he had going for him. Other than that, his set was nothing but how much he hated women, how much he hated gay people, and then more about how much he hated women. He was Andrew Dice Clay but louder. That's it. Try listening to one of his albums now and actually laugh.
Posted by: Mitch Clem at November 18, 2008 11:04 AM
If that's your honest assessment then you clearly have no idea what you're talking about, Mitch Clem. Irony is lost on you; I just issued an APB on your sense of humor, you over-sensitive hillbilly. Go cling to your pseudo-liberal dogma the way Western Pennsylvanians cling to their religion and guns.
Posted by: Che Grovera at November 18, 2008 11:56 PM
Sam did a fantastic cameo in Back to School as a history professor. Anyone that "forces" a student to call Truman a pussy, is damn good in my book.
The song was actually on his comedic album "Have You Seen Me Lately." While, the music gets old the comedy does not. One has to look at his comedy as a period piece. PC was just starting to take off along with all the celebrities trying to cover their guilt in "charitable causes." He was the anti-voice to this pandering and I believed it to be a necessary one at that time.
Posted by: richmac at November 19, 2008 12:57 AM
His life SHOULD be made into a movie. Maybe not this one. If ever there was a fascinating and tragic figure... Quits preaching to become a filthy comedian, gets strung out on just about anything he can get his hands on, then straightens his life out and gets married only to die in a car crash within days. Crazy.
Posted by: Eep at November 19, 2008 5:34 AM
"Go cling to your pseudo-liberal dogma the way Western Pennsylvanians cling to their religion and guns."
Che,
I'm a western Pa. native. Dammit, I thought we were friends. Or did you mean the Democrats who are running Pittsburgh into the river?
Half of the poor bastards don't know Kinison? For serious?