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F**k Me, Running. Ryan Reynolds: Dude in Drag

Or How I'll Never Hear the End of It / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 16, 2009 | Comments (28)

So what? I like Ryan Reynolds. Dude’s talented. He’s got a dry, sarcastic wit. And he is jacked, folks. He’s one ripped motherfucker. Don’t hate. Appreciate. I’m stoked that his acting career has taken off. I’m looking forward to his indie flick, Buried. He’s pretty much the only actor that could get me in the least bit excited about The Green Lantern, and his Deadpool character — and his seven minutes of screen time — was the only redeemable thing about X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And his Motorcade project looks promising.

But a dude-dressed-in-drag comedy? I gotta step off, R². You’re just mocking those of us with heterosexual man crushes. That ain’t right. We don’t want to be tested. Just because we’re a teensy bit infatuated with you as a man, doesn’t mean we have any interest at all in seeing you as a woman.

In fact: All cross-dressing movies from here until forever should be banned from Hollywood. It’s been done successfully two or three times, and that’s it. It will never be successful again. It’s been played out (I know: Some of you are still holding out hope for White Girls 2).

The setup: Reynolds plays a jilted lover who must disguise himself as a woman and befriend his ex in order to win her back. And a studio-paid Allan Loeb (21) six figures to write the script, based on the pitch.

Nono. No no no no no no no! Come on, Ryan. It’s disrespectful. It’s a slap in the faces of all those writers and directors that have helped him come this far, that have elevated him finally to the A-list. It’s one step forward, then a kick in the chest and back into the wall and down the mineshaft.

Mr. Reynolds — all due respect. If there’s anybody that’s willing to watch you in damn near anything, it’s me. This: No. Dude in drag gets no benefit of the doubt. No sir. Bad premise. And nobody wants to see you in a dress, buddy. Nobody.



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Comments

Executive Transvestite Ryan Reynolds is:

Our Mrs. Reynolds
Tran Wilder
(Dressed to) The Nines
Priscilla, Queen of the Yukon
Doubtpool

Posted by: laredo at October 16, 2009 9:13 AM

Serves you right for that misleading Captain Mal post, Rowles. I hope someone straps you down, Clockwork Orange style, and forces you to watch this.

Posted by: DeadBessie at October 16, 2009 9:15 AM

I dunno, man. He's no Shemar Moore, but that's one pretty motherfucker. I'd give him the stinkfinger after a few drinks.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 16, 2009 9:23 AM

Tootsie Rowles

Posted by: laredo at October 16, 2009 9:24 AM

OK, speaking as a woman:

If I dumped some macho muscle man and he dressed as a woman to try to befriend me, I'd get a restraining order and a gun (and I'd use it).

Posted by: BWeaves at October 16, 2009 9:37 AM

This column will get very few comments, as laredo has stitched everything up (including my sides). Good job, laredo.

Posted by: Jerce at October 16, 2009 9:41 AM

Nobody's perfect.

Posted by: Sarah at October 16, 2009 9:46 AM

Jesus. Jesus, that's just... just TERRIBLE.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 16, 2009 9:49 AM

We don’t want to be tested. Just because we’re a teensy bit infatuated with you as a man, doesn’t mean we have any interest at all in seeing you as a woman.

I learned something new today: the Royal "we" is also known as the majestic plural.

Posted by: branded at October 16, 2009 9:57 AM

Just because we’re a teensy bit infatuated with you as a man, doesn’t mean we have any interest at all in seeing you as a woman.

Exactly! Dustin would rather be the woman in the scenario. He's a submissive bottom.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 9:57 AM

So he'll be impersonating a Bulgarian Olympic weightlifter? An ex-East German swimmer? It's Too Wong Foo all over again with veiny forearmed guys in dresses and Maybeline.
And what kind of dumbshit woman wouldn't recognize their ex from a long relationship in a fucking dress?! I would recognize my insignficant others if they donned a trucker hat and slapped on a 'stache, so how is this different? "2012" will be more realistic than this shitstorm.
Anyway, he's too busy dumping all of his testosterone into Scarlett's vagina to be picky about scripts.

*RR's phone rings*
Cocksucking Agent: "R-Squared! How do you feel about $4 million and women's fashion?"
RR: "Well, I don't know---Oh my god your tits are beautiful!"
CA: "Sold! I'll just paste your scanned signature onto this contract!"
RR: "Holy shit! Velvet wishes it was that smooth, baby!"
CA: "Right back atcha, R-Squared. Right. Back. Atcha."

Posted by: Kballs at October 16, 2009 10:04 AM

Dustin is now one step closer to being Mr. Missus Ryan Reynolds.

In a perfect world, this would result in a Dustin being able to marry Ryan. Thankfully, with Ryan all queened out, he would traditionally take Dustin's last name. If it were the other way around, Rowles would become Dustin Reynolds. Which would be weird. Cuz that's Dusty Rhodes's son's name. Who also cross-dressed for a time. Coincidence? I think not.


If there’s anybody that’s willing to watch you in damn near anything, it’s me.
Especially in a vinyl corsette and a ball gag. Dustin loves ball gags.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 10:04 AM

All this means is that he's going to have a whole new segment of population lusting after him- he's got the women, he's got the homosexual men, he's got homo-heteros like Dustin. Now he's going after the lesbians.

Posted by: logar at October 16, 2009 10:08 AM

Dude, just, wow.

dude...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 16, 2009 10:22 AM

Just when I think this thread is as funny as it could be ...

Posted by: laredo at October 16, 2009 9:24 AM

You guys bring the funnier ...

Posted by: Kballs at October 16, 2009 10:04 AM
Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 10:04 AM
Posted by: logar at October 16, 2009 10:08 AM

Godtopus DAMN it, I love this place.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 16, 2009 10:42 AM

So... minus the kids, babysitting and Sally Field, this is pretty much the script for Mrs. Doubtfire? Can't wait for the wacky hijinks that are sure to ensue. I'm off to dismantle my RR shrine and weep quietly in the corner.

Posted by: Rebecca at October 16, 2009 10:54 AM

I nominate laredo for a Figgy (TM), I mean an EE, for those fantastic names. It was sheer genius to wait 2 beats and then spurt out Tootsie Rowles.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 16, 2009 10:57 AM

You do know that these famous types all have Google alerts on themselves, right? So, you can count on him knowing all about your little "hetero" crush, Rowles. And he probably signed up for this movie just to mess with you a little bit.

Either that, or Skitz has engineered the whole thing. Well played, Sir.

Posted by: agent bedhead at October 16, 2009 11:09 AM

Oh...one last thing.

Fuck Me, Running. Ryan Reynolds: Dude in Drag isn't just some colloquialism. It's an imperative.

He is literally saying "Fuck Me, running (maybe a train?), Ryan Reynolds, dude in drag." He just gets his sentence break punctuation all fucked up.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 11:37 AM

I guess I'm the only one who actually kinda likes the whole gender-bending comedy thing, but here is a list of 10 movies where straight dudes played women that I've seen at least 10 times (because they're freakin' funny):

1. To Wong Foo
2. Little Sister (w/ Jonathan Silverman)
3. Nobody's Perfect (w/ Chad Lowe)
4. Birdcage
5. Flawless (w/ Phillip Seymour Hoffman)
6. White Chicks (eat me)
7. Sorority Boys
8. Tootsie
9. Some Like It Hot
10. Hairspray

See? These kinds of movies aren't always bad. Maybe this will be a Ryan Reynolds fluff piece that he's remembered for one day. Chin up, Rowles.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at October 16, 2009 11:45 AM

I hate these cross-dressing-to-get-the-love-of-your-life movies. I don't think any normal human being would look at it as completely romantic that this other asshole has been lying and basically spying on me by dressing up like an idiot. Plus I'd be so embarrassed that I let myself fall for a cheap disguise that I'd just hate the person forever.

Movies are such bullshit, man.

Posted by: figgy at October 16, 2009 1:01 PM

I don't object to men in DRAG movies. I loved "La Cage Aux Folle" and "Princilla, Queen of the Desert" in addition to the Pink Hulk's list.

What I object to is the plot device of dressing up like a woman to gain back the love of the woman who dumped you.

It's completely different from Tootsie where he's just trying to get and keep a job, and happens to fall in love with one of his co-irkers. No one could look less like a woman than Dustin Hoffman, and yet when he's on the screen as Dorothy, I forget he's Dustin Hoffman. Even if RR can pull off looking like a woman, the idea that his ex lover will take him back is just not believable.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 16, 2009 1:09 PM

What BWeaves said.

Posted by: figgy at October 16, 2009 1:12 PM

Nobody's perfect.

Posted by: Sarah at October 16, 2009 9:46 AM

I passed over this one at first, reread it and blew coffee out my nose! Too funny, Sarah.

Now Dustin somehow needs to get RR out to his yacht...

Posted by: branded at October 16, 2009 1:41 PM

-- "And nobody wants to see you in a dress, buddy. Nobody."

Yah, if you're playing dress-up DR much prefers ass-less chaps.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 16, 2009 2:53 PM

At what point after this movie gets made does DR kidnap RR, break his knees, tie him to a bed and make him act out the first season of Two Guys, a Girl and Pizza Place with DR playing all the other roles?

Or are you folks getting a "cut of his skin and wear it" vibe?

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 16, 2009 2:59 PM

Drag me to Hello!

Posted by: laredo at October 16, 2009 4:21 PM

________WealthySocial. c o m________ . We have more than 1200,000 members including: lawyer, CEO, manager, model, actor, doctor, hollywood celebrities, althlets, investors...what are you waiting for? Find your love here right now!!!!

Posted by: Jessie at October 18, 2009 10:05 AM





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